Chapter Ten
Lisa
On Monday morning Nancy calls me into her office to tell me that we have been invited to the annual United Way Christmas party in Miami. Directors are invited every year and encouraged to go. My first thought is of Garrett. He lives in Miami, but he did say that he’s never there. Maybe I should try to track him down while I’m in town and tell him the news. I’m not sure if I’m ready for that though. I haven’t told Nancy or anyone other than my family, but I guess if I’m going to try to take a detour while I’m there I’d better explain why.
****
Two weeks later, Nancy and I are clicking on our high heels into the lobby of the Ritz Carlton South Beach. I’m in a knee length, fitted, sleeveless, black dress. Thank goodness I’m not showing much and Nancy is in a red, strapless, floor-length dress. This is the nicest lobby I’ve ever been in so I can’t imagine what the dining room will be like. The weather is beautiful despite the fact that it’s mid-December so we spent a couple of hours on the beach today. It left me with some color and Nancy’s naturally dark skin with an extra glow.
As we near the dining room, I excuse myself and find the ladies room. When I’m done I freshen up my lipstick and head back out. As I’m turning the corner my eyes are drawn to the most captivating woman I’ve ever seen. She has to be a movie star, or model, or something. She’s wearing a navy gown with crystal beading covering the entire dress and a slit almost all the way up to her hip. She’s tall, taller than me, and lean with bronze skin and silky brown hair that is all pulled around to the front over her right shoulder. Her full lips are painted with a shiny, sexy red lipstick and her teeth are perfect, straight and white.
I realize I may have been staring too long when her eyes turn to meet mine. I blush a little, embarrassed to be caught, give a small smile and turn to go. That’s when I realize that I’m going the wrong direction.
Damn. Now I have to turn around and walk past the woman in the dress that I was just staring at to get to the dining room. I do my best to avoid eye contact and hustle past her. Being as coordinated as a baby giraffe in my new four-inch heels I stumble and catch myself, but drop my clutch to the floor. It pops open, my lipstick rolls away, my cell phone hits the floor with a thud, and my credit card falls out. I bend down to pick it all up, glancing around pleased that no one noticed. When I stand, I realize the woman’s date is now in front her and they are both in profile. My eyes trail up the body of a man I’d know anywhere as I stifle a gasp. Unbelievable. It’s Garrett.
The whole world stops for me. I can’t breathe. I can’t think. It’s like I’m frozen in time.
He’s dressed in a black tuxedo that screams pure sin the way it compliments his broad shoulders, narrow hips and long muscular legs. It has to be tailored to fit. His hair is shorter than the last time I saw him. His skin is still brown from the sun and his smile also the same, heart stopping. He’s standing with his hand on the stunner’s waist, very close. She’s watching his mouth as he talks to her through a smile it’s clear he can’t hold back and I’m caught in a weird place. I want to run so he won’t see me but I also want to march right up and slap that handsome face of his.
I’m lucky they are so into each other that the distraction of my purse hitting the floor didn’t draw their attention. I don’t think I could handle seeing his reaction to me as he stands at her side. It’s pathetic that I’ve been pining over him. I was so sad over the last couple of months that I didn’t want to get out of bed at times. And I’m pregnant with his child, tired, achy and nauseous while he’s dating a beautiful model woman who makes him smile like he just won the lottery. I feel stupid and angry and heartsick. No wonder he didn’t want to make a commitment to me, he has women like this to go out with. Ugh. My stomach rolls over at the thought.
I’m not sure how much time passes, but it finally occurs to me that I’m a dumbass watching it all play out with Garrett who is now a millimeter from kissing the goddess in the dress. I turn as fast as I can and hurry toward the ballroom where dinner is being held. I locate Nancy at a table in the back. Her happy smile disappears, replaced with concern the second she sees me. I can’t imagine what my face looks like and I can’t seem to find a good fake smile to plaster on. Seeing Garrett in this hotel with that woman has me in an emotional tailspin. I’m not sure I’d be more shocked if Matt showed up from the grave right now.
