Viktor jumps to his feet with murder in his eyes. He strides over to Jake and looks down at him, Jake looks up to him pleadingly. In the blink of an eye, I’m stepping between the two of them. I have no idea what I’m doing but I don’t want them to fight, I don’t want them to hurt each other. I don’t want to be the reason for all of this.
Jake jumps to his feet and I stiffen as his chest presses to my back as Viktor’s presses to mine. The image of me between them in bed fills my head and guilt slaps me in the chest.
“Do you want me to rip your throat out?” Viktor asked. “Why are you baiting me, Beta?”
“I was only speaking the truth, Alpha,” Jake said.
“Viktor, please,” I say. I bring my hands to his chest and try to get him to look at me but he doesn’t. He looks away from Jake and turns away from us. Inhaling deeply he heads for the door.
“Vik-” “I’m going to get firewood, I need to think,” Viktor says quietly. He stops in front of the door and reaches for the handle. He freezes for a second and I wait for him to say something but it never comes. He opens the door and shuts it behind him without a glance back. I sigh and Jake’s hands slide up my arms. I step forward and out of his reach.
“This is so fucked, Jake.”
He sighs.
“It makes me happy seeing you guys together. I swear to Goddess, it does but there’s this feeling deep down in my gut. I try not to think about it, to focus on it but it’s there. It eats at me when I close my eyes at night. It festers and slowly starts to eat at me.” “Jake, I-,”
“Do you know how it feels?” Jake asked. “I don’t know how I’ll be able to go about my day, my life without you. After what’s happened, I don’t know if I can be in the same room as you and not hold your hand, touch your face, kiss you.”
I don’t know what to do, how to feel about the words that hit me like a slap in the face. I can’t take it seriously, I can’t take him seriously. There’s no room…
“I think I love you, Kacie. I think I might have loved you since that day I helped you into the car. The overwhelming need to protect you filled my senses but I fought it, I bit my tongue and pushed it down because you’d never be mine. How could you? When you belonged to my Alpha,” Jake said.
“I tried to blame it on you becoming Luna and I blamed it on the need to protect you. I blamed it on my need to serve you but I…,” Jake sighed. “Do you love me, Kacie?”
I shake my head.
“Jake,” I choke. “I-I love Viktor.” “Was I just imagining it?” Jake asked. I could lie to him, lie to myself.
“I feel an attraction to you,” I shake my head, “I love Viktor,” I whisper. I can see that I’m hurting him, every word is a slice across that beautiful face.
It’s now or never. “I heard your conversation with Viktor on the drive here.”
Shock fills his features and I know I heard right.
“What?” He asked.
“I was asleep in the car but I kept waking up.”
“It’s not what..”
“It’s not what I think?” I asked as I looked into his eyes. “Why don’t you tell me what I think.”
Jake shakes his head. “I think this is something you and Alpha need to talk about. This doesn’t… this doesn’t have anything to do with me.”
“Doesn’t it though?” I asked. “If it’s about you, then it includes you, it’s your story too. This is about us; the three of us.” I can feel Jake’s gaze on me.
“Can you tell me what happened? Don’t I deserve to know?” I asked.
Jake turns his head and looks at the wall. He’s not ignoring me, he’s trying to find the words to say.
“We’ve been friends our whole lives,” Jake starts. I hold my breath. “It was before he became Alpha.”
“Did you kiss?” I whispered.
Jake turned to look at me and his eyes search my face. “Did you fuck?” I continue.
“He’s fucked me. Multiple times but this was before you. We haven’t done anything since you came along. We haven’t been together since before he became Alpha,” Jake says. As if that was explanation enough as if it didn’t change things, as if it made it better.
“Did you come?” I asked.
Jake lets out a deep breath. “Are you upset?” He asked. The fact that he answered my question with a question doesn’t help and I snap.
“That you’ve kissed? That you’ve done stuff without my knowing? That he’s had every opportunity to tell me about his past with you but hasn’t? The fact that his trust in you extended to me? Or the fact that you betrayed that trust and pulled me along for the ride?” The words come up like word vomit and I don’t know if it’s him or if it’s me or if I mean any of it.
“Am I upset? Goddess, Jake, seriously? Yes, I’m upset. We’re in this whole fucked up situation because of the sexual tension between us and apparently the sexual tension between you two that’s gone over my head.”
“Kacie, I-”
“What upsets me more, confuses me more is the thought of you two together without me. I hate that I wasn’t there, I hate that I didn’t know anything about this and it took you telling me. I hate that he hasn’t even tried to tell me and I hate… I hate that I wish I could have been there when he fucked you. I wish I could have been a part of it.”
“Goddess.”
The door opens and we turn to see Viktor holding firewood. My mouth dries and I turn to look at Jake. He’s staring at him with a look filled with longing, hurt, and lust before a cold mask drops down on his features. All that remains is a look of indifference and I wince as a tinge of pain spreads through my chest. I hurt for him but I’m confused.
“Am I interrupting?” Viktor asked.