Evander
Flynn and Connor found us right in time. I feel like I’m hanging on to the only shred of self-control I have left, and the guilt of keeping the truth of what’s building between me and Kenna is eating me alive.
Flynn, thankfully, has taken over entertaining Kenna. For the past day, we’ve been traveling as wolves with Kenna riding on my back, but we’re closing in on the border between the Highlands and the Roguelands now, and we paused to take a break, and Kenna demanded to walk.
So, we’re walking, and I’m watching Kenna and Flynn tease each other, and I’ve been purposefully slowing my pace to give them more space.
They get along, and while his obvious flirting grates at every single one of my nerves, she’s smiling. She’s also giggling and blushing as Connor, and I walk a few yards behind them down a rough trail leading out of the heavily wooded mountains.
“This doesn’t bother you at all?” Connor asks quietly as we walk side by side down the trail.
I watch as Flynn tells her some wildly exaggerated tale that has her in stitches. “I haven’t seen her laugh like this in a long time. She needs this”
“But… this is theKenna from when we were young trainees?”
“I don’t know why either of you think it’s your business.”
Connor snorts a laugh and claps me on the shoulder. “Do you ever do anything for yourself, man? Look at him right now. He’s got her eating out of his palm, and you’re just going to let it happen?”
“He wouldn’t touch her. He’s just entertaining her while we get her to safety.”
“If it were any other girl, he’d make a move, you know that for a fact.”
I don’t say what I’m actually thinking–what words are screaming through my head as I internally battle the mate bond and the reality of our situation.
Instead of saying what I feel–that the idea of anyone else being with Kenna makes me want to tear the world apart–I say, “Flynn’s not a bad choice for her, actually. He’s the son of an Alpha. He’ll inherit a large pack and an even larger territory with close ties to her father.”
“You’d let her sneak into his bedroll tonight then, when they think we’re asleep?”
I glare at Connor, but he shrugs, giving me a sharp look. Flynn would, in fact, take Kenna to bed with him if it were what she wanted. He’s the only high-ranking Ghost who gets away with chasing women because his gifts of breaking into other wolves' mind-links make him a valuable asset to our group and the commanders need him.
“She’s your mate, isn’t she?”
I halt mid-step, and Connor sighs as he tucks his hands behind his back and turns to face me. Ahead of us, Flynn and Kenna walk out of sight, too engrossed in their conversation to notice we’ve stopped.
“It doesn’t matter if I am or not.. She’s a witch. She can’t feel the mate bond.”
“So because she doesn’t feel the bond the same as you, you’ve decided to deny yourself of a Goddess given blessing–”
“I didn’t take you as a religious man–”
“I didn’t take you as a coward.” Connors voice is sharp and cold, and it catches me off guard.
I step toward him, shoulders squared. “I’m not a coward. I’m a realist. That woman will one day be the Queen of Eastonia, and I am not worthy of sharing her throne. She needs someone like Flynn. If not him, then someone from a similar royal bloodline. I am no Alpha’s son.”
“You’re fucking joking, right? What year do you think it is, Evander? Do we still live in caves? Do we dance naked around bonfires and selectively breed for specific traits and to carry on bloodlines?”
Fury blazes as I stare him down, but he stands firm, continuing, “There’s another reason, isn’t there? Is it her father? Is he what’s stopping you–”
“No one is stopping me from doing anything. I am doing her a favor!”
He blinks at me, then smirks, rolling his eyes toward the empty trail. “Then kiss her goodbye, Ev. I’m sure you’ll get your wish and Flynn will take her off your hands the second we meet up with Commander Artyom and her father when we reach the Roguelands.”
Connor walks a few paces away.
“Or you can tell me what the real issue is,” he offers with a shrug. “I’m not the ladies’ man Flynn is, but I’ve been around the block a few times.”
I flex my jaw, feeling uneasy. I’m so good at burying things deep. I’m trained in the art of not letting my feelings and emotions show, but the last several days has rendered that training useless.
I normally keep to myself. I’ve been fine only letting people see me at surface level.
But I’m teetering on the edge right now, and maybe my mom was right when she encouraged me to start opening up to people.
“I tried to reject her when I first felt the bond when we were younger. I made a vow to her father years prior that I would protect her, and in that moment, I felt nothing but a haze that threatened to suck me under and render me useless. When she’s near, she’s all I can think about. Her face is all I see when I close my eyes, and her scent is just–” I cut myself off, shaking my head as I meet his eyes. “I now understand why we have to take a vow of chastity.”
“Because women are overwhelming.”
I smirk, and nod, but this is deeper than that.
“She is the only heir to the throne of all of Eastonia. She has been at risk since she was born. She is the most precious thing in our lands, and I won’t break my vow to protect her, especially now that the kingdom is on the brink of war.”