Nancy asks if I’m okay so I nod and tell her we will talk later. I can’t talk about it now. I’ll break into a thousand little pieces if I have to go there now. I had explained the basics to Nancy earlier and planned to find Garrett tomorrow before we leave town, but I don’t think I can do it now. If I knock on the door and that beautiful woman answers I’ll lose it right there on his doorstep. I know I’ll come unglued like I never have before.
I miss the keynote speaker and all of the information that’s shared with us. I’m too busy chastising myself in my head, wondering why I care that he’s with the most beautiful woman in the world instead of me. I slept with the man a few times and spent less than a week with him. This shouldn’t be an issue.
Except that it is.
We should be able to share parenthood of this baby without emotions getting in the way. I’m going to have to figure out how to deal with him dating other people or even one someone else before I can face him with this.
That night sleep eludes me. I spend half the night being heartbroken and half the night being pissed that the heartbreaker has moved on to beautiful, sexier things. I know he’s not mine, never really was, but the jealousy that’s burning its way through my veins is threatening to consume me. By the time I get my wake up call, I’m a hot mess. I shower, throw clothes on, and head for the lobby to find Nancy.
She takes one look at me and says, “I wasn’t going to mess with you last night, but coming down here looking like that…” She looks me up and down like I’m missing a screw. “Means you don’t get that same luxury on the ride home. Time to start talking, girl.”
I explain that I won’t be finding Garrett while we are in town. Once we get on the road I fill her in. I know I shouldn’t be telling my boss any of this, but I haven’t really made any friends since I’ve moved to Florida and to be honest I need to talk.
At the end of my story she says, “I saw her when she came off the elevator. I can’t even imagine how you must feel. I think I’ve seen her somewhere. Maybe she’s a model or something.”
“Maybe. It doesn’t really matter what she is, what matters is that she was with the man that I’m not quite over, my baby-daddy, and he looked happy. I’m not happy. That week with him was the only true happiness I’ve known in almost a year and a half. My husband died and I found out not long after his death that he was a big, fat, cheater. Found out that he got a girl pregnant and that she wasn’t the only one he was sleeping with. I’m glad that Garrett can move right along, but I’m not having that same experience. I’m still hurting and I’m freaking pregnant to top it off! I wish I’d never met the bastard. Hot beach sex isn’t worth all of this.”
“The beach sex was that hot?” she asks with a curious look on her face.
“Um…Yeah, yeah, it was. And that makes me madder! Other than leaving me at his parents’ house without a proper goodbye he was freaking perfect.”
“I don’t know what to say, Lisa.”
“Nothing you can say. I’m sorry I unleashed all of this on you. That was TMI, I’m sure.”
“It’s okay, honey. Sometimes talking to someone helps.”
I don’t say anything else the whole way home. I pick up Barry from the kennel and take an extra-long run that afternoon trying to burn off stress and excess emotion.
I go into a kind of numb mode over the next week, not leaving the house for anything except work and running. By Saturday, it becomes clear that I have to shop for Christmas presents and mail them by Monday or they won’t make it to Ohio in time so I head to the mall.
The mall is crowded and people are ruder than usual. In years past I had most of my shopping done by this point, but this year I just haven’t felt up to it. Now I’m paying the consequences. My feet are aching, and I’m starving, but the baby section in Macy’s has caught my eye and I’m not paying attention to anything but the tiny little onesie on the hanger in front of me. I’m standing there with all of my bags over one arm and my free hand covering my stomach for a long time. I’m barely showing, but I’m always drawn to placing my hand over that area when I think about the baby. When I turn to leave I bump right into a sturdy male chest. I tilt my head up to apologize and realize I’m staring right at Tommy, Garrett’s brother.
His eyes register concern. “Lisa, are you okay?”
“I…I…I…yes. Yes, I’m fine. How are you?” I paint on a fake smile and square my shoulders as I finish.
To his left and back a step or two is a Barbie doll-looking blonde who is giving me the evil eye. Her ample cleavage is on show and she’s puffing out her chest like I should be concerned.
