Jon
“I’m sick and I fainted, tell him it’s a bad idea,” Lydia whispered into the receiver. “Do something!”
“Dove, it’s a dinner and if anything, eating would be good to help stop you from fainting again.”
I didn’t blame Lydia for panicking; when I got the haphazard text that she had fainted and was currently in the hospital, I nearly ended up in the same emergency room with how fast I threw myself off of the weight bench. When Patrick finally answered his goddamn phone, he had already been given some sort of sedative to calm him down and in that drug-induced state he got chummy with Michelin Montgomery, inviting not just himself and Lydia for dinner, but also me and Maritza.
Now I was busy digging through my own medicine cabinets to find something that would keep me both sane and pleasant through dinner. Panic was long gone for me, now it was just doomed acceptance. I was also talking out my ass in the hope that it would calm her a little bit.
“Stress isn’t good for the baby or me!” she screamed.
She was hysterical, I pressed my hand to my forehead and counted to five, just listening to her shaky breathing and sniffles. Her high-strung emotions reminded me of when we had first started sleeping with her, and I wasn’t quite sure that I trusted Patrick to have the gentle touch to help calm her down.
“Dove,” I said, striving to be soft spoken for her. “It’s going to be alright, just a little awkward at first. I have to leave here in a minute, but I promise it will be okay when I get there.”
She sniffled loudly this time. “You promise that you’re coming?”
I smirked and grabbed the bottle of ibuprofen. “I have to be there to take care of my baby, don’t I?”
“I don’t know if you’re referring to me or the actual baby but either way the answer is yes.” She sighed and I heard her thank someone. “Here, talk to Patrick.”
I rolled my eyes and went back out to the bedroom with the pills and my suit jacket in hand. Was a full suit too much? What the hell were you supposed to wear to meet the parents? I’d already met Danielle, at least I was pretty much guaranteed not to get punched in the face this time around.
Patrick’s voice suddenly cut through the silence. “She’s fine, she’s got her hot chocolate and despite how the doctor made it sound, I’m not starving her.”
“I didn’t talk to the doctor, but that’s good to hear. Is she half as hysterical as she sounds?”
“No, she’s pretty good actually. She’s currently taking her irritation out on a pack of licorice.”
I snickered. Hysteria, fainting spells, and a sweet tooth to rival a child’s. Either I managed to find women that didn’t take well to pregnancy or my babies cursed them with the worst parts of pregnancy.
“Alright, that’s good to hear at least. Now what the fuck do you expect me to wear to this thing?” I held up the brilliant red tie and frowned. Red was his colour and I knew he was already wearing a red shirt. We couldn’t match. “Tie and a jacket or just a nice button up?”
“Dress shirt and jeans. Those dark wash ones at the back that you never wear, no belt. And don’t tuck it in, you’re not bald enough for that.”
“You don’t have to be balding to tuck your shirt in.” I held the blue shirt up and eyed myself in the mirror. “Should I shave?”
“I’m not your mother.”
“Well, thank god for that, the woman has been dead for eight years.” May she rest in peace.
“Look, you’re forty-seven, I trust you to dress yourself. Now finish getting ready, we’ll be there in about twenty minutes.”
I stopped. “You’re coming back here?”
“Just changing cars, I’ll leave the Jag there and we can all take the Pullman. I just thought it made more sense.” He paused. “Why, is something wrong?”
“You can’t bring Lydia up here,” I warned. “I’ve got everything ready for tonight and I can’t spoil the surprise.”
Patrick laughed and promised not to, in the same breath he told me quickly that he had to go and that they would be in the garage shortly. I tossed my phone on the bed when he disconnected and quickly ran to the closet to finish getting dressed. The ring I had ordered Lydia had come in and I had to pick it up at the jewellers earlier. Now it sat in the spare bedroom while the whole downstairs patio and dining room had been transformed into a dreamlike space with gauzy curtains, fluffy pillows, and dozens of flowers.
