Chapter Three
“Oh, Bubba, look at this one.” Mandy laughed. “It’s like the trees Dad always picked out.” She’d stopped by a spindly Noble fir, barely five feet tall and with so few limbs he could see her through the sparse foliage in spite of being dressed in a black coat and gloves. The reflections of red, green, and yellow lights strung in zigzags over the Boy Scouts of America Christmas tree lot danced in her shiny black hair and cast her face in a festive glow.
He breathed deep the scent of pine while “Jingle Bells” played from a CD player at the checkout shack. Memories of Christmas tree shopping excursions with his family jumbled into one giant, melancholy cloud, throwing a shadow across the scrawny evergreen.
“Picked, as in used to? You mean Dad’s finally come around to agreeing with Mom on tree selection?”
“Not exactly. Two years ago, Mom came home with an artificial tree and ended the great yearly Christmas tree debate.”
He’d know things like this about his parents, if he’d been around like a son should. Hunching deeper into his jacket, he fingered a prickly branch, not meeting his sister’s gaze. What else had he missed while drowning in his own self-serving, hazy existence?
“Hey.” She’d moved beside him and bumped hips. “Don’t go there. This is the first day of the rest of your life.”
The chuckle erupted, and he hip checked her back. “Now, you sound like Mom. Or a late model hippy dippy chick.”
“Mom must’ve been one of those hippy dippy chicks. Come on.” She looped an arm around his, pulled him across the aisle, and made an appreciative noise of awe. “These are the kind we like.” She stood next to a half-dozen thick Douglas firs. Her eyes crinkled with her smile. “Which one?”
He shoved his now icy hands into his jacket pockets. “Pick one. I’m bone cold.”
“Ja-ake.” Her sisterly whine accompanied a punch to his arm. “You have to help choose. How about this one?”
“Great. Love it.”
“Jake!”
“I do. This tree’s perfect.” He hefted the greenery with both hands.
“We’re ready,” he called to a thin, middle-aged attendant in an oversized, Boy Scout vest.
“You need me to help get it into your vehicle?” the man asked.
“No, I’m fine. I’ll load while she pays.” He nodded at his sister and tromped away.
His boots splashed in slushy snow as he crossed the parking lot then settled the tree in the bed of his truck. After starting the engine and turning on the heater, he pulled a rope from behind the seat to secure the fir. Once the tree was cinched down, he rubbed his hands together to bring some feeling back into them.
“I think I’ll get you some gloves as an early Christmas present.” His sister came up behind him. “You’re such a sissy.”
“Says the woman with thick, furry gloves.” He yanked hard on the rope to make sure the tree was secure.
They climbed into the truck. “Hope you have some hot chocolate we can make back at the house.” He held his hands in front of the vents, getting what warmth the pathetic heater emitted.
“I do, but I’d rather treat you to a special one at the Rendezvous. They have a whipped chocolate mocha to die for. I reserve the calories for special occasions like this. You know where the Grand View Hotel is?”
“Vaguely.” He pulled out of the lot. “Downtown on San Francisco. Right?”
“Right. The Rendezvous is inside the hotel.”
“Isn’t that the hotel where Penny works?” Not that it mattered. She’d been pretty anxious to get away from him earlier.
“Yeah, but I’m not going to ask her to take a break and join us.”
A mild sense of disappointment passed through him. He shook it off. There’d be time to gain her friendship, and with her attitude, he’d best take it slow.
Mandy didn’t glance at him when she added, “I want you all to myself.”
He knew where this was going. She hadn’t mentioned visiting their parents for Christmas all evening. The push would come. “I don’t think Penny will be too broken up over not receiving the invitation.”
“Don’t be so sure. She was gaga over you way back when.”
“Was is the operative word.” Gaga was a far cry from her current feelings about him. Making her a friend would be no easy feat.
“She’s also good at hiding her feelings.” His sister removed her gloves and tossed them on the seat. “Penny’s a complicated woman whose emotions run very deep. I’ve known her for thirteen years, and I still don’t really know her.”
