Chapter Seven
Lisa
I’ve worked a full day and am now nervous as I settle on the edge of the couch in the living room with Matt’s parents, his brother, Steve, Steve’s wife, Mary, his sister, Tara, her husband, Bobby, and Matt’s oldest brother, Johnny.
After I got home from the airport, I scheduled a meeting with Matt’s whole family for the next night, followed by one for my own. I also typed up my resignation letter effective two weeks from today.
I inhale pulling the air deep into my lungs trying to calm myself before I start. “First of all, let me say that I’m sorry to do things this way, but I couldn’t figure out a better way to do it.”
They’re quiet as they all watch me with guarded, but curious eyes. These people have been my family for the last sixteen years and I hate to have to do this to them. I take another deep breath and exhale. Then I blurt out, “Matt had an affair, well to be honest, more than one, but my focus is on this particular one.”
There is an audible gasp from pretty much everyone and Steve jumps to his feet like he’s about to protest.
I turn sad eyes to him, as I say, “Steve, I wouldn’t come here to tell you any of this if I didn’t have irrefutable proof. I also wouldn’t come here with these accusations if I didn’t have a good reason. I’d rather you all stayed ignorant about his flaws, but none of us has that option any longer.
“Matt has a baby. A little girl, named Mariah, who is a little over four months old now. Jill, her mother, showed up on our doorstep pregnant about six months ago with these claims. She didn’t know Matt died. It was apparent that she told him a couple of days before he died and just thought he’d abandoned them. Naturally, she was wrecked and very pregnant when I met her. I was a mess, too, and just couldn’t deal with her at the time. I took her number and told her I’d call her in a day or two.
“I contacted Mark, our lawyer, and asked him what I should do. He suggested that I get a paternity test done after the baby was born to confirm. Several weeks ago, Jill agreed to get the test done and it came back positive that Matt is her dad. I found out while I was on vacation. I had Mark make an offer to share the estate and half the profit on the sale of our house with Mariah.”
Tears are running down everyone’s faces, including mine. I look up to where Steve’s still standing and the anger is as evident on his face as clear as the heartbreak is on mine. He storms out of the room and slams the backdoor. No one else moves.
“I’m not here to cause trouble. I came here to give you Jill’s contact information. I think you should get to know her and be a part of Mariah’s life in any capacity her mom will let you. As much as it’s broken my heart to find out all the things I have about my husband, I still think this could be a good thing for you all. You are a loving, close family and she is going to need to have one of those in her life and she’s going to need someone to tell her stories about her father so she at least knows something about him. I’ve already gathered up all the pictures of Matt for Mariah to have when she gets old enough. Maybe you can share more.”
I explain the way the money is going to be distributed to Mariah so they know what I’ve done and why I’ve done it that way. They’re all in shock.
His sister asks, “Why would you give this woman the money he left you, especially after he cheated on you?”
“To be honest if it was just Jill, I’d never give her a cent, but it’s not. I’m giving it to Mariah. No matter how much I hate it, she’s his flesh and blood.
“At first, I was raging mad, but now I’m just heartbroken. We had what I thought was a beautiful, happy life, but apparently he wasn’t as happy as I was. He went looking elsewhere, often, for something else. I found letters, notes, voice mails, and texts from several different women. I can’t even confront him about it now. I just have to live with this knowledge and know that I was never enough for him.”
Tara rushes over to hug me while I cry. His mom and dad are still silent except for some sniffles. I think the news has wiped everyone out.
“No matter what Matt did or didn’t do, I loved him, still love him if you want to know the truth, and I still love all of you. I hope this won’t take me out of your lives, but I understand if you feel it needs to. I also want you to know that yesterday I accepted a job in Orlando, Florida with the United Way. I have to report in three weeks. I’m hoping to leave town in two weeks and get settled down there before I start my new job. If you all are up for it, I’d like to see you before I leave. I’m on my way to my parents’ house to tell them, too.” I squeeze Tara’s hand and stand up. She follows and pulls me in for a big hug. Her husband is next.
