Felix
The text came in the middle of his meeting with Rene and the promoters. Carmen had asked Ella to trade hours with her, so Ella would now be working until closing at the gym. She asked him to just meet her there instead of her place. Not sure if he’d be there in time, he texted her back, asking for her address just in case.
She never responded.
He’d almost forgotten about it until he wrapped up his last meeting of the day with Adelina.
“Are you doing anything tonight to celebrate the contract being final?”
Not since Ella had begun to consume his every thought and he’d begun spending every night on the phone with her had he been with Adelina again. Her lashes draped over her eyes in slow motion as she smiled at him sinfully. They both stood up at the same time. In his other life—the one before Ella—he might’ve made the most of that conference room table. She’d since mentioned that they were the last two in the office. She’d even asked him if he minded waiting for her when they were done so they could walk out together.
The only things he could think of now were what time it was and if he’d make it to 5th Street before Ella’s last class was over.
“I’m free if you wanna go celebrate with a few drinks,” she said, licking her lips then added. “Or any other way.”
“Actually, I’m not,” he said, looking down at his phone to check the time and see if Ella had responded with her address. “I’m meeting someone but thanks.”
Deciding to keep it to himself for now, he didn’t elaborate further. Adelina would find out soon enough about Ella. Everyone would.
After walking her out, he thought about calling Ella, but he had plenty of time to get to 5th Street, and she was probably busy with her class. So he hurried to get there instead. Felix had some major ass-kissing to do because he didn’t care what she said. He’d been in the wrong, and he couldn’t wait to show her how sorry he was and make up for it.
He walked in just as Gio and Hector walked out.
“Why are you here so late?” Gio asked.
Hector laughed, answering Gio before Felix could. “Why do you think?”
“That’s right.” Gio said, his eyes going wide. “Abel and Noah said formal training starts soon.”
“Real soon,” Felix said. “Like next week and Noah is saying he wants to start the boot camp part of it in Big Bear, not here. I’m a little out of shape, man. And that guy’s gonna kick my ass up there, but I gotta do it.”
“I gotta start clearing my schedule then, brother.” Gio smiled. “Noah wants me up there too. We’ll both be kicking your ass in Big Bear.”
Felix groaned but laughed. “I already told him I want to do most of the training down here. I just got done talking to my publicist and told her to keep all the promoting on the west coast during my training. Since that means Hollywood, there’s no sense in going up and down that mountain, interrupting days of training, when it’s right around the corner from 5th Street.”
“And Ella,” Hector said, giving him a knowing look.
“That too.” Felix admitted with a shrug. “Speaking of, she’s still here, right?”
“I saw her out here earlier talking to some cop,” Gio said. “But I don’t know if she left.”
Felix’s attention was immediately piqued. “A cop?”
“Yeah, the same guy who always comes and talks to her,” Hector said, raising a brow. “But she’s up there now. I saw her earlier.” He jingled his keys at them. “I gotta go. Charlee’s craving corn on the cob.”
Felix smirked, waving him off, and then turned to Gio. “Was she out here long?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Gio said, pulling his own keys out of his pocket. “It’s just the only time I saw her today. But it was only for a couple of minutes when I stepped outside to take a call.”
Gio had to go too, and Felix made his way into the gym, getting stopped several times by trainers and starry-eyed gym members on his way to the back where Ella’s class was. He took a deep breath before walking in quietly to the class. A few heads turned, but they were in the middle of the yelling and fighting off the guys in padded suits. His eyes met with Ella’s and she smiled.
All the irritation he’d begun to feel about her having been out there talking to Grayson again disappeared instantly. How he ever thought this girl anything less than exquisite was beyond him. She was the same girl he met that first night with the same ponytail, wearing the same kind of simple cotton T-shirt and yoga pants like the ones she’d worn that first day he’d laid eyes on her. Yet she was a breathtaking sight now. She walked over to him, and the moment she reached him he reached out for her, pulling her by her delicate waist with one hand, and kissed her deeply.
For a moment, he forgot where he was. No one else existed but the two of them. He kissed her long, unable to get enough until she pulled away wide-eyed but smiling.
“Felix,” she whispered, licking her lips, then looked around casually—nervously.
All right, so there were a lot more eyes on them now. He didn’t give a shit, but he didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable. So he settled for a hug instead of kissing her again like he wanted to, squeezing her tightly. “You have no idea what you do to me,” he whispered in her ear.