I put my hand out, “Hi, I’m Lisa, I’m a friend of Tommy’s brother.”
She seems to relax a little, but still eyes me curiously when she slides her palm to mine in a wet-fish-handshake, “I’m Mitzi.”
Of course she is.
Then she wraps her free arm around his and squishes her breasts to his forearm. Oh geez. I’m not in the mood for this crap. No need to mark your territory lady. He’s not the brother I want.
“It was good to see you, Tommy, but I should go.”
“Are you pregnant?” he blurts out.
“What? Why would you ask me that?” I feign innocence.
“Because you’re standing in the baby section holding your stomach like there might be something inside. Are you pregnant, Lisa?”
Silence stretches uncomfortably between us until I finally nod. “Yes. Just a few months.”
I try to keep from elaborating. I don’t want to lie to him, but I also don’t think I should tell him before I tell his brother.
“Oh shit. It’s Garrett’s isn’t it?”
I guess I misjudged his perceptiveness. I don’t say a word.
“Have you told him?”
I just blink up at him. Why am I having this conversation in the middle of Macy’s again?
He shakes away from Mitzi as he grabs my arm and pulls me into the deserted baby section and holds one finger up to an impatient Mitzi while he says to her, “Give me a few minutes, babe. I’ll find you. Why don’t you go find a dress for our date tonight? My treat.”
This seems to make her happy so she blows him a kiss and teeters away on her sky-high heels to the ladies section.
“Lisa? What in the hell is going on? Have you told my brother?”
Shaking my head with tears welling up in my eyes, I answer, “No, I haven’t. I was in Miami a week ago and was going to find him and tell him, but I saw him at a hotel with a gorgeous model and he looked too happy to interrupt with this kind of news. A girlfriend was too much of a commitment, what do you think he’s going to do or say about a baby?”
Tommy runs both hands through his hair and links them at the back of his head. His eyes lift to the ceiling. Clearly exasperated, he cusses under his breath while I fidget and roll my lips between my teeth.
“Fuck, Lisa. Do you plan to tell him? You shouldn’t keep this from him. That’s not cool.” His hands fall to his sides and he places them on his hips. I don’t reply. “Do you plan to keep it?”
“I plan to tell him, but I’m not expecting anything from him. I don’t have his number so I couldn’t call. Yes, I plan to keep it. That was never a question for me.”
“Goddamn, this is a mess. Are you okay? Do you need anything? You obviously got the job in Orlando. Are you happy?” His questions come at me rapid fire and it takes me a second to respond.
“Yeah, it’s a really big mess. I’m in a new town with no support system. I’m considering moving back to Cincy before the baby is born. I just don’t know what to do. I’m feeling a little shell-shocked to be honest. I have my first doctor appointment on Tuesday, but I assume everything is okay. I appreciate you asking, but no, I don’t need anything. Well, I probably do need Garrett’s number. I deleted it after he left me at your parent’s house. Thought I’d never need it again.”
Putting his hand out in front of him he says, “Give me your phone, Lisa.”
I hand it over to him and he starts typing. “I’m adding my number, Garrett’s number, and my parent’s numbers. If you need anything, ever, please call us. I’m calling my phone now so I have your number. I’ll be checking on you. I’m not real excited to leave you without knowing you’re taken care of. This is crazy.”
“Tell me about it. I’ve been on birth control for years. I can’t believe it failed me this time. I promise to call you if I need anything. Please don’t tell him. Let me tell him. This kind of information needs to come from me. I’d like to do it after the New Year. The holidays are hard enough being alone. I don’t think I’d take it well if his response isn’t favorable.”
“Alright, I’ll give you time to do it your way, but promise me you will tell him. I can’t guarantee how he’ll react, but he’d want to know. I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye to you that weekend. I didn’t realize my brother was gonna be a dick and ruin it for all of us. Just so you know, we all think he’s an idiot. My parents loved you and I like you a lot, too. You were good for him.” His smile is soft and sincere so I know he means it.
