弱肉強食
jakuniku kyoushoku
“The weak are meat” or “survival of the fittest”
~Japanese proverb
Horus
I chase after her. I was trying to give her time to process the memories flooding her, and because of my limited power, all I could do was watch the emotions cross her face. Our moments were private. They were part of a past I wish to forget yet also long to remember. Does she think this is easy on me just because I’m a god? That I don’t care about our time together? Our friendship?
She thinks I left her. As if I would ever just leave her.
She doesn’t realize I chose my brother and that the lives she lived without me didn’t truly happen to me in the present. She suffered for centuries, and I simply skipped ahead in a moment.
She waited for me.
And all that time, I forgot about her until the memories started flooding back, and now that my all-seeing eye is gone, all I have are the last few fragments of godhood in my body and the love I have for a little fox who used to play with me in the forest only to turn into a beautiful woman in the moonlight and tell me stories.
I was only supposed to stay in her forest for a week.
I stayed seven.
And promised to return on the eighth after Timber’s joining.
And now, thousands of years later, I have a very pretty woman upset with me over promises I made in my past that I never carried through within our future.
I take the steps two at a time and find her at the top of them, touching her lower back and feeling her scars. I know what she feels there.
It would be like an angel getting its wings cut.
It would be like what happened to Bannik over and over again, a wound that will never heal and a reminder that will never stop, a reminder of your power of what you once were and a reminder you will never be that again.
She stands up and moves quickly, entering the bedroom. The door closes with an explosive bang.
I have to admit, I’m not used to getting doors slammed in my face. I raise my hand and knock. “Kit?”
“Why?” Her voice is muffled, but I can see the shadow of her feet in the bedroom light peeking underneath the door. “Why did you never come back? Was it really because of Timber?”
I sigh. “Kit, time shifted. One minute I was back in Egypt; the next, I was given a choice. Save my brother the way he’s always saved me, allow him to survive and love, something he deserved after all his sacrifices in the underworld… or return to you. I won’t lie. I would do anything for you, Kit. But when it came to my love for you and my love for my brother. I chose my brother.”
“You forgot me.”
“Time works differently when you’re thrust out of it, Kit. I have memories flickers of our memories together. I went forward while you stayed back.”
She jerks open the door. “Aren’t I allowed to be angry that I was second choice to your brother? Aren’t I allowed to be selfish for once in my life that I gave up everything for you? That I cut off my beautiful tails for a chance to see you again? She cut me!” Kit shrieks. “She would have killed me had I not traded with her!”
A tear slides down her cheek. It looks like a luminescent pearl. I reach for it, brushing it away softly. “You were very brave for a dumb fox.”
“That’s not funny.” She shoves her hands against my chest. I grab her by the wrists and walk into the room, kicking the door shut behind me. “Let me go.”
I release her hands, backing her up against the bed. “Do you think I’ve forgotten every heated summer night with you? How the water from the river would glisten off your naked body, tempting me day in and day out?”
She gulps and looks down, her eyes uncertain. “It was forbidden.”
“I still looked,” I admit softly. “I still touched you that one time. I still dreamed about it. Most people look to the stars and make a wish—I simply looked at you.”
“Don’t say things like that.”
“Your kisses were always sweet.”
“Sweet. Innocent.” Kit’s cheeks burn bright pink. “You were thousands of years older than me.”
“Gross crush, Kit, even for a dumb fox.”
“Stop calling me dumb fox!” She shoves my chest.
I grip her wrists again and spin her down onto the bed; her short dirty blonde hair hits the mattress, it’s pink pieces glisten against the white duvet. “I would have gone through with it, I think. My self-control was already gone the day I left.”
She squirms. I know it’s embarrassing.
I wish I had my all-seeing eye so I could show it to her—the memory—to show her how adorable she looked when she asked me to be her mate in that forest.
The day before I left.
“I like this one the best.” I run my palm along her orange and white tail. “It has character.”
She flicks my hand away. “That’s because I got it caught between two rocks while I was swimming.”
“And nobody came to rescue you?” I pull her onto my chest. “Did you cry out to your family?”
