Lydia
I stared down at the pregnancy test on the counter blindly; the two little lines had turned into a blur and eventually I just closed my eyes before sinking to the floor. I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cry, I wanted to jump up and down, but more than anything – I wanted to pretend like my entire world hadn’t just completely shifted.
I looked down at my relatively flat stomach, rubbing my hand over my bump – which was definitely not baby induced, and more comfort and food driven considering I couldn’t be that far along. My bracelets glinted and I couldn’t help my half smile as I stared at the metal band. We came this far…
Taking out my phone, I attempted to do the math myself; my period should’ve come on August 27th, Pat and I had sex for the first time in two months around the 18th when Danielle did her interview, Jon and I had sex less than twenty-four-hours later, and I hadn’t gotten one for this month yet either. Maybe eight weeks pregnant? If I went by my last official period, then it would be around seven to eight weeks.
“Condoms,” I groaned out, covering my face with my hands. “We need to use condoms next time.” Well, not right now anyway, it wasn’t like I could get more pregnant.
How could I have dropped the ball on this so badly? The clinic… My eyes started to water and I sniffled, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. I couldn’t think about my last trip without getting choked up. My phone buzzed with the timer, set a couple seconds too late, and I quickly turned it off.
“Lydia, the doctor is here, come on down.”
I reluctantly pushed myself off the floor, being mindful of my bum hand, and gathered up the items from the drug store. Jon had busied himself throughout the day, giving me the perfect window to slip out unnoticed for the test. I hid it under the sink, wrapped up in the bag from the store. He wasn’t likely to look in the spare bathroom, and that’s what I was banking on. Now I just had to find a way to covertly talk to the doctor without him knowing what I was asking. I wasn’t telling either one of them first, I needed to tell them together, and I still wanted to talk to the doctor before anyone else.
One I was sure it was well hidden, I headed to the stairs and down to the sitting room. A woman sat on the sectional; she had dark brown hair pulled into a neat ponytail at the nape of her neck, tanned skin, and warm brown eyes framed by sleek glasses. She stood up when I entered the room and I took in her nice blouse and dress pants. She wasn’t anything like doctors I was used to seeing, but then I mostly saw them in hospitals.
“Lydia, hello,” she greeted with just the slightest hint of her Chinese accent. “My name is Grace Auyeung, I heard you hurt your hand pretty badly.”
“Yeah,” I said sheepishly, trying to laugh as I held up my poor bandaged hand. “I got it caught between some weights earlier.”
To my relief, she laughed. “Don’t worry, I’ll take a look at it for you, why don’t you come have a seat here.”
I did as she said, noting the way Jon stood back but kept watching us. “It swelled up a bit, but I took my rings off before I started working out.”
She nodded and carefully turned my hand. “Good, people often can’t get their jewellery off by the time it starts to swell, then you need it surgically removed.” She mused over my fingers and I winced as she bent one. “Hm, you might have a broken finger, but the rest appears to be alright. Can you feel it?”
“Yeah, it’s jittery but I can feel things still.”
“I would keep it bandaged up for now, but I have some splits with me so I can straighten out this finger – I don’t want it to heal crooked.”
I nodded along, watching her as she pulled up her giant bag. Jon’s phone went off loudly and he pulled it out. “It’s Mari, I’ll be back in a minute,” he explained apologetically.
I waited until his footsteps were too quiet to hear anymore before turning my attention back to Dr. Auyeung. “So, can I ask you some questions unrelated to this?”
She sat back and smiled at me questioningly. “Of course, you can. What is it you need?”
“I don’t want to talk about it here, but I have some other things I need looked at… Um, could I get your card?” God, that sounded weird.
“Sure,” she said with a chuckle. “Mr. Harris is a good client and friend of mine, so I would be happy to see you anytime you need, Lydia. All you have to do is call, and this is my direct line – no secretaries.”
“Yes, um…” I trailed off and looked away guiltily. “I don’t have a family doctor and I’ve had something rather unexpected come up. Do you have anyone you can refer me to?” I just prayed she understood my meaning.
She was quiet for a minute before understanding dawned on her face. “I have several friends that could see you tomorrow discretely if that is what you need.”
