Tess
My heart aches when I step inside Lucas’ room. He called my name a minute ago, so I’m here, ready to read another chapter from the latest romance novel I bought. The problem is that I would be anywhere but here. I like him, I really do! But I feel like a worm inside an apple—disgusting and like I don’t belong since Freddy brainwashed me.
The worst part is that I can’t speak about it. Neither can I write it down—I tried that already, but my compulsion keeps me from giving anyone a clue. I’m a prisoner inside my own break, unable to tell anyone that I’ve turned into the enemy’s unwilling spy. It claws at me, and I feel like I’m dying when Lucas meets my eyes.
“Hi,” he says, eyeing me from his bed with his intense blue eyes locked on mine.
For a good minute, I can’t think or move. I’m spellbound. Lucas could seriously be a painting. His thick, veiny arms are resting behind his head, making them bulge with muscle. He has already healed, already turned back to his beautiful self, which makes me feel out of place.
I’m not beautiful. My face is scarred, and I know Lucas is bothered by it. That’s why he called me ugly before his accident, and I bet he feels the same way now.
“How are you feeling?” Lucas asks when I’m not speaking.
I want to tell him about my inner turmoil and the lies I’m going to be forced to tell because of Freddy, but I can’t. Instead, I force a smile and brush off his question.
“I’m fine. Ready for another chapter?” I ask, squeezing the book closer to my chest.
Lucas nods, settling back into his pillows. I take a seat on the armchair beside it, not daring to sit in the same bed as Lucas. I’m more nervous and tense now that he is back to his former self. He is gorgeous, but I try to push my lust aside as I begin reading from our latest bookmark.
My voice is shakier than usual, shy and wavering. I’m scared Lucas is going to point that out. He is studying me like a predator, and eventually, he breathes a laugh.
“It’s just me,” he says in a soft voice, but there is an undertone of mischief, and when I meet his eyes, I see the slightest twitch of his lips. “You shouldn’t be nervous. Nothing has changed...right?”
Oh, he is teasing me.
I try to laugh it off, but the sound catches in my throat. Instead, I clear my throat and start reading again.
But I can feel Lucas’s gaze on me, weighing me down like a physical touch. I try to ignore it, focusing on the words in front of me, but my concentration wavers. I can’t stop myself from looking up, meeting his eyes once again.
This time, there’s no mistaking the lust in his gaze. It’s like the air between us has shifted, gone from friendly companionship to something much more charged. I feel my cheeks heat up, embarrassed and aroused all at once.
Lucas leans forward, his voice low and dark. “You know,” he says, “My bed is much comfier than the armchair. Are you sure you don’t want to sit here with me?”
I swallow hard, trying to steady myself. This wasn’t part of the plan. The plan was to keep my feelings for Lucas buried deep since he obviously isn’t attracted to me. But with him so close, so goddamn tempting, it’s like all my resolve has gone out the window. It’s a shame because I’m one hundred percent sure he is playing with me.
“I-I think I will sit here,” I stammer, dropping my eyes to my lap to avoid his penetrating gaze. “It’s not that bad.”
Lucas chuckles softly, his voice alone enough to make my insides flutter. “Oh, come on,” he murmurs, his hand reaching up to lightly brush a strand of hair from my face. “Don’t be shy. We’re both adults here.”
I stare at him. “W-what does that have to do with anything?”
He bites his lip, probably to prevent himself from laughing. The bastard is having fun at my expense, yet I can’t stop the flutters in my chest as his hand lingers, his fingers tracing the curve of my jaw. I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks as I take him in, my eyes locking with his.
“It means that we can sit on the same bed without touching each other,” he says in a teasing tone, and then his eyes sparkle with a challenge. “We have done that before, so you can handle that, right?”
My mind races, trying to come up with a reasonable excuse to avoid sitting on the bed with him, but I know it’s pointless. Lucas would never let me get away with it. I take a deep breath, steeling myself for what’s to come.
“Okay,” I say, almost too quietly as I stand up with my shaking knees.
Lucas freezes, and for a moment, I can see the hesitation in his eyes. It’s like he’s not sure if he should go through with this. But then his expression hardens, and he scoots to the side to give me space beside him.
I hesitate for a moment, then climb up on the bed to take my seat beside him. The bed is big enough that we’re not touching, but I can still feel his body heat radiating toward me. I try to focus on the book in my lap, but it’s like the words are swimming before my eyes.
“So,” Lucas says, breaking the silence. “Do you think Elias and Madilyn are going to find each other in this chapter?”
I look up at him, relieved by the distraction. “It’s a romance novel,” I say, feeling a ridiculous blush spreading across my cheeks. “Of course, they will find each other.”
He raises an eyebrow, a small smirk playing at the corner of his lips. “Oh, is that how it usually goes?”
I nod, feeling self-conscious. Beads of sweat are gathering on my back, and I fidget in my seat. “I, uh, like romance novels a lot, and a happily ever after ending is a must, or else it would be a tragedy.”
Lucas chuckles, and I can feel the vibration of his laughter through the mattress. “Nothing wrong with liking romance novels,” he says. “No need to blush.”
