His smile never faded as he looked me directly in the eye. “It was real for me,” he said. “This has never happened to me before. I wanted to be with you.”
“But how?”
“I needed you, just as you needed me. We need each other.”
My skin tingled, starting in my fingertips and the tops of my toes. Working inward from my extremities, all these electrical pathways converged at the center of my body, settling into my most sensitive parts.
“Last night, Shanna, I had the most vivid dream, and the whole time I was aware that I was traveling through places that were in-between waking reality and the spirit world. At one point, I found myself with other people in a circle, standing next to a pregnant woman. I could see that she was in distress for some reason and in need of assistance. I knew I could help her, but I had to acquire a certain medicine.”
With the sensations my body was experiencing altogether involuntarily, it was a challenge for me to stay focused on what he was saying. For some reason, I couldn’t help thinking about his cock. I tried not to, but the harder I tried the more I thought about it. God, what was wrong with me?
It was like some kind of sexual vertigo. I
blamed my sister for warping my mind. Bird with big beak. Damn you, Courtney!
“To get the medicine,” Kenny continued, “I cupped my hands under a mysterious glass disc, which transferred the medicine into my body. I helped the pregnant woman by placing my hands on her swollen belly. When I was done, I wanted to give the medicine back to the disc, so I cupped my hands under it again and I willed the energy to return to its source. However, I don’t feel that same transference happening. I try again, thinking that it’s not right for me to hang onto something that doesn’t belong to me. But there is no indication that the energy has returned. I shrug my shoulders and go on with the dream. I came to realize that the pregnant woman was Mother Earth, and I knew that She would take care of herself very well in the Natural world, just as She always has.”
My nipples were like diamonds. The tight- fitting, unnatural material of my sports bra made them ache. I wanted to touch them.
“What is being asked of me has to do with my own human species; helping those who cannot help themselves. The disc is my own personal power, which is my self-confidence, my internal wisdom and the Love that I feel for all things.”
While Kenny’s dream-story was mesmerizing, I struggled to grasp its meaning. My head was muddled by an immutable fog of desire for him. Then I remembered Courtney saying that he taught a class on dreamwalking, and I wondered if he had somehow entered my dream, not just observed me, but becoming part of it.
“I’m sorry,” I said, “but I’m afraid I don’t fully understand. It sounds like you’re saying that we both had the same dream.”
“It may have been a dream,” Kenny said, “but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t real.” He suddenly stood and walked over to the office door, closing it quickly and returning. He stopped in front of me and got down on one knee so we were eye to eye. He looked directly into my eyes, talking to me without speaking. It was as though he was asking for permission to touch me.
My eyes screamed, Yes, yes!
Reaching down, he laid one hand on each of my knees. His touch electrified me, and as if needing to ground the energy so that it flowed back to him in a continuous circuit, I instinctively placed my hands on top of his.
“You’re not like anyone else I’ve ever known before,” Kenny said. “And I want you. I want to be with you. I don’t know why we came together at this particular time in our lives, but there must be a reason, and one day, once my journey is complete, it will all become clear.”
Everything he had said up until then was confusing enough, but his last statement struck me like a dagger, and I was hurt. His elaborate story now sounded like an all-too-typical kiss-off, concocted as a way to let me down easy. “I’m not sure what you’re trying to say,” I told him. “Do you really want to be with me, too? Or is this your way of blowing me off? Because that’s what it sounds like. If you’re not really interested, or if you’re involved with someone else, just say so. You don’t
owe me anything.” I tried to keep my voice level and not let my emotions get the best of me.
“Oh, no. By no means am I ‘blowing you off’. I felt a strong spiritual bond and an equally powerful physical one with you from the moment I first saw you in my shop. But I do understand your bewilderment. As I attempted to explain briefly yesterday before your spell, I am in the process of preparing myself for an important spiritual journey. However, I now realize that both of us are very much enamored with each other, and as a result I would like an opportunity to properly elucidate on a topic that you probably know little about. So please, let me explain further.”
“I remember you mentioning something about a vision quest.”
“Yes,” Kenny said as he rose, getting back onto his feet. “In many Native American groups, the vision quest is a major turning point in life, most often associated as a rite of passage for teenage boys, marking the transition between childhood and full acceptance into society as an adult.”
“I don’t mean to be insulting, but shouldn’t you have gone through that particular rite of passage about fifteen years ago, give or take?”
He smiled back at me and nodded. “Indeed. However, there are certain other occasions in life when vision quests are undertaken. Some people are called to do many vision quests over the course of their lifetime. It can be any turning point in life, really. You’ve heard people say, ‘I’m looking to find myself’. Well, this is the same kind of thing, with the purpose of the vision quest to reveal your
life’s purpose. On this journey, there is usually a guardian animal or force of nature that will come to the quester as a vision, or dream, and provide guidance.”
It suddenly hit me as I looked around at all the Kachina dolls and the boxes that were stacked up around the room. “Are you going somewhere?”
“Yes, I will be leaving the university after final exams.”
“What?” I barely had breath to speak. It was as if a pin had been stuck in me and I was slowly leaking air.
“Kachina sales are not the only reason for closing the shop,” he said, trying to make a joke and soften the blow. It was obvious to both of us that neither succeeded. “I’m packing up, and I’m going back home. Out west. To Arizona.” He sat back down atop his desk and crossed his mighty arms. “Typically, the vision quest is completed deep in nature, far away from civilization and lasts for several days. Guided by a Holy Person, I will fast, stay awake and concentrate on the quest until my mind becomes attune with the spirit world. This is done by giving up all that it takes to live in the physical world, overcoming all earthly wants and desires and facing my human nature so that I may fully receive the Vision.”
“Will you be coming back?” My tongue was as heavy as my heart.
“Upon completion of the quest, my vision will be interpreted and I will follow what is revealed to be my spiritual path for the rest of my life.”
“What if the path revealed takes you away from me?”