“Hard to get close to?”
“No.” A pleased smile split her face. “We’re very close.” She tipped her head and narrowed her eyes. “But I’ve always felt there’s something she’s hiding. Or part of herself she’s shut off.”
“Like what?”
“She lost her whole family in an auto accident the year I met her.” Even in the dim light from passing cars bouncing around the cab like a strobe, the sympathy in Mandy’s eyes shone. “Probably never got over the sudden loss.”
“That could leave a scar all right.” He’d nearly lost his whole family through stupidity, and the hole created had hurt. But they weren’t dead and permanently gone. A wave of pity washed through him and caused extra angst for the carelessness of his actions when he’d first met her.
“Family is so important, Jake.”
His sister yanked him back to his own situation. Here we go. “I know that, Mandy.”
“Mom and Dad—”
“In good time.” The words came out harsher than intended.
His sister pinched her lips tight and stared straight ahead. The hotel came into view. He left the subject there, not wanting to give her an opening if he apologized for his shortness. A parking space on the curb opened, and he rolled the truck to a stop. They climbed out silently. He didn’t want to spoil her idea of the holidays, but spoiling his parents’ holidays wouldn’t be right either. Seeing him before his life stabilized and he had it together might be more painful for them than not seeing him at all. It had been at least three years since he’d seen them, over two years since they’d spoken. They were the first people he’d shut out when he’d hit bottom. Surely, they’d found some sort of peace without him over the last three years.
He’d like to make Mandy happy, yet facing his parents was a hard proposition. Hurting his sister and putting a damper on her enthusiasm for the season wasn’t his intention, either.
At the door of the hotel, he grabbed Mandy around the waist and kissed the top of her head. Her ribcage expanded with a sigh.
As they entered the hotel lobby, his shoulders relaxed with the welcomed warmth. He darted his gaze to the front desk, and the sight of Penny added to his pleasure. She’d drawn one side of her hair back with a large comb, exposing a tiny ear sporting a large, silver hoop. A length of black lace, caught in the comb, covered the back of her head, draping over her shoulders, but didn’t cover the deep-cut neckline of the thin, white sweater. Her hands were sheathed in black lace gloves. In spite of her acerbic attitude toward him, he couldn’t deny the attraction he had for the wisp of a woman. Deep in conversation with a guest, her attention glued to the computer screen, she didn’t notice their arrival.
He didn’t realize he’d slowed to watch her until Mandy tugged on his arm.
“She looks cute tonight, doesn’t she? She likes to dress the part for this hotel.” His sister led him away from the subdued lighting of the 1920s era lobby and into the brighter, 1950s Rendezvous. A sign to the left of the entry declared the establishment to be a coffee café by day and a martini bar at night.
His resolve hadn’t been tested, since leaving rehab, by venturing into the atmosphere of alcohol-primed camaraderie. A martini might help him get through the expected badgering from his sister, but—
“Will it bother you?” She paused in the doorway, seeming to have seen him reading the sign.
“They don’t sell blow, do they?”
Mandy’s mouth opened then snapped shut.
“Kidding. Come on. I’ve got my mouth primed for the to-die-for hot chocolate. And I hope it’s hot. I’m still cold.”
****
Vince closed all the files on his desk, stacked them on a corner, and leaned back in his high-backed, leather chair. He plucked the sheet of paper off the desk pad.
Mandy Barker, age thirty-four.
Hmm. Must have lied when she went into hiding.
Five foot two. Black hair. Restaurant manager. Day shifts. Days off Thursday and Friday. Camaro registered to her. Her address.
The timed lamp by the window came on, and only then did he realize the sky had grown dark outside his window. His gaze drifted back to the outline. Another woman, Penny Sparks, lived in the house and worked evenings. He opened a bottom drawer and slipped the report in a file. The girl’s face in the pictures at the Ricci home came to mind. His stomach muscles clenched.
“Eh, fuck it. Done deal.” He shut down his computer, and pushed back from the desk.
