TRAVIS
"Ihate thinking of you all lonely up there in your ivory tower during the holidays," Mom says.
"Mom, I might be alone but I am not lonely," I say.
"That's what lonely people say to console themselves."
I laugh. "Mom, really, I'm fine."
"What is it even that's keeping you so busy over Christmas?"
"I just have one or two things I need to do."
"Okay... Well, I'll stop bugging you. It's just that, you know your brothers are here, and it would've been nice to have all my kids in one place. You know? Before I die."
I roll my eyes. "Even though you're 79, Mom, I actually think you will outlive all of us."
"Honey, I love you, but the next time you say my age out loud I will come up there and wash your mouth out with soap."
I laugh. "My apologies. Won't happen again."
"Thank you." I can hear the humor in her voice. "Just make sure you don't work too hard. You know, that's what drove your father into an early grave."
I don't think you can say a person was driven to an early grave when they died at 71, but I don't tell Mom that. "Yes, I'll be sure to take as many breaks as I can."
"That's all I ask."
She hands the phone over to my brother, Charlie. He and I exchange holiday pleasantries then he gives the phone to my other brother Phil and we do the same.
When I hang up the phone I am alone in my penthouse.
Although I hate to admit it, Mom is a tiny bit right. I do feel lonely, and it doesn't help that every time I am idle my mind is flooded with images of Paige.
I haven't met anyone as intriguing as her, and it's so refreshing. At this stage of life, I thought puppy love was a thing of the past. Apparently not. The only thing left is for cartoon hearts to dance around my head.
It doesn't help that Paige is away for the holidays. She isn't that far away. She's only in Staten Island city for the next week or so. However, I miss her. I miss knowing that she is close by. That she is within reach.
I've never really been a Christmas/New Years kind of person. I would even say I've been indifferent to this festive period, but right now I downright hate it. I can't wait until January 2nd when I know Paige will be back in town. I'm not sure when she'll be back at work, but I think I'll feel better knowing that she's close.
I don't exactly relish the idea of moping about my apartment all day. So I decide to go out.
Clark is justas pathetic as I am. It's why we've been able to maintain a friendship all this while. Even though he's tried really hard over the years, like me, he doesn't have a family. He is still in town so I know he's available.
I ask him to the golf club to play a couple rounds and he agrees.
We are on the 11th hole and I am distracted by a blade of grass which I have decided to attack with my shoes when Clark says, "What's up with you lately?"
I look up. "Huh? Me?"
"No, Liza Minnelli. Of course you." He laughs at his own joke.
I shake my head. "Nothing. Nothing's up with me."
"That's a lie. Every time we've hung out recently it seems like you're somewhere else. Like your mind is occupied with something more important."
"Stop being dramatic."
"I'm not being dramatic. There's something going on with you. I noticed it a while ago. I didn't say anything because I thought if you wanted to tell me, you would, but whatever it is seems to be lingering. So what's going on?"
"I said nothing is going on," I snap.
He sighs and secures a lock of his red hair behind his ear. "You might as well tell me because you know I'm going to hound you until you do."
I look into his beaming face with irritation. How have we been friends for so long? The man is the personification of a golden retriever. He's always happy and smiling, and always in my business.
However, he is right. He will pester me until I tell him.
I clear my throat. "Well, there's someone I'm interested in."
"You're in love?" He claps hands.
"Can you please not squeal like a 10-year-old school girl? And no, I'm not in love. I just met someone recently and I can't seem to stop thinkingabout her."
"That's a good thing. So why do you look like someone peed in your cereal this morning?"
"It's complicated."
"How so?"
"I don't wanna get into it."
"Travis..."
I sigh, close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. "It's Paige..."
It takes Clark a second, but the penny finally drops. "Paige as in Paige DeLisle?"
"Yes," I answer simply.
He is silent for a moment then says, "Give me the full story."
I line up my shot and take it. My ball soars through the air and lands in the pond. Of course.
I shake my head then turn back to Clark. "Ever since we met there has been this charge between us. At first, I thought it was one-sided, but it didn't take long before she started to let on that she felt the same."
"Okay. Is that all? A charge?"
"No..." I attack the grass with my shoe again.
"What? You want me to beg you?"
"Well, we kissed once, and then a few days later we had sex in her office."
"Holy shit!" Clark shakes his head in confusion. "I don't understand. I thought you couldn't stand each other?"
"I guess it's not that we can't stand each other. It's that we challenge each other. As it would turn out, we both happen to find that arousing."
"So where are the both of you now?"
"After we slept together we both agreed it was not the smartest decision we'd ever made. We decided that it wouldn't happen again."
"Well, at least the two of you came to your senses in the end, because anything between you would be a bad idea."
"You think so?"
"What? Did you think I was going to encourage this?"
"Well, you're the one who's always encouraging me to go out and find the next Mrs. Caldwell."
"Yeah,go outand find Mrs. Caldwell. Not look for her in one of your companies. She is an employee. Do I have to explain to you how horribly that could end for you?"
"She isn't like that."
"And how the hell do you know that? You've known this woman for what, two, three months? Also, even if you did know her better, if things don't end with a happily ever after between the both of you, people have been known to act spitefully in the midst of heartbreak. Can you be sure that she isn't vindictive enough to cry sexual harassment if you hurt her? You are her superior. You shouldn't even be entertaining this."
"Listen, I feel like you're putting the cart before the horse. We're not talking about a relationship here. I'm still at the point where I'm trying to figure out exactly how I feel and what that means. If it ever comes to a relationship I am covered because we would report it to HR and do everything on the up and up."
"Okay but do you want to get a reputation as the guy who dates his employees?"
"Clark, I'm 51. I've never dated an employee in my entire career. If I happen to do so now, I doubt that would be a problem."
"Well, what about the age difference? Like you just said, you are 51 and she's in her 20s. You are at different stages of life. What can you possibly have in common?"
"First of all, Paige isn't in her 20s. She's 29 and will be 30 in a couple of months.
"That is a distinction without a difference."
I wave him off. "Also, she is wise beyond her years."
"I don't know... Even if she is a mature 29, it's still not an age-appropriate relationship. I mean, you're old enough to be her father, for God's sake."
"Yes, but I am not actually her father."
Clark sighs. "Listen, I know you're going to do whatever you want at the end of the day, because you are you, but I just think it's a lot of stress that can be avoided."
"But that's just the thing. I'm not sure that it can be avoided. I'm starting to develop real feelings for her. It's not just lust, although there's plenty of that, but I actually feel something for her. You know I haven't felt like this about anyone in a long time. I'm not sure that I can just move on."
"Well, it sounds to me like you've made your decision. I would just advise you to proceed with caution, because this has every potentiality of going wrong. I would hate to see your life blown up as a result of recklessness."
"Actually I haven't made any decisions yet. I still have a lot to think about, but yes, I agree with you. This is not a decision to be made lightly. Whatever I choose to do will be well thought out."
"Well I'm happy to hear that. Although I will say I hope you choose to let this go."
Clark takes his next shot. As I watch the ball hurtle through the air I'm not sure his advice is something I will be physically able to take.