I avert my eyes to the floor and shake my head as the sadness consumes me once again. “Well he’s moved on just fine now, it’s not a big deal. I feel bad that he’ll have the reminder of that week forever, but I don’t regret it. I’m just glad I met all of you. You probably need to go find your girlfriend before she buys the whole store. It was good to see you.”
He hugs me tight and I almost cry.
“No matter what my brother decides, the rest of us will want you and the baby in our lives so keep that in mind. Okay?”
“Okay, I’ll be sure to stay in touch.”
He gives my cheek a gentle pat and strides away.
Garrett
Well, it’s official. I’m a pussy. I must have left my man-card in Lisa’s purse when I took off that morning because I haven’t seen even an ounce of my manhood since I was in her bed. It’s not like I haven’t had opportunity. There is always plenty of that, especially in New York City, but I couldn’t bring myself to seal the deal with any of the prospects. Couldn’t even leave the bar with them. Then the worst one of all was Lana. She’s the reason I know I’m missing my man-card. She called and asked me to attend a charity gala in Miami with her a couple of days before I left for Europe and I agreed thinking that I would finally end this drought.
It’s arguable that she’s one of the sexiest women in the world. We’ve been together before and it was pretty hot so I thought it would be a sure thing this time. However, Lana freaking Payton, international supermodel, stood right in front of me begging me to stay with her, begging me to screw her and I couldn’t pull the trigger. Truth be told, the stunner didn’t do a single thing for me. All I could do was catalogue all the things about her that weren’t like Lisa.
Now I’m sitting by the fire at this posh ski lodge in the Swiss Alps, with a glass of whiskey in one hand and a picture of Lisa in the other, wishing I’d have done things differently.
My colleagues left a few hours ago to head to a nightclub. I declined to join them. When they pressed me about why I wasn’t going I lied and said I had work to catch up on. I’ve worked with most of these people before so they know I’m full of shit. They just don’t know why. I’ve been short tempered since I got here which is also unlike me. If I were sleeping better at night and drinking a little less my mood might improve, but I don’t see that in my near future.
My mom’s words to me the morning I left Lisa seem to roll around my head like marbles in a jar. Her words are on repeat, making things worse, Rhett, she’s the one. I know it, you know it, we all know it. Don’t make the mistake of a lifetime and let her go. You’ll be sorry. I know you will. Please listen to me for once, son.
As I stare out the window to the dark night beyond the lodge, my phone buzzes on the table alerting me to a text from my brother. I pick it up and read: Hey, man. You need to call me ASAP.
My mind instantly jumps to my parents, worried that something has happened, so my fingers fly over the number as quick as possible.
“That was fast.” By the tone of his voice I can picture the smirk on his face.
“You said ASAP.” If he’s messing with me, I’ll be pissed.
“Yeah, well I wanted to make sure you called me. That hasn’t been your strong suit the last few months and it’s important.” Now he sounds a little testy.
“Are Mom and Dad okay?” I question.
“Mom and Dad are fine. So are Jackie, Jase, and Olivia. It’s not that.”
“Well, what is it that’s so important you had to freak me out?” I allow him to hear the irritation I’m feeling.
He sighs and then says, “I ran into Lisa at the mall in Orlando a few days ago.”
My heart stops. Did he just say Lisa? A sliver of fear swirls around my neck, choking me a little. “Um…Is she okay?” I’m sure the worry is evident in my voice. I’m trying not to give away the desperation I feel for information about her.
“Yeah, she is, but you need to talk to her.” He sounds a little more bossy than usual.
“Why? What’s going on?” I stand up to pace as we talk. My heart is racing at the mention of her name and my stomach is clenching and unclenching like someone has a fist around it.
“You just need to talk to her. Call her. I have her number if you want it. I’m trying to get her to come to Mom and Dad’s Christmas party.”
“Why, man? That’s not cool. I’m not seeing her anymore.” If this is some crazy attempt to get us back together I’ll be pissed.
“Yeah, I hear ya. You’re full of shit. How many times have you been laid since you dumped her at Mom and Dad’s?”
