Jessamine
I chose to leave with Lloyd instead. I won’t live with him. He’s only escorting me to the borders where I’m supposed to live out the rest of my days as a loner. Yes, I got banished from the Sunfire pack, as per the council's demand.
Kier hadn’t even fought to make me stay. Am I surprised? No. Disappointed? Yes. Angry? Very. Loathsome? I don’t know, but I’m done here. I’ve done everything I can. Anything more and I’d be bordering on desperate. My heart has been caving in on itself since he named Moira his winner. My insides have been twisting since he made the announcement that she would be crowned in a fortnight.
I feel betrayed and my emotions are all over the place. But I won’t cry or make a fool of myself. I’m too much of a mess right now to decide what to do next, but I’ll figure it out. Soon.
Lloyd jogs down to where I stand, and I peek a blonde trailing behind him. Helen. Right. She must be here to rub it in my face that her friend won. I hardly see the need, since Moira has done all the gloating, flashing her crest in my face while I got gifted the banishment scroll, stamped with Kier’s blood. Luna Renae hadn’t bothered hiding her delight, going further to gift Moira the ring Kier’s father had given her upon their mating ceremony.
Anger spikes and shut it down. It should’ve been mine, but it isn’t, and I’m going to learn to live with that. No use fighting for someone who doesn’t want to be yours. Stupid…handsome moron. Goddess, I hate him so much, I want to break his nose again and maybe kiss—I shake my head. None of that anymore.
“Here,” Lloyd says, handing me the small bag I’d packed. There’s not much in it. Only my mother’s journal, my father’s locket that I’d tucked away safely and the cryptic notes I’ve been getting. That’s all I really own and need. “When I get back to the Castle, I’ll have the rest of your things brought to you—”
“It’s fine,” I say dryly, pulling the straps of the bag and I swing it along my back, wincing as it snags on a healing wound. “What does she want?”
Lloyd shrugs. “Not sure.”
Helen halts in front of me, leveling me a stare that is equal parts hot and cold. She looks like a blooming flower in her pink dress, several layers of tulle flowing from her waist, creating quite the…ball gown. Her hair is swept into an elegant updo, flowers of white, pink and lavender fixed into a complicated braid. She’s dressed for the revelry thrown to celebrate the Alpha King’s chosen.
Her brown eyes lower to the ground, and Helen shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot. “I…” Her voice trails off and she coughs, clearing her throat. “You could have let her die. Why didn’t you?”
I turn on my heel and start walking toward the horses. I’m really in no mood to contemplate the events of last night.
“Wait!” she shouts after me and after a moment, I feel soft, cool fingers sliding around my arm with a touch too light for comfort. Irked, I pull out of her grasp and shoot her a scathing look. “Don’t. Touch. Me.”
She raises both hands in surrender, inching back a step. “I wanted to thank you.” She bites her lip again. “And apologize.”
“Shove it up one of the many holes in your body. I couldn’t care less for your gratitude or apology. Leave me the hell alone,” I snap.
“I understand your hate—”
I choke on a laugh. “Hate is such a potent emotion, Lady Fairchild, and I wouldn't waste it on you. But if you're seeking forgiveness, how about a barrel of scalding-hot tea down your throat?” As she blanches, I take a casual step forward, leaning into her space. 'I'm in the business of tit for tat, you know. Sacrificing that beautiful voice of yours for a few days, wouldn't that be a fair exchange? We can't be on the same page until you've walked a mile in my shoes. Understand what you've put me through.'"
Helen’s eyes drop to my mouth and flick back to my eyes, her complexion taking on a rosy hue. Odd. She backs up a step, brushing a strand of hair from her face. “I apologize for what Kat and I had to do to you.” When my eyebrow rises at her choice of words, she whispers so low, I almost miss her words. “Katherine is…” her fingers come together and she swallows, forcing her gaze to meet mine. “She’s my mate.”
I pause. That can’t be right. That would be the first I’ve heard of such. Sure, there were women who preferred women in their bed, but it couldn’t be spoken of in public. Such is frowned upon and treated with the same hate that women of the night were.
