Lydia
It took us a little over two days of near constant driving to get to Monterey, California. It was weird and fun and I felt a determination that I hadn’t felt in years. Until we got there, and I found out that Danielle moved. Now Allie and I sat on the trunk of the car facing out to Caramel beach, watching the waves roll in under the pitch-black midnight sky.
The water was different than in the Bahamas, here it roared and crashed on the shore angrily, ready to pull people in, in the Bahamas it rolled in lazily and lapped at the sand. I propped my feet up on the bumper and watched the ocean for a while longer while Allie made chitchat.
“Here,” she said as she jostled me and pulled me back to reality. “I figured this might come in handy.”
She was holding a freshly lit joint and I snorted as I took it from her. “We’re traveling across country to see Danielle, and your concern was to pack pot for the trip?”
“Yeah, I figured it would help with your nerves.”
I giggled and handed it back to her. The last time we had smoked weed was in university, and she was the first person to introduce me to it, it kind of felt nice for this to be our own thing. Smoke wafted around us while we kept passing it back and forth, just sitting in comfortable silent.
“Where do we go now?” I asked after a while, leaning back against the window.
“If you give me a second…”
Lolling my head to the side, I watched her tap away at her phone furiously. “What are you doing?” Allie didn’t even look up, so I nudged her. “Earth to Allie.”
“I found her,” she began slowly, scrutinizing her phone screen. “She posted a photo of her new place on Facebook…”
I snorted. “Who uses Facebook anymore?”
“Old people, like your mom and probably your boyfriends.”
That’s pretty accurate. “Alright, that’s the only dig you get while here.”
She giggled and glanced over at me, her eyes were massive – she was well on her way to getting stoned. “Come on, we’re off home turf now, that has to count for at least like five more.”
I laughed and leaned against her shoulder, my head was swimming and the world just seemed to have a hazy sort of feel. I was definitely on the way to being stoned along with her. “Where is she?”
“A nice ass place just a few miles from here.” She paused and took a last pull before discarding the joint. “Let’s go.”
Tonight? I had no idea if I wanted to go tonight, it was the middle of the night and having coherent thoughts was exceedingly difficult. “We should find somewhere to sleep… I’ll go in the morning.”
“Without me?” she demanded, looking hurt. “Dia, come on, I came here with you.”
“I know, you’re my moral support, but I want to actually face her alone. You understand, right?”
Allie gazed levelly at me, her dark hair swirled around her face in the breeze and she refused to look away. “I’ll only be a call away. Remember that.”
I held her hand and we looked back out to the ocean. It was getting colder, and while I enjoyed the view and comradery, I’d enjoy being curled up in a warm bed even more. “Let’s go, I’ll get us someplace nice.”
“You okay to drive?”
“You smoked a hell of a lot more than I did, I’m fine.”
We got back in the car and Allie looked up a hotel for us to cash in to, the roads were relatively empty and thank god for that because I was actually nervous about driving right then. As we stood in the lobby I had a choice to make; completely empty my savings for a night in the hotel, or use Jon’s black card for my first big purchase. My fingers shook as I handed the man behind the counter my card, his eyebrows went up and I could feel Allie watching me intently as it processed. As long as she made no comments about him giving me access to his finances there wouldn’t be a problem.
She stayed quiet as we went up to the room, clearly avoiding eye contact and doing that thing where she pursed her lips but crookedly. I sat down on one of the queen beds and waited for Allie to come back from the bathroom, I knew she was going to chew me out sooner or later, and I’d rather do it before bed so I could actually sleep.
“You realize how wrong that is, don’t you?” she asked sharply as she came back into the room.
Here we go again. “Allie—”
“Lydia, what the fuck? He handed you access to millions of dollars, he bought you after he manipulated you.” Her voice oozed venom and she stared at me a look of utter contempt.
“He didn’t manipulate me, he didn’t buy me either,” I said quietly. “It was a gift, he wanted to make sure I was taken care of after he heard me worrying about rent and clothes and shit.”
“You barely know each other!”
“That’s not true!”
