POV: Lyra
I immediately regretted teasing. "I'm so sorry, Orion. I shouldn't have—"
He assured me hastily, neural sparks intensifying through our joined hands. "No, star-heart, don't apologize."
My skin shifted to guilty grey. "I think I should just let us finish our nutrients before I ask any further questions."
He chuckled lightly, his pathways warming. "It doesn't affect my appetite, Lyra. I just..." He ran his hand through his dark hair—that unusual feature for a Lyrokan. "I love my mother but sometimes I just wish she wasn't so blindly loyal to my father."
I cocked my head to one side, my eye facets catching the station's ambient light as I looked at him, bewildered.
Orion explained, "My mother, for as long as she functioned, never went against my father's directives. What's worse was that she would support everything he did. It felt like she never had an opinion. She was well-educated in the Core academies. Surely, she could have contributed in some way. But my father never believed in sharing power with his match so he never let her touch anything concerning the Empire's affairs. Aunt Reida would transmit for hours about how my mother should insist on doing something as Empress. But my mother would just dismiss her own sister's concerns and advice, saying that my aunt didn't understand her position. As an Empress, I don't recall her doing anything besides standing next to my father and waiting to be greeted and have beings bow to her. It's just..." he sighed again, "I love her, truly. She was a good mother. But... honestly, why didn't she do anything with the power she had? Why didn't she question my father from time to time? I mean, not everything he did was good."
"Do you think she would've survived that long if she questioned Emperor Lucas?" I asked.
Orion's pathways flickered with amusement. "You're actually defending an Empress who did close to nothing, my love?"
I pushed my empty plate to the side. "I'm not defending her. I'm just trying to understand her. She definitely loved him, maybe more than he loved her. You see, Orion..." I gathered my thoughts, watching my skin shift through contemplative colors. "Some beings would give everything up to please the one they fancy. Some are more than happy to lose it all if it meant that the one they are after would choose them."
Orion's pathways pulsed with confusion. "Is it even worth it? Losing yourself for the sake of going after someone else?"
I scoffed, my skin flashing cynical silver. "You're asking the wrong being, darling. I was this close to rejecting you to keep my life. These questions aren't meant to be answered by a cold-blooded creature like myself."
He wasn't satisfied with my response, pressing further through our bond. "But how would you know how these beings think and what they're willing to give up? You're definitely not like that."
I bit my bottom lip, my uneasy gaze fixed on the chrome table between us, skin cycling through uncomfortable purples and blues. "I wasn't always like how I am now, Orion. I'm not the perfect Empress you keep telling me that I am. There was... a time in my life when I was one of those beings, especially when it came to my first match."
I sighed in despair and shook my head disapprovingly before continuing, "Looking back, I still can't help but see how naïve and stupid I was to think that I should try to recalibrate myself for him or for anyone else. And how I would get upset when I couldn't be what he wanted me to be."
I leaned toward Orion and met his gaze, our bond pulsing with shared emotion. "The thing is, Orion, when you're bonded, you want to feel wanted, special and adored. When we don't get those things, we'll try to change something to get our counterpart's attention. Your mother probably just wanted your father to be happy. And he was happy with her saying and doing nothing so that was what she did."
Orion's expression hardened, his pathways darkening as he stroked my hand lovingly, sending waves of concern through our connection. "What did you make yourself change for your first match?"
I chuckled lightly, my skin shifting to ironic gold. "Well, it was a problem of my physical dimensions so I really couldn't change anything, darling. I wanted to, desperately. But I couldn't. I then started looking at my reflection in the holo-mirrors and entering rest cycles with distress more and more often because of my size. Juan's mother, Commander Janice, practically took Juan and me on a one-week leave to a resort station away from all reflective surfaces just to calm my neural patterns. When we returned, they even removed the full-body scanner I had in my quarters."
I chuckled again at the memory but Orion's face remained hard, his pathways pulsing with protective anger as he continued to stroke my small, smooth hand in slow motions. So that was why my consciousness never sparked with happiness when he complimented my appearance.
Seeing his serious silence, I added, "That was many cycles ago, Orion. It was one of the earlier data logs of my life. I've evolved significantly since then."
He pressed his lips to my hand deeply, neural sparks cascading through me as his sincere purple eyes bore into my multifaceted ones. "Lyra, you are beautiful. And I love you. All of you. You may not see it yet but you are a perfect Empress. Your past doesn't have to be flawless, star-heart. You are flawless just by being able to make peace with it and grow from it."
I smiled politely at the compliment, and Orion knew through our bond that it would take time before I believed him. I was touched by the sincerity flowing through our connection but figured it was the psychic bond compromising his logic, like I was told by match number two from the past.
Not wanting to keep the silence between us any longer, I said casually, "Okay, enough about me. Your mother, is that all? Surely, there are some positive data logs you had with her that you still hold in your memory banks."
He got lost in thought, accessing memories. "Well, my favorite data of her are when she brought me along to visit Aunt Reida and Christian. They even engaged with us until we were five or six cycles old. We'd spend hours there, and I remember Christian and I malfunctioning when we had to leave."
I chuckled as I pictured the young cousins in the manner he described.
Orion continued, "But the best memory I have of her is probably when she assured me that everything was going to be optimal no matter what. Her vocal patterns, her expression. It always calmed the storm in my neural pathways." He looked at me, pathways blazing with affection. "Like how you calm the storm in me." He pressed another kiss to my hand. "But you're better, sweetheart."
I looked at him in discomfort, my skin shifting to distressed orange. "Don't say that, Orion. You shouldn't even be comparing us, we—"
"No, star-heart, just hear me out." He leaned toward me. "She calmed the storm in me by always trying to shield me from the truth. She told me that things would eventually optimize in my favor. Basically, she told me that I would get what I want even if I remained passive. But you..." his pathways blazed with admiration, "You tell me that everything will be optimal by assuring me that there's a way to solve a problem. You remind me that even if things are suboptimal now it doesn't have to stay that way, telling me and showing me that I can do something about it."
I looked even more uncomfortable, skin cycling through distressed colors. "Orion, it's natural for mothers to shield their offspring from dangers and negativities. You really don't have to speak about your mother like that to make me feel good about myself. I can tell you that I'm feeling very uncomfortable right now."
He kissed my hand again before explaining, "I'm not saying it to make you feel better about yourself, sweetheart. I'm telling you that because I wanted to explain how the late Empress's passivity almost cost me my chance with you."
I looked at him and knew through our bond that the subject of the Kyltons was coming up. Orion had to tell me. After last night, he had to make sure everything was laid on the table so I wouldn't be caught off guard again.