Jenny’s POV
I could tell he was struggling with whatever it was he was hiding from me. Which made my stomach contract nervously.
I bit my lip and looked at him expectantly.
He took a deep breath and started with a sentence that had my breath catching and my heart skipping a beat “We are officially dead, you and I. Everyone in Snow; except our family, knows we died at the hospital after the attack on our house. They had our funeral two days ago and buried us in the family cemetery. As far as Zade knows, he succeeded in killing us. And that will give us more time and an element of surprise to dig around for the information we need without him knowing about it. I gave the leadership over to Lucas and asked him to take care of the border entrances so that Zade wouldn’t take any advantage with me gone and try to over take the town or smuggle anything through it”
He stopped talking to let me register what he just said to me, but I could tell that there was more to that plan of his.
“If we’re dead, we can’t ever go home until you kill Zade” I whispered.
“It won’t take long, I’ll do my best to gather all the information I need and end them all. Then you and I can go back to Snow and live together again” he said gently.
There was a double meaning in his words. He wasn’t just referring to ‘live together again’ with his family only, something told me that he meant me as well. I didn’t miss the singular pronoun he just used at the beginning of his plan to kill Zade and his men.
I looked at him, trying to confirm my suspicions. When I didn’t get any indication of them, I asked him directly with a stuttering heart “But I’m coming with you right? We’re going to work together on searching and gathering the info we need, right?”
His jaw clenched and he said stiffly “No, I’m going to do this alone. You’re going back to Canada with your mom until it’s safe”
It took me a while to be able to speak again.
“Mom? Can you excuse us please?” I said intensely.
My eyes never left his as she walked out of the room and closed the door behind her.
“I’m not going anywhere without you” I said determinedly.
His eyes flared and he said tightly “Yes you are Jenny. You’re going with your mom where I know for sure that you will be safe, where I will not worry about your safety anymore, where I know you can be protected. I failed you once but hell if I’m going to risk your life again. That path I’m going on is too dangerous for you. I want you to go with your mom and start college there. You can have that freedom, you can experience the life you always dreamed of having. The one I can’t give to you. I really want you to have it and that’s why I made it seem like we both died. I could have left you with my family but I wanted to make your dream come true”
I shook my head as my tears started to fall at the certainty I felt in his words and his decision. He was adamant about his decision that no amount of arguing was going to make him change it and that almost broke my heart in half.
I said emotionally “You didn’t fail me Alex. If you think I regret getting shot then you don’t really know me at all. That bullet was going to kill you. Had I not been standing there, you would be really truly dead now. What do you think that would have done to me? That would have killed me while I was still breathing, that would have destroyed anything good within me, that would have devastated me and pulled me into a dark pit that no amount of time would have gotten me out of it. And now you want to leave me and go on your own? After everything that…”
He stood up and cut me off with an anguished tone “What do you think was going to happen to me if you died because of that fucking bullet Jenny? I would’ve felt the exact same way you just described. You dying for me doesn’t make it okay! It makes it a million times worse!”
“I didn’t die you Idiot! I’m still here! I’m still right here and you want to send me away as if I really died in that shooting! You want to send me away and make me start a life without you. You’re officially breaking up with me and using protection as an excuse! Why? Because you want me to have my dream? You’re my fucking dream Alex! You’re everything I want, everything I need! Because you think I’d be safer alone in Canada? I could be hit by a bus on my way home. I could drop dead from a heart attack because of how fucking depressed I’ll be without you in my life. I.. Can’t… live without you anymore Alex. I can’t breathe without you, I can’t function without you. My heart can’t beat without you. If you send me away, you’ll be sending me to my death I promise you!”
I started sobbing and shaking uncontrollably.
He engulfed me in a gentle hug, careful not to squeeze tight for fear of hurting me, which only increased my sobbing.
“Jenny, please don’t do this please! I can’t see you like this baby I’m sorry. I’m so sorry” he pleaded with me in a low voice and I could feel his tears sliding down into my hospital gown.
I held on to him as my body trembled for his warmth to never leave me, for his scent to never fade away.
“Don’t leave me to protect me please Alex. Don’t do this to us” I whispered in agony into his chest.
“It’s very dangerous Jenny, what if I lose you? I’ll never forgive myself” he growled in my ear.
I knew I was hurting him so much with my words, I knew how torn I was making him, but I literally cannot live without him anymore.
I lifted my head and looked at him pleadingly.
“You will lose me if you let me go on without you. Even if for a couple of weeks. You’ll come back but you won’t find Jenny, you’ll find an empty shell instead. We’re doing this together and I’m telling you right here right now, if what you’re afraid of happens, it will be my own decision, my own choice, it will not be on you. But you know what? I have a very special instinct telling me that we are going to either live through this together or die together. That way no one will leave the other. That way neither of us will go through the unbearable pain of being separated through life nor death” I said to him determinedly.
“You can’t know this for sure. You don’t know how to protect yourself and I can’t go anywhere with you or do my job if I’m constantly worried about your safety with me” he said tightly.
“Then teach me. Help me defend myself. Teach me how to shoot. I won’t be a liability, I’ll have your back, I’ll help you. You can’t do this on your own, you need help” I reasoned with him.
He shook his head and I felt like I was really losing my argument here.
“I’m not weak Alex. Just because I’m a girl or because I’ve never used a gun or shot anyone, doesn’t mean I can’t. If it comes down to saving your life and ending someone else’s, I’ll kill an entire army to keep you with me” I said darkly.
He gave me a weak smile but didn’t say anything.
I took a deep breath and said quietly “You have a choice to make Alex. I know how much you love me, you proved that to me. But you don’t know how much I love you. Apparently I wasn’t clear enough. I love you so damn much. So damn much, my heart can’t beat with you so far away from me. If you let me go on my own, I will go crazy and die without you, without knowing where you are every second, if you’re safe or in danger, if you’re dead or alive. I come with you, I will help you, back you up, and keep us both together to end this nightmare and move on with our lives. So what’s it going to be?”
He tenderly wiped away my tears, but new ones came down right away and replaced them.
He kept wiping them with his thumbs delicately and when they didn’t stop, he leaned down and kissed my lower lip with so much passion.
He whispered against my lips in anguish “Stop crying please”
“Choose Alex…. Right now” I whispered back.
He answered right away “I choose you dammit. Against every fiber of my being that wants to keep you away from the danger, that wants you to be safe, I choose you. You’re coming with me. You’re not going anywhere without me”
The joy and relief that flooded into me with these words, made me let out a few sighs and a few more tears which he still tried to wipe away.
“Stop stressing your body Jenny. You’re still recovering, you need to get some rest now” he said softly as he pushed me down to lay back on the bed.
He adjusted my cover over my body and leaned down to kiss my forehead fervently.
I held on to his hand tightly and said vulnerably “You’re going to be here when I wake up right? You’re not going to end up changing your mind and leaving me….behind”
He squeezed my hand back and said solemnly “I’m not going anywhere without you Jenny. I wouldn’t dare”
I smiled a little as I mumbled before I surrendered to sleep “Even if you do, I’ll chase behind you till the ends of the earth Alex Snow. You won’t get rid of me that easily”