“Sex doesn’t mean you know someone.” Allie crossed her arms and looked away, trying to compose herself before continuing, “Vicki and I are actually getting to know each other, like a normal fucking couple. We don’t have to lie to each other or run away in the middle of the night.”
“Just say what you think Allie, all that shit that you’ve never said out loud that you’ve been dancing around for months,” I snapped angrily.
“I think he used you, he is using you, and I think he did it with a bunch of other girls and you’re just the one that stuck.”
“He’s one of the only people that make me feel valued.” I paused to swallow the sudden lump in my throat and blink away the tears in my eyes. “Jon and Patrick make me feel normal, they’re the only people who I’ve ever felt attached to, and I just wish that for once that you wouldn’t vilify them or victimize me.”
I grabbed my phone and jumped off the bed. I just wanted to be happy in my relationships, not to have to defend it, especially not to my friends. And now my buzz was ruined and all I could do was sit out on the cold balcony until I could be sure that she was asleep.
The sliver of light that came from between the curtains inside eventually went out and I was left in total darkness outside. I took the opportunity to finally turn my phone back on, Patrick had called so many times that I had to turn it off or risk losing my shit on him if I answered. Surprisingly, I only had two voicemails and a handful of texts, the voicemails were from Patrick and Maritza – I checked Pat’s first.
“Dia, I miss you, baby, and I was hoping that we could talk soon.” Patrick paused and I could hear his shaky breathing. “There’s a lot going on, with you, with me, with Jon, and I just want to get things out in the open… I’m going to Poland to meet my uh, father, I guess, and I hope you’re ready to come home by the time I come back. I love you, and I’m sorry I tried to tell you what to do, it was wrong. Stay safe.”
Tears streaked my face and I hit save on the message, I wanted to be able to listen to it a hundred times. After I collected myself I hit play on Mari’s message. Kind of weird that she would call instead of Jon…
“Hey Lydia, um, this is super fucking weird, but my dad asked me to call you. He said he wanted to give you space until you reach out to him, but he’s starting to get antsy and he wants to know that you’re okay. I think the divorce is really getting to him, and it would be great if you could just like, call him or something. Just let him know that you’re alive. I gotta go, call me if you need me.”
Divorce. He really is getting divorced. I’d heard the rumours, I’d seen his calendar appointments to meet with Christine, but I couldn’t believe he didn’t want to tell me himself. I thought about calling Jon then, do it before bed but I knew that wouldn’t make my trip any easier. Instead, I just gathered up my things and went back into the hotel room.
Allie was already asleep from what I could tell and the room had an eerie silence to it. With a last glance at her I stripped down and crawled onto my own bed before pulling the covers up. Our fights were getting longer and more frequent, I just hoped this one would be over sooner than later.
I ended up waiting until just after one the next day to head out to Danielle’s house. Her new area was more affluent, the ranch houses and well kept front yards blended into a sea of suburbia that made me feel resentful. As a kid, I grew up in a two-bedroom grounded trailer near the county lines with her and my dad until he died. Even when I spoke to her while in university she lived in that gray and blue trailer. I couldn’t even imagine how she had gotten the money to move out.
The house was at the end of the block; a two-story ranch in that “suburban blue” colour I saw everywhere, two cars sat in the driveway, and the front garden was lush with different ferns and flowers. I pulled over across the street and gawked at it openly. This was a far cry from the woman that wore hot pants and belly tops no matter where she went.
I don’t know how long I sat there watching the place, and I was sort of surprised that no one had called the cops yet, but eventually the high fence gate swung open and I saw her for the first time in three years. She’d lost weight, a lot of it in fact, and wore a simple tank top with leggings, her light brown hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail and it was clear that she was outside to do yard work.
I got out of the car in a haze, vaguely aware that I was wearing a cheap, skimpy set of shorts and a hot pink V-neck t-shirt I had slept in that singled me out in the well-to-do area. At first, she didn’t notice me, didn’t even glance in my direction, but as I got closer her gaze flicked to my direction and she dropped the garden trowel.
I came to a stop at the curb, not wanting to get called out for potentially trespassing. “Are you going to say anything?” I asked sharply.
