Kenna
“Don’t say anything else,” Evander growls.
The sanctuary of the willow tree darkens to the point I can barely see his eyes gleaming in the faint moonlight filtering through the leaves. He takes a step toward me, trying to close the distance between us again.
“We have to. You don’t want this.”
“You have no idea what I want.”
“Then tell me,” I cut in, my breath catching. “Because I can’t–I can’t pretend like everything is okay anymore. What do you want? If it’s not me, then we need to reject each other!”
“I want you. I want you more than anything, Kenna. You are all I think about. You are on my mind every second of every day–the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep and dream about you. I can’t get you out of my head.”
“That’s what the mate bond is, isn’t it? An all-consuming, wholly encompassing–”
“The way I feel about you has nothing to do with the mate bond.”
My mind goes blank. All I can see is him, and all I can hear are his words echoing in my ears.
He takes one more step forward, and he’s within reach, but he balls his hands into fists. “I have loved you since we were kids. I vowed to your father that I’d protect you when I was seven years old, and my entire life has been shaped to that one vow.”
“You were just a kid–”
“I meant it. I went through warrior training. I chose to go into the Ghosts because I knew it would be my best course of action, the best training I could attain, to be able to protect you. I didn’t know we were mates until the day I came back to see you, for your birthday, I felt it. That… pull. That heightened sense that you were mine and that feeling like I would lose control if I couldn’t have you, Kenna, so I ran. I know what happens to mated men. Every sense is thrown off. I had tunnel vision. I couldn’t think—I still can’t think straight in your presence. I almost got you killed in the forest. I had no idea there were rebels there, stalking you, waiting for the moment to strike because all I could see, all I could feel, was you.”
“ But you don’t want this.”
“I can’t have you and continue to protect you.”
“I don’t need your protection!” I shout for what feels like the thousandth time. “I–I protected myself. I defended all of us when the rebels attacked!”
He grabs my arms, squeezing tight. “And now the leaders of the rebel army know what you’re capable of and will hunt you down because I wasn’t able to stop them. They will try again, and again, until they have you.”
I shake him off and step away. “This is ridiculous, Evander. Do you hear yourself?”
“Do you think I haven’t thought about the repercussions of our bond every single day–”
“Do you love me or not?” I ask, my voice breaking over the words.
He only stares at me, breathing rapidly, his fingers curling into the palms of his hands so hard his knuckles turn white. “There are more important things happening right now. Our kingdom is going to war–”
“I asked you a question,” I breathe, my heart hammering. “Do you love me?”
“I do.”
His words fall between us and settle there, sucking the air from the space.
“I love you, Kenna, but I can’t be your mate and keep you safe. I can’t lose focus.”
“Then reject me,” I growl, tears springing to life along my lashes.
He shakes his head. “I can live with this.”
“I can’t,” I grind out. I have all of this power and still can’t stop myself from dissolving into tears, but this is ripping my heart to shreds.
“You only feel like this for me because of the bond between us, Kenna. You can move on, find someone who is worthy of you.”
“And you’re not?”
“I can’t make you laugh. I don’t get the same kind of smiles you’d give to someone like–like Flynn.”
“Flynn?” Sudden rage boils through my blood. “Why does he have anything to do with this?”
“I saw you and him during our journey out of the highlands. He–you were blushing. You were so happy, laughing at everything he said.”
“Are you jealous?” I snap, losing my grip on my anger.
“No!”
“Then why bring him up at all?”
“Because he is someone who deserves you! He deserves that smile; he deserves your life and your love. He would be able to offer you warmth and conversation. He would be able to give you his full attention.”
“While you hide in the shadows and make sure no one is going to jump out and attack me?” I seethe. “Do you really think that little of me? That all I want is someone to warm my bed and make me laugh while I remain oblivious to all of the dangers around me? Have you forgotten who I am?”
My powers surge, making my eyes glow in the shelter of the willow. A soft breeze rustles the leaves, giving me a single glimpse of the sparkling city beyond before they fall back into place, closing us off from the rest of the world.
Now it’s me approaching him, looking up into his eyes. “I am a Firestone witch. I have shadows in my blood. I killed dozens of rebels in a matter of seconds. No one can touch me, Evander, without meeting death. All I have to do is wish for it.” My tone is as cold as ice as I close the distance between us. “I was born to be Queen of Eastonia. I will be queen, and I don’t need you to pave the path there for me!”
His jaw flexes, but he remains silent as I slowly take his hand. I run my thumb over the curve of his palm, tracing the lines I know how to decipher but refuse to acknowledge.
“Reject me, you fucking coward,” I hiss, digging my nails into his skin.
