"You will never understand Marc, will you?" I said wearily. I focussed my attention back on my cooking and flipped the eggs. "It doesn't matter whatever, I say or do, you will always think the worst of me. there has never been a doubt about the father of my child as I had never allowed anyone to make love to me other than you." I was so annoyed with the way his thought process went and there was no point explaining anything to him as he would make his own conclusion.
"And you allowed me to think that the child was Taylor's! How dare you, Carmen !" I could see his angry face probing me.
"I never said that it was you who made the assumptions about his paternity Marc. Here eat your breakfast, before it gets cold." I said briskly. Trying to get some time to think about the conversation we were about to have after this.
I placed the bowl of porridge and omelette for both of us and sat down to eat it as I was really hungry.
"You never did try to correct my false assumptions, Carmen." Marc shook his head helplessly.
"I tried to tell you Marc but you were not ready to listen to me, actually you refused to listen to me." I shook my head wearily.
"But why did you leave our flat?" he asked abruptly.
"What do you mean?" I said with a confused expression on my face.
"you left Milan and I had no trace whatsoever to contact you? You went to Taylor, didn't you Carmen?" Marc said harshly.
"Oh, what is the use of my denying anything to you Marc, you will believe whatever you want to believe." I cried out. "I was convicted and sentenced six years ago. Now eat your food as it's getting cold. I think we should contact you about Tio's future through our lawyers."
For a moment there was complete silence in the room as Marc gobbled his food down his throat with concentration. It seemed as if he was very hungry.
"That was very tasty Carmen, you are a very good cook! What is the matter? Why aren't you eating?" He said glancing at my half-touched food.
"I am not feeling like eating. It must be a worry for Tio. I will eat later after I visit him in the hospital." I said with a shudder of distaste.
"I think you are also worried about the future, so shall we settle everything down before we go to the hospital," Marc said flatly not giving me a chance to speak. "But tell me where did you go after leaving the flat?"
"Please Marc, I don't want to think about it, not now." I said as I trembled slightly.
"No, Carmen, you have to tell me now." He said stubbornly.
"I also remember that there was a gap for some time after you left the flat and your lawyer contacted me. I want to know where you go, Carmen?"
"The maid must have contacted you, as I did not explain anything to her when I left." I played with my mug nervously.
"Can I have some more tea? And no the maid did not tell me anything."
I poured some tea for him waiting for him to explain.
After drinking it for some time he said. " I returned to the flat after you had left."
I took a deep sigh knowing what all assumptions he had made then.
I poured some tea for him waiting for him to explain.
"Did you return? I never realized that I presumed, you would send for your things later." I said a little hesitantly.
"I did not return for my belongings Carmen." He said dryly.
"Then why? I don't understand." I raised my eyes to look into his disturbingly direct stare and I lowered my glance beneath his penetrating gaze.
" I think you understand very well."
I looked at him trying to understand what he was trying to say and then realized.
" I don't believe you, you're just trying to make me feel even more guilty. You did not have the smallest intention of returning to resume our marriage and even if you had," I felt bitter and added rather sadly, "I've done nothing to be ashamed of. You have!"
I pushed my chair away from the table and began to collect the dishes piling them into the sink. It was something to soothe myself, as I filled the pan with water and soap and began to speak more calmly. As I had to let it out so that he knows everything.
"I received a call a day or two after you left the flat." I was doing my work with concentration and then shook my head not allowing the emotions I was feeling take over me and said. "It doesn't matter anyway. The phone call was to tell me that mom and dad had been in a car accident and I had to come directly to Yorkshire to the hospital where they were admitted."
I glanced towards Marc before continuing but he was absorbed in his world listening to what I had to say. " I don't know how I reached London but when I reached the hospital dad had already passed away. Mom followed suit, a few days after the accident." I shook my head thinking about the things that had happenedback then. I can still feel the pain of losing both my parents simultaneously.
"Afterwards I did not have the energy to do anything. In fact I did not think I could not have coped at all without the help from aunt Beth who is my neighbor and particularly not when I discovered that I was pregnant on top of everything else."
"Fortunately dad had left me enough money to survive until Tio was old enough to go to kindergarten for a few hours. Then I took the secretarial course while I was pregnant, I explained quietly and I managed to find a job at the editorial office, as it fitted well as I could manage with the flexible hours and aunt Beth looked after him if I was late."
"Are you telling me the truth, Carmen? Marc said rather harshly.
"Yes damn it! It's the truth Marc .oh, what's the use Marc what does it matter? it's all in the past and done with and you will never change your opinion of me, whether you check the story or not the only important thing now is Tio's future. I don't care about your opinion about me as you will always think what you had thought about me initially."
Marc steered hastily into the chair. "Whatever the truth of your story it does not alter the fact that you kept my son away from me for six years. My son grew up without knowing his father."
"No, Marc."I protested. "It was you! Your lawyer wrote and told you and you did not want to receive any further communication about the child if you remember?" I informed you.