“That’s not—”
“We didn’t think it was either, until years ago, on my eighteenth birthday. I felt the bond snap into place. I asked my father once, what would happen if a woman got mated with another woman. He gave quite a number of outcomes, the best of which was being ostracized.” Sadness fills her gaze. “We kept it a secret, meeting as often as we could without get caught, but it’s barely ever enough time.”
A fond smile spreads on her lips as she speaks, eyes lost in a distant memory. “Katherine’s family was at my father’s manor briefly for Solstice. I didn’t know Moira was too, until she found us naked in the woods behind the house. She promised to keep our secret, if we did her bidding. In exchange, she would give us what we wanted most. Freedom. All we had to do was enter the Selection. She knew our parents would have us participate. Moira had us agree to participate for the win, just so we could narrow down her opponents and lose when it mattered.”
I let out a long, hard breath. It was a lot to take in. Too much actually. “And you agreed to kill for her?”
There is no remorse in her eyes. “It was either that or risking being exposed and set apart from Kat. I wasn’t going to risk it. Call me selfish, but I don’t regret it. When you feel the matebond pulsing inside you, you’ll come to understand that there’s no battle you wouldn’t fight to keep them safe, in your life and in your arms.”
I want to laugh at that. Kier would never do that for me, even when he claimed that I could be his mate. He is too much of a coward to keep me in his life. He would much rather send me off with another man to keep the rules unbroken.
“You do know that Moira tried to kill Katherine during the Hunt?” I ask after a moment.
Anger flashes in her eyes, but it’s gone almost immediately. “It’s the Hunt. Drama is expected.”
“And you’re telling me all of this because…”
Her glass slippers brush the hay as she takes a step forward. “Moira won, but we all saw what you did. We know who deserves that Crest and title. I owe you one, Jessamine Everhart. A life. My apology may mean and do nothing to help, but this might.” She takes out a scroll from her sleeve and hands it to me.
I stare between her and the scroll, and my curiosity takes over. As I unfold it, I realize it’s two scrolls. My eyes widen as I read the contents of it. They are invites to join the Blue Moon and Oakshire Southern Packs, both officially stamped by Alpha Lords Corwin and Zuri, in blood so fresh, I can sniff the coppery tang of it. Alpha Zuri, I’d understand since I saved his daughter’s life. An invite from Helen’s father, Alpha Corwin, who had strong opinions and powerful influences over the council that had definitely pushed for my banishment? Now that is a surprise.
“Impressive,” I say, rolling up both scrolls. “But I’ll pass.”
Surprise lightens her eyes as I hand them back to her. “You would prefer to be a loner than take it?”
I shrug. “Not quite, but I imagine I’ll be in dire need of that favor in the future. Hold on to it for now.” I turn around. “See you later, Lady Fairchild.”
When I reach the stables, Lloyd isn’t the only one by the horses. I feel Kier’s presence and hear his soft murmurs before I see him standing by the horses. I fix my gaze ahead, refusing to feed my growing anger.
Lloyd appears by my left a second later. “Ready?”
“Yes.”
“I take you turned down the invitation,” he says, a grimace tightening his face.
"Yes," I respond coolly as I raise my foot to the saddle's stirrup. He raises his hand to my waist, giving me a boost up.
He stares up at me, green eyes soft and placating. "Accepting it isn’t a terrible idea. You wouldn't need to go far away."
I fix him a blank stare as I tug on the horse's reins. "You can stand there attempting to convince me all day, or you can mount the horse and lead the way."
Lloyd glares, walking around to his horse. "You're mean when you're mad.
I huff a breath and pull on the reins of the horse. Unsurprisingly, Kier blocks my path, staring at me intensely. His lips part like he has something to say to me. Goddess knows I don't want to hear it.
Kicking the side of the horse, we lurch into motion and Kier only has a second to sidestep before the horse knocks him over.
************
We ride in silence, and aside the constant cooing of birds and the flaps of their wings, coupled with the animals darting about the forests, weaving through the trees and hiding behind the trunks as we pass by, I see and hear nothing else.
I hover atop the saddle, keeping my thighs still to minimize contact with the horrible thing. I wonder if I'll ever like riding. Maybe I should have taken the carriage.
"A little further and we'll reach the borders of Aldenwood," Lloyd says, breaking the silence. He slows his beast's pace to match mine. "We should stop for camp. It'd be dangerous to be close to the borders at night."
