His mood has turned pissy, and it riles my hackles and gets my temper up. Defensive that he’s turning this and pointing the finger at me so shamefully, while mentally, I am seriously having some weird breakdown over his fucking outfit.
“Don’t say it like that… like if I got in your bed, you wouldn’t stop me… what are you even saying?” I feel like he’s just ripped open my brain and caught a whiff of my unpure thoughts, and this is my punishment. My face must be scarlet with how it’s burning, and I’m so defensively guilty.
“Oh my god… are we really doing this?” Dane slams his bottle down and storms at me so fast I trip backward in alarm, but he doesn’t stop. He catches me by both arms, marches me back three feet into the wall with a gentle thud, and pins me there. Sliding his hands down to my wrists, thrusting them to either side of my head, holding me captive as I catch my breath. Moving so close, he almost face-butts me. He leans in so his lips are within grazing distance of mine, and my body goes into cold fear. I become a statue. Confused by what he’s doing.
He’s emanating all kinds of hostile dominance and oozing crazy hormones. His hair is ruffled and messy from not actually trying to style it, and his tan is much darker when he wears white, a color he normally avoids. Making his pale grey eyes somehow dazzling. His face is not clean-shaven today as he’s hungover and sports dark stubble that I somehow find sexy, cringingly so. He smells like he normally does, only with the lingering hint of last night's alcohol still around us.
He smells like a man, making me fluttery and nervous with him in my face, and I shrink in paralyzed shock and fear and hold my breath, unsure of what he’s doing.
“Look how scared you are that I might follow through and kiss you. Look how close I am, yet… no urge to do it….. that should tell you all you need to know about whether anything would get weird between us.” He appraises me, eyes skimming my face and then my stiff body posture, and furrows his brow.
Dane is annoyed at me.
My heart hammers in my chest, and he still doesn’t move back. Keeping me like this, our breath becomes one, and I am suffocating with how he has me clamped against the wall with his body. My eyes are glued to him as though I have lost the ability to do anything. Aware of every inch of me tingling and goose-bumping, and my pulse rate is wildly fast.
“Stop it,” I whisper, losing all fierce and bravado, and my words are barely audible. My body trembles with sheer adrenalin and nerves, and I swallow hard. Dane is not being his usual self or looking like he typically does. He’s more crumpled but also sporty dressed instead of a rock band singer. He is giving off a crazy amount of testosterone, and all I can focus on is the two bulging biceps at each side of his sleeveless top, covered in tattoos and making it hard to concentrate on much else.
When did he get so much buffer and taller?…. I feel like I have shrunk in size. His uniform normally gives him the schoolboy air, but this right here is Dane looking like he is long graduated and could pass for his early twenties. I’m intimidated, but he has my insides twisting up, and I get a definite flutter in my stomach.
“Why? Worried you’re the one who has step-sibling fantasies?” He smirks, lingering so near and tilting his head, so our noses are no longer an obstacle between our faces. He moves dangerously close, and I freeze. Unable to think anymore or form rational thoughts. “If I wanted to, I don’t feel like there’s any objection.” He parts his lips subtly and nudges forward, his eyes half-closing. He focuses on my mouth like he’s about to kiss me, and my heart somersaults. Clenching my fists by my sides, but my body responds. Shocking myself with how my lips part too, I hold my breath, eyes widening that I would even react this way, yet it’s like I am on autopilot as my head inches forward a minuscule distance.
I know Dane sees it, too. His eyes darken as his pupils dilate, and his mocking frown becomes a serious scowl. His expression is grim and not at all playful, and he leans back from me speedily. He raises a brow and then pushes back further to widen the gap between us, letting my arms go so they flop down heavily. A new edge to the atmosphere between us as static sizzles, and he seems to be more pissed than before.
“I wouldn’t touch you…… all I see when I look at you is your mom; we both know how I feel about that. The thought of this…. disgusts me.” He leaves me standing against the wall, my legs turning to jello, and I sag slightly as he walks backward and puts space between us. I can’t get a read on him, but I know one thing, I am so confused at this moment about what I just almost allowed.
His words bruise my soul and crush my heart even though I should agree with them. Wounded that he had to be so cruel about it yet overwhelmed that it hurt me. Tears prick my eyes, and I have to swallow them down.
“I wouldn’t want to do anything with you either.” I tremble and hate how my words sound as if they lack conviction because we both know they do. I would have let him kiss me, and I feel sick to my stomach about that. “I’m your sister,” I state blandly as though it's rehearsed, and even to my ears, it sounds odd. I need to repeat those words to myself a hundred thousand times and scrub my brain clean of what just happened.
“I’m not so sure about that.” Dane seems rattled, still putting space between us. He looks like he’s running away while getting madder by the second. He turns, picks up his bottle, and stops by the counter to stare me up and down. “What did I tell you about staying away from fuck boys and not being coerced into stupid shit….. get your head out of your ass, Kayla. You’re too easy. Any idiot could play you for a fool.”
He seems to give himself a visible shake and slowly inhales before running a hand through his hair and glancing out towards the hallway. Our friends are still there, and we can hear the low hum of music that one of them has switched on. He seems worried they may have witnessed something here and then relaxes at the lack of them.
“I wouldn’t have….” I try to defend my actions, knowing he was to blame for putting me in that position, and I was reacting. I don’t want to accept that I might like him in that way enough to let him kiss me.
I can’t… it’s Dane.
This was hormones, being flustered and caught off guard, and nothing else. Proximity and his mind fuck games that he pulls on me constantly. This was because Tyler put it in my head with his stupid porn joke.
Maybe I am easily manipulated because I’m naïve, and he’s told me that for years. He's right. He just proved it.
That’s all this is.
A hot guy playing with my emotions while looking that way, getting all dominant and sexual, and I melted like ice cream in the sun.
I’m pathetic.
I’m seventeen… I think my hormones have finally found their footing regarding the opposite sex, which is not good.
“Forget it… nothing happened. I don’t want to talk about this again.” Dane turns and stalks out, and I am left standing here, watching him go. Feeling frazzled and detached from reality, all I envision is Dane’s face as he moved in like he was going to do it, going to kiss me.
Over and over.
My heart skips a beat as my stomach explodes into butterflies. A warm sensation travels through my soul, and my heart constricts in pain. I can almost feel his breath on my skin still, making me shiver in a way I have never experienced.
Oh shit.
My stomach flips over, and my legs weaken as realization smacks me in the face.
I think I like Dane.