He took his suit jacket from the hanger on the coat tree, but didn’t put it on. His pits were wet, and he didn’t want to soil the jacket. Patting his pocket to check for his cell, he left the office.
Vince took the stairs down from the fourth floor, and recognized the stall tactic of walking instead of taking the elevator, giving him added time before calling the senator. Head down, he avoided glancing at the Christmas tree in the lobby erected earlier in the day. He hadn’t celebrated Christmas in nearly fourteen years, not since Brita died.
When he pushed through the chrome and glass door, a cool wind breached his shirt and chilled him. Sweat be damned. He flung his suit coat on, glanced up at the time and temp sign down the street, and picked up speed as he strode the walkway to his car. Sixty-two degrees. He hated winter.
After diving into his car, he pulled his phone from his breast pocket and dialed Westingly’s office number. His secretary informed him the senator was in Washington. He didn’t leave a message or his name.
Voices drifted on the breeze, muted beyond the car windows. He glanced up, but the two special agents headed in the opposite direction. This time, he dialed the cell number reserved for special communications.
The senator answered on the third ring. “Can this wait?”
“Yes and no. I thought you’d want to know there’s been a new development in an old case.”
The background hum of restaurant noise filled the silence. Vince mindlessly counted five breaths before Westingly answered.
“I’ll be in town this weekend, usual place, four o’clock on Saturday.” The line went dead.
Vince hunched his shoulders and started the engine. He needed a drink. Driving west on Deer Valley Road, past the airport, he turned into the parking lot of The Lizard Lounge. Inside, the bar was filled with airport employees, neighborhood locals, and a handful of fellow FBI special agents, kicking back at the end of the day before heading in all directions for home. A threesome he recognized, at a booth in the back, waved for him to join them.
Next week, he’d dive deeper into hell—one last time.
****
Hot chocolate mug in hand, Jake followed his sister to the rear of the café bar, searching for an empty table in the crowded room. Two women who looked to be in their early twenties waved from a table under the window.
“You want to join us, Mandy?” the taller of the two called out.
His sister bobbed her head, raised her mug in greeting, and led the way.
“Thanks. Why’s it so crowded?” she asked when they’d reached the young women.
“Ladies’ night.” The two answered in unison and flicked their gazes his way.
Mandy glanced back at him. “This is my brother, Jake. Jake, this is Jenny Meadowlark…”
The young woman, with a short, brown bob streaked with gold, looked like she might be as tall as him. He nodded and shook her hand. “Nice to meet you, Jenny.”
“And this is Laura Katz.”
“Nice to meet you.” He shook the hand of the shorter friend with wide-set green eyes and long blonde hair. She held on a second longer than necessary. Once upon a time, he’d have taken advantage of her obvious attention.
Mandy sidestepped behind the table, took off her coat, and draped it on the back of the chair. Leaving his coat on, he settled onto the seat opposite her as two sets of eyes stared.
“You girls look like you’re ready for another.” In spite of wanting to ignore their recognition, the words popped out. Old ways die hard? At least, he stopped short of offering to buy, considering his wallet was empty.
Jenny shook her head. “We need to get some dinner.” She shot a glance at her friend.
“You’re Jake Winters, aren’t you?” the blonde blurted. When he nodded, her smile grew wider. “We thought so, but you’ve changed. We didn’t know Mandy was your sister. You must be here visiting, because we haven’t seen anything about an appearance.”
“Yep, visiting my sister. Getting some family time.” A desire to whisk Mandy out of the noise and crowd came over him. The attention he’d once sought and craved now seemed foreign and uncomfortable.
“We tried to get tickets for Flash Theory in Phoenix last year, but—” Jenny blushed furiously. “Crap, I’m sorry.”
“No worries,” he said evenly. Everyone at the table—hell, everyone in the world—knew how that had ended up—with their last world tour cancelled, and him and Ian in jail.
