I can't rid the image of my mother, with another man, from my mind.
I feel sick. I wasn't prepared to see her by herself, let alone with someone who wasn't my father. I never thought she would remarry or ever date again. The death of my father took a major toll on our family and honestly, we never really recovered. Mum threw herself into her job and I threw myself into swimming. All our focus and energy were consumed by it. It let us move on.
Well, that's what I thought we had done.
I felt betrayed, beyond words. This whole time, I have had no mother, no family with me every night, because I thought she was out saving people's lives. I told myself to stop being selfish. I could be on my own. She was doing good things.
I didn't expect her to be off with some other guy.
Restlessly, I pace the kitchen. To distract myself, I baked cupcakes, something I haven't done for a long time. Even the delicious smell of the chocolate cupcakes cannot ease my whirling mind.
Deciding that being here by myself is not an option right now, I pack up my cupcakes once they are done and shove them under my arm. I skate over to Harvey's, even though I had already spent all day with him.
He could probably use the company and I could give him the cupcakes as a sorry gift for making him ride my skateboard. It is my fault he had to get stitches.
As I wander up to the front door, it is ajar. I walk in, to see Harvey's younger sisters, acting out a scene from a movie at the bottom of the stairs. One dramatically fell to the ground while the other pretended to call an ambulance.
They didn't acknowledge me. I walk past them and edge towards the kitchen. I freeze, when I hear my name.
"Grace isn't just ‘some girl’ I hang with," Harvey argued, sounding frustrated. "She's my best friend."
"She's bad news, is what she is!" I heard his mother shoot back, her voice sounding stern. "Look what has happened to you! You were trying to keep up with her. To impress her."
"I wanted to try something new, is that so bad?"
"You were happy with the way you were before she came along," his mother snapped. "Now you're out of a night, not home of a weekend, drinking, coming home with stitches..."
My face paled. I take a step back, my stomach clenching. Harvey's mother wanted him to stop hanging out with me?
"You're making this out to be much worse than it really is," he pointed out. "We went shopping. If you think that's being bad and rebellious, there's something wrong with you."
"Do not speak to your mother like that!"
"I'm sorry, but you're being ridiculous."
"I don't like her." she said firmly. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to spend so much time with her."
Suddenly, I felt so small and insignificant.
I turn my back to the kitchen and storm out, tears welling in my eyes. How dare that woman judge me. She doesn't even know me.
Tears spilled down my cheeks. What started out as a fun day, has taken a drastic turn. I went to Harvey to cheer me up and only ended up making myself feel worse.
My feet walked in a direction, that I hadn't intended to go. It is like my body had a mind of its own. I walk hurriedly towards his house. This is weird, me showing up like this, but right now, I need someone to be there for me. Even if it was just their physical presence beside me.
I am sick of being alone.
I knock on the door and step back, hastily wiping my face.
"Oh, hello Grace," Heather greeted me. Her face fell as she looked at me. "Hun, is everything alright?"
I blink rapidly, unable to speak quite yet. I nod.
Swallowing, I hand her my container of cupcakes.
"What's this?" she asked. "Oh, cupcakes! Hayden is going to love these. Come in."
I walk inside and shut the door beside me. She placed the container on her lap and wheeled into the kitchen.
"Everything okay?" she asked softly.
"Uh huh," I said with a fake smile even though there are tears still on my face.
"Hayden is out for a run at the moment but you're welcome to hang out here. Do you want to stay for dinner?"
I nodded. "Yes please."
"It's just hamburgers tonight, nothing fancy," she told me. "Hayden will cook."
"Sounds great."
I was already craving hamburgers, since Harvey and I agreed to have that for lunch anyway.
"Why don't you go have a rest?" she suggested. "You look tired."
I nod once more, feeling an immense wave of gratitude towards Heather. She made this much less awkward than it could have been.
"Thank you."
She gave me a soft smile. I mounted the steps and walk into Hayden's room. His bed is unmade. I kick off my shoes and crawl into his bed. I lay my head on his pillow and inhale. There is a lingering scent that is just him. A soft scent of peppermint aftershave, with a hint of chlorine. I recognise it immediately.
With a sigh, I feel my body relax. I ignore the fact that this is strange and that I should not be in Hayden's bed right now, but I feel so tired and drained, that I close my eyes, ignoring my thoughts.
With one last deep breath, I let myself fall to sleep.
***
Hayden's POV:
Sweat ran down the back of my neck as I push myself to keep going. I had been out running for over an hour but still felt like I hadn't done enough, which is stupid, because all I had done today is work out and exercise.
This has always been the way with me. I never feel quite complete.