Johnny who hasn’t said a word yet kisses my forehead and whispers in my ear, “My brother was a dick. I’m so sorry.”
I don’t say anything. I just pat his cheek fondly and give him a sad watery-eyed smile. Then I hug his parents. Before his dad steps out of the hug, he whispers in my ear, “I’m so sorry. I thought I raised him better than this.”
I back away a step and say, “Matt is the only one at fault here. You raised him better than this it’s true, but none of this is your fault.”
He gives me a sad smile and lets me go to my car. Steve doesn’t come back inside before I leave, so I figure that will be the last I see of him. It breaks my heart further. He and I had been friends longer than Matt and I were together, but I can’t help how people react. I’m still not sure why he reacted the way he did. It wasn’t like the claims weren’t proven.
Telling my family everything is much more difficult because the focus isn’t on them having a relationship with Mariah. It’s about what Matt did to me and how I’m dealing with it. My family is pissed that I didn’t tell them the day Jill approached me and that I went through this alone. They also weren’t happy that I’m giving away half of everything to ‘the kid’ as they put it. I told them the same thing I told Matt’s parents and that I didn’t want to discuss it anymore right now.
Then I set the room on fire with my announcement about moving to Florida. You’d have thought I committed a cardinal sin. I knew it was going to be like this though, so I just answer their questions and tell them as much as I can. When I can’t take any more of the interrogation, I excuse myself for the night and agree to come back the next night once the dust has settled.
I go back to my empty house and start to pack my suitcase. Thoughts and emotions whirl in my mind like winter winds. I pause in front of my dresser to look at the photo of Matt and me taken the day we closed on this house. We’re holding the Sold sign together and smiling at each other. We were so happy and in love, at least I thought we were. Now I’m left wondering if any of what we had together was real.
I turn back to my suitcase, my thoughts shifting again. This is the first time that I will live away from everyone I know. When I was in college, Matt was with me and so were a lot of my friends. In Florida, I’ll be completely alone. Although I know I’ll miss my family and friends, I’m excited about this fresh start. Besides I’m not going alone, Barry will be by my side. Here in Cincinnati everything reminds me of Matt. I’ll never be able to move on if I stay.
I’m also glad I turned the burden of Matt’s transgressions over to his family. I no longer have to carry that with me. The knowledge of his betrayal will never go away, but finally sharing it with our families allows me to move on.
Finding and losing Garrett now feels like the harder thing to deal with. Sadly, it’s been easier to let go of Matt and to face the challenge of a new job and living in a new town. How do I forget about Garrett and our amazing yet brief time together when the pain is still so real in my heart?
Tired of heavy thoughts I grab the remote from the night stand to turn on the TV. I locate a sitcom to help divert my thoughts to a happier place as I finish packing. Then I look up the number for a moving company to pack everything else. I send a text to my friend Alison, who is a real estate agent and set up a meeting with her for tomorrow after work.
****
A brisk autumn wind whips through my hair as I load my suitcases in the trunk of my car. When a truck pulls up behind me I turn around to see that it’s Steve. I hadn’t seen him since the night I dropped the bomb on his family and was kind of afraid I never would again. It hurts my heart that our long-time friendship may be over because of Matt’s mistakes.
He walks over to me with a sheepish expression, looking more at his feet than at me. Spitting mad, my sister barrels up behind me, ready to do battle in my defense. “Why’re you here Steve? Weren’t you a big enough dick to Lisa already? She doesn’t need any more shit to deal with.”
I turn to her calmly and say, “Chill out, April. I appreciate you having my back, but I can handle this. Give me a few minutes, okay? If I need you, I’ll call for you.”
She nods her agreement, but isn’t happy about it. She stomps back into the house slamming the door behind her.
Steve speaks first. “I thought he was cheating on you that last year before he died. I confronted him several times about it, but he always denied it. We didn’t speak for a few weeks over it. I knew the truth and I was pissed as hell at him. I just couldn’t prove it and wasn’t sure what I’d do if I could. He was my brother no matter how stupid he was.”