Patrick and I had worked on it together; a place where I could have my own proposal to her and where the three of us would celebrate the engagement. His had been spur of the moment, made when he was certain that they both wanted to be together, mine was to prove that I wanted this to be as meaningful as their relationship. Despite legal title differences, there wouldn’t be any other distinction between us. Maybe one day I would be comfortable enough to give Patrick a ring, or something similar, but for now this was enough.
I promised myself not to dwell on the plans, on how he would take her to the balcony where I would already be waiting, I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it through dinner if I spent all evening thinking about what was to come. Instead, I forced myself to think about how well I knew the Montgomery’s and how much I desperately didn’t want to have to introduce myself as the boyfriend of their adopted daughter. Michelin and Lewis were good people; smart, kind, no-nonsense types, and I knew this was going to be a little awkward for everyone all around.
The longer I’m away from the office, the weaker I get, I thought with a flash of annoyance. Where was the man that was known for doing what he had to without flinching? Where was the shark? I met my gaze in the mirror as I finished brushing my teeth and stared blankly. I’d softened for Lydia, so had Patrick, and it made me feel lost. If I’d softened for Christine, would she have stayed? The question hung in my mind, taunting me with it’s cutting edge. Lydia wasn’t a replacement for Chrissy, and I couldn’t forget about her overnight. Probably ever. I just prayed that Lydia could understand that.
With a shake of my head, I finished getting ready and grabbed my trench coat off the railing on my way out the door, the ring carefully tucked away in my pocket.
The driver was downstairs a few minutes after me and Lydia and Patrick weren’t long getting back to the building. She stepped out of the Jag carefully, clinging to the door for extra support. I reached out to steady her in the too tall heels. She shivered in the cold and leaned into my side for extra warmth while Pat locked up the car and came around the back.
“Small change of plans; Michelin’s husband was already working on dinner when she called so we’re all going over to their place instead.”
“Are you ever going back to your apartment?”
He shrugged. “Only to supervise the movers eventually but it’s not really necessary.” He paused and glanced at Lydia. “I offered you my jacket,” he said when he caught sight of her shivering.
“It’ll ruin my outfit,” she replied. “Besides, it’s like five minutes total that we’re spending outside.”
I glanced down at her and frowned. Her dress was too short for this kind of weather and no coat. I slipped mine off and ignored her protests while I draped it over her shoulders.
“Now you can give me your jacket,” I teased Pat.
He laughed and Lydia glowered at us as we got into the Maybach.
The three of us chatted about the venue but not for long considering it was such a sore spot between them. I didn’t even know if she remembered that we had houses to look at later this week. There was a lot on everyone’s plate but the house was currently my responsibility. All I had to do was find some places that met her prerequisites, bring them by for their say, then continue the deal.
By far, Patrick had the worse end of the stick considering Lydia’s list of wants for a house was that it had a roof and maybe a balcony on the master bedroom but her list of wants for the wedding venue was longer than my arm. Plus, I still had a few months to find a house, Patrick had a few weeks to find a venue.
I pulled Lydia closer to my side and rested my head on hers. I could see their fingers entwined with their hands resting on his leg. Pat took care of Lydia in his own way, and despite my doubt at times, I guess I could see that it worked for them.
The drive down to SoHo was slow and winding, snow was finally beginning to stick to the ground and dusted the tops of every tree. The Rockefeller tree had already been lit, Lydia had watched enthralled as the massive tree lit up the entire square and had raved about how she wanted a big tree in the living room too. Christmas was around the corner and I wished time would just stop for a minute to let us breathe.
By the time we arrived at the Montgomery’s townhouse, I had finally convinced myself that this might be a half-decent dinner. After all, I’d known Michelin and Lewis for years – since Mari was in preschool, they wouldn’t turn on me overnight. And they already loved Lydia, what more could I expect?
