"There will be some changes here from now on."
I glued my eyes to a little crack on the wall. Staring so intensely at it, my eyes itched. I pushed the time a little further before blinking each time, pulled everything I had in me to study each branch of the crack spread out until it faded.
"We can only speak in admiration of Madam Betty's past triumphs. Her dedication, hard work, and the positive impact she has made are truly commendable."
He moved like a dark, uneven shadow. Forcing myself to breathe slower, I pressed myself to breathe deeper, one after the other.
I swear the little crack became clear. New details appeared like art, and my surroundings phased out. Slowly, it blended until, eventually, that little crack. All the way on the other side of the room, that magical spiderweb had deeper shades where the crack ran deeper, so the center of it was the darkest. Some ran deep until they suddenly flew up and into nothing, but the most fascinating part was the smaller ones. Tiny, some nearly invisible.
"However, times are changing. We must keep up, be ahead of the right changes, and help them along. It is evolution, as simple as that. We evolve, adapt, and secure!"
That darker figure constantly broke my direct vision. His shadow figure blended like water paint when two water drops splashed down right on your nice small strokes of color. Back and forth. He paced back and forth through the room while blabbering to himself. His voice is the only thing I am not able to wash away around me, breaking through the fog and blurred background. His arms waved around as he talked, gesturing with his entire body, highlighting his arms. He pointed, waved, and swished the air around him before he crossed them on his lower back, mumbling at the floor as he walked from one end of the room to the other and back again. He shook his head slowly, lifting it suddenly with an annoyed huff.
"She will not change. Of course not; she is a proud woman with an even prouder ego. That very part of her personality is what made her so perfect for the job in the first place. However, she is not smart enough to understand that some changes are inevitable. Only a fool runs into a war of flying bullets and arrows with a knife!"
He got himself worked up again. His voice grew higher, and he gesticulated even wider around him. He lifted his hands higher, with faster movements. I didn't care. I didn't want to hear it! But no matter how hard I stared at that crack, no matter how focused I forced myself to be while studying every single string of splinted wood, His voice was there. Breaking through everything, demanding to be heard, craving it. But I ignored it. My fingers ached to reach out to the darkest shades in that little crack. Press my fingers into it, curl up around the nearest edge, and pull. Pull myself in. Into the darkest shades, the deepest cracks, and let me disappear into nothing.
"Then why didn't she accept the merge? It would have been perfect! A blend of old traditions, there for a reason, and new demands and changes the fay people need and crave! She knew this would happen; she knew! "
Suddenly, he stopped. His back turned, but I saw the change in his composure. Even now, when I could still keep him as a slightly blurred color splatter in the edges of my vision, I saw it. I noticed his back growing wider as he slowly squared his shoulders and straightened his back. The room was filled with confidence, acceptance, and pride. His energy rose like a heavy cloud, so thick it could be seen.
The Fay Lord's momentary anxiety walkabout-breakdown just got shut off. Back to the man he was when he arrived, he was only more determined and convinced of his right. The mysterious Lord that could scare Betty, the man I had only seen the back of just earlier. Muscles around my chest cramped and tightened together. Constricted me like a snake, tightening his grip each time I breathed out. The back of my throat felt like an open soar, burning my skin but still blocking my airflow. The soar grew like a tumor in my throat, and finally, the tears in my eyes spilled over. I gasped for air through clenched teeth and blinked like I was having a seizure.
Anger grew inside me as those salty little drops spilled over my cheeks and down my chin. How could I be that stupid? I knew better! It was so obvious; things like this never happened. Hope was a mere fairytale. The knight with shining armor was never anything but a dream. I disappointed myself for it. I hated myself for it. My skin burned and ached, but my insides pained me the same way. Reality slapped me in the face. Memories and images flashed through my mind. They exploded inside my head: the humiliation, sorrow, pain, and useless tears and screams. Something inside me broke. I felt it snap. Break right off.
"Look at you! Go clean up. Be done by the time I come back."
His thumb lifted my chin up before he gripped it. His painfully hard hold forced my mouth open like a gaping fish, and he still tightened his grip. His beautiful, deep blue eyes sparkled at me, swirling like deep and dangerous waters- pure beauty soaked in evil.
He didn't save me.
He didn't find me valuable or essential.
I never had any hope; the light in the tunnel had been an illusion.
I am merchandise. He scolded Betty for possibly ruining the product by leaving a scar.
"Get in there. Keep the door closed until I am back."
I heard him bark orders right before the door slammed shut. He kept mumbling on the door's other side before marching away. Seconds later, the door opened, and two massive guards stepped in. They closed the door behind them and locked it. Placing their feet wide apart, they learned their weight back and crossed their hands on the back- more humiliation.
Both men stared right ahead, stone-faced; they just stood there and stared into nothing. Completely naked. My body was covered in marks, cuts, and bruises. My knees shook even before I pressed my feet against the cold floor. My ruin in plain sight. Every muscle cried with each movement, like a crumbling, dried-up leaf; I crackled my way into the bathroom. Slowly and pathetic. But my tears had stopped. The burning lump growing in my throat fell like a stone and disappeared. The anxiety-riddled muscle grip around my chest and lungs loosened its grip. All I felt now was pain. The pain I knew- the pain I could handle.
I just lost focus for a moment.
It will never happen again. Trust and hope are for naive kids. This needs to stop. I need to get out of here and stop drowning myself in my own self-pity. Do what you do best: run!