Chapter Eight
Lisa
We are passed around for hugs and hellos and led to the family room. As we enter I happen to glance at the mantle and notice there are two, new framed pictures. Taking tentative steps, I walk over and pull the first one down. It’s of a sweet, cherub faced little girl with a beautiful, bright smile. She looks happy, and she looks just like Matt. This is without a doubt, Mariah. Crickets aren’t even making noise, it is so quiet as everyone watches me with bated breath.
My words are quiet and a little sad as I note, “She has his eyes and his smile. I saw a picture once, right after she was born so I knew about the eyes, but that smile is, just…wow.”
I swallow, working to free the lump that’s formed in my throat as I fight the tears. I can’t imagine how they must feel when they see her. It’s crazy how strong the resemblance is.
“I’m sorry, Lisa. I should have taken that down,” Judy says, standing beside me now reaching for the photo.
“No, no way, Judy. She’s beautiful and she’s a part of you. You shouldn’t take it down for me. It was just a shock how much she looks like him. She really is cute. How are things going with you guys and Jill and Mariah?”
Judy replies before anyone else can, “They are very good. We get to see her a lot. Jill moved here right after you moved away.” She goes on to summarize the sad circumstances Jill and Mariah were living in and it’s during this conversation I realize that things may not have been what they seemed when I met her. With minimal education and no family support, Jill was on the verge of being homeless when she contacted me to access Matt’s estate. Although the payments are helping, Jill is still having to work two jobs to make ends meet and is having to rely on Matt’s family a lot. They don’t seem to mind, but for some reason it makes me sad that she’s giving up all that time with her baby just to pay the bills.
I clear my throat and place the picture back up on the mantle the way I found it. “I’m serious, I’m okay, guys. This is what I wanted for you all. It would be such a waste for Jill to be alone raising her when she could have this crowd. Don’t worry about me. Just be happy you have her.”
I smile and wipe the few tears that slipped out and turn my focus to the other picture. It’s of me on the beach in Florida. The same picture as the billboard advertisement. Garrett’s picture. “How did you get this?” I ask as surprise colors my tone.
“It came in the mail about three weeks ago. It was in a travel magazine and it took just one glance for us to realize it was you. The picture was so fantastic we couldn’t help but frame it. Why didn’t you tell us you’re modeling?” Judy asks.
I fill them in with the PG version of my time with Garrett as Judy pulls out a magazine next to her recliner. The magazine spread includes pictures of my morning run along the beach, one while I’m wading in the water, and one while I’m reading on my lounger with the umbrella.
As I’m studying them John pipes up from his spot and says, “Flip the page, Lisa. There are more.”
When I flip the page I see glossy, full-color shots of our day in Crystal River and Three Sisters Springs. I hadn’t seen these. I’m floored. I look so damn happy in them that my heart aches a little at the memory.
“Holy crap! He used them all,” I breathe out.
This time Tara speaks up, “You really didn’t know he was going to use them?”
“No. I had stars in my eyes. I liked the guy a lot and I think it distracted me.”
“Oh. Oh.” Her eyebrows rise to her hairline, her mouth a perfect O shape.
“He’s the guy? I don’t know how I knew, but I knew you’d met someone while you were away. What happened?”
I look around knowing I should feel awkward about having this discussion with my dead husband’s family, but I think we passed that with the picture of the child he helped conceive while we were still married.
“He wasn’t a commitment kind of guy. He was just a man on my vacation that paid me some attention. I haven’t spoken to him since before I left Florida on that trip.”
“Did you sign a release for the photos?”
“No, to be honest, I thought he used them like a pick up line or a gimmick to get my attention. April asked me the same thing.”
My nausea is back full force with all the talk of Garrett so I do my best to steer the conversation toward my life and all the local gossip. It’s a nice evening and I’m glad I came.
****
The rest of my weekend passes in a blur with my family and friends. When Sunday morning rolls around, I’m crouched in front of the toilet puking my guts up when I glance at my watch and note that it’s time to start packing. I should’ve done that last night. I drag my exhausted self back into my room to find my mom waiting for me. She’s seated on the edge of my bed, her ankle propped up on the opposite knee and her arms crossed over her chest. That stance never means a good conversation is coming.
“Who’s the father?” she blurts out.
My eyebrows jump to my hairline as my eyes go wide and muscles string tight. “Wh—Wha—What?”
“I asked…who is the father?” Her voice is quiet but stern. Her body language tells me she’s not going anywhere until she gets the truth. “It’s obvious you’re pregnant. I’ve been waiting for you to tell me, but you haven’t and you’re leaving in an hour so you’d better spit it out.”
I’m a little bewildered as I answer. “Um… I’m not pregnant. I’ve just been a little blue since I found out about Matt’s baby and made the move to Florida. You know, like I was after he died.”
“Oh, my dear. Do you think I just fell off of a turnip truck?”
“What? No!” I squeak out.
“Honey, I’ve been pregnant, my sisters have been pregnant and your sister has been pregnant. I know it when I see it. You. Are. Pregnant. Now, are you going to tell me who the father is?”
“Oh, God! Do you really think I am?” I plop down on the bed next to her. The weight of the world suddenly heavy on my shoulders.
She gives me ‘the look’. I’ve been getting it since I was a kid.
“Yes. I do. Are you telling me you didn’t know?”
“Yes. That’s what I’m telling you. I thought I needed to find a counselor in Florida. I planned on doing that once I got back home.”
“Now, are you going to fess up?”
“I met a man when I was in Florida on vacation. It was the only time in my life I’d done something like that.”
“So, you don’t know who he is?” She’s looking horrified.
“Yes, of course I know who he is, but he was pretty clear that he was not the commitment kind of guy and I haven’t talked to him since.”
“Do you know how to contact him?”
“I met his family, so I could probably find him that way, but I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”
“It’s the only idea. Even if he doesn’t want anything to do with this baby, you at least need to let him know what’s happening. It’s the only right thing to do. Finish packing, I’m going to run to the drug store and buy a pregnancy test. No matter what, I’ll be here for you. Granted, Ohio is a long way from Florida, but I’ll always help you. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She places a motherly kiss on top of my head as she stands and leaves the room.
Shit. I went to my gynecologist before I moved to Florida just to make sure I didn’t catch any STD’s from the stupid unprotected sex I had with Garrett, but it must have been too early to detect pregnancy. When all of that came back clear I didn’t think I had any need to go back.
My mom returns from the store and sits with me while I take the test. My nervous hands are shaking as I pick up the test to read the results. Of course, it’s positive. I have no idea what I’m going to do and no time to sit with my mom to contemplate it. I have to leave in twenty minutes to catch my flight. I swear my mom to secrecy and promise to call her when I get home. She cries harder when I leave this time than she did when I moved. Now I’m wondering why in the hell I had to move so far away from my family.
I kiss everyone goodbye and head out. On my way through the airport, I have to stop and look at the billboard again. I can’t help myself. I still can’t believe the person I’m looking at in that picture is me…right before I got knocked up.