Again she pulled away gently but slipped her hand in his then started toward the door, very obviously avoiding looking back at anyone in the room. When they were out in the hall, she turned to him with a twinkle in her eye but still very surprised. “What was that?”
“That was hello.” He smirked. “Why? Did that bother you?”
“No,” she said quickly. “But I was gonna talk to you about this last night until . . .”
It was enough to wipe the smirk off his face. “Baby, I’m so sorry—”
“Stop,” she said quickly. “We’ve been over this already. There’s no need to apologize. That’s not why I brought it up. I was just gonna say I didn’t get a chance to tell you that I think we should keep this under wraps just for a little bit. I don’t want things to get crazy too fast.”
He searched her eyes for a moment, and before he could think of a better way to ask, the words blurted out. “Did Grayson come see you today?”
“He did,” she said, looking him straight in the eyes.
“Why?”
Her eyes suddenly twinkled, confusing him. “My dad and I are going on a cruise next week. It’s called the Cold Duck cruise because this local band he likes does it every year and they’re the entertainment the whole cruise. Grayson is the one who told us about it because his cousins have been doing the cruise for a few years.” She wrinkled her nose, distracting him momentarily from his irritating thoughts of Grayson still being such a part of her life. “It’s kind of an older crowd, I guess, my dad’s age. Grayson’s never been on it because it’s not his thing, but when he heard my dad was into Cold Duck, he told him all about the cruise and what his cousins had told him. My dad was instantly interested. But this year’s was sold out. Last night Grayson let me know his cousin has extra tickets he’s trying to sell, and I told my dad. So we’re going.”
“Last night?”
Her expression fell a little. “Yeah, he was there when I got home.” She paused, breaking the eye contact for a moment. “He said he was in the area when the earthquake hit and he stopped by to check if we were okay. My dad called out for help when he heard Grayson at the door. If Grayson hadn’t been there when he did . . .” She shook her head and their eyes met again. “Anyway”—she sighed—“it didn’t look life threatening or anything, but it was a pretty bad gash and was bleeding a lot. Grayson took us to the emergency room in his squad car so we could get there faster then picked us up later when he was off duty. But he mentioned the tickets, and I told him I’d talk to my dad about it, so he came by earlier to see what my dad had said.”
Felix was trying real hard not to focus on the negative. The guy had helped out his girl in a time of need. Felix should be thankful to him. But just last night she’d said Grayson would likely think it awkward to show up at the gym to visit, knowing her boyfriend was there. So now because he helped her out he’s back to showing up here already? He couldn’t have just texted her to ask? And another thing . . . He clenched his jaw in an attempt to cool his rapidly heating insides. “He went back to your place last night?”
She nodded. “Yeah, we didn’t have a car at the hospital since he dropped us off but had to leave. He was on duty at the time, and they were flooded with earthquake-related calls, but he was almost off, so he said he’d be back to pick us up.”
“Ella,” he said, squeezing her hand. “I don’t wanna sound ungrateful to this guy. He helped you out last night, but you said it yourself he’s a persistent one. He knows you’re with me now, right?” She nodded immediately. “Is he still gonna be showing up here all the time?”
She shook her head, but he saw the flicker in her eye. Even she wasn’t sure if he was or not. The worst thing was starting next week Felix would be gone. A lot. He didn’t want to have to be dealing with this shit especially now when he was supposed to be focusing on training. So he needed to get something straight.
He cradled her face gently, hoping this wouldn’t come out wrong and kissed her first. “I don’t want you to think that, like Grayson, because of last night I’m changing, okay? It’s not about that at all. But this guy is your ex, a very recent ex, one who I’m certain still has feelings for you. It makes me”—he took a deep breath—“uncomfortable to know you and him are still this close.” Her eyes widened a little, so he went on before she’d interrupt him. “I know you’re just trying to stay amicable and all, and I trust you, but I don’t trust him. He could’ve texted you today. He didn’t have to show up here.”
To his relief, she nodded in agreement. “I know,” she said. “He said he was in the area, but this is his area to patrol, so he’ll always be close by, and I’m not trying to stay that amicable with him. I’ll have to talk to him again soon about the cruise tickets because I have to pay him for them. When I do, I will bring this up. I just hesitated today when he texted me to say he was outside because of last night. I didn’t want it to sound as if I’m saying, ‘I don’t want you showing up unannounced unless you think I might need you,’ because what if he hadn’t last night. You know?”
She gave him a pleading please-understand-and-don’t-be-mad look. Felix smiled. How in the world could he be mad at her ever? He smiled, kissing her softly.
