Proserpina
Following Lucien's shift to the townhouse, we continued our routine.
It was alright, but Rachel made me think of something else altogether.
On one of our frequent video calls, she chatted as I moved about the kitchen, preparing dinner. That night, it was pasta. The twins rushed in and out, playing, shouting, and screaming.
Out of the blue, she said,
"Hey kid, don't you want to do something other than potter around in the kitchen and bring up your kids?"
I looked up, frowning.
"Like what?" I said it blankly.
She snorted in disgust.
"Study, you moron!" she said derisively.
"You were always so gung ho about that!" and then she added in a different tone, "Until that gangster took over your life."
I turned away, ostensibly to keep the bowl on the counter. But I wanted to hide the bitterness that would be exposed on my face.
My friend knew me too well not to understand my feelings.
Turning, I pinned a bright smile on my face and said breezily,
"Nah. That's done with."
I got her talking about something else before ending the call, but as I sat with the kids that night, monitoring their dinner, I thought of all that I had given up, everything I had lost in my blind adoration, and surrendering to a man who had only used me for his physical satisfaction.
***
A few days later, I had another visit from my friends here.
I sat staring in bafflement at the small box that Daniella had tossed onto my lap. She had turned up with Grace that afternoon, and after handing out some goodies to the kids, which kept them occupied, they settled down on the bed in my room.
They often came around when Daniella was free to spend time with me and the twins. I had begun to look forward to their visits. When you are confined to a large, sprawling house with just two little ones and an army of maids and bodyguards, you tend to feel alone...
My friends from my old life, Tanya and Rachel, were of course, forbidden to come. Lucien had made it clear.
Not wanting to see them being humiliated and turned away at the gates or something similar, I had agreed to his instructions that had been conveyed to me by Beatrice apologetically.
However, I was still in touch with Rachel, though Tanya had moved on.
As for my family, I was not sure that my aunt cared to know what had become of me. Before I fled and made my way to Bhutan, I had sent out a message to my aunt in desperation, begging her to help me.
The cold note I had received, no doubt dictated by Uncle, had made it clear to me. I was a fallen woman. No longer was I to associate with them.
"This one's for you, kid!" said Daniella, puffing away furiously on her cigarette, although I wrinkled my nose in distaste at her gesture. The windows of my room were wide open, and the sun was beginning its descent as I sat, listening to them.
But I could never stand the pungent, acrid smell of smoke.
"You're such an old woman," she grumbled, carelessly tossing the stub into the waste basket.
The box was beautifully gift-wrapped and I opened it, exclaiming, in wonder,
"A gift for me? But my birthday comes next month!"
Grace smiled sympathetically as Daniella rolled her eyes heavenward and gave an exasperated snort.
Now I stared in puzzlement at the array of things, small in size but colourful, spread out in a box, cushioned in red velvet.
What were they, anyways? I wondered curiously. A funny-looking...egg? A pink egg? And some sort of large jewelled thingie. Not a pair of earrings, surely??? There was another small packet I had not opened too. Was it some kind of necklace? It had small metal buds and I could not figure it out for the life of me.
I looked up in confusion from where I sat, cross-legged on the bed. Holding the objects in my hands, thoroughly puzzled, I tucked a strand of my heavy hair behind an ear as I looked up at them.
"Grace," I begged, "What IS this? It's some kind of jewellery, isn't it? But they look strange..."
She smiled, her eyes twinkling as Daniella yelled,
"AAAARGH!!! Girl, where are you from? The nunnery at St. Jude's?"
Daniella was an energetic woman, She had no time for fools and right now, I felt like the class dunce.
I blinked, hesitantly. With her small blue eyes narrowed at me, her ice blonde hair cut close to her scalp swinging, she looked the picture of sophistication. I felt like a gauche country bumpkin in my homely plaid shirt and a pair of faded jeans.
***
On two occasions, I learnt that Lucien had been to the house but he had not come to meet me or the twins. Both occasions had been when he was accompanied by a large posse of men, loud men who left the house smelling of alcohol and cigar smoke.
The children and I stayed upstairs, out of sight and hidden, on the express instructions of the Mafia Don who sent his orders via Tony Beston, the Head of Security here at the mansion.
Lucien probably wanted it that way, I thought bitterly. He was probably ashamed of us.
Grace draped a plump arm around my shoulders and said sweetly, gently, pointing at each of the small objects,
"They are sex toys, girlfriend. This one goes in your vagina and that one in your pretty butt. That there is a vibrator. And that chain and those buds? They are nipple clamps."
I recoiled in horror.
NO!! I whispered, horrified, blushing furiously. The probing way Daniella was watching me made me cover my face in shame.
Ugh! I thought. NEVER!!!
Grace sighed and wrapping her arms around me, hugged me.
Daniella said drily, "Now I can see why Delano wants to keep you wrapped in cotton wool and protected, girl. You're such a freaking innocent."
The way she said it, it sounded like she was mocking me and I glared at her. Even as I opened my mouth to reply crossly, she raised a hand to stop me.
"Look kid," she said, sinking into the armchair at the foot of my bed, resting her booted legs on the table beside her, "Look, I wouldn't be here if I didn't care for you. That man" she jerked her head to the window and I surmised she meant my husband,
"That man is like a stray bullet nowadays. He keeps getting all kinds of women to service him. He's run through the club whores already and there are like two hundred of them."
I sat up in shock and pain. It felt as though I had been slapped.
Service him?
He was sleeping around?
How could he do that to me???
"Wait, hold it!" She snapped, seeing the stricken look on my face.
Grace interrupted her, frowning at her warningly.
"Can you give me a minute, Daniella dahling?"
An unspoken message seemed to flash between them and I could see what Grace meant,
"You're doing this all wrong!"
And giving me a squeeze, Grace went on in her soft southern drawl,
"Delano is a man who is used to a...let's say, a certain kind of woman, a certain kind of lifestyle. He's used to fucking around with no strings attached. He needs it. But he wants you. And that means strings attached. And that's driving the man crazy."
Daniella swung her legs to the floor and began to pace.
Grace went on, this time looking into my eyes to make sure I realised how serious she was:
"You need to take charge of your life, little girl. Before it gets too late. Things are spiralling out of control. "
She paused and gently pushed the gilded box towards me. "This is something we thought would help you."
Daniella stopped and exclaimed, roughly.
"But just don't let the Boss know I got you these things. He'll skin me alive."
After they had left, I felt a deep hurt within me.
Like a fool, I still loved Lucien.
And he obviously did not feel the same way.
That night, I sat up, staring at the contents of the little box. Thinking of the man I loved so much, it ached.
Imagining him in bed with other women.
Dawn was breaking in the east when I finally fell asleep, my eyes swollen with weeping.