Ella
The way Felix’s eyes burned into hers now almost made Ella regret bringing this up. But she’d picked up on his unease from the moment they’d driven up his driveway. Opening up his home to her like this couldn’t have been easy, and she didn’t want him to regret sharing anything with her. Like what she’d seen in one of the other photos on the mantel. She could be wrong, but his pulling her away from that room as he had in such a hurry could’ve been his way of avoiding that subject.
Ella wanted him to know he could tell her everything. His past was just that. She wasn’t about to hold it against him. Good or bad, just as she’d shared with him she wanted him to be able to talk about his past. No matter how tragic or even pretentious he thought it was.
She wouldn’t push, but she did want him to know she wasn’t judging him by his past mistakes.
Not anymore.
“I prejudged you,” she said, and his furrowed brows made her nervous, so she hurried to get it all out. “Before I’d met you—gotten to know you like I do now—I’d come to my own conclusions about you based on the stories I’d heard and read. It was wrong of me and I apologize.”
“Don’t apologize. I’ve been an idiot—”
“Stop,” she said, bringing her fingers to his lips. He frowned but then kissed them. “You’ve been through a lot, Felix, things most guys your age or even older will never go through—never experience. Overwhelming is still overwhelming and a lot to take in, even when it’s good. And you’ve had tremendous good and bad.”
Ella had been doing her homework for weeks now about everything Felix. She looked him square in the eyes because she wanted him to understand that she knew about everything he’d been through, including something she’d recently come across but had found so little about. The story read almost as if it’d been a rumor that never took off or something Felix had managed to keep under wraps, because she was only able to find bits and pieces of it.
The photo she’d seen downstairs near the one she’d picked up earlier and his reaction to her being in that room so close to it had her thinking there just might be some truth to the heartbreaking story after all. Something that big she thought he would’ve told her by now. If there was any credibility to the few accounts she’d read, it was way too heavy a subject to tackle tonight. Still, there was something she wanted to make sure to share with him.
“One of the things I asked my mother before she died, because I was so in awe of her strength, was how she did it. How had she been so strong through it all? The loss of my sister and then being diagnosed with breast cancer. Dealing with it all and getting her family through it and at the same time wanting to make a difference in the community. Her answer to my question will forever stay with me.” Ella could still see her mother saying it to her now. “Being strong and having hope that things will get better is the only real choice you have in times of struggle. It’s either that or be defeated.”
For a moment, neither said anything. Felix stared through her. Though his eyes were still on her, she could tell he wasn’t really looking at her. He was letting her mom’s words simmer.
Then there was a bittersweet smile. “So that’s where all that tenacity of yours comes from.”
Ella nodded. “But it’s not easy, Felix. Not everyone can dig that deep and come up with strength. Everybody deals with struggle differently like you did. Like my father. It’s been years since my mother’s death and longer since my sister’s, but he’s never gotten over either. He’s dealing with it, just differently than most people.”
She left it at that, afraid he might ask more on exactly how her dad dealt with it. She touched his face softly as he pulled her closer to him by the waist. “What you’ve done isn’t terrible, Felix. You’re a gorgeous, famous athlete, who has women throwing themselves at him. You have money to travel the world and enjoy the extravagant things, and you have, as you should. You earned it. You trained hard to get here. Anyone who says they wouldn’t do the same is lying.”
“Maybe it took meeting you to realize I don’t need all those things to be happy,” Felix said kissing her softly. “I think this is the longest I’ve been in one place in years, and I can’t think of a single place I’d rather be than here or anywhere where I can be with you.” He kissed her even deeper as her insides began going crazy. “I could stay here forever,” he whispered against her lips as they backed up onto one of the oversized chaises.
He sat down bringing her with him, and she fell over him willingly—breathlessly, her body beginning to tingle everywhere as she rubbed up against his hard body below hers. They’d gotten a bit heated in the privacy of that stairwell, but the anticipation of being able to do more now had her trembling so much it was almost embarrassing.