The car pulled up in front of the tall brown-brick building with garland framing the sunken door, a large wreath with a bow on the front hung over the knocker, and each of the windows had a string of Christmas lights surrounding it.
The driver got out and opened my door for us expectantly. I stepped onto the sidewalk and held out my hand for Lydia to follow, she and Patrick got out behind me and immediately she ran for the door as it swung open. Allison stood there and the two squealed as they clung to each other. So much for being nervous. I smirked and cocked my eyebrow at Pat who just sighed and shoved me toward the door with him.
“What is this? Do you just go out looking like housewife?” Allison demanded as she held her friend at arm’s length.
“Yes, and I look good, stop ragging on it.” Lydia dusted off the purple dress with a flourish. “Now come on, let me in before my feet start aching.”
The girl rolled her eyes and threw the door wide for us. I stepped in behind Lydia and was immediately engulfed in the scent of dinner. Something garlicy. I was already salivating.
Lydia kicked her shoes off and despite my reservations, Pat and I followed suit.
“Come on,” she urged, gesturing for us to follow. “I can’t keep mom waiting.”
Allison laughed and told her that Michelin was just thrilled to have her back at the house for dinner. Lydia wasn’t the only child they fostered, but to my knowledge she was the only one that they were still in contact with.
The girls gave us a short tour of the townhouse, showing off the Christmas tree in the upstairs library and then leading us into the living room to sit while Michelin finished up downstairs. Maritza was curled up on the blue couch under the large window overlooking the back garden. She craned her neck as we came in and I watched her smile twist into a grimace as she quickly looked away.
“Oh, don’t be like that, it’s not like they’re here to harass you,” Allison scolded. “Come on, let’s get the awkwardness out of the way.”
“I don’t think that’s happening any time soon,” Lydia muttered.
Allison shot her a scathing look while Patrick laughed. Inside I wanted the entire building to collapse. It was easy to pretend that we had worked out all of our problems, but it was a lot harder to stare head on at my problems for several hours and pretend they didn’t exist. Like Lydia being younger than my daughter. I couldn’t exactly ignore that when they were both in the same room.
“Patrick, Lydia, good to see you,” Mari greeted reluctantly. “Jonathan.”
Oh, Mari… “I dare you to greet your mother by her name and see what happens,” I said dryly.
“Mama wouldn’t bring her husband and her sidepiece to the same dinner,” she retorted.
“Wait, does that make Pat the husband and me the sidepiece?” Lydia asked suddenly. “I thought one of you was making an honest woman out of me.”
Pat sighed heavily. “Nobody has a sidepiece, no one has a right to be angry with anyone else, we’re all just here to have dinner and make nice for a few hours. Can we all manage that?”
Mari jumped out of her chair and pointed at me. “I want to talk to you two for a minute. Privately.”
Lydia looked first to Patrick and then myself before they both stepped forward. “No,” Maritza snapped. “Just Lydia and my dad, you and I don’t have anything to talk about.”
Allison offered to show Patrick some stuff from their teens and despite Pat’s clear unease at leaving her side, he agreed and followed the other woman upstairs
Lydia went and took a seat on the plush chair by the couch, tucking her feet up under her like she always did, and quickly brought her thumb to her mouth, idly gnawing at the nail. I went to her side while Mari paced back and forth, gently taking her hand in mine to stop the bad habit. When she had fake nails, she usually wouldn’t chew on them, but when she was anxious enough that wouldn’t stop her.
Maritza stopped suddenly and spun on her heel to face us.
“What exactly is this?” she demanded. “I don’t want a song and dance, I don’t want to hear whatever story you’ve spun for the media, I just want to know what to expect going forward.”
“Mari, please, I’m not trying to make this harder, Lydia and I are just as new to this situation as you are.” Sort of, anyway. Chrissy and I had been swingers for years while we raised Maritza, now the only difference was that my relationships weren’t so private. But she was a big girl now, and no matter how sad it made me to know she was grown up, I knew that this wasn’t nearly as strange to her as she thought.
