Jon
“Oh, wow,” Lydia whispered, her eyes widening.
I nodded. “It’s beautiful.”
Wawel Castle was stunning, every room was bathed in deep reds, golds, and decorated with stunning tapestries. It was all from another time, the European architecture was just gorgeous and the tour guide seemed more and more excited with every area that we looked at. She was also thrilled at how interested Lydia was in the history, I wasn’t sure who was happier to be here.
We could have gone anywhere in the city, and she chose one of the most beautiful locations steeped in intense history. This castle had weathered more than twenty rulers, and was built entirely around the legend of the Wawel dragon. The chapel was its own separate building and while we couldn’t go today, I hoped that Lydia would also want to visit that before we left.
She grabbed my hand and tugged me along beside her as we neared the end of the tour and I jerked my head in the direction of the giftshop. She smiled broadly and glanced up again as if for permission.
“Lead the way,” I teased, gesturing to the double doors.
Lydia fiddled with the ends of her hair as we wandered through the rows knick-knacks, nervously glancing between different little items. She stopped suddenly and reached out to touch a small metal rosary. It appeared to be gold brushed with dark teal accents and gold beads. It glittered in her palm and I reached out automatically to close her hand around it.
“It’s a Franciscan rosary,” I whispered, trying to be mindful of the other shoppers. I guided her fingers over the chain, letting her feel each bead. “It has more beads than a normal five-decade rosary. It commemorates the seven joys of the virgin Mary.”
“What are the ‘joys’?” she asked, gazing up at me with knitted brows.
Carefully rearranging her hands, I had her thumb rest on the first bead. “The annunciation, the visitation, the nativity of Jesus, adoration of the magi, the finding in the temple, the resurrection of Jesus, and the assumption.” I guided her over each one, feeling her thin, nimble fingers flex under mine and the cool metal of her rings against my palm.
“I have no idea what any of that means,” she told me softly. “Except for the resurrection part, I’m pretty sure I know that was.”
I chuckled and leaned down to kiss her cheek. “Is that what you want to get? We can look at other things if you want something else.”
She shook her head adamantly and smiled. “It’s beautiful and it’s a part of the culture, I want it.”
I paid for the rosary and watched as Lydia carefully wrapped it before slipping it into her bag. The weather was perfect for us to be walking around the city today, Patrick and I had arranged for dinner on the river in an hour for the three of us and I figured we could take a walk down by the river before heading back to the hotel to get ready.
We left the castle and started down towards the river. One thing that was nice about visiting Europe was that no one really paid attention to us being affectionate in public or even just being together in public at all. I had spent enough time in France to know that the culture there was the same and in the back of my head I wondered if I could convince Lydia and Patrick to do some more travelling. I had already started the process of “losing” some of my money, not that she needed to know that, so I knew I could afford it.
I watched her as he walked along the path, her hair was pulled into a loose braid and she had a faint smile as she gazed out ahead of us. Her smile faltered and I followed her line of sight to the couple standing by the water laughing, at first I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to see but as the woman turned I zeroed in on her obvious baby-bump. The way she touched it and cradled it made me smile as well but in an instant I lost it, knowing exactly what Lydia was thinking.
“Dove,” I murmured, brushing her hair over her ear. “Don’t torture yourself over it, that’ll be you one day.” One day, when things weren’t so hectic, when we better had an idea about our relationship, when we could figure out what parenting would mean as three-person couple. And when Patrick and I knew how to cope with the idea of seeing her have the other man’s child. That also had to wait until after I had told Lydia that I was more than happy with her having my baby, because I knew that right now Patrick was under the impression that I wasn’t interested. So was Lydia, but our relationship was still new and that was definitely not a road I wanted to go down right this minute.
“I’d be almost seven months by now,” she said quietly to herself. “I wanted to write about it in my blog, like, to give myself a place to vent I guess but I don’t want to out us like that. I couldn’t imagine the hate I would get in the comments…”
The pain in her voice made my chest hurt. I pulled her tight to me and buried my face in the crook of her neck, breathing in the scent of her and kissing gently. “I’m not a therapist, but I’m here to talk if you need it.”
“I know,” she whispered hoarsely.
More than just wanting to wait until we had the more emotional stuff figured out, I wanted to wait longer just to have Lydia to ourselves. Christine and I met when I was eighteen and we married two years later when she told me she was pregnant. We barely had any time to just enjoy each other, I loved Mari more than anyone else in the world, but if given the choice I would have liked to wait. And now I had the opportunity to do it all again.
I just held her for a while, guiding us over to a bench and letting her rest her head on my shoulder. Part of having the opportunity again also meant making new mistakes. I couldn’t ever truly apologize for withdrawing from her while in the Bahamas, and feeling her hand tighten on mine really drove home that she wasn’t over it. Not that I expected her to be either, but I wondered if she would ever truly trust us again.