She squirms beneath my touch. “What family? My entire den was—” Her breath hitches. “—anyway, I’m alone here, I have been for a while.”
“Who taught you? Who cleaned your fur? Who helped you learn to shapeshift? Who caught your fish or collected your berries?”
She laughs. “I’m not an idiot; I did all that myself.”
How tragic.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to promise her that she’ll never be alone again, but I can’t see any of her destiny when I’m in her forest. All I see is darkness shrouding the stars above us, it is its own enchantment, and I’m careful to stay away from the very watchful eyes of the fallen angels guarding each territory. A god randomly walking around with a lesser deity is frowned upon.
Gods would hunt foxes in order to gain the power of their beads, and they’d try all sorts of tricks in order to gain more and more. And anyone watching could easily misunderstand and think all I want from this pretty little fox is what makes her special, when to me, what makes her special… is her.
The Creator eventually made seduction and luring of foxes forbidden.
But what the Creator clearly never took into consideration was foxes seducing the very gods that hunted them, and I’m very much seduced by this one.
"Horus.” She presses me down onto the forest floor, soft with a cushion of pine needles, and crawls on top of me, straddling me on both sides. “Will you make me yours?”
It’s asked so innocently I can’t help but smile. “You’re already mine.”
"I mean…” She eyes me up and down. “…the real way, so I’m yours forever.”
"Is this not real enough for you?” I ask. “Besides, you did just get your final tail; you have many things to explore.”
"Stop always doing the right thing,” she whines. “Just make me yours the way I know you want to.”
I feel my eyes burn bright. “How can you tell?”
"I see the stars…” She presses a kiss to my forehead. “They’re reflected in your eyes unless that’s just a rumor.”
I kiss her back. “You’re young, Kitsune.”
"Then wait for me.”
I nod. “I’ll wait for you, and I’ll come back for you.”
She rests her head on my chest. “Then you’ll make me yours in every way?”
“Yes.” I vow it to her, but I refrain from saying a promise I’m not sure I can or should keep.
A god should never fall for a fox.
The temptation is too great.
But I fell that day in the forest.
Never once thinking about the power others sought, and only of the girl that held it in her soul.
Kit shoves me, bringing me back to the present. “Stop thinking.”
"What am I thinking of?”
“That day.” She clenches her teeth. “You were right. I was young and stupid to even think you would wait for me; the great and mighty Horus returned to his sky and left his little fox to die, sounds like a children’s rhyme.”
“I would definitely not read that to my children.”
"Get away.” Tears fill her eyes. “Please.”
"I think…” I lower my head. “I’ll stay.”
"Don’t mean it.” Her lower lip trembles.
"I wasn’t there then, but I’m here now, and I’m not returning to the sky or choosing anyone but you.”
"All gods lie.”
“Gods are incapable of lying unless their souls are black.” I point out. “So no, I’m not lying.”
She squeezes her eyes shut. “What? Now you’re just going to make me yours, and we’ll forget all the memories of the forest and the—”
I swallow her next words.
Her small gasp is more like a meow, which makes it impossible for me not to smile against her mouth. “Once a fox, always a fox.”
I drag my hands down her sides brushing against her soft skin, lifting her shirt higher and higher until her hand touches mine, stopping me. “Are you, a god, breaking the rules and seducing a fox?”
"I don’t see a fox; I see a beautiful woman. Besides, it’s not like I have a lot of goodness left in me.”
"I’m still insulted,” she whispers, her eyes greedily staring at my mouth.
I rub my thumb across her lower lip. “Is that why you’re purring?”
“I do not—”
“You do.” I correct her and press my hand to her chest. “I can feel it.”
She knows I’m right, she knows I can feel her body’s response as well as hear it, and I love that she has no way of denying it.
I duck my head against her neck and run my nose up and down her sensitive skin, then kiss the outside of her ear. The purring intensifies, a rumble in her chest she can’t stop.
The louder she gets, the more control of whatever fragments I still barely cling to disappear.
I grab her by the waist and pull her fully onto the bed. Her small hands cup my face as I keep kissing down her neck. I had forgotten how good her skin tastes, like the very rich forest she used to live in, fresh like rain in the morning, the woods outside, and then sweet like a warm summer night.