He stopped suddenly and pulled back to look at her. “This is not why I brought you here tonight. I want you to know—”
She kissed him hard, sucking his tongue, and smiled against his mouth when she heard him moan. Feeling his length against her thigh made her gulp, and she remembered Carmen’s comment about him being hung like a . . . Just the thought made her even more breathless.
Rubbing against it with her thigh, she willed him to do more. She wanted his big hands all over her. She’d been day dreaming about this for weeks now. Never had she felt this damn aroused in her life. The times they’d made out up until now had been sweet and at times had become frenzied, but she’d thought what she’d felt was a bit extreme because of who he was. She attributed the acute urgency she’d begun to feel lately to the fact that she was making out with the very famous boxer, who up until recently she’d considered completely unattainable—a fantasy.
Felix lifted one leg onto the chaise, leaving the other on the floor, and her body automatically shifted in between his open legs. The huge bulge was at waist level now, and she could no longer resist the urge to run her hand over his jeans, her fingers tracing down his breathtaking length.
He groaned at her touch, arching his back, his arms coming around her tighter. “Ella,” he said anxiously. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
Was he nuts? She moaned against his lips. Was she giving out any signal that she didn’t want to do this? She’d jumped his bones the moment he fell back on that chair, and now she was groping him shamelessly.
She really should slow down. Felix was probably used to this reaction from girls. Where the hell was her modesty? Just when she was going to try and show a little self-restraint, Felix lowered his hand down under her skirt and between her legs. There’d be no hiding how hot she was now.
When she’d decided today she’d tell him she was ready to move forward with the relationship, why hadn’t she anticipated that this might happen? She would’ve never worn such a short, playful, easy-access skirt. If anything, it might’ve helped her fake a little more self-control.
“Oh!” She gasped against his lips as his finger slid under her panties and over what she knew was hot and slick now.
“I’ll stop,” he whispered back.
“No,” she said too damn quickly, but it couldn’t be helped.
Every inch of his body was so hard and perfectly chiseled. Having his perfect body under hers as she slid against him was enough to make her quiver uncontrollably. His finger rubbing her now wasn’t helping. With his other hand, he began to pull her blouse up then stopped. “Will you be cold?”
Again, was he kidding? Her body was on fire! She shook her head, unable to speak with his fingers stroking her the way they were now. She bit her bottom lip, trying her best to control her panting, but she was so far gone. Already she felt herself drowning in the thick haze of lust. He slipped her blouse and bra off so effortlessly that, for the tiniest moment, she hesitated to go on. But who was she kidding? The hesitation on her part was so miniscule he didn’t even notice, and in the next second, she was already sucking on his tongue again.
Ella knew with his looks and this body, celebrity or not, he’d likely be highly experienced in this area. They’d had that talk already. When she’d casually brought it up, Felix wanted her to know that, though he admitted to having a wild lifestyle, he always used protection and he had himself checked regularly. She already knew professional boxers were required to test regularly for HIV, but he assured her he tested often for everything else as well.
His tongue sucked and stroked her nipple in the exact rhythm of his fingers below. The combination had Ella moaning in delight. Somehow she thought this would last longer. He hadn’t even removed a single piece of clothing yet. It didn’t seem fair, but there was no way she was stopping what was happening now to insist he remove his shirt. It was building fast, and he moved up to kiss her as her body began to tremble. She had to move away from his mouth so she could breathe—cry out.
“That’s it,” he whispered in her ear as the waves of pleasure shot through her again and again. She arched her back, fisting his shirt as if her life depended on it. “That a girl,” he whispered again as he mercifully pulled his fingers away.
He kissed the side of her face when she buried it in his neck, completely out of breath, her body still quivering with pleasure. Very slowly, as her body began to calm, the trembling did too. She made note of how he’d remained hard the entire time even now that he stroked her hair so gently. She lifted her face to look at him. “Make love to me.”
