“Are you okay? You’re really distracted and haven’t heard a word I have said for the last ten minutes.” Elisa brings me back to earth with a bump.
“What?” I blink at her, pulling my thoughts back to the present, and gaze around, confused that I must have zoned out. The sun is beating down on us in this bare, deserted patch of surf and sand. We’re having a very rare day of fun and downtime at the beach, and my head was a million miles away.
“Earth calling Koala….. you have been like a zombie all morning.”
“I’m sorry, it’s just….”
Just what?
That since yesterday, I have been fixated on my stupid brother and churning over every moment and interaction we have had all year to examine them and see if I do, in fact, have a crush on him. Picking apart my reactions to him and replaying yesterday like a stuck record. It’s totally screwing with my head.
“Just…” Elisa tries to coax the end of my sentence out of me, staring at me with puppy dog eyes and the sweetest expression, and I crumple and bury my face in my lap, cover my head with my arms, and let out a ‘gahhhh’ noise.
“My head is a mess, and I don’t know what to do about it….. I can’t figure out what Dane is to me or what yesterday was.” I was never one to keep secrets from her for long, and I know Elisa might help me work this out. I told her what happened in the kitchen after Dane stormed out, taking Tyler and announcing they were leaving yesterday. I haven’t seen him since.
“Oh… Dane… right.” Elisa‘s quiet and bland tone startles me, and I rip my head up and stare at her. Catching her innocent flutter of lashes but that knowing and evasive side-eye.
“Why did you say it like that?” I probe, staring at her intently, confused by the non-reaction to something that should have been a big reaction. It’s not like I admitted my confusion yesterday, but it’s plagued me all night.
“You know… it’s… well.” She sighs and looks around us at the stragglers walking this way. We chose a secluded area that isn’t a fan spot for surfers, sunbathers, mostly older people, and dog walkers. We are girls who like quiet, not the humdrum and chaos of the teens farther along the beach.
“What??” I push impatiently, eyes glued to her face as she gets more and more evasive.
“I kind of always thought you and him had some sort of unspoken thing…. neither wants to admit to. I mean, you are always arguing and telling each other to go away, but you’re also always in each other’s space constantly.”
“We live under the same roof, Elisa.” I exhale with an impulsive, defensive tone.
“That’s not what I mean…. It’s been going on for years. You say you hate each other but never leave each other alone. You and him… push and pull. He’s always touching you, and you’re always hitting him…. it’s definitely low-key flirting.”
I stare at her with an open mouth and try to let her words filter in, stupefied that she has never verbalized any of this to me.
“I have never known two people to tell one another constantly… go away… don’t talk to me… stay away from me…. and then spend all their lives doing the opposite. You are both as bad as each other. You cannot make yourselves stay apart.”
“Are you saying we like each other? Like…… attraction?” I gawp at her, stunned into staring like a weirdo.
“Hmmm.” She nods, reaching into her bag, pulling out candy, and popping it in her mouth as though she merely agrees to something mundane and nothing.
“Elisa!!” I squawk at her, half scaring her to death, so she jumps and covers her chest with a palm before glaring my way.
“You frightened me. Don’t scream at me like that.” She scolds me gently and then sighs at my desperate expression. “I’m just telling you what I observed.” She shrugs, pushing back her bangs behind one ear, and goes back to pulling out candy.
“You think I like him… that I like Dane….. Dane?” It’s a feeble low cry, and I know how mental I appear now. I guess I want some validation that I am not losing my freaking mind and convincing myself of something so ridiculous. It’s one thing to think about and pick it to pieces in your own brain, but it’s another entirely for your best friend to come right out and say it so directly.
“Yeah... I think you have liked Dane since kindergarten, but his dad stole your mom, and you became mortal enemies. I think you both like to tell each other you’re enemies while really… neither dislikes the other. It’s an excuse not to cross any lines.”
“Where is this coming from?” I can’t stop gawping at my friend, and she smiles at me in a coy manner and taps her temple. That coy little smirk because we both know she is the brainiest person I know, but that doesn’t mean she has any concept of understanding love and lust.
I want to deny it and prove to her how wrong she is, but that would require convincing myself first. And I have been unable to do that for the last fifteen hours. I am so fixated on how his almost kiss, which wasn't a kiss, made me feel and my stupid, weak response. It’s not like it was the first time he had pulled that shit on me, but it was the first time I didn’t push him off and call him gross.
“Oh great, the nerd twins… awesome.” A bitchy tone at my back makes me flinch, interrupting us, and I spin to see Charmaine and her sidekick Alice staring down at us. Shadowing our sunny spot with their presence.
All cleavage and legs, matching skimpy aqua bikinis with towels draped over one arm. These two are the class tan queens, and I guess, unlike most, they don’t get theirs out of a bottle. These two could be the poster children for Florida bimbos who love Botox, lip fillers, and implants. More money than brains, and it all goes on their outward appearances.
“We came here to chill and meet you two… this is our spot. Get out of it.” Charmaine gestures to the expanse of sand we are sitting on, and I furrow my brow and give her a questioning glare. Irritated by the haughty demand.
“There’s an entire beach of sand…. half empty… go sit somewhere else.” I am not about to move for these two divas, especially not Charmaine. I can’t stand her. We got here first, and it’s not like it’s crowded.
“Look, we come here all the time… this is our spot, so move. I am a creature of habit, and this is a prime view of the lifeguard tower.” She motions diagonally at the rear tower where two hunky topless men are standing, looking out over the area we’re in. It’s still not a good enough reason, given there is still a lot of unoccupied beach.
Elisa glances up at her and away and visibly recoils, starting to put the things back in her bag without refusal. When it comes to conflict and standing up to girls like this, Elisa always chooses the runaway response, but I stop her with a palm on her arm. Incensed that they think we should do whatever they want.
“We got here first… you don’t own the beach… you move.” I get up, turning to face off this stupid girl, dusting down my beach dress, and stand my ground, inches apart. Having zero fear when all she is, is two airbags and a lot of ass dressed in practically nothing. Face to face and ready to argue this all day if that’s what it takes.
“You don’t want this to get ugly, Kayla. I won’t put up with your shit when your big brother isn’t here to stick up for you. He’s not here to save the day, and I won’t back down.”
That riles me, especially with the mess of my head over that moron today, and I snort under my breath and laugh at her.
“I don’t need Dane to fight my battles for me. I can do it myself. I told you….” I raise my hand as Elisa gets up to move and shove her back down by the shoulder aggressively with a warning side-eye to stay put. “We ain't going anywhere. You can go take your ass and your double Ds to another part of the beach. We’re staying here. This is where we were first.”
Charmaine’s face twists into a nasty snarl, and she leans in to bridge the gap between us, getting hostile as she stiffens up, ready for a catfight. Bitch mode initiated, and I know she feels the same way about me as I do her. Our hatred these past years has been mutual and obvious, and a physical altercation between us has brewed for a long time. It all started when she used me as a hopping stone to get near Dane when we were kids, and that idiot showed her more attention than she deserved.
She looks ready to take this to a more serious level when she is tugged backward from me, so the gap widens to a couple of feet. Her shocked expression has me turning my head to see who just hauled her back, and I freeze at the familiar sight of Dane.
“What are you doing?” Standing tall and intimidating, an expression verging on anger. Dane steps between us, but instead of turning to her and giving her hell for messing with me, he turns and locks eyes with me, and I'm momentarily dumbfounded.
“What?” I glance from him to Tyler, who appears behind him over his left shoulder, and he, too, looks confused. Like me, he’s wondering why Dane isn’t shielding me like he usually does, and instead, it seems like I did something wrong.