Fuck. “Not like that,” I answered quickly. “We’re—I’m happy about this, but I don’t know where to go going forward and with the situation, I don’t want to go talking to the wrong people and have it in the society pages.”
She smiled reassuringly and it did a lot to calm my sinking stomach. “I don’t blame you; HIPAA comes second to a lot of people when money is involved. If you’re uncomfortable with me, I can see about referring you to an OBGYN and pediatrics clinic.”
“Can I come see you?”
“Sure. Today?”
“If you’re available, yes.”
“Like I told you; I can always make an exception for Mr. Harris’s friends,” she answered smoothly. “I’ll alert my security team and you can be escorted in through underground parking. Does eight this evening work for you?”
It was already six-thirty, if she could see me that quick I would be thrilled. I nodded eagerly and felt my throat tighten. “That’s perfect, thank you so much.”
“You’re very welcome, Lydia.” She smiled and got up, patting me on the shoulder. “Oh! And take Tylenol for the swelling and Advil for the pain – you can take both at once every four hours. Anything else before I go?”
I shook my head happily. “No that’s it, thank you again.”
“Not a problem!”
I escorted her to the door and watched her go before I went upstairs to find Jon, Dr. Auyeung’s card discreetly tucked into my pocket. He was pumping iron in the cursed weights room, rock belted out from the speakers and suddenly I was able to appreciate just how well soundproofed this apartment really was.
I watched him for a minute; the way his muscle moved as he raised the bar above his head, the way he had the faintest hint of sweat on his shoulders – he looked like something out of my dreams. He wasn’t chiseled or any other unrealistic descriptor for a man his age, he was built but it was padded – he was the quintessential muscle bear that gay guys loved. I loved it too.
I put the sway into my hips as I slowly strutted around to the front of him, wanting him to watch my ass before I took seat on his lap. He was wearing his sweats and they rode low on his hips, showing off even more of that treasure trail that I liked to run my tongue though. I sat down right over his cock, making sure that he could really feel me through the flimsy material of his sweats and my leggings. He quickly muted the speakers and set the bar down.
“You’re such a fucking tease,” he said with a laugh.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said, batting my eyes. “I just thought this was the best place to sit.”
“Oh, it is,” he promised as he sat up. “I love when you sit in my lap.”
I giggled and pulled him in for a soft kiss. “Only one broken finger, Dr. Auyeung said to take Tylenol and Advil for the pain and swelling.” I showed him my little finger splint. “How was Maritza?”
“Good, I’m glad she got you all patched up. And she’s good, she wants to meet me for dinner,” he answered. “Do you mind if I leave you and Patrick to your own devices tonight?”
“Of course, not,” I replied quickly. Getting him out of the house and not questioning where I was? Perfect! “He and I will get dinner when he gets home.”
“Perfect.” Jon kissed me again, longer this time, holding me to him. “I’m going to get dressed and head out, I’ll leave the Pullman if you want it though.”
“Alrighty,” I agreed happily. This was already working out perfectly.
Jon ended up taking a quick shower but was out of my hair less than twenty minutes later. I texted Patrick, seeing if he would tell me when he was coming home but got no answer. Weird, but he’ll call when he sees that. For now I focused my attention on the thing I really needed for this trip: my partner in crime. I hit Allie’s name in my contacts and waited while it rang.
The call connected but the line stayed silent. It was awkward and I waited for her to say something, but she never did. “Do you hate me?” I asked after a solid minute.
A long and beleaguered sigh came through the speaker. “No, Drama Queen, I don’t hate you.”
“Do you promise?”
“Pinky swear, too bad I’m not there for us to spit on it.”
“Ew.”
She started laughing and then I started to as well. “I’ve missed you a lot,” I told her once I could finally breathe again. My voice was thick and I hoped that she didn’t think I was trying to manipulate her with tears. “I don’t know what’s going on between us, but I hate it.”
“I was really upset…” she trailed off and I heard her sniffle, my heart ached for her. “I don’t want to do this over the phone, can you meet me somewhere not in Midtown?”
“You’re in luck, I have something important in the upper east side. Can I pick you up with the douche-mobile?”
“Bring champagne and caviar too, if we’re going bougie, I want to go all the way.”
“Alright, but I’m leaving out the cigars.”
“Deal, see you in a bit.”