His eyes widened and he seemed to tense. “Ella, I . . .” He shook his head. “It’s not that I don’t want to,” he said, glancing down at his lower region at the bulging proof that he really did and smiled nervously. “I just thought when it happened we could do something special. I don’t want you to think—”
“What could be more special than doing it here in the room you said yourself you’d never thought you’d use to impress anyone until today?” She was almost afraid to ask, but she did anyway. “Have you ever done it in here?”
“No,” he said immediately then smiled big. “I haven’t. And just for the record—I know you’ll probably find this hard to believe because of my lifestyle and the way everything’s set up in this place—I really haven’t used this house for that a whole lot. I won’t lie. I have but not often as I’m sure you’re imagining.” He frowned. “Since this is the one place that feels more like home and not just a place to crash for tax purposes, I like for it to feel that way—like home. So after a while I decided my home would be only for friends and family.” He leaned in and kissed her. “And now my girlfriend.”
She began to undo his pants button with a wicked smile. Her pounding heart still didn’t know what to expect, but she knew one thing for sure. She was ready for this. God, was she ever.
Shifting on top of him, she gave him room to pull his jeans down and off. Then he pulled off his shirt to reveal what she already knew from watching his fights and some of his training, that his shoulders, arms, chest, and abs were mouthwatering perfection. It left her breathless as she stared in awe. For weeks now she’d been privy to just how hard his body felt over his shirt, but to see it up close was unreal. A near trembling hand reached out for it and touched him then leaned in and kissed his hard pec. His snug boxer briefs were the only thing on him now. He’d finished kicking off his pants and shoes while she’d been in a trance, admiring his naked upper body.
He reached down for a second, breaking her out of the spell-like daze and came up with a condom packet, showing her and lifting a brow. Knowing what was but minutes or maybe seconds away, Ella’s breath caught, but she didn’t think he’d noticed.
“You still okay with this?”
She nodded. No way was she stopping now. He leaned in and kissed her. As she fell into his kiss again, the arousal took over her nerves. She climbed further up on the chaise with one knee on either side of his hard thighs. Her hands cradled his face as the massive bulge pressed up against her between her legs. She was so ready for him, and he hadn’t even taken off his briefs.
Bringing down her one hand slowly, she traced her fingers over his big arms then moved them down to his chest and incredible abs. She mentally reminded herself she needed to do more crunches. Her own abs, compared to his, were an abomination. Her belly was flat enough, but it’d never be near this hard. She could at least try firming it up a bit.
Then her hand slipped lower, touching the waistband of his suddenly tighter boxer briefs. Slipping her hand lower, she pulled away a little to give herself room. Felix’s head fell back as her more-than-weeklong fantasy came to life. She wrapped her hand around him to find that Carmen’s accounts of what she’d read weren’t far off. Ella gulped as he groaned, and then she pulled him out, trying not to freeze when she got her first look at it in all its glory.
“You sure you wanna be on top the first time?” he asked.
Her head jerked up, searching his eyes and wondering why he’d ask. She’d only ever been on top once with Grayson, and she did remember there was a difference, but that was because it’d been the only time she’d come during the act, without the help of his fingers.
She nodded, the anticipation of it already building. Within seconds, he’d slipped on the condom. Lifting her hips, she stared into his eyes as she lowered onto him. She felt him there a lot sooner than she’d expected, and she still had a ways to go before she’d be completely on him.
A gasp escaped her as he slid in deeper, and she experienced fullness like she’d never felt before. “You okay?” he asked, staring at her a bit concerned.
Squeezing her eyes shut, she nodded, biting down on her lower lip as she slid down, slowly feeling the burn until he was all the way in. She’d gotten past the discomfort of it and was now at a whole new level of pleasure. Just sitting there without moving, having him so deep inside her, made her eyes water and her fluttering lashes tremble.
His hands nudged her hips gently, and she began sliding up and down slowly. The panting and moaning were immediate as she wrapped her arms around his neck, loving the sensation of the fullness. It was incredible and she couldn’t get enough. She spread her legs wider, wanting him even deeper as she squirmed every time she went all the way down. Felix groaned with her now too.