The class started to let out behind them, and Felix pulled his hands away from her face. Ella said goodbye to all of them. They walked back into the room. Felix watched as Ella took charge of closing it all down. He waited until they were finally alone in the classroom to ask her something else that had been bugging him for a while. He’d already blown it last night. The last thing he wanted to start was an argument or even tense discussion, but he had to know.
She walked to him where he sat on the edge of the desk in the corner of the room. “I’m ready to go,” she said.
He reached out his hand to her and pulled her to him between his legs then kissed her softly. Pulling back to look at her, he almost decided not to ask but he had to.
“The day Grayson showed up here and you jumped in his car and left with him, Hector said you’d told Drew you were considering going out with Grayson again.” She stared at him blankly. “And you confirmed that was true but that you wouldn’t after the stunt he pulled. Why?”
“Why what?” she asked.
“Why were you considering going out with him again? Is it because you still had feelings for him?”
Felix saw the clarity wash over her slowly. She reached out and touched his face. Her touch alone was enough to calm the tension he’d begun to feel about what her answer might be.
“No, I don’t. I told you he can be persistent. He’d been asking if we could do dinner or a movie just as friends sometime. I kept telling him I didn’t think it was a good idea, but he wouldn’t let up. I hadn’t even mentioned to him that I might be considering doing so. I just told Drew about it when she asked more about him. She did offer to do a double-date thing, but that’s not what I was considering—dating him again. So I’d told her that was out of the question.” She smiled sweetly, tilting her head. “If I still had feelings for him, I wouldn’t be here with you. I promise you.”
He squeezed her with a groan. “How do you do that?” he asked, kissing the side of her head.
He had to be mindful that she was so tiny in his arms he might break her but damn. It wasn’t just her words; it was the way she looked at him and said them so firmly and with such earnestness that made all the unease dissipate.
“Do what?” she asked with a giggle against his neck.
“Make everything better just like that?”
She pulled back and lifted that sweet little brow. “I didn’t realize there was something wrong.”
“There wasn’t,” he said quickly then changed his mind. “Actually there is.” The concern was immediate on her face, so he leaned over and kissed her softly. “Not with you but I need to make up for last night.”
“Will you stop—?”
“No, I’m serious, Ella. That was some bullshit on my part. Tonight I wanna explain to you about the photos, but I want to do something special in the coming days.” He frowned about having to tell her the next part. “I leave next week.”
The disappointment in her eyes was instant and exactly how he felt. They were just getting started and already he’d be gone for days. “I start the hard-core training next week up in Big Bear, but I’ve already told Noah I want most of the training done here. I won’t be gone too long.” He squeezed her again. “So in the next couple of days I’d like to take you somewhere. Anywhere your heart desires. Sky’s the limit.”
Her eyes went wide. “But I work and I still have some classes going on.”
“You can’t take a day or two off?”
She looked away, chewing her bottom lip. “Maybe a day, but I’d hate to leave more than that now that my dad is still recovering from his head injury.”
“Okay, I’ll take a day.”
He’d take whatever she’d give him. His mind was already working fast. That left the further more exotic places out, but if they left early enough, they could still do say Aspen for the day. Maybe wine country or an entire day out on yacht, giving her the royal treatment. He could bring a masseuse and gourmet chef and crew on board and—
“Disneyland,” she suddenly said with a big smile.
“What?”
“I’ve never been.”
That was more surprising than her suggesting Disneyland in the first place. “You’ve never been to Disneyland?”
She shook her head. “Nope. It just wasn’t doable growing up. While it wasn’t a huge letdown since most of my friends had never been either, I’ve still always wanted to go. I can admit it now, but when I was a lot younger, I was so jealous of the two sisters who still live up the street from me. One year they went as soon as school let out and then wore their pink Disney ear hats the rest of the summer. Every day,” she said with a playful little glare, “they rode their bikes up and down in front of my house, wearing those hats with the little veil flying behind them. I hated them.” She laughed. “Oh but . . .” The smile disappeared instantly and that disappointed look showed up on her face again. The one he already knew was a look he was going to do everything in his power to never have to see. “Never mind.”
“What?” he asked confused.
“How can you take me? You’ll get mobbed.”
Well, she wasn’t going without him. And he sure as hell was making sure she got one of those damn hats. Yeah, he’d had something a bit more romantic and private in mind, but if this is what she wanted . . . “I’ll figure it out. What day works best for you? I leave Sunday, so it’ll have to be before then.”
“Is Friday too soon? It’s my last day off this week, but I could switch—”
“Friday works,” he said quickly. “That’ll give me tomorrow to figure this out.”