The call beeped for disconnection and I pushed myself off the bed. I couldn’t believe my luck; everything was going my way for once! Not a single thing had stopped me from getting this done, and everything was falling into place. I must have had horseshoes up my ass. In my excitement I grabbed some booze for the car like she asked, I wasn’t going to drink obviously, but I figured she would need it.
The driver promised to meet me downstairs with the Pullman and I rushed to get myself ready; pulling on my sweatshirt and fluffy fall boots. I rarely wore stuff this comfy, my other clothes made me look good, but I had no idea what this appointment would entail and figured comfort over style was necessary. I got down to the garage and saw the car waiting, I slipped into the back and put down the partition to give the driver instructions.
The car snaked through the streets, dodging hordes of people crossing against the lights and always finding a gap in traffic to pass through. The towering offices and apartment buildings that we passed gave me that little rush I used to get when I first moved to the city; that feeling of being in the most important place in the world. And I’m pregnant, engaged, and maybe I have a book deal. It really was the city of dreams.
It wasn’t long before the car pulled up to a large condo building and I saw Allie bounding down the steps to meet us, barely letting the driver open the door for her. She sidled up beside me and quickly locked eyes on the champagne, cracking it open and pouring a tall glass of it.
“Wow, I don’t think I’ve seen you drink like that since you were seeing James…” I mused, watching her down the glass.
She covered her mouth and burped before turning to me, I noticed immediately the red in her eyes and puffy cheeks. She’d been crying. “Yeah, tell me about it.”
“Allie, what’s going on?” I touched her arm, trying to let her know that I was here for her.
“Vicki dumped me, she waited until we got back from Monterey and told me she couldn’t be with someone who would just bail like that without any warning. I mean, we fought a bunch before I left so, I guess I should have seen it coming.” She wiped at the tears leaking down her face. “I hate this, it’s been a few weeks, but it just really sucks to talk about.”
Fighting about what? “Why didn’t you tell me?” I could have been there for her, I could have supported her, no matter what sort of fight we had in Monterey. “Allie, you’re my sister, I want to be there for things like that.”
“It was embarrassing, you know? Like, we were in California and I’m busy talking about how Vicki and I are getting on better than your boyfriends and suddenly I’m fucking single. I knew it was a lie, but I just felt like it was totally unfair that you were getting the picture-perfect life while I was fighting with her nonstop.” She paused and reached for tissues. “I hate this, I tried so hard and she left because I was being a loyal friend. How fucked is that?”
I threw my arms around her, smothering myself in her dark hair. “I love you so much,” I whispered fiercely. “No matter what, no matter how many fights we have or who I’m seeing, I’m always going to love you.”
“I love you too,” she mumbled, squeezing me tighter. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me,” I said pulling away. “Because when I tell you where we’re going, you’ll be pissed.”
“Well, when I tell you who my new lay is, you’ll be pissed.”
“Can we do this on the count of three then?” I teased.
She smirked. “One.”
“Two.”
“I’m sleeping with Maritza.”
“I’m pregnant.”
The air was sucked out of the car and we stared at each other open mouthed before we started shouting and pointing.
“You promised me you weren’t getting pregnant!” she cried.
“You’re sleeping with his daughter? Seriously?”
The bickering continued, angrily shouting and accusing each other of lying, right up until we pulled into the parking garage and the driver lowered the partition to tell us that we were at Dr. Auyeung’s office.
I grabbed her hands, wincing at the pain that shot through my arm but determined. “Allie, please, I need the girl that went clubbing with me and was completely non-judgemental, I need my sister.” Please.
Her eyes searched my face and her lip quivered but she nodded. “Dia…”
“Please, Allie.”
She nodded again and reached for the door with a shaking hand. This was the girl I knew, the one that was willing to do anything for me, and I was willing to do the same. We got out of the car and three men came over to escort us into the building. Allie watched them warily and I took her hand in my good one, squeezing it for reassurance. We needed to stick together.
The security guards were extremely intimidating, all three looming over us with their tasers out and exposed for us to see and wearing matching black outfits with combat boots. I decided that next time I came here, I wouldn’t ask for the security team, though I figured they would fuck up a paparazzo if needed so that was a bonus.