“I’m glad you were looking out for me in confronting him. I had absolutely no idea what was going on.”
“Lisa, I was in love with you all the way through school. When my brother asked you out and I found out, we had the biggest knock-down, drag-out fight we’d ever had. He knew how I felt about you, but didn’t back off. He was a selfish son of a bitch, so he knew I’d go ape shit if I found out he hadn’t done right by you.”
I’m feeling slightly ill, looking bugged-eyed, and shocked. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“I was afraid to lose the friendship we had if you didn’t feel the same. You meant so much to me.”
“Oh, goodness, Steve. I would have gone out with you. You were my first, real crush. I just thought I wasn’t your type. I ended up falling in love with your brother, but I liked you first.” I give him a half smile, meant to smooth the waters. “But, if you had asked me out, you wouldn’t have met Mary, and I see the way you look at her. She is who you were meant for, but I feel a little better knowing you did like me back then.”
He laughs a little and pulls me into a big ol’ bear hug. “You’ll always be my friend and I’ll always love you like a sister. Don’t disappear. I know why you have to leave, but don’t stay gone forever.”
“I won’t. I love you, too. Promise me that you will make an effort with Mariah. Don’t take Matt’s dumbass mistake out on that little girl. I have no idea what her mother’s family is like, but she’s going to need an uncle like you around. I saw a picture of her. She’s cute. She has Matt’s eyes, your eyes.” My voice catches a little at the admission. “Make the effort, no excuses.” I stab my finger into his chest to punctuate my point. Then I lift up on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek. He smiles a little and strides back to his truck to drive away.
An hour later, I load Barry up in the front seat next to me. For the first twenty minutes of the drive his stubby little tail wags excitedly as he watches out the window. By the time we’re in Kentucky he rests his fawn-colored face in my lap. His squishy jowls push up giving him a cartoon quality and his big tawny eyes close so he can sleep as I drive. Within seconds his doggie snores fill the car so I turn up the radio a little and settle in for the journey.
It only takes me a couple of days to find the perfect little house. It’s located two blocks from Lake Eola in a renovated area of downtown. There are quaint little shops, a few restaurants, and a nice park within walking distance. Three weeks later I close on the house and Barry and I move out of the hotel we’ve been staying in and into our new home.
It’s a three bedroom, two-bath place with a little backyard and a cute front porch. It’s an older house that was gutted and remodeled two years ago. It’s perfect. Now every morning I can walk Barry before work and every evening I can take him running with me around the lake. Well, I can start that as soon as I’m feeling better.
Last week, I started feeling like I had the flu. To be honest, I haven’t felt one hundred percent since Garrett left me at his parent’s house, but in the last week I’ve been nauseous all day and achy all over.
Even with all of the positive changes, I’ve been fighting melancholy that seems to have settled in my bones. I think between having to fill everyone in about Mariah and getting ditched by Garrett something in me kind of broke. Something I’d been able to hold together even through Matt’s death and the year that followed. I have to figure out how to learn from the experiences of the last year and make positive choices for my future. Getting settled in my new house and embracing my new career will be a good way to do that.
Garrett
I’ve been in New York for a month and I’m over it. Too many people, too much noise and it’s too damn cold. I’m finishing up a job here and headed to Colorado next. More cold. I’ve been out a few times with friends, but ended up leaving early every time. I haven’t been with anyone since Lisa and to be honest I’m just not ready. I wish I could just shove her out of my mind and find physical release with the nearest, willing, beautiful woman, like I always did before but my libido has checked out on me.
I thought that once I finished editing the pictures I took of her on the beach and at the springs, I’d be able to let her go. Wrong. So fucking wrong. I never meant for the council to see the pictures of her, but when they did those are the only ones they wanted. They wouldn’t take no for an answer so I had to hand them over. I never got a signed release from her so once they cut me a check, I’ll I have to track her down, and send her half the money.