“Jake is sort of in retirement from the music scene. He came to visit me, but since I’ve talked him into staying for Christmas, and once he gets to know Flagstaff, how can he leave? I think he’s moving here.”
The hot chocolate pooled in his mouth with her declaration. He swallowed, squinted his eyes, and thought about protesting.
“Fantastic!” Jenny smiled at his sister. “How great for you.”
Her friends responded so quickly all he could do was go along with the flow.
“And for the rest of Flag to have a star amongst us.” Laura glanced around as if to check for approaching fans.
“Thanks, but you heard my sister. Retired. My star is a bit tarnished.” He smiled, but quiet settled over the table.
“How’s your new life in Sedona, Jenny?” His sister changed the subject.
“I love it. The gallery I work at actually displays my oils from time to time, and once a month I teach a beginner’s class.” The young woman beamed.
“That’s great. So, what are you doing in town tonight?”
“I couldn’t miss Laura’s farewell celebration. And I took a couple of days off to help her pack.”
“What’s this?” Mandy asked. “Farewell?”
“Yep. I’m moving west to Chino Valley.” Laura threw a fist in the air, but her attempt at joviality thinned. “There will soon be one too many Katz in this town. Time for me to get a new life.”
Jake sat back, sipped his hot chocolate, and kept quiet. He was more than ready to have the table to just him and his sister. No sense prolonging the visit with polite questions.
Jenny cleared her throat, pushed her glass back, and stood. “We need to get some dinner, Laura, and on to the celebration.”
Her friend’s shoulders sagged, but she recovered quickly and shoved away from the table.
Mandy reached out and patted her hand. “Good luck, Laura. I’m sure you’ll be fine.”
“Thanks.” She stood and smiled at Jake. “It was great meeting you. Welcome to Flagstaff.”
“Thanks, ladies. See you around.” Once the women moved out of earshot, he turned his attention to Mandy. “What was that about?”
“Her ex is getting out of jail. Clark Katz is trouble.”
“Ah.” He tapped the table. “Now. What’s this about me moving here as if it’s a done deal?”
She batted her lashes. “So, what do you think of the cocoa?” A mischievous gleam lit her gaze over the rim of the cup as she sipped.
He palmed both hands around his mug. “It’s great.” She’d always been so damned obstinate. He drummed his fingers. “I haven’t decided—”
“I’ve made a formal announcement. You can’t make a liar out of me.” Her face practically glowed.
When her face lit up with so much happiness, he went soft inside, but… “I’ll stay until Christmas, and then we’ll see.”
“Speaking of Christmas, we’ll head down to Mesa around noon on Christmas Day. Mom has switched from cooking a ham to putting out a Mexican spread and—”
“You can go without me.” Same old sister. Give her an inch.
“No, I cannot!”
“Mandy—”
“They’ll be horribly hurt if they know you’re back in touch with me and avoiding them.” Her shoulders hunched over the mug she clenched on the table.
He reached a hand and clasped hers. Drawing her fingers off her mug, he squeezed. “Seeing me could hurt them more.”
“Oh bull!” She let go of the cup, reached farther across the table, and clasped both of his hands. “You look great, and you’re doing so well.”
“Am I?” Leaning back, he slipped from her grasp. The noise of voices around them subsided, his vision blurred, and the thought of facing his parents weighed heavy. “Broke, jobless, and no home.”
“Healthy, clean, and you said you’re happy again. You think they care about how much money you have?”
His sister spoke the truth. He had to own his insecurities, and this biggest part of the process. Yet… “No, but—”
“But nothing. They’ve missed you something awful. Worry about you constantly. It’s time they saw you and know you’re okay. That’s what you can do for them this Christmas. They need this visit, Bubba.”
He brought the cup to his mouth, closed his eyes, and sipped. The rich mocha aroma filled his head, and he concentrated on the darkness behind his lids. He may as well give in. When she’d made up her mind, Mandy played the tyrant most convincingly. And maybe she was right. Maybe his parents did need to see him. They were less than a three-hour drive away. It could be the longest drive of his life. This would be the hardest step, but taking this one was exactly what he needed, too.