My tongue slides across her collarbone. Her body jumps beneath me, and her hands move to my shoulders like she needs to anchor herself against me.
I rise up above her. “Did you mean it?”
"Wh-what?”
"That you want to be mine?”
Her eyes dart back and forth in uncertainty before she slowly nods her head. “I’m still angry. But I never stopped wanting you—”
I silence her with a kiss. “Good, be angry as much as you want, we have lifetimes left for your anger, but tonight can you just be mine?”
Her hands reach for my black shirt, and she tugs it over my head. Our foreheads almost collide when I grab her T-shirt and do the same.
I may be limited, but I can at least do one thing for her right now, and it’s not give her myself—it’s to give her what she wants, the moment she wants it.
I wave my right hand across her face, knowing it might be the last godlike thing I do in this lifetime, giving her back her home.
Her eyes widen. “My forest!”
“Our forest.” I smile.
"How did you—”
"It’s just a memory., I say with a sad shake of my head. “But I figured you would be most comfortable if you felt like you were at your home.”
A tear runs down her face. “I haven’t been back here since—”
“I know.” I smile and tuck her hair over her shoulder. “I may not be as powerful without my eye, but I can, at the very least, give you a vision of your home while I show you why you’ve always been mine.”
"Modern times have changed you.” She actually laughs. “You know how to seduce way better.”
"Was I horrible before?”
“You yelled at me.” She points out. “And told me that a dumb fox shouldn’t be so close to the town border, then yelled the next day that I was too close to the water as if I can’t swim.”
"I saved you from drowning.”
"Swimming,” she corrects and flips me onto my back.
The feeling is so familiar, being in her forest, flirting with her, wanting to take her, kiss her, then take her again.
Nothing is stopping me now.
Maybe losing my eye was all worth it—for this trade.
For my own little Kitsune.
"I’m trapped now.” I smile up at her. “What will you do with me?”
"Ah, I trapped my own god, lucky me.” She points a finger at me. “Still angry.”
"Still allowed,” I answer.
She rests her chin on my chest. “I missed the smell of the sky.”
"I missed the darkness of your forest.”
Her eyes brighten, flashing orange. She’s beautiful. She seems free now, her smile wide and innocent.
I lean in to kiss her again, but she pulls back and jumps to her feet. Her eyes are teasing, sly. She shoves her shorts to the ground kicking them away before peeling off the rest of her clothes and facing me.
She’s perfect.
Her stomach is silky and curved, her hips are made for my hands, and every inch of her reminds me of how soft her skin has always been.
"Come here,” I command.
"I will.” Her eyes are nervous before she puts her hands over her head and does a small twirl. “But first, you get your dance.”
My jaw hangs open. I don’t want to tell her she can’t do a fox mating dance without tails, but apparently, it doesn’t matter because the minute she starts moving her hips back and forth, my mouth goes dry.
Her eyes close, and she runs her hands down her body while I slowly make my way over to where she’s dancing.
I grip her by one of her wrists and spin her face forward against the closest tree and pin her there. “Mine.”
She arches her back against me, I protect her with my body. The feel of the sky watching this only pushes me past the edge of control. She lets out a soft cry when I flip her back around and meet her mouth with a possessive kiss. I can almost imagine her tails, soft against my legs, my cheek, only to disappear and reveal herself to me as if saying take me, I’m yours, I’m terrified, but let me reveal myself to you, without the guise of magic, without anything but myself.
Bare.
Just like she is now.
Foxes never allow their tails, their shields of magic, to leave their bodies until they let someone in. And even though she no longer has tails to move. I feel it mentally, spiritually. She’s open to me.
Mine.
Her tongue is hot and wet, aggressively massaging mine in a way that feels like an urgent caress I can’t wait to answer. I grab one of her legs and wrap it around me like she’s a dancer and I’m her pole. I groan as the heat between her open legs rubs a moist path along my hip until she is snugged against my waist. My cock twitches, desperately wanting more, needing it in a way that feels so holy I have a hard time breathing. I realize I’m afraid… this moment terrifies me. I don’t want to scare her, but I wonder if I maybe need her more than she needs me. I’ve needed this for thousands of years, looked forward to it, and she seems so open I don’t want to let her down. I’m afraid. I’m so afraid that I’m going to be too much for her, that something bad might happen afterward. What if sleeping with a god is her demise? She doesn’t even have her tails anymore.
