EMMA's POV :
His lips were moving closer and closer. I was seeing everything like it was in slow motion. And just when our lips were about touch...
"Ian, stop!"
My hands went up to his chest, stopping him from leaning in further. His eyes shot open, dark and serious, boring into mine. He had stopped moving in, but he didn't move away either. So for a second there, I just stood with my hands on his chest, and our faces barely an inch away.
Looking up at him, I said with a shaky voice, "I can't... let you kiss me,"
"Why not?" he whispered challengingly, not moving an inch.
"Because I'm not a cheater,"
My words sounded way more bitter than I had anticipated. A glint of hurt crossed his eyes and he pulled away. When there was a safe distance between us, I let out a sigh of relief. Relief mixed with slight disappointment.
"Touché," Ian snickered gingerly. Clearly, he was upset by my previous comment.
"It's not fair what you're doing to me," I snapped. All the pent up frustration and anger were finding its way out. "You made me end things. You let me go. You never even once tried to reach out. I went on believing you didn't love me anymore. So I'm not gonna stand here and let you toy with my emotions again just because you can. I'm not gonna let you come in and out of my life however you please,"
"I'm not playing with your emotions, Emma, I just..." he stopped himself and sighed in exasperation.
"Just what?" I demanded.
"I didn't try to contact you not because I wanted to, but because I was waiting for the right time, okay?" he paused for a beat before continuing, "I know I've messed up so bad, I don't deserve another chance. The only way I know we can together again is if somehow, someway, in the right time, the universe will bring you back to me,"
"How?" I scoffed. "It's only a coincidence that I even came here today,"
He shook his head slowly and said, "In my heart of hearts, I don't believe there's such a thing called coincidence,"
"That's easy for you to say since I'm here right now. But what if I never came? Or what if I came years and years later?"
"Then that's the right time," he said, full of reassurance.
I didn't understand this. All this talk about timing and the universe bullshit. I mean, he said he still loves me and he knew I still have feelings for him, but he wasn't trying to win me back. So what was he trying to do?
"So what now?" I asked. "You've seen me. I've seen you. But I'm with somebody else. What are you gonna do about it?"
He thought about my question for a moment before lending his hand out to me and said, "Come with me,"
"I'm not going anywhere with you," I shook my head quickly.
"It's not gonna take long. I just want to show you the final piece to the exhibition, and then you can go," his hand was still firmly offered to me.
"Where is it?" I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Right upstairs. I didn't put it up here because that one's special,"
My eyes darted from his face to his hand and back to his face. My heart was pounding in my chest. My mind went into overdrive, debating whether or not I should take his hand. I mean, it could be a trap...?
"Trust me, you're gonna wanna see it," he said as if he knew what I was thinking.
Honestly, I was absolutely intrigued by that final art piece he wanted to show me. I knew it would haunt me in my sleep if I turn around right now and never see it. So I took a deep breath and took his hand.
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He led me towards a stairwell behind a door. My heels and these stairs were a bad idea, but I was already there. I gripped Ian's hand tighter so I wouldn't fall on my face. He knew I needed the support and he gladly lent his entire arm out to me.
Walking side by side with him like this, with my hands around his arm, even though we weren't saying a word, it felt really nice. His muscles flexed as his arm rubbed against the side of my chest. I looked to see his face and he kept a straight gaze forward, swallowing hard.
"What is this place?" I said after we climbed about three flights of stairs. He opened the door and revealed a large open room with exposed red brick walls and huge windows all around.
"This is my art studio slash bedroom slash living space," he explained, "It's got great natural lights and it's just a stone's throw away from the school,"
I stopped and took a look around. There were a leather couch and coffee table not too far from us. Behind it was a small kitchen and a round table with two chairs. On the other side of the room lay a king size bed on the floor. And in the middle of it all stood a tall column surrounded by Ian's work desk, several easels, and all his paint equipment.
"Pretty cool, huh?" he said as he caught me staring around his room.
"So, where is it? The final piece?" I replied, wanting to get straight to the point.
"Impatient as always," he chuckled and I chose to ignore that remark.
He walked towards the column in the middle of the room and gestured for me to follow him. I walked a few steps behind him and stopped when he stopped.
A painting was hanging on the other side of the column. It was an abstract painting of a circle made of many strokes. The circle was gold on a black background.
"This one's called 'Endless' because as you can see, the circle goes around and around forever, there's no end to it," he said, pointing to the movement of the circle. "It's painted using melted gold, so the color's gonna change over time, but it's still gonna be beautiful because of all the story it holds,"
"It's really... nice," I said as I took a step closer. The closer I got, the more details and textures I got to see. It was incredible.
"And the special thing about this one is not what the eyes can see, but what you can feel," he reached for my hand and placed it on the canvas, right in the middle of it. I gasped for a moment, wanting to pull away, but as his hand guided mine across the canvas, I felt something chunky and hard pressed against my fingertips.
I looked at him quizzically as he smiled. Letting go of my hand, he picked up the painting and turned it around. On the back of that canvas, right in the middle of it, perched a ring. That ring was the chunky thing my finger had felt over the canvas. Taking a closer look, I let out another gasp when I realized it was the engagement ring that he got me.
I turned to Ian and shot him a look, a questioning look as if to say, 'what is this?'
"This is not me asking you to marry me," he answered. "This is me saying, whenever you want to, it'll be right here,"
He put the painting back on the wall and continued, "I'll be right here,"
At that moment, I broke apart. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help myself. The floodgates broke open and I started sobbing uncontrollably. All the feelings, the hurt, the anger, the longing for him - everything was bursting out of place.