She smiled big again, and that was a look he’d never get tired of seeing. He squeezed her again, kissing her softly, but then he remembered. They’d soon be back to the subject that ended last night so abruptly. He wasn’t looking forward to it, but he’d have to tell her sooner or later. He may as well get this over with now.
“You hungry?”
“Yes!” she said so quickly he laughed.
“Okay. Because we need to talk. Let’s grab something to eat first. Would you rather talk at a restaurant or take the food back somewhere more private?”
“Private,” she said again quickly.
He really loved her giddy mood, especially since just last night he thought she might not be speaking to him today. “Your place?”
The twinkle in her eyes waned almost immediately, but she recovered as he’d only ever seen Ella do, so quickly and better than anyone else. “My dad’s there. I’d rather not.”
Felix stared at her for a moment, confused by the sudden switch in moods, but she smiled again, lacing her fingers through his, and squeezed his hand. “That’s fine then; my place it is.” That reminded him of something. “Even better. I have food waiting for me at home.”
She gave him that adorable confused look, another expression he’d never get tired of. “During training, I usually have my meals prepared for me especially on days like today when I know I’ll be gone all day. I got a call on my way here. There’s a fresh meal waiting for me at home, and my mom always makes enough to last me for a few days. You’ll like it, I promise.”
“Your mom prepares your training meals?”
Felix laughed, knowing what she was thinking. “It’s not the fatty Mexican food you’re thinking of. I used to pay someone else to prepare the meals for me. Still do when I’m on the road, but when my mom got wind of how much I was paying, she flipped. So she insisted I give her a list and she’d prepare my food when I was in town. She does a pretty good job.”
“Now I’m curious,” Ella said.
They were off and running. A part of Felix felt excited that he’d have her alone at his place again, and this time he wouldn’t blow it. But then another part of him was even more anxious about the amount of heavy shit he’d be laying on her tonight.
~~~
“This is training food?” Ella asked, looking down mildly amused at the plates Felix placed on the counter.
“Yeah, what’s wrong with it?”
“That’s a lot.” She laughed as he continued to pile more pasta onto his plate.
“But it’s skinless chicken breast.”
“Four of them on one plate.” She laughed again, pointing at his plate. “And they’re huge. Are these from chickens on steroids?”
“All right,” he said, feigning annoyance but secretly enjoying her good nature. “It’s all protein. I need it to keep the energy up. The training is only gonna get more brutal now. And in case you didn’t notice, there’s a lot of me to keep energized.”
“Oh, I noticed,” she said, chewing her bottom lip.
He kissed her, laughing at her tinged cheeks. They brought their plates out to the patio table where Felix had outdoor heaters on. It was a little chilly out, but next to the heaters you might even work up a sweat.
“So the photos,” he said, getting right to it.
He’d poured her a glass of wine to go with her meal, and she sipped it now, staring at him intently.
“You might’ve heard about the stories revolving around the scandal with Gio and Bianca and all.” She nodded but didn’t comment, and her expression was unreadable, so he went on. “Shelley was someone I’d been with a few times right around the time I started seeing Bianca. I didn’t know that things would progress between Bianca and me the way they did. By the time I realized I was seriously falling for Bianca and for the first time ever looking forward to being in love—being in a real relationship—Shelley informed me she was pregnant. I panicked.”
He waited for a reaction, but there was none. Instead, she twirled her pasta with her fork, took a mouthful of it, and wiped her mouth with her napkin then waited. Clearly, she wasn’t going to interrupt until he told her everything. So he continued. “My former publicist, Andy . . .” He cleared his throat because this was the part he was most ashamed of. “He was a swindler, which in this business can be a good thing, but he went beyond just sweet talking and making killer sales pitches to get endorsement deals. He immediately thought Shelley was just trying to extort money out of me, that she wouldn’t even be having the baby if it weren’t mine. He was able to find some dirt about her family, bad shit that could ruin her dad, who was a well-known pastor in his town. Andy told me to ask her nicely not to have the kid and, if she refused, to tell her about the dirt we had on her dad and threaten to go public with it.”
Finally, there was a reaction. She lifted what he always thought was a cute little brow as she took another sip of her wine. Only now it scared him to death. He knew what she was thinking, the same thing everybody else was when Shelley did the interview and ousted him about the threat. That he was a repulsive, selfish pig.
“I never threatened her with that.”
“I know,” Ella finally spoke up. “I read her interview where she recanted her story.”
