“Maybe Dane is trying to reinforce the message he doesn’t like you in a very immature way…… You two were weird yesterday, and with the kitchen thing, this feels like Dane giving you a huge F you.”
“I don’t understand what you are saying.” I turn to her, releasing my grip and wiping my eyes, sniffing back the onslaught and able to control it before I actually cry. I am so beyond mad that I'm shaking all over with adrenaline. I would punch him in the face if I had him here right now.
“He is scared you like him, so he’s ensuring you won’t.”
“Does that make sense to you? Because it doesn’t to me.” I sniff again, sliding my arm so her hand ends with mine, and I lock our fingers together. Needing the gentle touch of my best friend when I feel like this. He has me wound up but also crushed and confused and raging mad. I want to hit something and cry….and scream. And maybe cry.
Elisa takes a deep breath, and again, with the long, drawn-out gaze my way, she seems to take a moment to think before talking. Making me impatient, but it helps calm down my manic mood. Giving me a second to have the first wave of sheer rage simmer to a less intense level.
“Okay….so…… You and Dane, you always have this thing…..how can I… ?” Elisa chews on her lip, seemingly searching her mind for the right words and gazing at me with a furrowed brow as I quieten to stare at her. “You are always the defensive one. Pushing him away, keeping him in check, at arm’s length … refusing his cringy behaviors…… Dane is the flirt. Sexual innuendos, touching you, grabbing. He’s always hinting at what he might do and acting shamelessly because he can, and he gets away with it….. it’s always a joke… it’s safe because he always knew you kept the wall up. Do you get what I am saying so far?” Elisa blinks at me, nodding as though that will somehow make this filter into my brain while I try to calm my rapid breathing and chaotic pulse rate. Still fizzing with angry adrenaline.
“No.” I shake my head at her.
Elisa sighs, drums her fingers on her thigh, and then pastes on her bright smile and ‘teacher's face.’ The look she adopts before helping me with some homework problem that she has understood better than I have.
“You were the boundaries. He didn’t need to be. Because good old Kayla would stick to her guns, reject him, and keep things nice and tidy… Dane could flirt with you, follow you, maul you, and he knew it would never go anywhere because your moral code and good girl personality made you an ice queen. An impenetrable fortress.” She nods with a gleeful smirk at her own level of cleverness in this, and yet I'm screwing my face up and frowning at her like she has lost her marbles.
“You’re saying because he thinks I would no longer reject him…. he’s mad?” I query, dipping my head while eyeing her up like she is a lunatic.
“Hmmmmmm…… you just took away the safety barrier. So Dane wants to put it back.” Elisa smiles brighter, and I sigh heavily, deflated that I thought she might actually have some insight, and instead, it was this.
I should have known never to ask a girl who has never had a boyfriend.
“I think you’re the mad one and not in an angry way.” I slump back against my seat, prop my head against the headrest, gaze down at the stretch of beach before us, and spot the familiar group of boys wandering across our view as they head for the volleyball courts. I can make out Tyler and Dane, and I scowl, anger returning at the mere sight. Huffing out loud and turning my eyes away from them.
“Think about it. Dane is an endless hoe…. he isn’t scared of girls accepting his advances.” I point out, my head too messed up to try and pick apart what Elisa was getting at, and suddenly too tired to think about this anymore. I didn’t sleep enough, and maybe this today is emotional exhaustion.
It's been a tough week, and maybe I am overthinking and overreacting to everything. Maybe it’s PMS because my period is due, and I am known to get a little crazy around then.
“He isn’t scared of people who are not his sworn enemy and step sister accepting or rejecting him…. You and Dane are weird. I think he likes you, but he knows it can’t go anywhere. Dane looks mature, and he’s built like a man… but he’s still a stupid boy who acts like a child…. This totally seems like something he would do to make sure you went back to hating him in the weird Dane Kayla war.”
“I have a headache,” I interject, not wanting to listen to this anymore. I am so angry and hurt at him, and Elisa is just confusing me. A part of me gets what she is saying, but at the same time, I don’t.
He has ruined my whole day. All my chill and happy moods are gone, and now all I want is to leave and lick my wounds. Not waste my energy on that bitch down there or that jerk. I don’t have many free days for downtime, and I don’t want the rest of today to be overshadowed like this.
“Why don’t we go home, watch a movie, eat lots of snacks, and have a sleepover tonight? We can cuddle and watch hot men who know how to treat a girl right. Forget all about Charmaine and Dane and this….. we can buy a chocolate fudge cake on the way, my treat.” Elisa pats my shoulder with a sweet touch, smiling angelically, and I soften a little. Unable to stay grumpy when my sunshine girl offers to buy me cake. She always knows how to soothe me in her own adoring way.
I sigh heavily, run my hand across the steering wheel to ground myself and shake it all loose. I was never one to hold a grudge for a long time. I hate being in a bad mood. Dane doesn’t deserve the headspace.
“Let’s stay at yours. I don’t have it in me to face that jerk anytime soon. We have to work with them in class tomorrow, and I don’t think I can do it.” I point out, exhaling heavily at the thought of him and this dumb essay. The only upside is that English is the last class of the day, so I can dodge him most of it before, as he sits nowhere near me in others. I don’t want to see him or talk to him after this.
“Deal. Why don’t we splurge and get some sweet popcorn, too?” She flutters her lashes and pouts in that cute girl way she has going on. Making me melt from the sheer adorableness of my best friend.
Elisa knows the way to a better mood is to fill me with junk food, and I relax a little, trying hard to push this bullshit out of my head as I lean in and start my jeep.