Kenna
I’m not sure how two weeks have already passed since Evander and I fought in the shelter of the willow tree. Two entire weeks. I haven’t heard from him or seen him since that night, and maybe that’s for the best.
I let my heartache turn to a dull chill that’s carried me on a wave of numbness. I walk the golden halls of the castle. I walk the gardens and city streets. I meet with friends for brunch along the shore of the lake and work at the midwifery clinic any chance I can get.
I keep my hands busy with babies and preparations for the Rite.
I keep my mind hollow and honed on maps and the paperwork covering my mom’s desk.
I keep a smile on my face anytime I stand in front of my parents' magic mirror, listening to my dad fill my mom in on the movements of the allied armies now gathering in the Roguelands with him at the helm.
In the past week, thousands of warriors from Crescent Falls have entered Eastonia. Battalions have been dispatched, and scouts and Ghosts are scouring the mountains and valleys for any sign of the Draven Coven.
But no one can find them.
To me, that means this effort by the kings is unnecessary. Why prepare for a war that seems like it’s not even going to happen?
But my parents are on edge, especially Mom. And I don’t blame her.
I run a brush through my hair as she paces the carpeted floor of my bedroom in her bare feet, grumbling under her breath.
“You should go paint,” I offer. “You seem stressed.”
“Kenna, please,” she mumbles, waving her hand in dismissal before pinching the bridge of her nose. “I’m trying to think.”
“About what, exactly?” I continue detangling my hair, brushing the nearly waist length tresses until they shine in the moonlight.
Tomorrow is a full moon.
Tomorrow is the Red Moon Eclipse.
Tomorrow is the Rite, and….
“I don’t want you to do it,” Mom says, planting her hands on her hips. “I have a say, you know, as queen.”
“It’s not a big deal. It’s not like I have a mate.” The lie tastes rancid on my tongue. “Plus, I’ll get at least one thing I want out of this if I’m successful.”
“And what’s that?” Mom meets my gaze through the reflection in my vanity mirror.
“A baby.” I know it sounds insane. I know, from the beginning, that I’ve been searching for love this entire time, but I… I have to be realistic now. Evander is my mate, and he doesn’t want a relationship with me, regardless of our feelings for each other. I need to move on.
I need to take matters into my own hands, and if I’m going to be alone, well….
“Goddess, Kenna, do you realize what’s about to happen to you?”
“I know what sex is, Mom.”
She groans and shakes her head, murmuring some very colorful prayer to the Goddess. “You’re not doing it. That’s final.”
“The mystics said they foresaw me–”
“The mystics saw someone else doing this ritual until a few days ago.”
“Now they see me, and I’m doing it. I’ve already made up my mind. Plus, Evander left. It makes sense why the mystics saw a new couple doing the Rite instead of him and Vivienne or whatever her name is.”
“Why is this so important to you?”
“It’s a sacred ritual, Mom. It hasn’t happened in over two decades, and if I was chosen by the Goddess to help bring back the moon, then I will do it. I will.”
Mom holds my gaze. Her sea-green eyes are alight with emotions I can’t read.
I turn and look up at her. “Look, I know you’re stressed out. But I have everything handled. It’s going to be fine. I’m going to be fine. I’m looking forward to the Rite, actually. All you have to do is enjoy the festival.”
Her nostrils flare as she shakes her head. “You’re not doing it.”
“Yes, I am.”
“Absolutely not.”
I feel a flicker of emotion for the first time in two weeks as I slowly rise and square my shoulders. I still have to look up into her face, however, seeing as she’s several inches taller than me. “I’m doing it. It’s my destiny. The mystics said so.”
Mom and I stare at each other.
I know she doesn't want me to do this. A week ago, I’d been sitting in the dining room with Sydney and my mom. He’d come to visit before joining his troops in the Roguelands. Dad was already there, overseeing his commanders in preparation for a journey to meet with Alpha King Jaxon.
We’d been laughing and joking all night, and for the first time in days, I hadn’t felt the sting of Evander’s rejection.
But then a mystic appeared in the dining room and told us that I, the Princess of Eastonia, had been chosen by the Goddess herself for the Rite.
It’s the highest honor in the coven to be chosen for the Rite. The past chosen have been witch queens and the mothers of Alphas–and more.
But I have no idea who will meet me in that sacred cave–in the remains of an ancient temple deep underground.
Part of me wonders if this is why I can’t feel the mate bond like Evander can. Maybe he’s right, and the Goddess made an error when she threw us together, and now she’s making up for the mistake.
But Mom hadn’t been happy and spent two entire days looking for answers about the sudden change.
All while I reveled in it, feeling excited and hopeful.
But seeing her now, and the emotions roiling behind her eyes, sends that hope crashing down.
“What happened to you?” she whispers, and it’s like a blow to my heart.
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean,” she says. “You were so excited to find your mate this summer and become the Luna of Veiled Valley.”
I sit back down on my vanity stool and turn to the mirror to finish getting ready for bed. “I’m just being realistic. With everything going on in the Roguelands and Evander not being my Beta anymore–”
“What?”
I cringe. I hadn’t told her that part. I haven’t told her anything at all about Evander, actually. “I told Evander he doesn’t need to be my Beta. I can find a new one. It won’t be that difficult–”
“Why would you tell Evander he doesn’t need to be your Beta?!”
