Proserpina
This pregnancy was not a joyful one. I constantly felt drained and angry, snapping at the startled twins for no reason, weeping when no one was around to see, and totally unable to eat any kind of food except for dry biscuits.
Doing the math roughly, I worked out that I was now in my fifth month of pregnancy. But I had yet to meet a doctor. Luckily, my baby bump was not very prominent. The child within me seemed to sense that it was unwanted, I deduced grimly as I stood, looking at myself critically after stepping out of the shower.
I had resumed my work, but the enthusiasm and the drive were lacking. My dear Professor was flabbergasted at first by my lackluster attitude, but when I told him that I was expecting a baby, he was delirious with joy. He was now on the last leg of his teaching tour and beamed at me, assuring me that I should take things easy when we had our video conferencing call.
Rachel scolded me on the video calls that were as frequent as ever, but I was too weary to respond now. She warned me that she was going to visit me and make sure that I looked after myself. How could I tell her that I no longer seemed to care?
***
Meanwhile, the months slipped by. The child in me was growing, and there were days when I simply wanted to bury my head in the pillow and sob. Belatedly, I realized that this pregnancy was not going well; I felt so depressed and unhappy, whereas the twins had brought me a strange sense of joy while I resided in Bhutan when I was expecting them.
I had now taken to wearing flowing dresses that disguised my condition, but one afternoon, as I sat exhausted and uncomfortable, watching the twins screeching and tearing across the grass, Beatrice appeared with a tall glass of iced lemonade.
Gratefully, I gulped it down.
"So, how many months along is it now ?' she asked conversationally, looking down at me in that clear manner she had, and I blinked.
"I...I.. ."
She gave me an old-fashioned look.
'Anyone can see you're carrying a baby in your belly,' she snorted and as I turned pink, she went on,
' 'Cept for that fool man over there,' she added caustically, nodding her head emphatically at the door before turning to leave.
'Please,' I begged, reaching out to grab her hand, 'please, don't tell him...he...he doesn't know...'
The old woman stopped and looked at me, her leathery hand firm beneath mine. The look she gave me was one of fond exasperation.
With another derisive snort, she marched off but I knew my secret was safe
***
Lucien took to turning up with some small gift or the other for the children every evening. Soon he had Ria eating out of his hand. Piers proved to be a little more hesitant. He accepted the gifts guardedly, and politely, but kept his distance. If it was a box of expensive chocolates one day, it was designer clothes for them the next day, after that, it was an intricate train set for Piers and a beautiful set of dolls complete with a dollhouse for Ria. The nursery was now too small to contain everything, I thought broodingly as I stood, hands on hips, surveying the mess, a vague feeling of irritation persisting within me.
I felt uneasy.
Why was he trying so hard to win over the twins? Was he trying to manipulate them so that he could edge me out? I asked myself anxiously.
It kept me awake at night, and I felt so hopeless, so alone...
***
On one occasion, Ria refused to follow my instructions. I had been feeling uncomfortable all day, the ache in my lower back was increasing, and I was generally feeling like snapping at someone. The weather had changed. A hint of rain left the sky overcast, and I felt sticky and hot despite having bathed twice already.
" Pick up those toys THIS MINUTE, Ria!' I hollered when I entered the nursery and took in the expensive toys lying around the floor while the twins played in the center of the room. The maids exchanged apprehensive looks.
But my imperious daughter was having none of it. Ria spun around, throwing one of her dolls onto the floor in a fit of fury, while Piers hurried about, gathering what he could to appease me.
"I WILL NOT' she screamed defiantly, her golden curls bobbing.
Losing the slight control I had over my temper, I slapped her hard on her plump cheek.
The sight of her little pink cheek turning red as she stumbled back in shock had me shaken at my own extreme reaction. Overcome with contrition immediately, I cried,
"Mumma is so sorry, baby, ' I crooned and made to gather her in my arms.
But she pushed me back and ran out of the room, bawling,
"I HATE YOU, MUMMA! I ONLY LOVE MY PAPPA!'
I took off after her, the crushing hurt in my heart maddening me further. But to my dismay, Lucien had arrived with the despicable Shark in tow. As we rushed down the staircase, I watched him in his dark brown suit, raise his surprised, craggy face to us and then, bend to pick Ria up.
Ria launched herself at him, throwing her tiny arms around his knees and sobbing her little heart out, for all the world, as though I had threatened her with a knife, I thought grimly. He scooped her up in his arms immediately, fixing me with a deathly glare as I stood, feeling guilt-ridden. The strong arms, corded with muscle, were wound protectively about the frame of our little daughter, and I felt a rush of hurt and fear, and deep sadness.
Ria turned to me, pointing her plump little finger in my direction as she babbled,
" BAD Mumma, bad Mumma. Mumma beat Ria.'
And burst into even louder sobs, her plump arms around his thick neck.
Lucien said nothing, but his arms tightened around her protectively. From where I stood at the top of the stairs, I felt his rage as his eyes narrowed in fury as he watched me.
I rolled my eyes in despair.
Just what I needed, I thought angrily.
Furious with myself for what I had done, infuriated with Ria for turning to her father of all people, and incensed at Lucien for rushing to the rescue, I turned around and flounced away. I was aware of the florid-faced Shark smirking slyly while poor Handsome James was looking miserably at the floor as though he was longing to be anywhere but with us.