I sigh against her mouth.
She shoves my chest. “Take me, stupid god.”
“Okay, dumb fox.” I laugh. I have no other choice but to give in to this beautiful woman, this human, fox without her tails, this person who I’ve known across lifetimes, one I abandoned without realizing the ramifications.
Her smile’s sad as she reaches for me, her fingers twist into my hair, wrapping it around her fingertips. “You’re so easy to love.”
“I’m not.”
She twists harder and pulls my face into hers. Our lips collide. “You are. You’re easy to love because you are good.”
“Because I’m light?”
“Because you protected a stupid fox after she saved you and because when she was the most lonely in the world—you asked her what she saw.”
Tears burn the back of my eyes. “And what did you see?”
“Stars. So many stars. You pointed to the sky and said that my parents were shining, and then my own darkness just felt less. I felt less, in the best way, because you were my light.”
“I never deserved to be that.” I choke out. “I wanted you. I was selfish.”
“Then take me, selfish god of the sky.” She releases my hair suddenly and spreads her arms wide, laying on her back. “Take me the way I wanted you to, under the stars. Let them hear me scream for you.”
I love her bravery. I lean over and whisper, “Are you sure you want that, little fox?”
“Are you sure you can take me?”
We’re both panting. She’s pressed so hard against me I can feel every heated part of her waiting for me to make a choice I can’t unmake. Seduce the fox and live. Walk away and be miserable.
“You were made for this.” I take her mouth, capturing her lips in a punishing kiss, her hands are suddenly back at my hair, pulling it like it’s hers, not mine, and I realize she has a fixation with it.
Because to her, my hair is fur.
And with foxes, you groom their fur when you mate. So as she twists her hands into my hair, tugging it and wrapping it around her fingers, meeting my lips with each painful tug. I realize it was always supposed to be like this. With each punishing kiss from her mouth, each slick of her tongue down my neck. It was supposed to be painful. Joining with her, knowing she owns me as much as I own her. Knowing our pasts. Aligning our futures.
We will not be able to undo this.
I would never want to.
I almost collapse against her when she shoves her legs against the tree and pulls me back, flipping me midair onto the ground.
I laugh. “Playful.”
“For being such an old god, you have good reflexes.”
I shove her against the ground, rising up over her. My body flexes and stretches over her. I could enter her. I could end this so easily; I could make her mine, instead, I just watch.
Is that not the purpose of stars? Gods? Angels?
I smile down at her. “How pretty.”
“What?”
“Your face,” I whisper seconds later. “Before,” I inch forward between her thighs. “I make you mine before I truly watch.”
“Me?”
“Oh yes.” I press my body down onto hers and thrust between her thighs. Kit’s eyes widen, her hands fall back from my hair, then grip my shoulders. “And now I truly watch Heaven. The crown of creation.” My lips meet hers. “My mate.”
She gasps beneath me, her eyes roll back into her head only to come back full of bright white stars that erupt around us.
I see constellations.
Her.
Us.
She grasps me close. My hips take on a different rhythm, the rhythm of the heavens, as I slowly show her what I feel, what I felt then, what I feel now.
Her little gasps against my mouth make it worth it. “I see everything.”
“I see you.”
“The stars.” She nibbles my lower lips and moans. “It feels so good, having all of you, and yet knowing the sky watches.”
“It sees everything.”
“And yet, all I see is you,” she responds as he rakes her nails down my arms and pulls me closer.
I’m deep into the cosmos, into her, my body taking over, and my soul is finally silent.
It’s home.
She pulls me close, tight, almost too tight; deeper and deeper, we fall and explore until I don’t know how to stop the collision of our bodies.
And like a supernova.
We explode together.
And I swear in that moment, with her body pulsing beneath me and all around me, I see the stars I used to create, I feel them.
I just wish I knew if it was a good omen.
Or if we just damned ourselves again.