She straightened up, her hands resting on her hips as she looked me over. “What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here?” I repeated incredulously. “What the fuck do you think I’m doing here?”
“Keep your voice down, the neighbours—”
“Oh, you can’t be fucking serious right now. Neighbours? Since when have you cared what they thought?” She certainly didn’t care what they thought when she had sex on our front porch.
Her face went red and she huffed as she started across the lawn to me. “You should have called, I don’t have time for this right now. Are you staying in Monterey?”
“Are you seriously trying to make small talk?” I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms, it didn’t matter how childish I looked – I couldn’t believe she was being this obtuse. “How could you say that about me, your own child, to some shitty gossip site?”
“They asked me for an interview, it’s not like I volunteered information – they asked me questions and I answered them.” She shrugged and cast a worried glance over her shoulder to the back fence. “It’s not like I told them lies, it’s all things you’ve been open about.”
Ohmigod. Did she seriously not get this? “You told them I was groomed! You told them I went after guys for money and all this other horse shit that was never true.”
“Oh, so when you dated those boys it just so happened that they came from money, right?” She snorted. “Please. And you were the one that said you were attacked.”
“Being attacked once, by one gross guy ten years ago isn’t grooming. Neither is hooking up with a guy slightly older than me when I was almost legal anyway.” I was clenching my jaw and my fist were balled up against my arms. As long as I didn’t cry in front of her I wouldn’t worry about my visible anger. “I dated Bryce for like, two months total, Kyle and Trent for less than six, I’d hardly call that gold digging.” Hell, Bryce made me pay for my own beer when we went out.
“You know what, this really isn’t a good time, you need to leave.”
I bristled at her tone forced myself to take a deep breath so I wouldn’t just cuss her out. “I’m not leaving until you apologize for being a cunt.” Okay, I only cursed her once at least.
Her face flashed with anger and she took several long, quick strides toward me, coming right to the edge of her lawn to sneer in my face. “Leave, I don’t want you here and you sure as hell don’t belong here.”
In my mind I was fifteen again, living back home for the first time in several years and facing her down after I confronted her about drinking. I felt just as small, just as worthless, and even more rejected than ever.
“Mummy?”
She turned and I glanced behind her to see a little girl coming from the back garden. The girl was tiny, a toddler still, and it made me seethe with rage to watch the way she ran to dote on the little girl. Danielle whispered something to her and shooed her off to the backyard again, I watched with a twisting stomach, killing myself just watching them.
Behind me I heard a car coming down the street, I expected it to keep going but it came to rolling stop just behind me and someone got out of the passenger side.
“Lydia?”
Jon? “Jon, what are you doing here?” How’d he even get here? I stared at him for a second as the Uber took off and then threw myself into his arms.
“I flew out last night,” he murmured into my hair, his hands rubbing my back. “I saw the charge on the credit card and booked a last minute flight, but when I got to the hotel Allie said you were already gone.”
“You should have waited for me there,” I told him while I choked back tears. “You shouldn’t have come here.”
“I didn’t want you to do this alone, you’re just lucky I didn’t bring Allie with me.”
I sniffled but didn’t say anything, as I pulled back I could hear Danielle stomping across the grass towards us. Turning toward her was a mistake; her face was a mixture of horror and disgust and aimed directly at Jon.
“Get this fucking creep off my property,” she snarled, her lip curling dramatically. “Both of you, now.”
“You can’t talk to him like that, he didn’t do anything.”
“Like fuck he didn’t.” She stepped off the curb and approached him angrily. “How old are you anyway? Do you know how old she is? She’s a fucking child.”
“Lydia knows how old I am, I more than aware of her age, and I don’t think this is the place to have this conversation,” he replied evenly.
When I glanced up at him, his eyes were steely and he was glaring at her with his hand frozen on my upper arm.
“How old is he?” she growled at me specifically. “Tell me.”
“Forty-six.” I couldn’t hold eye contact, even my voice was barely a whisper and I knew what she would say before she said it.
“He’s older than Will, Lydia. You can’t sit here and tell me that you’d think he’d be okay with this.”
“Don’t use him against me, that’s not fair.”