“Mari, come here,” I whispered as I reached for her. Tears seeped down her cheeks and she quickly hid her face against my shoulder. “It’s going to be okay, sweetheart.”
“No, it’s not!” she sobbed. “Where have you been? Mama’s been AWOL since the divorce, you’re having another baby, and every time I turn around, you’re moving further away.”
“I’m not going anywhere, and neither is Mama, she just needs some time alone right now,” I soothed. “And this baby isn’t taking me away from you.”
“Everything is falling apart!” She sniffed and wiped her eyes while I rubbed her back.
“Oh, sweetheart,” I murmured as I rocked us back and forth.
There was nothing else to say, no other apologies that I knew how to make. I held Maritza to me for a long while, tuning out the laughter and chatter I could hear downstairs. My only daughter was more upset than I had ever seen her and I had no idea how to fix it. It was so much easier when she was small, when I could explain every problem away with bad luck and monsters under the bed, when the good days outnumbered the bad ten-to-one.
No one asked for a fractured family, and there was no easy way to deal with what happened when two people fell out of love slowly over the course of a decade. But my love for Mari wouldn’t fade or falter, and I’d spent every day of my life putting her first. She was an adult now though, and I knew that it was okay to put myself first now. I had to be there for my new baby and the mother of my child the way I was for Mari and Chrissy twenty-six years ago.
“We’re going to go downstairs and have a nice dinner with the Montgomery’s,” I promised her. “And tomorrow, you and I are going to go for dinner and a movie like we used to. How does that sound to you?”
She nodded against my shoulder. “You mean that?”
“Of course, I do. My life might be changing but that doesn’t mean you aren’t going to be a part of it.”
We pulled apart and I waited while she blotted her eyes and cleaned up. She looked so much like her mom, it was hard to be like this with her and not think about what it was like when it was just the three of us.
I took her arm in mine and led us down to the dining room where everyone was gathered.
The large glass table was set with a beautiful poinsettia centrepiece and crystal glassware. In the centre was a bowl of pasta, on either side was a salad and garlic bread. Lewis and Michelin headed up either end of the table; Michelin was laughing as she poured herself a glass of the red wine and Lewis sunk back in his chair as he shook his head. Lydia was beside her foster mother and across from her sat Allison.
Lydia was with her true family, her real mother. And no matter what Pat and I had given her, I’d never seen her look this happy.
I took my spot between Patrick and Lewis, the older man grinned and clapped a hand on my shoulder. His son came down a few minutes after us and suddenly the entire table was full. I watched Allison give my daughter a kiss on the cheek and top up her glass as they leaned into each other, all the while my hand was hidden behind Patrick’s back, holding Lydia’s hand.
There were no heavy topics over dinner; Michelin felt Lydia’s bump, she showed off the ring and they promised to be there to help plan the baby shower when Lydia went public with the pregnancy. Allison and Maritza announced they were moving in together while we waited between dinner and dessert, to which I wanted to break down crying at the table myself but managed to stay composed for.
Michelin teared up and reached for a napkin before hugging her daughter excitedly. Lewis leaned in to me while they were distracted to whisper that he was glad that it was them and not a stranger.
Pat and I helped clear away the dishes later on and I found myself alone with Michelin in the kitchen at the island.
“It’s gotta be hard,” she remarked softly. “Seeing your only child moving on for good.”
I chuckled and took a spot at the counter. “Mari and Allison have both been out of the house for years, it’s just hard knowing that she doesn’t just need me anymore.”
Michelin scoffed and slid a drink across to me. “They’ll always need you, even when they move a thousand miles away. It’s just that they’re finally ready to fly on their own and you know you’ll never really be the center of their world again.”
“Well, I’m about to start all over again with Lydia. I get to be the center of someone’s world for a little while longer at least.”
“Lydia’s included.”
