PAIGE
I'm numb as I sit in the backseat of my town car and Jeremy weaves in and out of rush-hour traffic.
"Get to the hospital right now. Your mother just collapsed."
The thing that worries me the most is not what Dad said but how he said it. He sounded frantic, more frantic that I've ever heard him.
It's been a week since Travis and I got back from Paris. I actually felt guilty about not spending my 30th with my family. Especially considering the very real possibility that this could be the last birthday I have with my mother, but I chose to go anyway. Now the mountain of guilt bearing down on me is excruciating.
I told my family I was going to Paris with my boyfriend. Despite their inquiries into who I was dating, I didn't tell them. That is the other thing I feel guilty about. Mom really wanted to know but I didn't tell her. Now she may never know.
I don't know what happened or how serious it is, but my mind has gone to all the worst places.
It takes a while but Jeremy gets me to Mount Sinai. Oncehe's parked I throw my door open and run for the emergency entrance.
"Hello," I say to the nurse at the reception desk as I catch my breath. "I'm looking for Janice DeLisle. She was brought in about an hour and a half to two hours ago."
"Hi," she replies. "Just give me a moment while I check..." She taps away at her computer for a few seconds, then says, "It says here that Mrs. DeLisle was stabilized and then moved to the cancer ward."
"Thank you," I toss my bag over my shoulder as I start running for the cancer ward. I've spent so much time there that I don't need any help locating it.
Once I turn the corner into the waiting room, I see my whole family sitting there all sallow-faced.
When they see me they all climb to their feet and rush over. We grab each other in a hug.
We break apart, and I turn to my Dad. "What happened?"
"We were just finishing up lunch when she passed out. I tried to wake her, I tried everything I could think of but nothing worked. So I called an ambulance. She has been weaker than usual, didn't have much of an appetite and was a little feverish, but she said she felt fine and looked all right. I swear, we didn't think anything was wrong."
It's clear from the way he's talking he anticipates that I'll blame him for this. My heart breaks for the second time today. I hate myself for making him feel this way. I probably owe him an apology, but now is not the time.
I walk up to him and into his arms. "Dad, this was not your fault. No one thinks it is."
A sob escapes him, but that's the extent of it.
"What are they saying?" I ask as I pull away.
"They haven't told us anything," Lily says. "After theystabilized her in the ER they brought her up here for some tests. They say it's going to take a while, but at least she is resting now."
I nod then sit down, and everyone else retakes their seats.
This is how we remain for the next few hours.
On the inside, I am spiraling. All I can think about is every possible way things can go wrong for Mom.
It's just after nine at night when I hear measured footsteps approaching. I look up, and see Travis holding a giant bouquet of flowers.
I get up and run to him and he grabs me in an embrace. The second his arms go around my back I lose it and start weeping into his chest.
He rubs my back. "There there... Everything will be fine."
I can feel my family's eyes burning into the back of my head, but I don't care right now. I'm just so happy that Travis is here. This is exactly what I need.
I stand in his arms until my tears run dry. I take a step back and start to wipe at my face with my sleeve, but he stops me and hands me his pocket square.
I accept it and begin to dab at my eyes. "How did you know I was here?"
"Remember, I was supposed to pick you up for dinner tonight. When I got to your place and you didn't answer the door I called your phone probably 10 times and when you didn't answer that either I started to worry. I knocked on your neighbor, Marge's door and asked if she knew anything about where you were. She said she thought you had an emergency because she heard you tell your driver to take you to Mount Sinai Hospital. I figured it had something to do with your mother,so I came here."
I never thought I'd ever be grateful for my nosy neighbor, but right now I could kiss that old lady in the mouth. "I'm so sorry. I totally forgot about dinner and I haven't been paying any attention to my phone."
"You don't have to apologize. I completely understand."
It's at that moment that my mother's doctor appears. My whole family gets up and crowds around him.
"I am afraid I have some good news and bad news," Dr. Hunter says.
"What does that mean?" Dad asks.
"The good news is that Janice is fine for now. The bad news? The tests we ran show that she has liver metastases. Which means the cancer has traveled from her breast to her liver."
Lily gasps beside me.
"What does that mean?" Matt asks.
"Actually, it's not all that bad. Of course, this isn't something we hoped for, but it's not that severe. From the imaging we have it's only one tumor. So we will recalibrate her chemo therapy to also target the tumor in her liver. If we are able to shrink it enough, then we can go in and get it through surgery. From all indications, everything should go well."
"Would this have happened if she had chosen to do the double mastectomy?" Dad asks.
"There's no way to know that," the doctor says. "Would it have been highly unlikely? Yes, but I can't definitively say that this wouldn't have happened either way."
I feel everyone's eyes shift to me all at once.
"Thank you, Dr. Hunter." I shake his hand, and then he leaves.
I move over to Dad and rub his back as he looks down atthe floor. A little while later he raises his head and looks at Travis. "And who is this?"
Well, I guess this is as good a time as any. "This is Travis Caldwell. He's the boyfriend I mentioned."
Everyone is silent until Matt blurts, "Dude, how old are you?"
"Matt!" Lily hisses.
"What?" Dad says. "That's a legitimate question."
"His age is irrelevant. All you need to know is that we are together."
Travis steps forward and offers my dad his hand. "It's so nice to meet you. Although I regret it's under these circumstances."
Dad sizes him up for a while then shakes his hand. "It's nice to meet you too." He then turns around and goes back to his seat and our little huddle breaks up.
When Travis and I sit he wraps his arm around my back and I cuddle into his chest and close my eyes. I breathe in the smell of his woody cologne that I have gotten so used to. I am so lost in him that I jolt when I hear my name.
I open my eyes and look up. Haley is standing above us.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't get away sooner. Fred's out of town and it took a while for me to get a babysitter."
I stand up and pull her into a hug. I had called her to let her know what was happening on my way to the hospital, but I hadn't expected that she would actually come.
"I'm glad you could make it at all."
When we pull apart she holds up four bags of takeout. "I figured none of you would've had anything to eat so I dropped by my favorite Chinese takeout place on my way here."
Matt is the first one out of his chair. Hepractically tackles Haley and rips the bags out of her hands. Within a few moments, Dad and my siblings are eating.
"Haley, this is Travis...Travis, Haley. She's my best friend."
They nod at each other which I think is good, considering where we are.
"Hey, Paige. Can you come with me to get a coffee?" Haley asks.
I nod, kiss Travis on the cheek and head off with Haley.
"So that'sthe boyfriend you've been hiding all this time?" Haley asks.
"I wouldn't say I have been hiding him, but yes, that's him."
"Do you think that's wise?"
"What do you mean?"
"Isn't he your boss?"
"Yeah, but don't worry. It's not like he's taking advantage of me or anything. Everything is above board. We reported the relationship to HR and we try our best to not let it affect our work."
"Yeah, I'm sure everything is fine now. I just worry because things could get very complicated."
With everything that has been happening today, I totally forgot that I am pregnant. If only she knew just how complicated things already are, but I don't tell her. This is neither the time nor the place for that conversation. Plus, given the reservations she's just voiced I'm not entirely sure how she will receive that particular piece of news, and I can't deal with a freak out right now.
"Yes, things can get complicated, but that's life. Things are good with Travis and me right now, and I have chosen tofocus on that. I did say I wanted to put more effort into my romantic life. Things aren't happening exactly how I had envisioned, but when does life ever turn out how we planned?"
She shrugs. "I guess you're right. I just hope you know what you're doing."
I hope so too.