When he opened his lids, the light assaulted him and the noisy din returned. “Okay, Angel. We’ll do Christmas your way.”
She squirmed on her seat, a wide, silly smile lighting her face. “I’m going to try to get Penny to go home with us. I got her to go with me the first year we met, but not since. I think she was still in shock over losing her family and couldn’t say no. She’s refused every year since.”
“What makes you think this year would be any different?”
“You.”
“Bugger that.”
She laughed. “You sound like Ian. Have you seen him?”
“No. He may’ve gone back home, to England.” He tipped his mug in her direction to change the subject. “Do you do seconds on this stuff?”
“Not me. Too rich.”
“Then let’s get the tree home before someone steals it out of the back of my truck.”
In the lobby, Mandy glanced toward the front desk, where a gray-haired man in a suit now worked at the computer. “Penny must be busy somewhere. Oh well, we’ll see her at home.”
Movement on the stairs caught his attention, and he glanced in time to see her ascend the steps then disappear around the corner. An enjoyable sight. So petite, slender, yet with a nicely rounded bottom. His skin flushed at a memory—laying hands on those attractive cheeks. Actually…
His stomach did a slow sink as a clearer vision materialized. His hands had made short order of her skirt and thin undies. Flesh to flesh.
****
Jake reread the same page for the third time. Giving up, he closed the book, leaving it on his chest and drummed his fingers on the paperback. The muscles in his calves twitched. He jerked upright.
“Damn it.”
The book couldn’t hold his interest, the house too quiet. When the demons crept up and caught him off guard, he found it difficult to quell the urges. At times, simple meditation would help. With closed eyes, he took three slow, deep breaths, but calm didn’t come. He ran his fingers through his hair, held on, and pressed on his scalp as if his mind needed scratching.
Tonight, the nervous itch wouldn’t let him go.
He rubbed his arms, his chest, scratched at his beard, and ran his hands through each side of his hair. Shoving the book and the covers aside, his feet hit the floor, and he gripped the edge of the bed for a moment. His gaze crossed the box of Pete’s discarded clothes. He remembered something flannel when Mandy dug through it earlier. Near the bottom, he found the flannel lounge pants in blue and gold with a muscled lumberjack sprinkled repeatedly in a pattern adorned with the letters NAU. He slipped into them and opened his door.
No sound anywhere in the house. Mandy had retreated to her bedroom, probably reading as she was also in the habit at bedtime.
In the hall, he thought about knocking on her door. He needed something, and maybe talk would fill the void, but discarded the idea. Disturbing her now might only heighten her concern and worry. And that’s exactly what he didn’t need.
He closed his door softly and headed for the kitchen. By the living room, he slowed and glanced at the antique cabinet, remembering the bottle of brandy inside that his sister had used in her French toast that morning. What else? Right now, brandy would be strong enough. He scratched at his chest, flared his nostrils to draw more air, and willed his feet to move away. Tea. Some damned tea would have to do.
Once in the kitchen, he searched cupboards and came up with three herbal varieties.
What’s wrong with plain old black tea with caffeine?
He chose chamomile for its promises of sleep and a green mug then scanned the counter.
No microwave?
A white teakettle sat on the back burner. With a huff, he filled the kettle and turned on the element.
While the water heated, he leaned a palm on each side of the stove and stared down at his bare feet on the cream-colored, tiled floor. No job. No money. Living in the den of his sister’s house. He wiggled his toes, tapped his fingers, and fought the nervous twitch. A deep breath filled his lungs. Once, twice. Willing his toes and fingers to still, he took one more deep breath and held it for a three count. The kettle let go just as he did. Flipping the cap up cut the sound.
Jake put two teabags in the cup and tipped the kettle. Steam rose and bathed his chin in comforting warmth.
“Tea time?”
He jerked. Hot water splashed onto his thumb, and he set the kettle down hard on the stove. “Damn it!”