I leaned against the counter and watched as she loaded the dishes into the machine. “That’s what matters isn’t it? That she’s happy?”
Michelin stopped and met my gaze defiantly. “Jon, Lydia would be happy with twenty-dollars and a hug. She isn’t difficult to please.”
I looked away, staring intently down at the dark marble countertop. “I don’t want to be the reason that she’s no longer in your life. I just want to know that this won’t drive you and Lewis away.”
“Nothing is going to drive us away. I’ve been a part of Lydia’s life since she was thirteen, I drove her to the rehab clinic, I bought her dresses for both graduation ceremonies. She and Allison were dates to each other’s proms. I’m not leaving now.”
Michelin was truly her mother. She blotted at the rogue tears under her eyes and set the tray in the sink to soak. “She loves you, she talks about you a lot. She told Patrick and I all about how you want to be there for the birth and she doesn’t think she could do it without you.”
Michelin laughed and rubbed her face tiredly. “A home birth. I think she’s nuts.”
“She is, but I’m sure you know what it’s like trying to talk her out of something.”
“Oh, I know.” She shook her head and glanced away. “She’s more like her mother than she realizes.”
“Danielle?”
Michelin nodded.
“And Danielle, she’s not exactly—"
“Danielle isn’t a bad woman,” Michelin interrupted swiftly. “She was sick. She still is sick. Lydia can only see her the way she did as a child, just like in her world her father was this amazing man who could do no wrong. Lydia has problems of her own, Jon. Those don’t disappear overnight, especially when her therapy has been spotty at best.” She paused and came around to my side of the counter. “I heard about what happened in Monterey. And I just want you to know that sort of behaviour isn’t like her, not anymore and she wants to apologize for being aggressive.”
“Are you in contact with Danielle?” I asked quietly.
She nodded again. “I am. Lewis and I paid for her to go to rehab a few years ago on the condition that she stay out of Lydia’s life for the time being. It wasn’t good for her to be in school and have that stress. She’s sober now, ran off with one of the doctors at the clinic and had a baby with him.”
“Lydia knows she had a baby but not that she’s remarried.”
“How do you know she’s remarried?”
“Marriage records are public facing and one of the first things a private investigator looks into.” It seemed like the best way to do research at the time.
Michelin sighed and took a seat on the stool. There was a bout of laughter from the dinning room that drew our attention and I smiled to myself as I caught Lydia giving Pat a kiss on the cheek in the mirror.
“I really do want her to be happy. I know that she has a lot of baggage but honestly, who doesn’t?”
Michelin’s gaze met mine again and I could see the sadness in it. A lifetime of pain and heartache and trying to put other families back together and now I was threatening to take her little girl away. “I just don’t want her to get hurt,” she said shakily. “She and Patrick spent the first three months of their relationship fighting, going back and forth, and now there’s three of you and I have to question how much this is a detour and a game at your age and how much is real. She isn’t a toy, Jon.”
“I never said she was.”
Maybe at first I had seen Lydia as little more than a nice distraction and a sex toy to use how I pleased, one that was eager to be used, but things had changed. I’d deciphered exactly what I wanted. Lydia had been up front about what she wanted from the beginning.
“She’s my girl,” Michelin remarked softly. “Patrick is clearly head over heels for her, he hasn’t left her alone all night and god knows he was ready to knock the nurse flat at the hospital…”
“A man?” I ventured.
“How did you guess?”
I laughed loudly and covered my mouth, not wanting to disturb anyone. “Yes, he has some jealousy issues.”
“And that’s supposed to bode well with whatever this—” she waved her hand at me. “—is?”
“Let’s not get into that right now.”
“You’re losing your touch at deflecting.”
“And you’re about to marry off one daughter and watch the other move away with her girlfriend, I think you have bigger issues than whether Patrick and I have jealousy problems.”
She sighed and pulled me off the chair, dragging me forcefully back to the dinning room. “You and I are going to have a very long conversation one of these days, Jon.”