He doesn’t even flinch.
“You don’t feel the bond. It doesn’t matter for you if I reject you or not.”
“I feel it,” I cut in through gritted teeth. Tears blur my vision–hot and desperate. “I feel it. I’ve felt it for a while. I missed you, Evander. Every day. I thought of you constantly and wanted so badly to just be able to talk to you because I love you. You’re the only person I’ve ever loved. You’re the only person who has ever just… gotten me, liked me for who I am. Who understood that I’m different. I don’t like being scary and cruel. I never wanted my powers to define me or my future reign. I never–”
I have a single moment to suck in a breath before his hands caress my face and his forehead is pressed to mine. I grab his wrists, holding him there, letting my tears fall freely down my cheeks and along my jaw.
I feel time slow as we stand there in the shelter of the willow tree. The world feels like it’s spinning out of control beyond the sweeping branches. War is coming, that’s clear enough. The Draven coven wants me, and they want to dispose of my parents. My uncle's territory could be at risk as well, and the rebels could be going after Misty in order to get to my uncle.
I hate that Evander’s right…about a few things, at least.
“You’ve been called to perform the ritual during the eclipse,” I whisper, my heart tying itself in a knot.
“I know.”
“What do you think that means?”
He doesn’t pull away, but his thumbs sweep over my cheeks, wiping away my tears. “I think it means this mate bond between us isn’t–” He stops himself, swallowing hard. “I have to go.”
My lips part as he pulls away, turning his back to me.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m sorry for what happened between us. I lost control. I should never have touched you. It was wrong of me.” He takes a deep breath, running his fingers through his hair.
“That’s it then? We’re not doing this?”
He turns around, keeping a safe distance between us. “I can’t do this with you, Kenna. I thought I made that clear.”
“What you’ve made clear is that you’re doing everything to ignore the fact that we’re mates but refusing to reject me.”
“You can’t feel the bond like I can!”
“But I feel something!”
“I can’t make you happy.”
“Do you think that little of yourself?” I shout.
“I think higher of you than I do of myself, and I won’t bind you to me for eternity and watch you suffer!” His tone is cutting, decided.
I bristle, my heart threatening to snap. “You’re no longer in my father’s army. And I’ve relieved you of your duties as my–my future Beta. What more do you want? What more do I have to say to make you understand that I feel as strongly as you do? I don’t want you for the convenience of loving you as my mate. This is different. You just said so yourself. My feelings for you go further than the bond and I–”
He cuts me off with a wave of his hand. “We can’t, Kenna. That’s final.”
“Then you’ll do the Rite?”
His gaze bores into mine.
“Does the fact that I was called to the Rite, and you were not, despite the fact we feel the mate bond, not register with you?” he asks calmly, but his voice is still tinged with bitterness, like he’d rather be angry at me than act on the tension simmering between us.
One step, and we’re going to throw ourselves at each other. I’d let him lay me down on the grass and claim me as his if it meant not losing him again.
I just don’t know how to make him see that.
“We’re mates. I shouldn’t have been called to perform the Rite. Something is wrong, and I mean to find out what.”
“And then what?” I say through tears. I don’t have the space to think about what he just said. The mystics are never wrong. My mom trusts them fully. They don’t make mistakes.
“Then I’ll go to Crescent Falls and fight for your uncle’s army when the allied kingdoms go to war with the Draven Coven.”
I tilt my chin. My entire heart is crumbling.
Is this feeling of absolute agony the mate bond talking, or something else?
“Then go,” I whisper. “And never return. Never speak to me again. The moment you leave this place–” I sweep my arm, motioning to the willow branches, “we’re done. Everything we ever were… is over.”
He doesn’t move.
“Go, Evander. We’ve said all we needed to say, haven’t we?” I run my hands down my sides, sniffling as I look down at the soft grass.
“I never intended for you to know that we were mates. I did what I could to stay away.”
“So you could keep lying to me?” When he doesn’t answer, I look up at him. “Go away. Please. Just go.”
He looks like he wants to say more, but I’m turning away from him, facing the massive tree trunk that has our names carved into the centuries old bark.
“If things–” He cuts himself off the moment I turn back around, my heart filling with hope. His emerald eyes meet mine, and his expression is softer, like he’s finally speaking from the heart and not doing everything in his power to be logical for once. “When the war is over,” he continues, “if I’m still alive, I will return to you. I will try.”
I shake my head. “You’re not going to die.”
“I will not return until I know you’re safe. That’s a promise. And I swear that if I do return, I will make this right between us.”
I close my eyes, finding it hard to breathe.
When I open them again, Evander is gone.