“You’re so damn tight.” He grunted.
She’d never tell him, but that was likely because he was so damn big in comparison to the only other guy she’d ever been with. Deep inside, he’d probably appreciate knowing that, but it seemed so unladylike to say it.
The thought almost made her laugh. She was concerned about not being ladylike at a moment like this when she was riding her boyfriend like a pro, her body shamelessly aching for him as deep as possible.
The incredible sensation against the very spot where she needed it most was so much more intense this way. The buildup was massive and fast. It was already happening again, and she began crying out panting loudly. Felix grunted with her, slapping her down onto him harder and harder each time until he brought her down one last time and buried himself deep inside her. The intensity of her climax was unbelievable, and she swayed against him, wanting it to last forever.
After a few minutes of enjoying the afterglow, Felix lay back onto the chaise, looking as spent as she felt. She laid her face against his hard chest, feeling the pounding of his heart. It made her smile. Her own heart was still racing and then she waited.
She remembered how after she’d slept with Grayson the first time she was consumed with a strange regret. It was almost as if her heart knew things were going to change; she just never realized how drastically. Of course, she’d never tell Felix about that and especially not that she’d wondered if she’d feel the same thing after sleeping with him. She hadn’t slept with Grayson too many times because the change in him came so quickly after the first time that she’d begun avoiding sleeping with him soon after. It was easy. He couldn’t possibly expect sex from her when she was pissed at him. And after she’d slept with him, his entire demeanor had changed so much she’d been pissed at him often.
“You tired?” Felix asked, kissing the top of her head.
She nodded but didn’t say anything. She was still waiting.
“We can go lie in my bed if you wanna take a nap.”
“No, I’m good here.” She smiled, looking up at him. “I like it in here.”
He smoothed her hair, smiling back at her. “Whatever you want.”
She took a few deep breaths, still waiting for the feelings of regret. They never came. What did come was exhaustion. Before she knew it, she was out right there in his arms, her naked breasts pressed up against his hard chest, their hearts beating in perfect rhythm.
~~~
The glorious feeling of waking in Felix’s arms with zero regrets was an enormous relief. Well, maybe zero was a bit of an exaggeration. Ella couldn’t, without being completely honest, say she didn’t regret a part of it. There was something she regretted a little. How eager and unabashed she’d been. Gazing at him as he slept soundly, she could see regretting her eagerness would be pointless. Already she could tell she’d be just as eager if he woke and initiated another round. Her eyes roamed over him again slowly from top to bottom as he slept. His arms and shoulders were big and hard. The curves of his muscles were so pronounced. He was perfection. It surprised her that in her haste and the heat of passion she hadn’t noticed the tattoo. But then she’d been sitting in front of him in the beginning then collapsed and slept on his chest the rest of the time. Now that she’d slipped out from under his arm, she could see the tattoo on the back of his upper shoulder.
Ella read it, her insides tightening. Jordan. One simple word. A girl’s name in script with a small blue butterfly landing on the top of the n. He’d already admitted the only time he’d ever come close to having a real relationship had been with Bianca. Her mind worked fast to try and remember any accounts of a Jordan in all the stories she’d read of him. Maybe. There were so many reports and sightings of him with different girls. Many of them couldn’t even be confirmed if they were actual love interests, just friends, or even business acquaintances. Like the ones she’d seen of him and Drew talking behind the scenes at a charity event last year sometime. After reading that one, she’d decided she couldn’t trust any of the stories because that one claimed Drew was a backup singer for Celine Dion. Not even close.
If the tattoo hadn’t squashed the anticipation of going another round when he woke, what she felt when she slid off the chaise and stood did. She remembered feeling sore after her very first time with Grayson, but this was different. As she took a few steps toward the doorway, she could feel just how different. She was now paying the price for her eagerness and wanting him so deep inside her.