“Because he doesn’t want to be my Beta. He never wanted to. He doesn’t want to be around me at all, and I gave him a way out!” I snap, my voice echoing through my room and bouncing off the domed ceiling. I swear the crystal chandelier begins to tremble as my temper flares.
But I refuse to cry.
Even though I really want to.
“Kenna–”
“Don’t,” I say, holding up a hand. “It’s done. Evander left. He went back to the Roguelands already, to do Goddess knows what, and I’m here, Mom. I have returned. I will ascend the throne in Veiled Valley–alone. I will continue my training to take your place one day. This is what everyone wanted and expected of me, and I’m doing it.”
Mom sucks in a breath, and her expression cracks. Grief flares behind her eyes in a way I’ve never seen before. “If this isn’t what you want, Kenna, you don’t have to be the Luna of Veiled Valley.”
“We both know that’s not true. I’m the only other Shadowsynger besides Grandpa and Dad. The throne is mine, I’ve never had a choice.”
She swallows hard. “What happened to you?”
“Why are you asking me that again?” Hot tears sprout along my lash line.
“Because–”
“Because I killed people. I used my powers and took out… forty rebels at least. Forty people who might have had families who are wondering where they are and why they’re not coming home. I did that.”
A tear slides down Mom’s cheek. I’ve rarely seen her cry. Honestly I can’t remember the last time I saw her cry.
I run my tongue along my teeth, trying to stem my anger but it’s too late. For the past two weeks, all anyone has been asking me is, “Where is Evander?” Evander this, Evander that. Where did he go? What happened? Have you spoken to him? Blah, blah, blah….
My shadow starts to curl over my skin. It knows I want to just disappear right now.
“Kenna Mystica Westfall,” Mom says, using my full name, which usually means I’m in huge trouble. “What the fuck is going on with you?”
I have a single second to suck in a breath before my entire facade comes crumbling down and I break, my eyes flooding with tears.
“He doesn’t want me. He–I asked him if he loves, and he said he did, but he still left. I told him, if he left, he could never come back. He left anyway–”
“Are you talking about Evander?”
“Yes, I’m talking about Evander! Who else?!”
Mom looks shocked as she edges a step closer to me despite the sparkling darkness of my powers now roiling around me like a shield.
“He–he–he told me he can’t protect me if we’re together because it would distract him or something. Do you know why he feels like that? Because I’m a fucking coward, Mom! I don’t want to fight anymore. My powers are too much for me and I–I killed so many people. So many. In a matter of seconds, forty people were dead, and I did it without thinking. I’m a monster–”
“You are not a monster,” she growls, but her eyes are wide as she tries to close the distance between us.
“He kissed me,” I choke, the words broken by sobs. “I felt it. I kept telling him I felt the bond between us but it's not in the same way he can feel it, and because of that, and because I’m too much of a coward to own up to what I am and accept it, he won’t accept our bond, Mom.”
She stills, her eyes locked on mine. She searches my face for the words I can’t say because if I do, I’ll fall apart.
“Evander is your mate.” It’s not a question. It’s a statement. A cold, hard truth that settles between us.
I can’t do more than nod.
“Where is he, Kenna?”
“How am I supposed to know?” I shout, wrapping my arms around my body in a tight embrace just as my shadow erupts and swallows me whole.
Mom can’t see me, but she knows I’m here because I can’t stop sniffling. Another sob threatens to strangle me while she reaches out a hand, searching for me, and eventually cups my cheeks.
“Did he reject you?”
“I don’t know. I just know this hurts so much, and I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I have to do something else, something for me. I’m doing the Rite.”
Mom nods, and my tears gather between her fingers as my shadow starts to recede.
“What do you need?” she asks in a small, soft voice. “Do you want me to send a hellhound out to find him? I’m sure Amanda is gunning to track him now and give him a piece of her mind, anyway.”
My lips curve into a watery smile despite the anguish in my heart. “No.”
“What about… food?”
I shake my head.
She nods, but her eyes are still clouded with tears as she sighs. “You’ve the stories about your father and I. I know Amanda and Commander Artyom have been rather colorful in their renditions of our first few weeks together. It was… hell, Kenna. I have no other way to describe it. I didn’t love your dad back then. I hated him, actually. Our love for each other now has nothing to do with the mate bond between us. The bond simply brought us together, and we had to fight to get to where we are now.”
She slides two fingers under my chin so I’m forced to look up at her, even though she still can’t see me.
“You and Evander have practically shared a soul since you were babies. You love each other in a deep, ingrained way. He will come back.”
“He won’t, Mom.” I take a step back just as a trio of maids arrive. Long strips of white fabric hang from their arms, while the third and last to enter holds a basket full of toiletries.
Tonight, I prepare for the Rite.
I shed my last tear for Evander and turn to the maids, my shadows fading. They look slightly nervous as they shift from foot to foot.
Mom leaves without another word, but her thoughts on the matter are clear.
I know without a shadow of a doubt she’s going to go talk to Amanda about this and come up with some scheme to get us back together.
But I let any shred of hope and longing fade away and follow the maids into the bathroom, letting them undress me as they run a fragrant bath.
The hot water washes away my tears, and when I emerge from the depths, I let go of any feelings I once had about finding my mate and settling down.
I have a new destiny, and tomorrow night, I will emerge with the moon as the future queen.
And Evander will be… gone. Forever.