Proserpina
Having got back to work, I felt better, more productive. The work was going on smoothly and we were actually making headway in garnering interest in our projects! Many students had enrolled in the courses and I felt quite pleased knowing that the work I had done had been so successful. As for dear old Professor, he was elated to see that I was back at work. But the old dear kept fussing over me, asking me to take it easy.
***
Lucien seemed to be operating from the house these days, I thought as I stopped clicking away on my laptop to think of my husband. Although I kept to my rooms and the kitchen, going out for a walk in the garden when I felt like it, it was clear that he was very much there in the house. The bodyguards, the cars that appeared at all times of the day and the night, Shark and Schwartz who were present for the meals as well...
***
Yes, these days I kept thinking of him.
I was now into my seventh month.
And unfortunately, I was beginning to feel hugely horny.
Longing for him.
***
I watched Lucien when he was unaware of me doing so. I drank in the powerful frame, and ran my eyes hungrily over his face when he was with the children, Ria perched on his lap, gabbling away happily whenever she had the chance. The girl adored him and the softness on his face as he scooped her up, kept her on his lap, and watched her face as she spoke, indulging her every whim, made me see a totally different part of my husband. A gentle, caring side of him that had been hitherto unrevealed.
Even Piers hovered around him shyly, leaning on his strong legs, listening, joining in sometimes when Ria was holding court and her father was listening attentively. Lucien would sometimes turn to meet my eyes, knowing full well that I was watching them. I loved to see them all together, comfortable, and happy.
But I would turn away, pretending not to care. It was only make-believe, said a cynical part of me. He does not really care...
***
Yet at night when I was alone in my huge bed, I tossed and tuned.
I found myself reliving the moments we used to spend in bed, the way he used to claim my body effortlessly, my mindless submission ...and I ached to hold him, to have those harsh, possessive hands claiming me again.
I kept watching him furtively when he was with the children, Ria perched on his lap, gabbling away happily.
But I did not show my weakness before him. A girl has her pride, I told the child in my stomach who kicked at me furiously at such times, making me grimace.
Yes, this child would be Ria all over again.
***
Disturbing thoughts of holding my lover, longing to have him make love to me had me come awake in the middle of the night. Often, I took to taking a warm shower to relieve the tension within my body that longed for release. I also began to snack on strange delicacies in the middle of the night.
I would lather the fragrant lotion I loved on my body, staring at my ungainly self in the mirror in dismay.
I look like an elephant, I thought gloomily, running my hands over my rounded belly which was quite prominent now. As for my breasts, they were anything but enticing, I lamented holding the heavy globes in my hands. Large and swollen, the nipples darker than ever, I touched them, recalling the way Lucien used to touch them. It made me close my eyes as a longing to be loved, to be caressed shot through me.
A deep pang of sadness washed over me as I stood there during such times in the dead of night, lonely and unhappy, sinking to the stool in the dressing room, weeping tears of self-pity.
***
And I had developed a sudden, huge craving for chocolate chip ice cream.
Ria had once brought up the topic at the dining table when we were having dessert after dinner.
Everyone was having the chocolate mousse, which I had prepared earlier but I had refused it, making Lucien arch an eyebrow at me questioningly. Shark was greedily attacking it while Schwartz, who was also present, was making eyes at Beatrice, begging for a second helping.
Since I was not about to elaborate, my ever-helpful daughter leaned forward with an explanation.
'Mumma loves chocolate chip ice cream, don't you Mumma?' she beamed at me indulgently from across the table ,from her seat beside Lucien.
My face turned hot as I felt my husband's keen gaze on me, willing me to meet his eyes.
Then leaning across to speak to her father in a stage whisper, she went on, looking my way with a crafty grin on her pretty pink-cheeked face,
" She said baby loves it too.' She added conspiratorially, pretending to whisper in Lucien's ear.
My face flushed as I sensed Lucien's amused look coming my way, but I grimly kept looking down at my plate.
Schwartz found it insanely funny, and I scowled at him. Chortling with laughter, he almost fell off the seat as he shouted,
'Mumma and Baby love it, eh?' His green eyes twinkled affectionately as they met my stormy ones.
Soon after that, mysteriously enough, large tubs of sinfully delicious Belgian chocolate ice cream kept appearing in the freezer.
***
When Daniella came to visit with Grace, they commented on my looks.
"You look beautiful, you're positively glowing,' said Grace admiringly.
I made a derisive noise.
" I have a mirror, Grace, ' I snapped rudely and felt contrite when I saw the look of hurt on her lovely face.
Linking my arm through hers, I smiled brightly and said, 'Don't mind me, being pregnant is making me a bit*h.'
Daniella who had changed her mind about smoking in front of me said,
'Well, Boss has been like a monk, that's for sure. He's not been near a woman for like, months. Ever since he found out that you were carrying his baby.'
She sounded as though he deserved an award for that, I thought shrewishly.
I turned around on her, my eyes flashing.
"Well, good luck to him. ' I cried, my eyes filling.
"Seeing since he was sleeping with every whore, every woman in the country till now, it doesn't make any difference to me now, does it? '
I stopped on seeing the look of incredulity on Daniella's face.
"Girl, the man is crazy about you. Can't you see that?' she shouted, her voice carrying.
'He stays at home to be close to you, goddam, he's YEARNING to be with you, with his family!'
I scowled at her.
*
The two of them left shortly after since Daniella had to get back to the Club in an hour, but Grace hugged me as they were leaving.
"Move on, sweet girl.'' She whispered,' Sometimes you gotta let go.'
I stared after them for a long while, the words ringing in my head as I rubbed my stomach reflectively.
Rachel kept hinting at it too during our long chats but something, my pride perhaps? kept stopping me.
I had seen the look of longing on Lucien's face but I wanted to make him suffer, the way I had done...
***
When Schwartz stopped by in the kitchen to talk to me a couple of weeks later, I was mildly puzzled. He had not been overly friendly since Lucien had begun to spend more time at home. In fact, I had a strong impression that he was trying to avoid me. That annoyed me further. I huffed in private, some friend he was. Now I looked up from instructing the maid on how to prepare the filling for Shepherd's Pie that I was baking that night and frowned at him questioningly.
He scooped up some of the mixes, much to the delight of my twins, who had been licking bowls themselves. They now sat, grubby-faced on the chairs, watching me in interest.
"Hey,' he said cheerfully, his green eyes twinkling, leaning over the large wooden table that served as the work table for me. I preferred it over the stainless-steel monstrosity that dominated the room.
Brushing back my hair with the back of my hand, I said coolly,
'Hey yourself.' I mumbled the response without enthusiasm and began to turn away.
'Don't turn away, little lady.' He said beseechingly and I glanced at him, my annoyance evaporating as I saw the guilty, remorseful expression on his handsome face.
I was now seven months along and felt like an elephant, although I was not as large as I had been when I had been carrying the twins. My breasts had grown bigger, and heavier and I hated looking at myself in the mirror.
I waddled closer to the table and smiled as I peered over the shoulder of the woman who was helping me.
'What is it?' I asked absently, pointing out what she needed to do.
Schwartz stopped and stared at me for a while and I felt my face heating up. The green eyes carried a wistful look for a moment before it vanished, and he grinned as his usual rakish expression appeared on his face.
But then, his expression altered.
'I wanted to talk to you.' He said seriously and I frowned, apprehensively.