“Danielle has another kid,” she said after a while. “She was so small… It’s like a whole other life for them and I didn’t matter, I don’t know how old the kid is, but I’m just hurt that she didn’t even tell me.”
I didn’t know what to say, I just froze. I hadn’t seen a child when I showed up in Monterey, and Lydia never mentioned it at her father’s grave. Another little girl. Another child to traumatize, another chance to do the wrong things. In my mind though, I knew that little girl would be infinitely better treated than Lydia. Whether that was because the girl also had her father or just because Danielle was older and wiser now, I couldn’t say. Maybe it was both, maybe she was more stable with her new husband. That part I wouldn’t tell Lydia, it was public information that had been easily available but that probably wouldn’t be well received.
“I know it’s hard,” I soothed, petting her hair as she clung to my side. I knew it better than she might have thought; that feeling of being replaced by a person that you thought you no longer had strong emotion towards. “All I can really offer you is my support, dove.”
She nodded and tucked her head against me, hiding her face from the world and wrapping her arm around my torso. I had wanted her so badly, for fucking months I fantasized about getting to touch her amazing body, I had imaged exactly what she would look like below me, how she would sound, if she would be rough and commanding or complacent and eager to please. I had gotten so much more than I ever imagined with her, and now I didn’t feel like I even deserved to be the one that she turned to for comfort.
She sniffled and sat back up after a moment. “I’m sorry that I’m an emotional wreck,” she said softly.
I snorted and pulled her roughly back to my chest, kissing the top of her head and holding her tight as she giggled and fought my hold. “You’re the biggest crybaby I’ve ever met and it doesn’t bother me one bit,” I told her easily. “I love you even though you’ve tear soaked my best suits.”
“Is that the nice way of saying snot stained?” she teased, nuzzling against me.
I couldn’t help laughing. “I figured you wouldn’t want me to accuse you of snotting up my shirts.”
“We should go soon I guess,” she said with a sigh. “When’s Patrick supposed to be back?”
I checked my watch and shrugged. “About two hours, we can head back and take our time getting ready if you want.”
She smiled and glanced at me from the corner of her eye, I knew that smile too well. “Miss Morrison,” I warned, leaning in to kiss the shell of her ear. “You look like you’re up to something.”
“We could shower together,” she began excitedly. “We never do that anymore.”
I hummed and continued kissing the sensitive areas around her ear that made her moan and squirm. “We can put that shower head to use,” I conceded. “But I’m not fucking you, that’s not until later.”
She pouted up at me dramatically and I just patted her under the chin before getting up and leading us back down the path. The sun was setting now, Patrick really wouldn’t be much longer and I knew he wouldn’t mind if I got her worked up for tonight.
***
“How does she take this long?” Patrick demanded, gesturing to the bedroom door in exasperation. “She’s tiny, she wears fucking nothing – someone needs to explain to me how she’s always late.”
“You haven’t seen the smorgasbord of creams and lotions she travels with, have you? Because that should give you a good idea of what she’s doing.”
Pat scoffed and braced his hands on his hips. “What is she, the tin man needing oil every five seconds?”
“You’re such a dick,” I said, rolling my eyes at him.
“Is this okay or do I need something nicer?”
We turned in sync to see Lydia standing in the doorway smoothing out the elastic band of her high-waist leggings. They hit perfectly at her cinched waist and emphasized her hips; her top was a bandeau that covered her breasts in a flowy almost skirt style and she was wearing heels that I hadn’t seen her wear since she was at the office. A strip of skin was visible between her shirt and pants and her cleavage seemed like it was defying the laws of physics since I couldn’t see the straps for a bra.
My pants were suddenly very tight and I desperately wanted to tear the taunting elastane to shreds. She grinned and brushed her hair back over her shoulder as she shifted her weight to one foot and posed more obviously. I was five seconds away from just pushing her straight back into the bedroom when Patrick finally spoke for both of us.
“You’re really going to do that to us?”
I laughed and slipped my hands into my back pockets. Lydia’s cheeks turned pink as she giggled and reached out to take Patrick’s hand, he kissed her on the cheek and we left the hotel room. As we approached the elevator I bowed my head, trying not to smile. I stepped in beside them and immediately let my hand rest on her lower back as we rode down to the lobby. Slowly my hand moved lower, drifting across her firm ass and squeezing gently. Having fucked Patrick didn’t take away the thrill of groping Lydia behind his back, if anything it just made it more fun.
Out on the street was a different story, I slipped my arm through hers and she turned to look up at me. She was smiling and her hair swirled in the breeze, without pause she stood up on her tiptoes to kiss the corner of my mouth. It was less than a ten minute walk to the river but we certainly drew some attention and furrowed brows. Lydia didn’t pay them any mind, I caught Patrick’s eye twice and he nodded almost imperceptibly. We would talk to her about it tonight, we couldn’t put it off anymore.
