Colton fixes his gaze on me, stalling his pacing, and exhales loudly. His whole posture is stiff and tense, and I can feel his stress levels hitting the roof, even at a distance. The weight of his emotion pulling my insides tight.
“We can’t keep ignoring what happens to them. We’ve done it for too long, and this time, if we do it again, none of them will be alive by morning. I can’t fail them anymore…. what kind of alpha does that make me?” He drops his chin to his chest, breaking his focus on me, and I catch the moist sheen over his eyes from here as he battles with the turmoil of this situation. His guilt is heavy because I know he’s struggled all these months with what to do about the ones we left behind. It’s plagued him endlessly.
“We could warn them, make them leave… get those out that we can in daylight. I mean, they still need darkness to attack, right? So, we have time?” Carmen tries to find a solution with a somewhat upbeat tone as she perches on the edge of her seat. I sink my head into my hands and rub my temples in defeated exhaustion. My brain is throbbing, and emotions are simultaneously strangling me. Anxiety is growing and hemming me in at the wall and hard place we find ourselves lodged.
“If they want them that badly, no matter where we take them, they’ll still come. And we don’t have room here, not for the long run. Colton’s right. If this is what he needs to end this, there’s no outrunning it. We have to go there and protect who we can and let Varro kill who he needs to while making sure Juan isn’t one of them.” Meadow is the voice of reason as this all swirls inside my head and makes me dizzy. I know this is because of me, and I can’t accept that the losses and deaths, all of this, came out of my being conceived. I can’t process it.
“Son of a bitch… fuck stupid mate bonds.” Radar snorts through gritted teeth, his anger flaring in his raspy tone. He storms off towards the bookcase before slamming a fist into a row of them and sending them scattering to the floor with a clattering noise, giving me a jolt as he does so. My heart is hammering as I recover from flinching at his sudden aggressive display, but it only adds to my uptight tetchiness. It’s no guessing where his anger is focused, making me feel worse. If only Radar had been Sierra’s fated mate, then maybe everything would have been so different.
I exhale, throw my head back on my chair, and try to relax my sprawled body. I Inhale slowly as nausea rises around me and pushes out the deafening guilt that’s building. I only end up stiff as a board and unable to release the tightness of my shoulder muscles as tears fog out my vision. Hormones are making this worse, and I’m already exhausted to the point that I can’t think straight.
“There’s maybe a chance I ….. if I can see Jasper and my father. Maybe I can talk to them, stop this. Maybe I can somehow….” I don’t even know. I’m deflated, grasping, and consumed by all this responsibility, and feel completely useless. This is partly about me, so shouldn’t I be able to fix it?
Didn’t the fates pick me because of all of this? Why don’t I have the answers if they have guided me all along? What good am I? Or my gifts that can’t be used. I don’t get why it seems when I might have a purpose, the fates throw in a curveball and render me useless all over again.
“You heard Jasper… Santo is the enemy and won’t stop until he takes revenge. Not even the mate bond could make a difference, not his sister being alive, and certainly not pleading.” Carmen sounds bitter, pulling me to sit slightly with her tone, and I look at her. Catching her eye and biting my lip at the surging pain as I recognize her inner sadness. I’m not ready to admit defeat when we still have hope, even if she seems to be. She deadpan locks her gaze on mine and unflinchingly shakes her head as though telling me this is not a solution.
“Maybe the two of us, ready to stand before him and die… maybe that will make a difference. I know my brother; he’s not evil. He’s not a killer. He’s in pain, and he has a stubborn head and a loyal heart, and he thinks this is what he needs to stop the agony in his existence.” I mumble, attempting to appeal to her, trying to send some begging message, hoping to invest her in this a little more. Her closed-off expression and bleak and cold aura tell me she isn’t buying it. I know what she’s thinking. That this is futile, and she won’t be humiliated at my brother’s hands for a second time when it will change nothing.
“Well, I guess I better come along and try and do damage control. I mean, I was planning on heading out, but as the vampires hired me to solve the issue of Varro returning home, and I’m not quite done with that…. guess we march to your mountain.” Leyanne cuts in abruptly, bringing everyone’s attention back to her and her steady and nonchalant tone. She doesn’t seem like anything in this world fazes her. It’s like she announced we were going grocery shopping and not taking control of a decision to fight in a battle to the death.
“You can stop him from killing Juan, right?…. If we fail, if all goes to shit.” Colton is the one eyeing her now, homing in on her usefulness, and I can tell by the surge of hope he gives off that he thinks the witch might have influence. My heart sinks because I know him so well. Nothing will sway him from marching there now his mind is made up, and despite everything, he will fight to protect his people even if they turn on us when we get there. He already knows it’s what we’ll do, and he’s already planning. I don’t want to do this, but I know it’s happening. She shrugs at him and then exhales slowly and heavily.
“Yes… I can protect your sniveling weaselly old man if that’s what you need. It won’t be too much of an inconvenience… You know, if Sierra hadn’t used one of my spells to bind her life to Alora, this would have been an easy fix.” Leyanne gestures to the twins to move their legs as she looks like she’s planning on leaving the room by walking past the couch where they’re sitting. Her faint smile on show, and that indifferent vibe once more. “Just saying.” She adds with a hair flick before she wanders off, obviously done with this meeting and knowing what her part is in it. She doesn’t seem like she wants to sit and mull it over now that she knows her role.
I scowl at her parting words, along with most sat present, and disagree with her silently while separately glaring after her. Tied to Juan or not, Sierra should never be put at risk. That witch really is a cold and heartless one if she thinks sacrificing a life is the answer to everything.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck … fucking, fuck!!” Colton’s spew of expletives and his hostile and loud elbow ramming into the bookcase near him startles me and the room with the sudden outburst. “We need to recall the pack, pick out the strongest, and apologize for making them do this all over fucking again! Then head to the mountain before dusk. God dammit. Fuck my life….. Most of them haven’t had a chance to recover, and now I’m asking them to put their lives on the line all over again.” He vents and kicks the wastebin across the floor with an impressive thrust to the desk, leaving it dented as it attempts a wonky roll under a chair. All eyes following and quietly understanding his need to get the aggression out.
“The pack will do what’s needed. Not for you, but for them. The ones we left behind. They’re our familia. We won’t abandon them this time.” Meadow soothes him from her seated position, but the heaviness in the air is suffocating, and I know everyone feels the same way.