“Why is that your business?” I sit down on the edge of the couch and run my left hand across my short hair in agitation.
“Just answer the damn question.”
He knows he’s hit the mark. I let silence fill the air, not wanting to say the answer out loud.
“That’s what I thought. Call her you dumb ass. You know you want too and I know she’d want to hear from you. Even if you don’t want her back you have to promise to call her, okay? For me? It’s very important.”
“Okay, yes. I can do that. I’ll call her when I get home after the New Year, but do you have to invite her for the Christmas party? I don’t want to hurt her by giving her false hope.”
A deep sigh fills my ear before he says, “Yes, man. She’s alone for Christmas. She’s not going back home and she doesn’t have any friends here yet. She knows you don’t want anything to do with her. She even said so when I ran into her. All I ask is that you call her. Sooner, rather than later. I love you, bro. Merry Christmas.”
“Love you, too. Merry Christmas.”
A few hours go by and I’m in worse shape than before. My brother did a Jedi mind-fuck on me by calling with that request.
In the middle of the night, I give up the fight, unable to sleep, I make a decision that I’m certain is what my brother was hoping for. I could kick his ass. In fact, I may just do that when I get home. I’m leaving the day after tomorrow and hoping to arrive in Orlando on Christmas day.
I called my travel agent to change my flight and get a rental car. I’m tired of trying to ignore this. My dumb ass fell in love and no matter how much I’d like to deny it, I can’t anymore. My brother’s phone call just solidified it. It’s time to fight for the girl. The question is, will she still want me after how I treated her?
Lisa
A week after my shopping trip, I get a call from Tommy. I debate about not picking it up, but then I decide I might as well get it over with. He said he’d be checking on me so I’d better answer.
“Hello?” I try for a cheerful tone.
“Hey, Lisa. It’s me, Tommy.”
“Yeah, I know. I have caller ID, remember?” I giggle.
“Oh, yeah. You busy?”
“Sort of. What’s up?”
“My mom made me call. My parents have a huge Christmas party every year. This one is on Christmas Eve. It starts at six p.m. You can crash at their place so you don’t have to drive home if you want. It’s a potluck thing out at my uncle’s property in the woods. There are tons of people there and it’s a lot of fun. They want you to come if you aren’t leaving town for Christmas.”
“I’m not, but I don’t think that’s a good idea. Garrett would be upset if I showed.”
“It’s a great idea. Besides, Garrett is not coming home this year. He left last week on assignment to the Swiss Alps. He won’t be home until January 3rd. Come on. I’m sure you don’t have anything better to do. You can even bring that dog of yours. He did come with you to Florida, right?”
“Yeah, Barry came with me. I don’t know. Let me think about it, okay?”
“Okay, but we’re all hoping you’ll come.” His voice is sweet, his words genuine.
“Thanks, Tommy. I have to get going, please say hello to your parents for me.”
“Take care, Lisa. Hope to see you soon. Let me know.”
I take the next couple of days to decide, but in the end I decline. I know it’s a bad idea, building a relationship with his family behind his back. He needs to decide how much contact he wants with the baby and then we can discuss what to do about his family. He needs to know first and since he’s out of the country until the New Year I can’t talk to him yet.
I send a text declining the visit, but thanking him for the invite. I call a florist in Crystal River and request that a ginormous Christmas bouquet be sent to their home. I luck out because the florist is actually going to the party and said she’d deliver it then. Gotta love a small town. I ask the florist to attach a note that reads: Sorry I couldn’t make it. Hope you all have a Merry Christmas! Love, Lisa Browning
Then I go to the store and buy, a small turkey breast, stuffing, green beans, and apple pie to make myself the next day. I figure I could share some with Barry if it’s way too much.
I go to bed that night and cry myself to sleep, wondering what I was thinking to move so far from home and then not go back for Christmas. The word lonely doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel. I’ve spent the days since I saw Tommy looking at baby stuff online. That has kept me busy, but I’m still so lonesome. Probably more than I was my first Christmas without Matt. I cry so hard that Barry rests his face on the side of the bed watching me most of the night.