Alex’s POV
I have no idea what happened.
That was the first coherent thought that popped into my head prior to opening my eyes.
I knew what the last thing I saw and felt was before I blacked out, but I have no idea what happened next I mean.
Am I alive?
Am I dead?
Am I going to wake up in hell now?
Or am I going to end up in heaven somehow because come on god! I never spilled any innocent blood. All the people I’ve killed had it coming. If we’re being truthful here, I helped you recycle a bit, didn’t I?
Or am I going to wake up to complete darkness and discover that there is really nothing on the other side but unending blackness that leads to nothing?
What if I’m still alive?
What if Jenny is dead?
Please god don’t punish me this way.
Don’t take her away from me and let me live soulless on this earth, because without her I am nothing. I’m worth nothing.
Without her I can’t live.
I just…….can’t.
“Alex, can you hear me? Open your eyes” I hear Lucas’s voice calling to me.
Well, that answers one question.
I’m still alive.
The question now is, is she?
There is no more point in delaying the inevitable.
I guess if I was alive, then I should have felt some pain considering I was hit with three bullets as far as I remembered. But I didn’t feel anything.
Which told me I was probably high on pain killers for me not to feel a damn thing.
I opened my eyes and met with a very bright light, it hurt and stung my eyes when I tried to open them.
After a few more tries, my eyes adjusted.
My sight landed on a very tired Lucas staring at me with tearful eyes.
With my heart threatening to give out at any second at the possibility of losing her, I asked him the first thing I wanted to know the answer to.
“Jenny?” I managed to say in a raspy whisper.
I carefully watched his expression to figure out my answer.
His eyebrows furrowed and that single action had my breath knocked out of me.
No, no please don’t say it, please don’t fucking say it!
“Lucas!” I whisper yelled at him in pain as my eyes started to blur with my tears.
He was quick to speak after that as he said tensely while holding on to my hand “She’s alive Alex. She’s not dead, breathe ok? She’s alive I swear on my life”
I released several breaths and felt like I was coming up for air after being underwater for a very long time.
I clutched into his hand after I was able to control my breathing.
She was alive thank god!
While I felt some relief at that confirmation, it didn’t entirely ease my worries because I saw Lucas furrow his eyebrows before he answered me.
With difficulty I asked him “How bad is she?”
He pursed his lips and said rigidly “She’s going to be fine”
“Don’t lie to me Lucas! I want to see her take me to her” I groaned at him.
“You can’t see her, you just opened your eyes from a five hour surgery!” he chastised me as he pushed me down when I tried to move.
“Then tell me everything without sugar coating it. I can tell it’s bad so just tell me” I pleaded with him.
He sighed and said in defeat “Fine, I’ll tell you but you have to keep your hopes up ok? There is a good chance she’s going to be okay”
“Tell me” I whispered as I closed my eyes with tiredness. Even the simple act of trying to get up worn me out so much, I was on the verge of passing out.
“She was shot in the back but the bullet lodged all the way into her heart. They were able to remove it without causing any damage, but halfway through the surgery, her heart stopped for four minutes before they were able to bring her back. The doctors said she’s currently in a coma but that there is a very high chance she could wake up soon. Her functions and responses are good”
Damn it! Her heart stopped! She was dead for four fucking minutes!
And now she was in a coma that god only knows if or when she will wake up from it.
All of that because she was standing in the way.
Because that bullet should have hit me instead of her.
Tears started flowing and I had no intention of stopping them.
It was all my fault.
I almost got her killed.
She was always the one afraid that I would end up being killed, but she never considered her possibly dying in my place, did she?
She was never afraid for herself but always for me.
Probably because she always felt safe when I was around.
She told me she felt safe whenever she looked at me. It was during our drive towards Fairbanks. She said she feels protected around me, that I would never let anything bad happen to her at all.
What a fucking failure I was!
In a matter of one day, I managed to get her kidnapped, molested by an animal, trapped in the middle of a shootout, shot in her heart, dead for four minutes, and now stuck in a coma.
“It’s all my fault” I whispered in agony.
It’s true that I was on painkillers, but the pain increasing inside my chest had nothing to do with my injuries.
“She’s going to wake up bro, don’t be so hard on yourself” said Lucas reassuringly.
“Was anyone else hurt?” I asked him warily.
“No, only you two”
Slowly, anger started to replace my self blame as I asked him with clenched teeth “How the fuck did someone get past the border?”
“He didn’t, we brought him with us, we just weren’t aware of him” he said dryly.
He carried on before I could ask “During the shootout at the abandoned warehouse, one of the men hid inside the back of one of our SUVs without us noticing. We brought him inside our town in our own car and he just waited till nightfall to sneak out”
“Where is he now?” I asked him tightly.
“Dead, I got the info from him and put a bullet between his eyes” he said casually.
“I need to see Jenny, Lucas. Take me to her please” I asked him.
“You can’t. She’s in the ICU and you can’t go anywhere near her in your condition” he said determinedly.
“I need to see her with my own eyes Lucas! I need to talk to her, let her know that I’m here with her” I said emotionally.
“Mom visited her, she told her everything she needed to hear don’t worry. You just have to focus on getting better now. Only then will you be able to see her” he said assertively and I knew then that there was nothing I can do or say to let him take me to her.
“That asshole needs to go down. I cannot let him get one step ahead of us ever again” I muttered angrily.
“Just focus on getting better for now, we have plenty of time to figure out the best way to get to him” he said solemnly.
Time.
That’s exactly what we needed but didn’t have.
We need to get him off our backs and let him think that he won. If we manage to do that, we’ll have all the time we need. Then, he’ll never see us coming.
“Actually brother, we have no time at all, unless we create it” I said ambiguously before carrying on “And for that, Jenny and I need to die”
“Are those drugs messing with your head?” he asked me warily.
“Actually they’re doing the exact opposite, cause I just came up with the perfect plan to end that asshole” I said darkly.