Standing in the huge hallway just outside the library door, she slipped on her panties and Felix’s shirt she’d grabbed off the floor. Of course, it smelled amazing just like him, and she wondered if she could persuade him to let her keep it. She’d likely never wash it.
As she walked down the hall, she wondered which way was the bathroom. She remembered passing one downstairs, so she headed that way instead. After using it and adjusting her clothes, she started back toward the stairs then stopped when she glanced at the mantel with the photos she’d begun to look through earlier.
Ella bit her lower lip and looked up then back at the mantel. There was still no movement at all from upstairs. Giving into the temptation, she started toward the mantel, practically tiptoeing. She glanced at the photo of him and little Gio again and smiled, but her eyes were quickly on the one she really wanted to look at. It was of a baby in an incubator. Ella stared at the odd small piece of white tape over the glass on the frame just over where the card that normally displays the baby’s last name on the incubator would be. Someone had written Sanchez on the tape.
There was another photo next to it. That one was of Felix holding the baby in his arms and kissing him or her on the forehead. Felix wore scrubs, and the baby was full of tubes, but he didn’t look as tiny as a preemie. The baby looked normal-sized for a newborn.
A third and smaller photo was a hospital portrait, like the many she’d seen of babies first photos taken in the hospital. In that photo, the baby didn’t have any tubes and looked to be sleeping soundly, but the quote above the photo said otherwise.
IN THE COMPANY OF ANGELS
At the bottom of the photo, it said baby, and again, just over the glass, there was an odd little piece of tape where someone had written Sanchez. Only this one looked to be half off.
“Baby Sanchez,” Ella whispered, her heart aching for Felix.
Ella thought of the endless articles she had to sift through of the Gio-Bianca-Felix love-triangle scandal. She remembered the stories of the girl he’d gotten pregnant during that whole mess and how she’d first claimed he’d not just demanded but bullied her to have an abortion but later she’d recanted the statement. After that it was as if she’d fallen off the face of the earth. Since Felix didn’t have any children, Ella thought for sure the girl had gone forward with the abortion.
Curiously, Ella lifted the tape that was half off already and saw that underneath it, in the photo, it actually said Diaz. Maybe the mother had only given the baby her last name? In the photo where Felix was holding the baby, he was wearing scrubs. The baby couldn’t have been more than a few days old. Obviously he’d been involved from early on. Why wouldn’t the baby have taken his name?
“You could’ve just asked me.”
Felix’s sharp words startled Ella, making her flinch and gasp at the same time. She turned to face him. He walked the rest of the way down the stairs then pulled his shirt over his head. When he was close enough, he looked down at the photo. The glare he wore went even more severe. “The photo wasn’t enough? You had to investigate further?”
Ella looked down at what he was staring at. “No.” She shook her head, realizing he was talking about the tape on the bottom photo that was half lifted. “It was already like that.”
She handed it to him, and he ripped the piece of tape off then set it down on the mantel facedown without even looking at it.
“I’m sorry,” her words were barely a whisper. “They were displayed on your mantel. I didn’t think you’d be upset if I looked at them.”
Swallowing back the guilt because she knew that was bullshit, she inhaled deeply, hoping he’d believe her. His reaction earlier to her being near the photos should’ve been telling enough. If he’d wanted her to know about this, he would’ve told her already.
“Let’s get you home,” he said simply.
Feeling the instant tightness in her chest at his cold response, she reached for his arm and touched it. “Felix, I really am sorry. I should’ve never—”
“I don’t wanna talk about it, okay? Let’s just go. I have somewhere I need to be early tomorrow morning.”
“My . . .” She stopped to swallow again because she could already feel her throat aching as he walked away from her. “My shoes and purse are upstairs.”
He grabbed his keys from the table by the front door then opened the closet door near the entrance, grabbing a sweatshirt out roughly and throwing it over his head. Without looking back at her, he pulled the front door open. “I’ll wait for you in the car.”
He stalked out in a hurry, making Ella flinch again at the unforgiving slam of the front door.