“Put your hand under cold water.” Penny, suddenly at the sink, turned on the faucet. She scooted aside as he shoved his hand under the cold water. “Sorry. I didn’t know you were so jumpy.”
“Well, what do you expect, sneaking up on someone in the middle of the night?”
“Middle of the night? It’s not even eleven yet. And I think I can walk into my own home after work without being considered sneaky.”
He slapped the lever down to shut off the water, grabbed a tea towel, and scowled. “And why the hell don’t you have a microwave like normal people?”
“What?” She set her hands on her hips. “Oh, it’s my fault you burned your hand because we don’t have a microwave. They aren’t good for you.”
“I’m just heating water, not cooking a meal.”
“Depletes the water of nutrients. But I wouldn’t suppose you’d know anything about being healthy.”
Jake clinched his jaw and turned back to his tea. He probably deserved that low blow, but it didn’t make the dig sit any easier.
“I…look, I’m sorry.”
“Eh.” He waved a hand over his head. “I flew off the handle. You caught me deep in thought.” He moved around her, set his cup on the table, and pulled out a chair. Maybe she’d sit and rail on him for his past behavior some more. A little flogging might get his defensive mode up and running again.
“Is there any hot water left in the pot?”
“Should be.”
“Chamomile. Good choice.” She glanced at the cup as she plopped her oversized purse at one end of the table. “Two bags? You must have insomnia, huh?” She shrugged out of her coat and threw it over the chair back.
“Mandy’s forced herbal tea on me before, and it’s tasteless. I figured two bags might at least give me some flavor.”
“Hmph.”
Her back to him, he watched her stretch for a cup then pour water and add the tea. She’d removed the lace shawl and comb from her hair that now swung freely. When she turned toward him, he met her gaze, but couldn’t find his normal voice. Her sudden appearance had sprung him from his self-loathing, and he’d not got his footing back so quickly.
“I won’t bother you. I’ll take the tea to my room.”
“You don’t have to.”
He answered so quickly, her eyes did a quick blink, but she recovered. “Hmmm. The kitchen is warmer than my room.”
She sat in the chair opposite him, concentrated on her tea, and blew across the top of the steaming mug.
The uncomfortable silence dragged on. Somehow, he needed to start over with her. Fix the mess he’d made of that first impression years ago. Maybe he should just blurt out that he wanted to be a friend. “I think—”
“You and—”
They spoke at once.
“Go ahead,” she said.
“No, no. It was nothing.” It was probably everything, but a case of nerves ruffled his intentions. “You first.”
“I was just going to say…” She sipped her tea. “Looks like you and Mandy got a Christmas tree.”
“Yes. The perfect tree.” He smiled, remembering her exclamations. “And she’s excited for the three of us to have a decorating party.”
Penny’s tea got her full attention.
“She’s looking forward to getting the tree up Saturday night.”
“Don’t wait for me. Christmas really isn’t my thing.” Her voice took a low note, barely above a whisper.
Remembering Mandy’s explanation of Penny losing her family, his chest hollowed. “But Christmas celebration is my sister’s thing, and she won’t be happy unless we both join in.” He wanted her there, too.
She finally glanced up from her tea inspection. “She’ll be plenty happy with you here.”
He met her gaze and leaned toward her. “No, really, Penny. She loves you like a sister, you know.”
Her dark eyes blinked slowly. “I love her the same.”
“Then let’s not disappoint her.”
Pouty lips took a sip, then screwed to the side. “Believe me. You two will enjoy it more without me.” She stood and carried her cup to the sink. “I’m not much fun when it comes to Christmas stuff.”
Obviously, the sentimental approach wasn’t reaching her. “Why should Christmas be any different?”
Whirling to face him, her hands fisted on slender hips. “Excuse me?”
“You can snarl at me while decorating a tree, as much as any other day.”
She narrowed her eyes, yet the corner of her mouth lifted in a half-grin. “Well, when you put it that way, I’d hate to miss the opportunity to spoil your day.” Her chin lifted with her snarky retort. “Count me in.”