Allie leaned into my side while we took the elevator up to Dr. Auyeung’s office, but as soon as we stepped out, we both relaxed. The office was tranquil; the walls were a light green, the carpet a soft beige, and all the furniture a faded gray. The curtains were all drawn, but the paintings added beautiful splashes of colour that brightened the whole place up.
“I’ve literally never seen a doctor’s office this nice,” I mumbled to Allie.
She nudged me hard. “Look.”
I followed her line of sight and my jaw dropped. “Is that an indoor waterfall?”
“Mrs. Auyeung prides herself on maintaining a relaxing atmosphere,” the security guy with the mustache explained. “She doesn’t have the music on right now, but usually she plays jazz or rainforest sounds.”
“Yeah, no wonder I’ve never been to an office like this; it probably costs more than rent to come see her,” I said dryly.
The security guard smirked but quickly masked it before ushering us around the reception desk. There were a few other offices here, I noticed, but Dr. Auyeung’s was the only one with double glass doors. The man opened the door for us and we quickly scurried in.
Dr. Auyeung sat behind her glass desk, typing away at her mac. She suddenly glanced over at us and smiled, getting up from her seat to quickly greet us both.
“Lydia, hello again, right on time I see.”
Talk about a miracle. I’d have to tell Jon and Pat that I made it somewhere on time for once. “Thank you again for seeing me on such short notice, Dr. Auyeung.” I gestured to Allie. “This is my best friend and foster sister, Alison, I brought her for moral support.”
“Nice to meet you,” Allie greeted, shaking her hand.
“It’s always nice to see friend’s supporting each other in the process. Now, since I just saw you I don’t have any medical history, let’s get you to the exam room and we can talk about it more.”
I nodded along and let her lead us into a smaller adjoined room with the exam table. My heart was pounding with excitement as it dawned on me how fast this was really all happening; if I had called Planned Parenthood or had to wait for another clinic, it could have taken days or even weeks, but money could move mountains and I was getting seen now.
Allie gave me some privacy to get into the gown and on the table, I sat there causally while the doctor got her things set up.
“So, I need to know the medical side of things. Any pre-existing conditions?”
“No,” I answered.
“Have you been pregnant before?” she pressed.
I nodded. “Yes, back in July I had an abortion.”
“Do you know what day?”
“Not off the top of my head.”
“Hm.” She typed away while nodding.
I looked at Allie and she smiled back. I wondered how awkward this was for her, but I was thankful she was here at least.
“Are you on any medications?”
“I was taking Trintellix until about March or so,” I answered again.
“That’s an anti-depressant and an anti-anxiety, correct?” When I nodded again she continued, “Can I ask what your mental health history looks like?”
“Um,” I began shakily, looking down at my hands. Suddenly that crushing fear came barreling back in, that feeling of being small and overlooked. “Y-yeah, I was bulimic in my teens and I received treatment for major depression and general anxiety at the same time I got treatment for my eating disorder.”
She reached out and touched my knee, holding my gaze the while. “Lydia, please don’t be afraid to tell me anything, I just want to make sure you and your baby are as safe as possible.”
I wiped at my rogue tear and nodded again. “I get anxious in medical settings, that’s all.”
“That’s completely understandable, take your time, we’ll continue when you’re ready.”
I cried a bit, suddenly feeling very overwhelmed, but I was able to clean myself up. I didn’t know what was different now about being in the office versus seeing her in Jon’s apartment, but I hadn’t felt any fear at all then, and now it was threatening to swallow me whole. Allie came over and gently rubbed my back until I gave Dr. Auyeung the go ahead to continue, still feeling that excitement that I was just so close to having what I always wanted.
I laid back in the chair, feeling it rise and sticking my feet in the cold metal stirrups. I was jittery all over now, not just in my hand as I locked eyes on the screen – resolving not to focus on the alien looking probe she wanted to stick in me. Please, this is all I wanted, just let me have this one thing…
My vision went blurry when I heard the heartbeat, I squeezed Allie’s hand and started to sob when I finally saw the little dot. She hugged me and I clung to her, listening to the doctor tell me that the baby seemed to be healthy and developing well. I love you so much already. I continued to cry, desperately wiping at my tears to try and keep watching the screen. There was nothing and no one in the world that I loved more than my little fetus, my baby. Our baby.