She turned her attention to Jon, taking another menacing step closer. “Do you have any children?”
Jon nodded curtly. “I have a daughter.”
“And how old is she?”
“Twenty-six, twenty-seven in October.”
I didn’t see her ball her fist up, and I didn’t react fast enough to push him out of the way, I just screamed and grabbed his arms as he stumbled back and doubled over. Danielle was screaming at him something about Maritza and comparing us, but I couldn’t focus on it – just on him and his clearly broken nose. There was blood all over the ground, his face, and dripping down his neck.
“Talk to me,” I begged dropping to my knees and stroking his hair back as he sat on the ground. “Can you speak?”
“Holy fuck that hurt,” he gasped out, his voice was thick and he sputtered up blood. “Jesus Christ.”
“Can you stand up?” Now we really had to leave before cops showed up, the last thing I wanted was to spend the night filling out reports on assault.
“Yeah, can you give me a hand though?”
Aw. Okay, maybe it wasn’t the right time to think him asking for help was cute but I couldn’t help it. I pulled him up and walked him straight to the car, ignoring the growing crowd of neighbours poking out their front doors to watch the spectacle and Danielle still screaming on the front lawn.
Jon slid into the passenger seat and I handed him a discarded shirt from the backseat for his nose. Getting behind the wheel I didn’t bother waiting for him to get his belt on before I tore off down the street. We needed to go somewhere to sit, and it wasn’t a great idea to stay within this neighbourhood. A ways down toward the beach I found a park with a parking lot tucked behind a thick patch of trees. Perfect.
“Alright,” I said, parking the car. “Let me see.” He turned to look at me and I winced at his battered appearance “It’s not the worst, but how does it feel?”
“Bad,” he answered with a strained laugh. “Does it look crooked?”
“Actually, it kind of looks straighter than before, and it looks like the bleeding mostly stopped.” Reaching behind me, I grabbed an unopened water bottle from the back seat and handed it to him to help wash the blood off before it dried. “Do you want to go to the hospital?”
He finished cleaning off his face before shaking his head and leaning back in the seat. “Maybe in the morning if it looks worse, but it should be fine for now.” He groaned and rubbed his forehead. “Don’t tell Pat.”
“Why?”
“Because he’ll give me a lecture about karma, let’s just leave it at that.”
Karma? What the fuck did you do? You know what, I didn’t want to know. I sighed and patted his leg. “So, do you make a habit of checking the card?”
“You use it at Victoria’s Secret a lot,” he replied with a smirk.
“Jon, seriously!” I groaned and slouched back in my seat as I rubbed my face.
“I get curious! It’s not a crime…”
“It’s creepy to be checking up on where I am.”
“Okay, that wasn’t my intention but it was helpful—”
“You couldn’t trust me to be on my own for five minutes?” I demanded.
Jon flinched and reached out to touch my hand. “That’s not at all why I came here, Lydia,” he told me quietly. “I’m leaving tonight for Poland and I was hoping you’d want to come with me.”
“To see Patrick?”
He nodded and kept stroking his thumb over my knuckles. “I worry about his reception by the family, and I thought it would be a good idea to go see him.”
“You could have waited at the hotel,” I pointed out. “You didn’t have to barge in on me and Danielle just to ask me to go to Poland.”
“I know, but I wanted to be there for you.”
“Also, since Allie is here with me I can’t exactly leave her in California.” That would seriously be the nail in the coffin of our friendship.
“Ask her if she wants to fly with us to New York and then we can fly out of JFK.” He said it like it was no big deal, as if that was the only hole in his plan.
“What about my car?” I asked with a huff. “Jon, I can’t just leave it here, and neither of us have packed anything—”
“I can pay for it to be brought back to my building, and we can get changed in New York, grab some things for the flight and then get other stuff once were in Poland.” Jon paused and reached out to turn me toward him. “Lydia, you don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”
He held my gaze and defrosted a bit; he came here to try and be with me during probably one of the worst fights I’d had with Danielle, and he came hoping we could provide the same support for Patrick. Hopefully without someone getting punched in the face this time.
“Alright, but I’m throwing you under the bus if Allie is still pissed.”