The water was not hot enough. Leila dipped her finger into the tub filled with water, it wasn't as hot as she wanted it to be. Her skin was red from too much scrubbing but she needed to bathe again. She wanted to wash away Charles's touch from her body; his smell, his presence, his entire existence.
Leila got into the tub, and pushed her head under. Bubbles floated to the top of the water, her eyes blurred and her lungs burned from a lack of oxygen. She pinched her nose, counting the seconds. Twenty seconds was her highest under the water but she was counting thirty now. If she stayed here long enough, she might forget.
A knock on the bathroom door had her head shooting out, she gasped for air, mouth wide open as she tried to suck in as much air as she could. New record. Forty seconds.
"Leila?" It was Kelvin. "Are you there?"
"Yeah." She coughed out more water. "Yeah."
Leila wrapped a towel around her chest, waited for the sound of his fading footsteps before she entered their bedroom. It was empty, as empty as she felt.
The pyjamas she changed into were her oldest and ugliest pair. A mustard-coloured pyjamas with a red bottom. She didn't feel attractive so there was no need to look attractive. Her insides knotted again, demanding for her to get some food. She breathed slowly till the pains eased. With Kelvin always taking care of her feeding, she wasn't used to this old pangs of hunger.
Breakfast had been a sorry affair since had husband wasn't home, she barely ate and she missed lunch at Pacific because she didn't want to see Kelvin. Her annoyance was partly directed at him. It was his fault. If he had been there, she would not have been left alone with Charles. Leila crawled into the bed and pulled the cover over her head. Seconds, minutes, maybe hours later but she couldn't sleep.
She heard footsteps again, then a voice came. "Leila?" It was her husband, he sounded close to her. "I've been waiting for you." Why? He was acting like he didn't care about her earlier today. Quite frankly, she was tired. She needed all men to stay away from her. "Dinner is getting cold. Come and eat."
"No."
No sooner were those words out of her lips when the cover was yanked from her face. Kelvin's angry face towers over hers, his fingers pointed in the direction of the door.
"Get up so we can eat." She shook her head. His nostrils flared in annoyance, she bit the inside of her cheek but didn't move. "Leila, don't make me repeat myself. Get out of the bed. Now." Who was he to command her? He acted like he didn't know her in the elevator, he should keep at it. "Please."
"No. Thanks." Leila was hungry but she didn't think she could stomach anything at this point. And she was mad at him. Mad was an understatement, she was furious. His attitude was so annoying. "Eat alone."
Leila scrambled to sit up when Kelvin came over to her side, she never got to ask him any questions before he threw her over his shoulder. Her fist pounded into his back, Leila demanded to be let down but it fell on deaf ears. A spank on her butt quieted her, she held her breath to stop the hot tears from flowing.
She could not cry. She must not cry.
Kelvin lowered her to a seat and dragged one close to her. She felt like a sick kid being forced to eat when he pushed a plate to her side of the table. She pushed it back to him, he returned it. One glare from him stopped her from shoving it back to him.
"You barely ate breakfast," he started in that voice she now hated so much. "You didn't go for lunch and you want to skip dinner?"
With her chin jutted out in defiance, Leila pushed the plate to the side. "Yes. It's none of your business if I eat." She folded her arms on her chest. "What do you care?"
A muscle clenched in Kelvin's jaw, he slammed one hand on the table and she jumped. She must have crossed a line. Her mouth dried up when he leaned forward, she sniffed as his hot breath fanned her face.
"As long as it concerns you, Leilani May McKenna, I care." Her heart fluttered and Leila gave herself a mental slap for almost believing him. She must not be deceived by his words. His words had to be backed up by action. He said one thing only to do another. The elevator incident was proof. "Everything about you is my business." Kelvin returned the plate to her front and placed the fork beside it. "Now, please eat."
Some part of her appreciated his show of concern but she had no appetite. The skies would fall before she told him about Charles Black. He was her cross to carry alone. She dragged her chair another inch away from him. If she would disobey her husband, she had to be far away to avoid his wrath.
"No. I'm not hungry."
Another twitch. His hands balled into fists. Leila tilted her head to the side and sized her husband up. He was bigger than her, taller too. If he wanted to, he could beat her and she wouldn't be able to fight back.
Would he hit her?
The thought of getting punished by him for being disobedient wasn't strong enough to push back her appetite. His eyes narrowed and she shook her head.
"Eat," he commanded. They engaged in a mini tussle of pushing plates back and forth. "Stop that." His tone made her stop, she lifted fearful eyes to his angry face. "Start eating now, Leilani or so help me God..."
"So help you God what?" she snapped.
What gave men the impression they could push her around? It was her body, her choice. She could skip meals for the rest of the year. It wasn't his goddamn business.
Kelvin's chair clattered to the ground as he stood abruptly. She sniffed and tried to take a calming breath. When his hand raised, she didn't try to duck. If he wanted to hit her, he could go ahead. He wouldn't be the first to do so. She would survive it.
When Kelvin's hand lowered, it was to wipe the under of her eyes with his thumbs. That was when Leila realised she was crying. His gaze softened, he drew her in for a hug and she latched onto him like a new-born would attach to his mother.
"I just worry about you, Leila," he said into her hair. "I do."
"You have a strange way of showing it," she whispered into his stomach. With his fingers running in small circles on her back, her heart became less heavy. His jaw rested on her head, they stayed in that position until she cleared her throat. "I don't want to eat, okay? I'm sorry for fighting you but please don't force me."
"Okay, wife. But can I ask why?" Kelvin was still holding her. And she didn't want him to let go. "I don't want you starving, Leila. It's okay if you don't want to talk about it," he added when she remained quiet.
"I have no appetite, that's all."
Her heart clenched when he pulled away from the hug but she relaxed again when he swept her off her feet and walked into the room. He laid her on the bed gently, she propped her side against the headboard and he sat by her right. Leila smiled when he took her hands. His lips brushed her knuckles in a soft kiss.
"You didn't send me flowers today, and you were not nice to me in the elevator," she whispered. She hid her face in her palms when he cackled. That wasn't what she meant to say but her mouth had a mind of its own. "Never mind. Forget I said anything."
The smile on his lips remained intact. "I was going to send the flowers but..." She stopped waiting for him to complete the statement when minutes passed without a word from him. Would he talk about Mike? Or apologise for being rude earlier? "Sorry," he finally added. "I won't forget again."
Leila had a feeling he didn't forget. She had a feeling it had to do with the events after last night's dinner. But she played along and allowed him to kiss her forehead.
"Congratulations on Stars Glow," Kelvin said. She would have rejoiced but this was the equivalent of bad news. The success of the project meant more encounters with the devil. "Mr Black was impressed by your presentation." His words held a smile, and he didn't notice her stiffen. Leila fisted the bedsheet and swallowed tight. "He wants another meeting with you."
"Just me?" she croaked out.
Touching his forehead to hers, he replied, "Yes." She stayed in place, frozen and unable to move. Kelvin's thumb moved over her cheek. "Can you handle that?"
No. "Yeah." Her smile was forced and tight. "Thanks."
Kelvin's lips parted in a reply that never came. The atmosphere shifted and the familiar longing for Kelvin clawed at her insides. She slipped her arms around his neck and he lifted her to his lap. His hands slid under her shirt, she moaned when he fondled her breasts.
"Kev," she breathed out.
"Leila." Desire danced in his eyes, they were crossing into new territories and she wanted it. "I want you."
Instead of words, she leaned into him and pressed her lips to his. Kelvin groaned against her mouth. "I want you too, Kev."