It almost made him want to smile that Ella actually sounded and looked annoyed with Shelley, but there was so much more to it, and he was determined to be honest. No matter what. He’d learned his lesson already, and he’d be damned if he fucked this up, not with the way he was already feeling for Ella. This was so much deeper than anything he’d ever felt for Bianca—for anyone.
“I never threatened to blackmail her. That much is true. I did bring up her not going through with the pregnancy, and she was actually considering it. But I was desperate,” he said, his tone forewarning. “The tabloids had gotten wind about Shelley and that I might’ve cheated on Bianca but nothing more. At that point, Shelley still hadn’t decided if she was keeping the baby or not, but with all the other stories flying, I did finally confess to Bianca about having seen Shelley even after I’d begun to see Bianca. She was already beyond pissed about just that. I knew if I clarified by ‘seen’ I meant ‘I’d slept with her and she was pregnant’ we’d be done.”
Ella seemed to be taking the story in stride as if she knew all this already, but he had to tell her everything. Things he knew even the press hadn’t gotten wind of. “I may not have threatened her, but I was a total asshole to her. I wanted her to hate me, to think I was so despicable she wouldn’t dream of having a child with me. I was so afraid of losing Bianca I was a fucking prick to Shelley.” Those last words seethed through his teeth. “So when Andy had someone call her anonymously and threaten to blackmail her, she went to the tabloids and sold her story.”
Felix let out a sharp breath. He hadn’t touched his dinner yet, and he was slowly losing his appetite, having to revisit this part of his life. Again Ella waited quietly for him to continue.
“This was right around the time everything went down with Gio and Bianca. When all that happened, I was certain Bianca cheating on me was karma for all the bad I’d done, for the way I’d treated Shelley, and for the way I’d lived my life up until I met Bianca. So I apologized to Shelley. I explained about not knowing she’d been threatened and that I’d be there for the baby if she decided to keep it. I never asked her to recant her story. I figured it didn’t matter. Everyone thought I was an asshole including me. But she recanted on her own. And she’d already decided she was keeping the baby.
“The only thing I asked of her was that she please keep as low a profile as possible and not give interviews. She was more than happy to oblige. She disappeared for her entire pregnancy back to her parent’s ranch in a small town in Nebraska. I visited her often. But I’d fly out to an airport hours away under an alias and drive there. I went to most of her doctor appointments and listened to the baby’s heartbeat.” He shook his head. “I don’t know if it was the fact that she was having my baby and each time I heard that heartbeat or felt him kicking I’d get that much more excited. Maybe it was just that she turned out to be a sweet girl after all, but my feelings for her grew with each visit. Each time I left to visit her I wasn’t just excited about the baby anymore. I was excited about spending time with her too. When it got close to her due date, I checked us into a hotel near the hospital under fake names.”
Felix sat up a little straighter, remembering this part with conviction. The only time in his life when privacy suddenly meant everything, he’d gone from not giving a shit what the public knew about him to suddenly wanting complete anonymity. At least when it came to his child.
Ella wasn’t eating anymore either. She appeared to be hanging on his every word. For a moment, Felix thought maybe he should’ve waited until after they’d eaten, but he was already this far into it, so he continued.
“Everything was covered up. We’d agreed early on our baby would not be subjected to the media circus and tabloids in any way. Especially all the stuff surrounding Shelley’s pregnancy when the word first got out. I’d spend every penny I had to make sure of that. No one outside my family and closest friends would even know his name, and if I could keep the fact that I’d even had a child a secret until he was old enough to decide whether he wanted anyone to know, then I would. That baby—my son—suddenly meant everything, and I’d stop at nothing to protect him. I loved him so much before he was even born.”
He stopped to swallow hard. He had to. Ella glanced nervously at the sliding door that opened up to the room from which the mantel was visible. He knew she must have been wondering about the baby. Obviously, Felix didn’t have a kid, so she already knew things hadn’t gone as planned. His heart was already feeling that familiar ache it had for so long. The one he’d only managed to drown out with drugs and alcohol. The brutal hand he often felt squeezing his throat was there again. This was why he hadn’t wanted to tell her sooner, not because he didn’t want her to know, but because he didn’t think he could tell her without falling apart, and he’d been right.
Standing up suddenly, he saw her flinch. “I need a second,” he managed to whisper, picking up his untouched plate. “Just a second.”
He rushed inside, feeling the agonizing fist at his throat continue to squeeze tighter with every breath and prayed she wouldn’t come after him. Not until he could get his shit together.