“Why would telling her this and acting on the bond break that vow?”
I wish I could just let him into my mind so he could see the tangled web of thoughts I’ve woven for myself to make sense of my decision to keep this a secret from Kenna.
“Lying to her is better than putting her at risk. I’ve made my fair share of enemies. Any women by my side would be in danger by association, but the rebel threat is a different animal entirely. I need to have my head on straight in the coming weeks, and acting on the mate bond will prevent me from focusing. I can’t risk it. I won’t.”
“So you’ll let her believe you’re not mates? What if she finds someone else and falls in love while you’re off fighting in whatever war comes our way?”
“I’d prefer she found someone else.”
“What are you guys doing?” Kenna’s voice flutters through the air, and we turn to find her standing at the crest of the hill she and Flynn walked down several minutes ago. Flynn comes into view beside her, their bodies cast in the shadow from the sun shining in the cloudless sky behind them.
But I can practically feel her smile. She’s beaming, exuding so much happiness I can taste it.
“I’d prefer she be with someone who can make her smile and laugh like that,” I whisper to Conner, tilting my head toward Flynn. “Someone who can give himself over to her fully and love her like she deserves. I can’t be that and keep her safe at the same time. I can’t be like that at all. I’d drag her down. She’d lose her spark, and that hurts me more than living with an unrequited mate bond.”
The truth settles like ashes around us. If Connor understands, he doesn’t say anything, but the look on his face tells me he might.
“We’re going to have to camp out again if you don’t hurry the fuck up,” Flynn calls out.
Conner squeezes my arm and walks away, whistling to himself.
But Kenna waits at the hill when the two men walk out of sight.
She’s waiting for me.
* * *
We make camp near a stream in a thicket of spruce trees. The forest all around us is quiet and sparse, but the spruce trees give us a more secluded place to lay down bedrolls than sleeping out near the open trail.
The mountains are behind us at this point, and for the past several miles, we’ve been met by rolling, hilly plains and the occasional forest, like this one.
We’ve avoided villages and most roads, and come morning, we’ll cross into the Roguelands.
“Alpha King Ryatt is meeting us in the village of Opal Hill,” Flynn says as he sits down beside Connor, the three of us sharing space around a small fire.
I look around. “Where’s Kenna?”
“She’s foraging or something,” he says with a wave of the hand, but I rise.
“You left her alone?”
“Is she a child, Ev?” Flynn jokes, but Connor’s eyes slide to mine.
I crack my knuckles, looking over my shoulder into the ever darkening landscape all around us. “I can go check on her,” Connor offers, attempting to rise, but I shake my head.
“No, I’ll go. I’m taking first watch anyway.”
I leave the fire before they can say anything and follow her scent through the woods. I find her not far from camp but far enough away to make me feel more than annoyed that Flynn left her out here alone and unprotected.
I step on a twig to get her attention, and she looks over her shoulder, her mouth twitching into a smile.
“I feel like I haven’t talked to you all day,” she says, rising out of a crouching position. She wipes her fingertips on her cloak, leaving little streaks behind. I look at the bush she was inspecting and notice it’s covered in berries.
“Are those edible?”
“Only if you want to die within a minute of ingesting them, yes,” she smiles, her eyes locked on mine. But then her smile fades and she looks… she looks… “WATCH OUT!”
Something slams into the back of my head, and I have two seconds to respond before I’m taken to the ground by something huge and heavy.
Kenna screams, but I roll before the enemy stabs a blade into the ground where my head had just been.
I’m on my feet in an instant and barreling toward Kenna, who is slipping away into her shadow, but not fast enough.
Four men dressed in night-black appear out of thin air. One grabs her, and picks her up.
“Kenna!” I shout, but another man grabs me around the waist and slams me back to the ground, pinning me with an arm around my neck.
Two wolves in black armor sprint into view, and chaos erupts as Flynn and Connor battle the assailants, but my eyes are on Kenna.
She’s being carried away. She’s wriggling and screaming my name, but I–something burns in my side. The pain twists, and I feel myself screaming her name, but my ears are ringing so loud I can’t even hear myself.
Kenna screams again, reaching for me as another piercing pain erupts in my back.
Maybe I’m blacking out because I can’t possibly be seeing her starting to fight back. She tries to wretch herself out of the man’s arms, and he’s lost his grip on her hands.
She twists and shoves her palm on his face, over his mouth, and holds her hand there despite his attempts to shake her off.
I blink to try to clear the black spots in my vision, but the darkness in the forest swells despite the moonlight now peeking through the clouds.
The man goes still and drops Kenna before falling backward, lifeless, his face stained with the juice from the berries she was just harvesting.
Kenna just killed someone.
My heart shatters for her just as my vision goes black.