The boat was waiting for us off the pier, a three-level cruise boat with the small top deck completely exposed for a perfect 360 view. Thin metal poles held up the black gossamer curtains that could give the perfect amount of privacy while still allowing people to see the sights. The base deck was set with a bar and several seating areas at the back behind the captain’s area. Below deck the team worked on dinner for us while we wandered around and enjoyed the atmosphere.
Patrick had Lydia trapped between him and the railing as they looked out over the passing city, he kissed her and whispered in her ear something that made her laugh and reach back to pat his cheek. They looked good together and not for the first time I wondered why she wanted me at all. It wasn’t a jealousy thing, it wasn’t insecurity, it was just a simple question. Patrick was younger than me, he could be with her longer, he had family money to fall back on, and he didn’t come with twenty years of baggage. Maritza isn’t baggage, I chided myself in disgust. Maybe that was also part of it, Patrick wasn’t jaded and she deserved that.
It didn’t matter how much I berated myself, I couldn’t walk away first. Not now, not after being with Pat, not after going through this. A bell behind me rang out and I turned to see one of the women from the crew standing there, announcing that dinner was ready. It was served on the top deck, we took our seats around the circular table and relaxed into the plush chairs. For the first time, I noticed the little fairy lights above us, attached to the swooping black fabric. The curtains shifted in the wind, making the tablecloth flutter and wine glasses tremble. I sipped at my wine, pretending that I couldn’t see Patrick staring me down from across the table.
“You guys are really bad at hiding things,” Lydia said as she took a bite of the fish. “Honestly, if you aren’t brooding silently then your glaring at each other.”
“We have things to talk about,” Patrick replied, his gaze not leaving me. “And we can’t do that if one of us is quiet.”
“I’m listening, that thing you don’t do,” I said flatly.
“Yeah, I’m the one with listening problems,” he muttered, downing the rest of his glass.
Lydia frowned at him and stared at the empty cup. She didn’t say anything but I could feel the worry radiating off of her. “What do you want to talk about?” she asked quickly.
“We can’t go home like this,” he answered instantly, shifting in his chair to look at her. “Dia, I’m all for progressive politics but I don’t think we can go home and just out ourselves.”
I nodded. “I agree with Pat.”
Lydia sat back in her chair and folded her hands in her lap while fixing her gaze on the plate in front of her. I felt like we were playing good cop bad cop and it made a lump form in my throat as I watched her. Seeing her nervous like this didn’t make me feel good, it was completely different from her nervous excitement and this made me feel guilty more than anything.
I reached for her hand and threaded our fingers together. “Dove, don’t close up on us.”
“I don’t like where this conversation is going,” she said quietly.
“Neither of us is leaving,” Patrick assured her quickly. “We just need to talk, okay?”
“Okay…”
I smiled to try and reassure her but hers didn’t reach her eyes. We all stayed quiet for a few minutes, just listening to the wind and the waves before I cleared my throat and took the initiative, “One of us has to step back. Not completely, but to stay out of the public part.” I wasn’t willing to come under scrutiny about people speculating on my sexuality, or to spend my retirement seeing gossip about my romantic exploits. I was more than willing to let them be a public couple while staying in the background.
Patrick leveled his gaze back at me and I took a deep breath. He wasn’t going to pretend that he would take that role, there was no competition. “Jon’s willing to do that for us.”
Lydia drew in a sharp breath and turned to stare at me in shock; her eyes were wide, her lips parted and almost shaking as tears welled. “Jon—”
“Don’t cry,” I begged, pulling her to me. “Please don’t cry.”
She sniffled clung to me while I rubbed her back. Patrick looked thrilled and moved his chair closer to mine. I wasn’t paying attention and I nearly jumped out of my seat when he leaned in a gave me a quick peck on the cheek. I turned to him and he smirked at my confusion. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I asked as I shook my head.
“That’s my way of saying thank you,” he retorted, lounging back in the chair.
I shifted my hold on Lydia and crooked my finger at him, he cocked an eyebrow but leaned forward. I seized his collar and dragged him to my mouth, his fingers curled into my hair and I coaxed his lips apart. Maybe to him kissing in front of Lydia was odd but it was nothing new to me, and if anything I liked how fascinated she looked when she watched us. I was losing myself in him and I had to push myself away before we just had an orgy on the floor.
Lydia laughed while pushing herself up, her nose was a little red, so were her eyes, but she wasn’t crying anymore. We had to finish dinner, this whole thing had cost a pretty penny and it was the precursor to a much longer night than we had been able to enjoy before. It was my way of giving her the best goodbye I could before I went back to New York. Neither of them knew that I was leaving tomorrow night, but I had to. I needed to do my final divorce hearing and finish moving assets. We would make it good for her tonight and I would break the news afterward. We just had to make it through this dinner without us throwing her on the table and fucking her senseless.