I take a deep breath, feeling a bit more at ease. Lucas doesn’t seem bothered by being this close to me and that should make me relax. But as I try to calm down and focus on the book again, it becomes obvious that I’m failing.
Lucas notices right away, his eyes scanning my body carefully. “You okay?” He asks, his voice gentle.
I nod, but he can see right through me.
“What’s going on?” Lucas asks, his hand coming up to gently touch my arm.
I can’t explain it, but it’s like I’m trapped in my own body. The heat is so intense, and my skin is on fire. I can’t seem to get control of my breathing.
Lucas shifts closer to me, his body now touching mine. “Just breathe, okay?” He whispers, his voice low and soothing. “I’m here with you.”
The grounding effect of his touch and words starts to work, and I begin to calm down. “I’m sorry,” I say, feeling embarrassed. “I don’t know why I’m freaking out.”
Lucas shakes his head. “Don’t be sorry, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes.” He pauses and stares straight ahead. I feel strange for leaning my cheek against his arm, but I can’t help myself.
My cheek makes full contact with his large bicep, and Lucas shocks me by pulling his arm around me.
Isn’t he disgusted by me?
I’m confused when he supports my entire weight with his strong body. I feel incredibly safe, and Lucas continues talking in a calm voice. “It’s the mate bond making our breathing harder. We haven’t...you know, and we haven’t rejected each other either, so...yeah.”
His words hang heavy in the air, pregnant with a weight that won’t go away. Suddenly it all makes sense: I’m struggling to breathe because my body is hyperaware of Lucas. It wants me to tie the knot with him, but...he doesn’t want that, right?
I glance up at Lucas and inwardly curse him for looking so goddamn irresistible tonight. Werewolf men are scary, but how am I supposed to resist that face? I don’t want to make a fool of myself and flirt with him or ask him to accept me as his mate, but his face makes my resolve crumble.
He is so...gorgeous.
My breathing quickens and Lucas seems to notice my internal struggle because he moves his hand from my arm to my face, gently brushing his thumb across my cheek. “Hey,” he says softly, “I can feel it too, you know. The pull.”
I freeze, my heart racing. “You can?”
He nods, his eyes intense as he gazes into mine. “I’m not ready to mate yet, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel it. And I won’t reject you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
Relief floods through me, and I lean into his touch. “Thank you,” I whisper.
Lucas leans in closer, his lips hovering just millimeters from mine. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun in the meantime,” he murmurs, before closing the gap between us and kissing me deeply.
My next breath gets stolen from my lips, and all my inhibitions disappear. Lucas is tasting me, and I surrender to the pull of the mate bond—how could I not?
I continue to kiss him back, but before the kiss can go any further, Lucas pulls away. There is an expression I can’t read on his handsome face. Eventually, he sighs. “Sorry, I need time to think about this.”
He stares deeply into my eyes, and I swear I see a spark of longing in his gaze. Yet he creates distance between us, and I’m not going to lie and say it doesn’t hurt because it does. It feels like rejection.
Yet, despite the feeling of my heart cracking into tiny little pieces, I force a smile. “Take all the time you need,” I say in a low voice, and Lucas releases another sigh.
“Let’s just forget this ever happened,” he says, his voice flat as he looks away.
My heart suddenly aches as his words pierce through the air. Was I wrong to think that there was something special in our kiss?
I bravely meet his gaze. “W-was the kiss that bad?”
“No,” Lucas answers quietly after a long moment of silence, and my breath catches in my throat. What could be the issue if the kiss wasn’t bad?
I furrow my eyebrows. “What is the problem then?”
Lucas finally meets my eyes, and his following words hit me like a punch in the gut. “The problem is that it was good,” he says. “It wasn’t supposed to be good...I mean... you’re a human now. I don’t know how, but you are.”
My heart drops as I realize what Lucas is saying. He doesn’t want to be with me because I’m human now. I can feel my eyes begin to well up with tears, but I quickly blink them away.
“I understand,” I say shakily, trying to hold back my emotions. “It’s okay, Lucas. I won’t force you to be with me.”
Lucas looks at me with a pained expression, as if he wants to say more but can’t find the words. He takes a step closer to me and reaches for my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he says softly. “It’s just...we come from different worlds, you know? Being with a human... it’s complicated.”
I nod, understanding what he’s saying. “I get it,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
Lucas’s eyes soften and he leans in to place a soft kiss on my forehead. “You’re amazing, you know that?” he says, and I can hear the sincerity in his voice.
I give him a small smile, even though inside I’m breaking on the inside. “Thank you,” I say softly.
“I’m going to shower.”
“Okay.”
Lucas gets up from the bed and looks at me one last time before turning and walking away. I watch him go, feeling a strange mix of sadness and frustration. I know deep down that I can’t force someone to love me, but it doesn’t make the rejection any easier to handle.
My head swims with pain and confusion; I gave up everything to save Lucas’ life, even my true being. But I guess I also gave up any chance I had with him. Because what sort of powerful werewolf would want to be with a human?