"Emma...?" he caught me in his arms as I was about to lose my balance.
I didn't have the strength to stand anymore. I buried my face into his neck, feeling so overjoyed by his words, but also angry and shameful at myself for it. He held me tight and his hand was stroking my hair and back gently and soothingly, as if to say 'don't worry, everything's gonna be okay'.
When I finally got a grip on myself and stopped crying, I peeled away from him slightly and I looked up to see his face. Through my blurry eyes, I saw that his eyes were glassy too, like he had been crying too.
It was a sight so heartbreaking, yet so beautiful.
His eyes spoke volume. It said it all: I love you, I miss you, I still want you, please stay with me, forever and ever and ever.
I knew I wanted to say those words too but I held it back. This wouldn't be right and this wouldn't be fair. Shaking my head at him, I took a step further away and said, "I have to go..."
I could see it in his eyes that he wanted to stop me. But he refrained himself and he didn't do anything. So I took the opportunity and slipped away.
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When I reached Philly that night, it was past 9 PM.
With every step I took, I was reminded again of how painful it was to walk in these heels and how much more painful it was to leave Ian when his eyes were pleading for me to stay.
Making my way out of the train station, I was wishing that I could go straight home and get out of these heels, but sadly I had to stop by somewhere else first. I got into an Uber and I was headed to Elliott's place.
Things were awkward and rocky between us after his impromptu proposal earlier. I was only supposed to be gone for a few hours, but that turned into a whole evening because of Ian. I had to go see Elliott right now and talk things out. I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight otherwise.
When I finally reached Elliott's apartment, I stopped my tracks at his door. I still wasn't sure of what I would say to him. Earlier, I thought I had it all figured out. I wanted to keep things the way they were and still be with Elliott, perhaps even marrying him someday when I'm more ready. But after that encounter with Ian, my mind was a mess. All those organized thoughts and feelings were in complete chaos.
I was standing in front of his door with my hand up about to knock, when suddenly the door opened and Elliott was standing there. He was shocked to see me, and I was shocked to see him.
"Elliott?" I gaped, and my eyes darted to the black suitcase in his hand. "W-Where are you going?"
"I'm going to take a short trip back to Paris," he answered with a sigh.
"What? Why?"
"Because I'm going to need some time to recover from you,"
I narrowed my eyes instantly, "What are you talking about?"
Elliott stopped moving for a beat and he turned back to his heels. He left the doorway and went into his room. I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there, waiting for him. He came back moments later with a thick old book in his hand. My eyes shot open as I recognized what it was. It was my copy of Wuthering Heights. I carried it around with me everywhere and I must have left it here by accident.
"Tristan drove me home and stayed here for a while. We were watching TV and the remote fell under the couch, so I went to get it, and instead I found this," he opened the book carelessly and revealed my gold heart locket perched inside.
Elliott handed the book and necklace back to me. I took them with trembling hands. This was my one big secret. I kept that locket all this time, even though I knew I shouldn't. I hid it inside my favorite book and I carried it everywhere with me. It was silly and stupid, but it made me feel close to him somehow, and I wanted that. I still want that.
My hand reached for the necklace and the heart opened at my touch. And reading the words engraved inside always caused a stir in my soul.
Our souls are the same.
"You still love this person, right? The one who gave this to you," Elliott asked.
"Elliott... I can explain..."
"You don't have to," he shook his head firmly. "Tristan already said it all,"
"What did he tell you?"
"He says, the sooner I realize that you're only ever truly in love with your soul mate, the sooner I can move on and find mine," Elliott paused for a moment, smiling meaningfully and somewhat bitterly, as he continued, "He says he's learned it from personal experience,"
That hit me like a boulder to my stomach. I felt awful that I was hurting Elliott, and I also felt sorry for Tristan. I didn't know he had feelings for me. I realized now that I didn't know anything about anything. All this time, I thought I had control over myself, I was wrong. I was blindsided by my love for Ian and I was hurting all these other people that were loving me.
The sooner I stop denying the fact that I'm only ever truly in love with my one soul mate, the sooner everyone can heal and everything can fall into place.
"I guess, deep down I've always known that your heart wasn't there," Elliott sighed, "Even as you made love to me, I've always felt like you were holding something back. But I keep trying, thinking someday I can change your mind. I thought marriage would be the answer to that, but I think we both know I was wrong for that,"
Elliott smiled a sad smile as his hand reached for his suitcase again.
"Elliott, I'm so sorry," my voice came out in breaths.
"Don't be," he took a step closer and cupped my face with his hand, saying, "We've had a beautiful time together. I regret nothing,"
"Really, I am..." I was about to apologize again, when he leaned down suddenly and kissed my lips, muffling my voice.
It was a short kiss, but I could feel his passion and sadness there. He then pulled away and said, "We'll always have Paris, love,"
I couldn't say another word. My throat was closed up and my swollen eyes were tearing up again. Elliott caught the single tear that fell with his thumb and brushed it away. He was holding his own tears back as he said, "Au revoir, Emma,"
He didn't wait for a response. He pulled away from me and slipped right by, leaving me standing at his door as it slowly closed in front of my face. I turned my face to the side and watched as he went inside the elevator. He was smiling a sad smile and I forced a smile back.
And as the metal doors were closing, I said, "Au revoir, Elliott,"
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- - - - - To Be Continued - - - - -