PAIGE
Beep...beep...beep...
I'm sitting in Mom's room after her surgery. I'm pretending to read a magazine as she stares at me.
Dad and Matt left a few minutes ago and it's the first time she and I have been alone since her surgery. It's been a few days since her operation and she seems to be doing well. I'm grateful for that, but what it means is that she's going to go back to being her usual nosy self.
"So are you going to tell me what's been going on with you now?"
I look up and feign surprise. "What do you mean?"
"Don't give me that. You've been sour for a few weeks now, and don't say it's because you've been worried about me. At first, I thought that's what it was, but ever since I've come out of surgery you've been much worse. So that's not it. What's going on?"
I laugh and the second the sound comes out of my mouth I know it's not going to fool Mom. "Really, nothing is going on with me."
"Does it have anything to do with Travis?" My eyes cut to hers and she chuckles. "So it does have to do with Travis."
"Mom, I don't want to talk about it."
She shrugs. "I had wondered why I haven't been seeing him around."
"It's not strange that he hasn't been around. It's not like we are married or anything."
"No, but he does seem fond of you. To the point that I thought he would at least drop by to say hello." I shrug and she points across the room at a gigantic bouquet of pink tulips. "You know he sent those?"
"Really?"
I walk over to the flowers and pluck the card from them and read.
Mrs. DeLisle,
I'm so glad your surgery went well. I wish you a speedy recovery and all the happiness in the world.
Travis.
My heart melts a little seeing his handwriting.
"How did he know about your surgery?"
"I told him."
"What?" I turn around.
"Ever since we met, he and I have been texting."
"That's weird..."
"No, it's not. I actually find him to be quite interesting, and I think he complements you very well."
"Well, thank you for that, but I would really appreciate it if the two of you would stop texting. He and I broke up."
Mom gasps. "What? Why?"
I huff and go back to my seat and try to continue pretending to read my magazine. "Mom, I said I don't want to talk about it."
"Well, I don't really care."
"It's my private life, and I want to keep it private."
"Come on, you know I have cancer."
I look up at her. "Really? The cancer card?"
She gives me an exaggerated shrug and says, "Tell me what happened."
I sigh "It's a long story."
She gestures around her. "Do I look like I have anywhere else to be at the moment?"
I laugh then launch into the story. "He has a son and didn't tell me."
"Really? He hid a child from you?" Mom looks horrified. "That doesn't sound like him."
"Well, to be fair he had only found out about the child a week or two before I did."
Mom shakes her head. "Wait, I don't understand."
"His ex-wife was pregnant when they got divorced and didn't tell him then showed up out of the blue with the child."
"So he didn't actually hide the child from you?"
"Well, not really, but I only found out about his son because his ex-wife turned up with him. He knew for a while before that. He could've told me at any moment, but he didn't. He swears he was going to tell me, but I'm not sure how much of that I believe."
"Honey, I think you're making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be..."
"How can you say that? Aren't you supposed to be on my side?"
"I am on your side that's why I'm going to tell you thetruth. It's understandable that he would need a week or two to digest this news before breaking it to you, and honestly, do you think he never would have told you about it?"
That does make sense.
"You're probably right, but I also don't like the way he handled it. While he was dealing with all this, he pulled back from me, lied to me, and said some horrible things to me. The whole thing just showed me how he deals with conflict, and I'm not sure that I like what I saw."
"Listen, it's not like the two of you are married. It'll be easy enough to go your separate ways if that's what you decide to do, but it may be worth it to give him another chance. He made a mistake, but as I'm sure you know, good men like him don't grow on trees."
"Well, it actually won't be easy to disentangle myself from him..." I look down and I wring my fingers in my lap.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm pregnant."
Mom gasps and I peek at her. Her hands go to her mouth and I can see a huge smile behind her fingers. "Come over here and give me a hug."
I do just that. Then she takes my hands. "Congratulations. You're going to be an incredible mother," she says with tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Thank you." My voice catches.
"But I don't understand, you're pregnant with Travis' child and you ended things with him? I understand why you two fought, but it's not something you can't work through. Especially when you have a baby on the way."
"Mom, when I told him I was pregnant he just sat there like a log. If you had seen the look on his face, you would understand exactly why I did what I did. He was terrified. He doesn'twant this baby."
"Did he actually say that?"
"No, he said he wants to raise the baby with me, but weeks after."
She squeezes my hand. "Paige, you are my first born. You know I love you more than anything else on the face of this planet, but you are too stubborn. That's something you should work on."
"Hey!"
"Yes, honey. You're being too harsh on Travis. That man loves you in a way that I rarely ever see. You can't hold it against him because he went from being a bachelor with no kids to being in a serious relationship with two kids in a matter of weeks. That's enough to throw anyone for a loop. You can't really hold his reaction against him. I wasn't there when you told him, but whatever he did, I'm sure he was in shock."
"I know you're probably right, but I have to think of my baby and I have to do what's best for him or her. I can't experiment with my child's life to see whether Travis will rise to the occasion. That's just not a risk I'm willing to take."
Mom chuckles. "Those are your maternal instincts talking. Although they are not wrong, you have to balance them with reason. Let me ask you, do you ever want to be in a relationship? Like, a long term relationship?"
"Of course, I do."
"Then let me be the first to tell you that all this between you and Travis is small beans. When you've been in a relationship with someone for long enough, they will do things that are going to irritate and offend you. You also will do things to them that irritate and offend them. You're going to have to learn to work through these things. You can't run away every time things get hard."
"I know that, but he lied to me..."
"I don't think you're hearing me. There will be even harder things that you will have to work through with your partner. Real relationships aren't all sunshine and roses. You just have to be mature enough to take a step back and look at the motivations behind why they did what they did. It doesn't seem like Travis lied to you from a place of malice. He was nervous. I think that's something you can forgive."
"I don't know..."
"Sweetheart, look at me." I look her in the face. She shakes her head and gestures to her whole body. "No, really look at me. I've been forced to confront my mortality recently and let me tell you, a lesson I've learned is that life is short. You have to grab your happiness wherever you can find it. Try not to sweat the small stuff, because at the end of the day, none of that really matters. If Travis had violated you, I'd be the first person to request his head on a spike, but that's not what happened. I think you're scared, and fear is not a good enough reason to turn your life upside down. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face. Plus, take it from me, a woman whose husband was a hands-on co-parent. Being a single parent isn't easy. I almost went mad raising you kids and that was with help. I wouldn't do that alone if I didn't have to. It's just something to consider." She shrugs.
After this speech I return to my chair and continue pretending to read. The whole time Mom's words replay in my head. The longer I mindlessly flip through the pages the more what she said sinks in.
Have I made a mistake? Was I too hasty when I ended things with Travis? Is it too late to fix things?
Right now I have no idea what I am going to do.