Every time I see her face or the lush curves of her body my heart aches more. I’m talking a bona-fide searing pain right in the middle of my chest. I’m sure time will take care of it now that I’m done editing the photos. That theory would probably be convincing if I didn’t have copies on my computer and phone that I can pull up at any time and often do. Turning off my computer, I groan as I think about another night alone in my bed.
****
It’s two weeks before Thanksgiving and I’m in southern California when payment for the Enjoy Florida! campaign shows up in my account. My fingers fly over the keyboard of my laptop looking for the phone number to United Way of Orlando. She hadn’t gotten the job when she was with me, but she felt confident that she would. Time to find out the verdict on that.
A woman with a high-pitched, cheerful voice answers. “United Way of Orlando, How may I direct your call?
“Is Lisa Browning in the office today?”
“Yes, sir. May I have your name, sir?”
Bingo! A smile spreads across my face for the first time in weeks realizing that she got the job she wanted.
“John Smith,” I reply, not giving my real name for obvious reasons. As soon as she transfers the call, I hang up the phone and write down the mailing address from the website. Then I proceed to write a letter, which takes me three tries to get right. After going to the bank to get a cashier’s check for half the profit from the photos, I take my flash drive to make copies of the prints of her. I get the first one I took of her at sunset, matted and framed which takes a week, I bundle it all up and have it shipped. Estimated date of delivery is the Monday after Thanksgiving.
Lisa
I decide that I want to go home at Thanksgiving. I still don’t know anyone here except the people at work and our office is closed on Black Friday so that will give me a four-day weekend. It will also make my parents happy. I board Barry at a local kennel until Monday and take a flight north. My sister is picking me up at baggage claim so I’m working my way through the crowd to find her. My eyes are roaming the walls looking for a bathroom sign along the way when a billboard-sized sign on one of the walls of the airport stops me dead in my tracks. It’s an eye-catching beach scene during a brilliant, pink, purple, and orange sunset with a gorgeous woman seated in the sand alone, enjoying it. She’s mostly in profile, but her features are clear. At the bottom it says simply, “Enjoy Florida.”
I can’t move. I look around to see if anyone else is staring at it like I am. Total attention grabber. It’s the picture that Garrett took of me at sunset and it is spectacular. When I finally snap out of it, I grab my phone and take a picture of the billboard. My sister is never going to believe this.
Still in shock, I give up on my quest for the bathroom and hustle down to baggage claim where I find her waiting. As soon as I get in the car I tell her all about it. She even pulls over to the side of the road to see the picture I’ve taken.
“Lisa, this is crazy beautiful. Did you know he was going to use one of the shots of you?”
“No, he never said a word. I haven’t talked to him since the night before I left Crystal River.”
“Can he use the picture without your consent?”
“Probably not, but I’m not mad. A little hurt that he couldn’t tell me he planned to, but in the grand scheme of things, especially considering how he left, this isn’t a big deal to me. If the picture was ugly or from an unflattering angle I may be trying to hunt him down to kill him, but seriously, it’s beautiful. I haven’t ever seen myself look so good. That’s not a hardship.”
“I get it, it just seems like you should have gotten something out of that. I’m sure he made a pretty penny off of that picture.”
“I’ve got money, April, and that’s not going to buy what I want, which is my heart back. So a check from him is meaningless to me.”
“I get it. I just hate that you got taken advantage of. You deserve better than you’ve gotten with the men in your life.”
“Thanks, I agree, but that’s the way it goes. I’m just trying to move on from both Matt and Garrett. It will just take time.
We pull in the driveway at Matt’s parents’ house at about seven-thirty p.m. and both cars are home, plus Steve’s truck, and Tara’s Honda. The only one missing is Johnny. I’ve missed all of them, but I’m a little nervous, too. There’s no instruction book on how you proceed with your dead, cheating husband’s family after the fact. I’ve loved them all a long time so I try to focus on that as I ring the doorbell with my sister at my side.