Chapter 10: Uncertainty
Kanya:
Kaya paced around her room in silence. She didn’t think that a stranger could make her rethink all of her life-choices at once.
When another waiter, who she had been an acquaintance with at the restaurant she worked night shifts at, had told her that she could earn big money by becoming a surrogate…Kaya had been stunned.
She hadn't thought the decision through before registering because she knew that the entire process would be done by doctors and she could always give birth by C-section if a normal birth became complicated. After all, if she never saw the face of the child…she wouldn’t feel attached to it…right?
And it was a lot better option than becoming a whore because that’s what the debt collectors had been threatening her with. They wanted her to work for them in return and they would forget about the debt. Kaya could only think of it as a fate worse than death.
However, now that she had met P’Kla…she felt like he had made her realize some very vital questions in her life that she had never thought raise herself. Her future…what was it going to be like? She was only twenty eight; about to turn twenty nine in a couple months…she had her entire life in front of her.
Yes, she was asexual. Yes, she couldn’t find anyone to embrace her because the thought of being physical with anyone was beyond her imagination. So far, she had yet to find someone who could understand or accept her for who she was and she doubted that she was ever going to find that person. But what about the future? What if she one days finds a person who she wants to be with? And even if she did find that person and they did understand…how patient could that person really be with her? Will they end up cheating on her in the end?
“Are you thinking about what P’Kla said as well?”
Startled, Kaya stopped her pacing to find Kit leaning on the doorjamb with a sullen expression on his face.
“Kit?” Kaya called her brother over. “How long have you been standing here?”
“I just arrived.” Kit walked over to his sister with his hands tucked into his pocket. “I didn’t want to disturb you at first, but…”
“It’s alright, Kit.” Kaya placed a hand on his shoulders. “You don’t have to think about P’Kla’s words too much. Just leave it to me, okay? There’s no need to overthink.”
“But P’Kla was also right na, Phi?” Kit told Kaya in frustration. “What kind of relationship is this? What happens afterwards? Don’t you want to have kids of your own in the future? With the man you love? Don’t you want to get married?”
“Kit…” Kaya wanted so badly to tell her brother, but the words kept getting stuck in her throat.
“There’s no need for you to do all of this!” Kit snapped at his sister, moving away so she couldn’t touch him. “You know I can work to pay off the debt as well? And why do we have to pay off the debt anyways? Where the hell is that scoundrel that borrowed all this money and just left? And why the hell does our debt never decrease?”
“Kit! Don’t talk like that about our father.” Kaya scolded him immediately. “Since when are you so ill-mannered?”
Kit stood looking stunned at his sister. “Are you seriously picking sides with the man who left us, Phi? You’re standing up for the cheater and a scoundrel? Are you out of your mind?”
“Doesn’t matter what he did, Kit!” Kaya shook her head. “He’s still our father, the reason we were born. If we keep cursing him and resenting him, we’re no different from him anyways.”
“Stop it na, Phi!” Kit loved his sister dearly, but sometimes, she was beyond nice to the point that he believed she was just blind to all the darkness in the world. “I can’t let you do this! I can’t let you just have a child with someone just because you want to pay off our debt! I’ll find something to do myself!”
“Kit! Kit!” Kaya chased after him as Kit stormed out of the room in anger, but she was unable to keep up with his long strides as he left the household in a rage, not bothering to look back at his sister even once. “KIT!”
The commotion caught Kim’s attention, who had been outside in the main courtyard to get some fresh air. But as soon as he heard Kaya’s voice, he went to find her immediately.
“Kaya?” He called out when he saw her standing at the stairs of the main house, looking around with a tense expression on her face. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s Kit!” Kaya immediately grabbed onto his arm. “Kim…Kit and I got into a fight and he just…he just stormed out! I couldn’t stop him!”
“It’s okay, it’s okay!” Kim took a hold of Kaya’s shoulders in order to help her calm down. “I’ll go after him, but you need to calm down first.”
“How can I be calm, Kim?” Kaya swallowed, her eyes glazed over as she fought tears. “I…I just don’t know what to do anymore!”
“Hey…” Kim immediately pulled her into his embrace, knowing full well that Kla’s words from earlier had had more of an impact on her than Kaya was letting on.
After dinner, when Kim had gone up to leave her at her room, Kaya had forced a smile to show him that everything was alright, but Kim knew it wasn’t. He also knew that trying Kaya to speak her mind was almost impossible unless she wanted to do it herself. So he had decided to wait for her to come to him on her own. But it seems that her fight with Kit had made her open up to him faster than he had expected.
“You didn’t think it through, did you?” Kim asked later, after he had taken her back to her room once again and set her on her bed to rest. “I knew it from the time you mentioned settling your debt, but I wanted you to come to a realization by yourself.”
“I’m so sorry…” Kaya looked at her best friend, knowing that she must have hurt him unintentionally. “I…”
“There’s no rush, Kaya.” Kim sighed as he sat at the edge of her bed. “I guess I made it seem like I was hurrying, but come to think of it…we’re still young. We can make a decision later on when you’re ready. But I think for now, I should go find Kit. Do you know where he might be?”
“If I had to guess, I’d say he’s back home by now.” Kaya let out a soft sigh. “Can you please take me to him?”
“There’s no need.” Kim said immediately, getting up from the bed. “I’ll go get him to come back so you two can talk. But you should take this time to rest. I’ll talk to you tomorrow morning at breakfast.”
“Okay.” Kaya nodded as Kim hurried out of the room. She was very grateful for her friend to let her stay here for the weekend because she needed the time off. She needed it to finally figure out exactly what she wanted and how to take care of the debt that had been plaguing their family for over a decade now.
She still needed to make a decision, about what to do from now on and how to proceed, but for some reason, her heart told her that it was going to be alright now. She was finally reunited with Kim and her friend had always stood beside her in the past, no matter how difficult the hardship.
The only thing she wished for now was to hope that she could come to a truce with her beloved brother.