I don't go with Jett.
I walk into June's bar and slide onto a stool. The music pounds through my skull. Bodies press at the counter, shouting orders over the noise.
June takes one look at my face and pours a double whiskey without asking.
I drink it in two swallows and push the glass back. June refills it. Her eyes narrow but she doesn't say anything yet. By the third drink my edges are blurring. Alcohol still hits young vampires hard. The room tilts slightly.
June comes around the bar and takes my arm, steers me toward the back office. She kicks the door shut behind us.
The office is cramped. Desk buried under paperwork and invoices. Ratty couch against the far wall that smells like beer and old cigarette smoke.
I drop onto the couch and put my face in my hands.
June sits beside me. Doesn't touch. Just waits the way she's been waiting since we were fifteen years old and I showed up at her house with a split lip and nowhere else to go.
My voice comes out cracked and small.
"I think I'm losing myself."
June's hand finds my back, steadies me the way it always has.
"To him?"
I shake my head.
"To everything."
June shifts closer. "Is this about Lucien? Did he do something? Because I swear to god, Nora, if he hurt you—"
"Lucien's gone."
"Gone where?"
"Just gone. It doesn't matter." I press my palms against my eyes. "This isn't about him."
"Then what is it about?"
The words are right there. Pushing against my teeth. Clawing their way up my throat. The truth about what I am now.
June would understand. June always understands. When my parents kicked me out junior year for missing curfew, she hid me in her basement for two weeks. When I dated Cole and he got too rough, she was the one who showed up at his apartment with her dad's baseball bat.
But this is different.
If I make June complicit in this world, I'll be dragging my best friend into the dark with me.
"Remember Cole?" I ask instead.
June's face darkens. "Unfortunately."
"You told me he was bad news from the start. You said he looked at me like I was his toy."
"And I was right."
"You were." I finally look at her. "Dorian isn't like that."
"Isn't he?" June's voice goes flat. "Because from where I'm sitting, you look exactly like you did when you were with Cole."
"It's not the same."
"Then explain it to me. Make me understand why you've disappeared for weeks. Why your folks couldn’t find you."
"I told you, I'm working—"
"Night shifts. Yeah, I heard you the first time." June stands. Paces to the desk and back. "You think I'm stupid? You think I can't see what's happening?"
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't I?" She stops in front of me. "Rich older man. Isolated you from everyone. Changed everything about your life. How is this different from Cole?"
"Because Cole made me smaller." My voice rises. "Dorian makes me—"
I stop. The words catch in my throat.
"Makes you what?" June demands.
"Dangerous."
The word hangs between us. June's expression shifts. Confusion bleeding into something harder.
"What does that mean?"
"It means I'm not his victim. I'm not some helpless girl who needs saving. I'm—" I stand. My hands are shaking again. "I'm something else now."
June grabs my shoulders. Forces me to look at her.
"Then tell me. Whatever it is, just tell me."
The truth pushes against my teeth one more time. I open my mouth. Close it. If I tell her, she'll never look at me the same way. She'll see a monster instead of her best friend.
June's grip tightens. "Nora, please. You're scaring me."
"I know." My voice breaks. "I'm sorry."
June pulls me into a hug, fierce and tight. Her voice cracks.
"Whatever happened, whatever changed, you're still my best friend. I'm not going anywhere."
I hold onto her like she's the last solid thing in a tilting world. June smells like lime and bitters and normalcy. Smells like the life I used to have.
Then I hear it. Her pulse. The rhythm of it fills my ears. My gums ache. Fangs extend.
I need to let go. Need to pull back before she feels them through her shirt. But the pull is too strong. Blood of someone I love. Someone who matters.
I close my eyes. Press my lips together. Hard.
The door opens.
Dorian stands in the doorway, rain-damp and hollow-eyed. Water drips from his coat onto the floor.
June's whole body goes rigid. She pulls back from me and stands, putting herself between us. Her hand slides toward the desk drawer where I know she keeps a knife.
"She doesn't want to see you."
Dorian doesn't look at June. His eyes are only on me.
"I know. I came anyway." His voice is raw. "I was wrong. I'm sorry."
The words land with weight. June looks between us, reads something in the air. The thing neither of us is saying.
"If you hurt her, I'll kill you myself." June's voice drops. "I don't care how rich or connected you are. You hurt her, and I will end you."
Dorian nods once, accepting the threat as fair.
June squeezes my shoulder.
"I'll be at the bar if you need me." She doesn't move for a long moment. Then she walks past Dorian, leaving the office door open on her way out.
The space feels too small with just the two of us. I stay on the couch. Dorian stays in the doorway. Neither of us moves.
The bar noise filters in. Glass clinking. Someone laughing. The jukebox playing something old and sad. A woman's voice rising over the chorus.
"Jett told you I was here," I say finally.
"Yes."
"You sent him to follow me."
"Yes."
"I hate that."
"I know." He takes one step inside. Stops. "I hate that I did it."
We stare at each other across the cramped office. Rain drips from his coat. My hands are still shaking from the whiskey and the fear.
"I'm sorry," he says again. His voice breaks on the words. "I'm so sorry."