"How long until we reach?" I ask, wiping the sweat rolling down my neck irritably.
"Five days tops." He leans over, brushing his fingers of my horse's rear. "Three if we ditched the horses and ran all the way, but you can't shift."
"No, I can't."
"About last night --"
"I don't want to talk about last night."
He raises his hands in the air, clearly frustrated. "I'm just trying to start conversation, like I've been for several hours. I get that you're mad, but this is getting tiring."
"You can leave me all alone in this forest and go back to your darling Renae."
He stiffens, and then he scowls, whacking his water skin into my arm. "If I didn't like you so much, I might have thrown you off your horse. Just now." He adjusts on the saddle and clicks his tongue as he pulls the reins of his horse. "Here is fine. Need help dismounting?"
"No," I breathe, crossing my leg over. "I've...got this."
"Tie the horses loosely to the tree. I'll do a quick search around the perimeter. I won't take long." He hesitates a moment. "Don't... leave."
I snicker, leaping down. "Like I have anywhere to run to."
For some reason, he doesn’t look convinced. There’s something disturbing in the way he observes me, and he turns away before I can understand what it is.
He returns after a while, and I’m so bored, I’ve begun sticking branches into the ground. A dead lamb hangs over his shoulder, its blood staining his white tunic. There’s some blood in his hair and the side of his completely healed cheek as well. “A stream flows a little further if you need to—”
I’m fleeing down the path, my bowels tight with the need to empty them out. Lloyd’s breathy laugh follows me.
‘Further down’ happens to be more than three miles away, and after relieving myself, I sit by the edge of the stream and unpack my bag. I caress the old, grey journal and flip through page after page. Staring at it hard enough to burn the book doesn’t seem to work so I shut it, frustrated. I peek at my reflection in the water and hurl a pebble at the young, tired face staring back at me.
Paint my hair black, and I’ll look just like my mother. It’s one of the many reasons I won’t go to Dawn. They might just tie me to a pyre and burn me alive. Still, I know Dawn is the only chance I have to find the answers I need. I’m just unsure if I’m ready to face the truth yet. Right now, with everything going on, the last thing I need is discovering that mother lied to me. There’s only so much I can turn a blind eye to.
I hear a soft click behind me and my head whips back. The forest is eerily silent behind me. I jump to my feet, shoving the journal into my bag. I’ve been out here too long, alone. The back of my neck prickles and a cold feeling follows after. I look back again, turning around in a wide circle. I can feel eyes on me, but there’s no one else here.
My pulse pounds as I break into a sprint, retracing my steps. Lloyd said he checked the perimeter. If there was an intruder, he would have seen them. I’m just being paranoid. There’s no one else here with me.
Trying to convince myself of that is an abandoned attempt when I hear light footfalls behind me. There’s an aura, heavy and murky with malice. I don’t turn around. I burst into a sprint, expanding my lungs as I get ready to scream.
Something heavy jumps in from of me, and I skid to a halt, staring up and up. And up. Pitch black eyes stare at me, and that is all I see. The rest of the male’s face is covered in a brown scarf. A quiver is slung along in chest and sharp steel claws are attached to each hand. The very air around him seems…wrong, and it reeks of something familiar, yet not. “The King would like a word,” he hisses, his head moving strangely.
“K-kier?” I whisper, fear choking me.
“Atticus,” he grunts, and his hand twitches. His fingers are suddenly inches away from my wrist and I tumble several inches back, tripping over a fallen tree didn’t notice before. “No.”
He lunges forward. “Not asking.”
Instinctively, my fingers curl into the gritty sand beneath me. Desperation fuels my fight-or-flight response, and without a second thought, I snatch a handful of the granules and hurl them into his eyes. He recoils instantly, snarling. I untangle myself from the log and run down the uneven path like hell, branches cutting through my skin. I’m too far from Lloyd, too slow to cover the miles in mere seconds, and even if he was within reach, I have a faint sense it won’t help.
A low growl rumbles behind me and panic courses through my veins, my heart racing as fast as I am. In a split second, I feel the air around me twist, and a vicious blow strikes the back of my head, sending shockwaves of pain through my skull. The world blackens and my legs give out under me. Hands lift me, and I hear him say, “Stupid wench,” before hurling me over his shoulder.