Ever since that shit went down with my dad and then with Carrie, all I could do to feel satisfied, is intense training sessions or work outs. It's not enough.
I jog down a street that up until recently, I have never run before. I slowed my pace as I stared at the house.
Was she in there?
I dropped to a walk and cupped my hand over my eyes, squinting. It looked like no one is home, but it always looked like that.
My foot stepped on her lawn. I wonder what she is doing?
I shook my head and quickly retreat. No. I am not doing this. I don't want to go in and see Grace.
Turning my back to the house, I continue my run and pick up the pace. I can feel my heart drumming inside my chest. Sweat is running down my body but I still don't feel tired.
With a soft grunt, I turn my body and begin to run back to my house. If I don't stop soon, I'll be sore tomorrow. I don't want to impact my swimming.
Besides, my mother didn't have a carer in today, so I should be heading home.
I eased into a walk as I push through my rusty gate. I make a mental note to fix that one day. Honestly, I have been telling myself that for the past few months.
My breathing is uneven as I walk in through the front door. My mouth watered at the smell of something delicious. I wander past mum in the lounge room. She is eating a cupcake, a book planted in her other hand.
"Hi hun," she greeted. "How was your run?"
"Good," I breathed as I walked into the kitchen and withdrew a Gatorade from the fridge. I drained half of it, before I cock my head to the side.
I stroll back into the lounge room and stare at mum.
"You're eating a cupcake."
"I am eating a cupcake," she replied, not looking up from her book.
"Where did you get it?" I questioned.
It is very difficult for mum to cook, for obvious reasons. During the week, we often had Angela make meals for us or I would cook. It depends on the day, how long I train for and what shift Angela is on.
"Someone made it for us," she answered.
"Angela?" I asked.
Angela is mum's predominant carer, even though sometimes others do as well.
"No," she smirked, finally drawing her eyes from her book and meeting mine. "You have a visitor."
"Me?"
"Yeah," she grinned. "They're in your room."
"If you let Mia in, I'm going to be really mad," I told her with a frown.
Mia and I were good friends once. I guess we still are. I was much closer to all my friends, before everything happened. When Carrie and I broke up, I expected us to remain good friends but she seemed to develop feelings for me.
I always thought she liked me. It was kind of obvious. With Carrie out of the way, it was more than obvious. She used to come to my house, wanting to hang out all the time, often texting me, clearly not getting the hint when I rarely replied. Then she calls me. She just doesn't get it.
Mum pressed her lips together and looked back down at her book. I narrow my eyes at her, before stomping up the stairs and into my room. I threw the door open, expecting Mia to be sitting there, but it wasn't her.
My mouth fell open as I stared at Grace, who is sprawled across my bed. I took a step back as I felt a wave of déjà vu wash over me. Her long, tanned legs run down the bed. As she wore a black, singlet top, tucked into her shorts, I can see the curve in her body clearly. Her dark hair spilled across my white sheets.
She looked identical to Carrie from behind. I peer at her. It is Grace, isn't it?
I edge closer, holding my breath. Surely, my mother wouldn't have let Carrie into this house. Not after what she did to me.
I peer over and saw Grace's face, relaxed and peaceful, as she slept.
Letting out a breath of relief, I sat on the side of the bed. Pausing, I realised that her face is relaxed now. I stand back up and lean over. Her cheeks are glistening and my pillow is damp.
Why is she crying?
I lean down and get a waft of a strawberry smelling scent. I close my eyes. She smelt good.
Reeling back, I took a moment to check her out. She is hot. There is no denying it. The moment I saw her, I felt an obvious, almost overwhelming attraction to her. Of course I did, she looked strikingly similar to my ex-girlfriend, who I thought I loved.
I didn't want to like her. I told myself not to do this again. This romance, dating thing. It turns to shit in the end, anyway. So, I pushed her away. I didn't want her to join the swim team. I didn't want her anywhere near me.
But she is different. She is bold, strong, down to Earth. She is intoxicating.
Shaking my head, I stand.
Why is she here? In my bed?
I stride into the bathroom and peel the grey track pants and singlet from my body, before throwing them into the hamper. Turning the nozzles, to barely luke-warm, I step inside.
Grace is here. In my house. In my bed.
I want to say, I don't want her here, but that would be a lie. I crave being around her. Not because she is like Carrie, because she is the opposite. She stood up to me. She stood up to the others, which Carrie did, too, I suppose but not in the way that Grace did.
After my shower, I threw some loose, black track pants on. After rubbing the towel into my hair and hanging it up, I walk back into my room.
I stare at her for a few moments, contemplating my next move.
It doesn't take long, to make a decision.
I crawl into bed beside her.