Kenny fixed his dark eyes directly on mine, as if once more wanting me to read the emotions in his words before he spoke them. “You must have faith in me,” he said. “I know it’s a lot to ask.”
“I trust you,” I told him, even if I did not completely understand why he had to go on this vision quest in the first place. I had heard all kinds of bullshit stories told by guys who weren’t serious about anything except getting laid. Not one of them, however, had ever told me to wait for them because they had to go on a vision quest. A “pussy quest” was what these others guys were after. Married guys and players would call when their wives or girlfriends were out of town. With Kenny, however, I truly did believe him. And now that he would be leaving, I actually wanted to be with him even more.
I resisted an overwhelming urge to kiss him, recalling what he said about having to overcome all earthly wants and desires in order to fully receive the Vision. While I managed to hold my passionate impulses in check, Kenny took more decisive action and seized the moment. He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine, his large hands lovingly cradling my head, his fingers intertwining in my hair as he kissed me passionately.
While this sudden romantic overture caught me off guard, I quickly accepted what was happening and surrendered to it. I closed my eyes and kissed him back. His lips felt and tasted the same way they did the night before, so any uncertainly about what happened between us in my apartment was settled once and for all, at least as far as I was concerned. There was nothing that could compare with how it felt at this moment.
There came a very soft but persistent knocking sound that I wanted to dismiss as the beating of my heart, but Kenny pulled away and I opened my eyes as he straightened.
“Come in,” he said.
His office door slowly opened and a young Native American girl walked in, waving demurely at Kenny and practically giggling. She looked like a love-struck freshman who had a crush on her teacher. I almost vomited in my mouth.
“I’m sorry, Shanna. I have an appointment with Moonglow.”
Moonglow! Is that a name? Sounds like a furniture polish. Does it come in lemon scent?
“I have to get going anyway,” I said, getting to my feet. I headed toward the door, slipping past Kenny without looking at him. “I’ll just be on my way.” As I walked by Moonglow, she did not give me so much as a glance. Her eyes were focused on Kenny.
“Thank you for seeing me on such short notice on a holiday weekend,” Moonglow gushed. “I really appreciate you fitting me in.”
Part of me did not want to turn around and look back at Kenny if there was even the slightest chance that he was feeding me a line and I never saw him again. I was protecting myself from being hurt. As I was reaching back to close the door behind me, I felt light pressure on my forearm and was startled to see Kenny standing there, his massive hand
completely enveloping my arm with warmth from wrist to elbow.
“I will contact you soon, Shanna,” he said. “I promise. You must have faith in me.”
Searching his eyes at that moment, I took him at his word. How could I not trust him? He could have said anything, and I would have believed him.
Despite the confidence I had that he would contact me, I left his office more confused than when I walked in. Discounting any feelings of faintness or being dizzy while in his office, vertigo could not be blamed this time. I would have welcomed a minor episode, however, because then, at least, it would explain why I felt so bewildered and lost.
While Kenny would be somewhere in Arizona seeking enlightenment to ultimately determine the path his life would take, my future was also very much unsettled. He was going deep in nature, far away from civilization in search of answers, while I had the task of confronting David, my possessive state trooper boyfriend, and telling him that I wanted to move on from our three-year live-in relationship. And whereas Kenny was being guided toward his Vision by a Holy Person, I had Courtney on my side, armed with a litany of big dick jokes.
****
I immediately spotted David’s car as I pulled into the parking garage. When I walked into the apartment, he was there waiting for me. He was sitting on the couch in front of the TV with the volume turned down on a football game, still wearing his state police uniform. He had deliberately left it on, thinking he could intimidate me. His eyes were like daggers piercing me, his face a practiced scowl I had seen many times before.
Turning away from him, I closed the door and put my coat in the hall closet, all the while avoiding looking directly at him.
He stood up and followed me into the kitchen. I could hear the thick soles of his heavy, leather boots resound with each heel-to-toe strike on the hardwood floor.
“Why didn’t you return my calls?” His tone was confrontational, and I ignored him as I went about making myself a cup of coffee. I could sense his menacing presence and his growing agitation at me for keeping my back to him.
“Look at me,” he demanded.
I hesitated a moment longer before pivoting slowly to meet his harsh gaze, refusing to let him bully or frighten me.
“What were you doing that you couldn’t answer your phone?”
“I was busy.”
“I’ll bet you were.”
“Listen, David, it’s none of your business what I was doing or who I was doing it with.”
“Is that so?” He nodded his head agreeably, but I could tell that he was seething.
“You don’t own me,” I said. “You can’t control me, either.”
“What the hell’s gotten into you?”
If you only knew. As I attempted to step around him to leave the kitchen, he grasped the upper part of my left arm and squeezed it tightly. “Ouch!” I yelled out. “Let go of me right now.”
“Sorry,” he said without meaning it.
He released me and I spun away from him, continuing on my way out of the kitchen. I walked into the bedroom with David trailing me. He stopped in the doorway and watched, as I removed a large bag from under the bed and began opening drawers and pulling clothes out.
“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice cracking ever so slightly.
I didn’t say anything as I continued to pack. I was really enjoying seeing him squirm, trying to come to grips with something he could not control any longer. While I hadn’t intended on making this move so soon, the timing seemed right.
“I don’t know what’s going on here,” he said, “but we can work this out.” After a beat he asked, “Are you getting your period?”
There it is. That sure didn’t take long. I felt my rage welling up inside me, but I bit my bottom lip and took a deep breath, allowing my anger to dissipate. I didn’t want this confrontation to escalate by saying the wrong thing. I just wanted to get out of there and move on with my life. It took a moment, but I felt much better afterward.
“I love you,” David said, and started to walk toward me, his arms outstretched, prepared to embrace me.
I put one arm out in front of me to block him. “No, you don’t,” I said, shaking my head slowly. “If you loved me, you would have married me. Now, I’m going to pack my things and get out of your life.”
“Shanna, this is crazy.”
With my bag stuffed to the max, I was getting ready to close it when I suddenly remembered the Kachina doll. I wanted to take it with me, but it had not been in my underwear drawer where I left it.
“Where will you go?” David asked.
“Anywhere but here,” I said as I began to look in all the places where I might have put the doll.
“Are you seriously going to leave me?” “You find that hard to believe?”
“Well, yeah, actually.”
“Why, because of the uniform? Because you’re
good-looking?”
“Not just that.” He tried to sound sincere and look hurt at the same time, but I knew it was all an act. “We’ve been together a long time. Think of all we’ve been through.”
I shook my head in firm denial. “‘Through’ is exactly right, David. We’re through.”
“Oh, yeah? Is that the way you want it?” “That’s the way I want it.”
“Okay, fine, but I’ll tell you this, Shanna. I won’t be single for long. There are a lot of girls waiting to go out with me.”
“Good for you. You won’t be lonely then.” “What about you? Does this have anything to
do with your Indian friend you had over here last night?” David pulled out the question like a trump card.