I shake my head. I can’t do this with him.
It is already too much to share a part of me that I tried so hard to bury—let alone relive it. I won’t survive it this time.
“If I understand correctly, you want me to show how Drake ruined me? Is that what you want to say?” I say incredulously.
Brandon nods. “Yes.”
“You’re just as insane if you ask me to relive every terrible memory!” I point a finger. My insides burn, and I feel the heat around my neck.
“I’m not trying to hurt you or force you, Alayna.”
I shove his shoulder away and stand up. “I can’t believe you.” I embrace myself. “You, of all people, should understand what I’ve been going through. You went through hardships before. You knew how it felt, and you’re making me relive everything.” I snivel back my tears.
Brandon’s presence moves behind me and grasps my arms. His fingertips softly press on my flesh. “It’s not like that,” he whispers. “I’m telling you now that it’s not.”
He then presses a small kiss on my cheek, close to my ear, then down my neck. The sounds he makes with his mouth are erotic music to my ears. I incline my head involuntarily to the side, giving him more access. I breathe hard, moaning as his lips touch my skin.
I shut my eyes as I shiver all over. He has done nothing but a simple kiss, yet my body is already on fire. I realize that has always been the difference with Brandon. Whenever he is near me, I forget I was ever lost—that I’ve never been more alive.
“Whenever…” he murmurs, his lips touching my ear. “Whenever I touch you, have I ever hurt you?” He continues to kiss me, planting soft kisses on my neck and my shoulder.
I bite my lips, humming. “N-no.”
“In any way?”
“No,” I whisper.
“Are you sure?” His hands move down my waist, his hand gliding to my belly. I sigh in pleasure.
“Y-yes…” I answer breathlessly. His caresses send tingles down to my core.
“Then what are you afraid of?” He swivels me around, and his darkened gray eyes glue to mine. He shoves his fingers through my hair and holds my cheek intently. His palm, chest, and breath are so warm that I’m suddenly feeling vulnerable. If he asks me to do anything for him right now, I’ll do it in a heartbeat.
This is also the difference between Brandon and Drake.
I feel free. He brings out the best version of me.
A lone tear rushes my cheek in bliss, but he immediately kisses them away. “Whatever it is that bothers you, and however it will hurt me, it won’t take away how I feel about you,” he says.
“Why? I may not be the perfect woman, you’d never—”
His finger touches my lips. “It’ll never make any difference because I love you. Why do you think I’m still here? Why do you think after everything I’ve learned from you, I never left?”
“But you were mad at me.”
“I am human, Alayna. I’m not perfect either.”
I chuckle between tears. “What a couple we are.”
He nods, finally showing glee in his expression. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ask you to leave. I’m just… bewildered, I guess.”
“I’m sorry too. Just so you know, I hate what is happening to me. I don’t know what to do about it. Please, will you believe me?”
“I believe you.”
I exhale the tension in my chest and inhale the clear air again. “I don’t know what to do.”
“The only thing you need to do is to be open.” He kisses the tip of my nose. “You were holding back, Alayna. Just let it all go.”
I nod, finally deciding that I can do it.
“Why don’t we sit again,” he points to the couch, “and we talk, okay?”
I run my tongue over my bottom lip, then bite my lip. “Only talk?” I tease.
He chuckles lusciously. “Oh, Miss Hart. What am I going to do with you?” He ushers me back to the couch, but he perches next to me this time. “You ready?”
“I am.”
“Now, tell me. What was it like? What did you think whenever you were in that situation? What hurt you the most?” he asks questions, but I know how to answer them now. Boldly. Trustingly.
“My focus was to make sure he was pleased because if not, I’d suffer a consequence,” I start, and he’s right. It is better this way. Brandon is someone who’ll love me for who I truly am despite my flaws. “I lived to surpass his expectations. I wanted him to look at me like I was the only girl in the world he needed—as though I was special. What hurt the most was the first time I was forced.”
“What did he do to you then?” Brandon asks hoarsely. By the way his voice sounds, he is only trying to calm himself.
I hold my wrist. “He was holding my wrists. I was… I was lying on my chest, and then he started kissing me here…” I touch the back of my neck, then my shoulder. I could still remember every detail. “He was heavy, and he was rubbing his… his… you know“Okay.” Brandon nods. “I’m sorry, Alayna. I was being insensitive. I was just angry earlier, but if you can’t do this, you don’t have to continue. That was wrong of me.” He averts his eyes, frowning.
“No, you’re right. I have to get this out. You have no idea how I wanted to tell someone what I’ve been through but never found the right person to share it with. I imagined myself going to a therapist but never had the strength to do it.” I shrug, chortling without joy.
“Oh, darling.” He pulls me close to him, kissing my temple. “If only our paths have crossed before. We wouldn’t have to go through all this… misery.”
“That would have made me feel better,” I admit.
“I’ll hold you.” He wraps his arm around my body and with my head resting on his shoulder. “Would this make you feel better?”
“Yes, much better.” I feel secure. I smile faintly, then I clear my throat. “Um, and then—” I wet my lips again nervously, “—I cried silently. He would accuse me of cheating. A part of me wanted him to continue because I wanted to prove him wrong, and half of me wished to beg him to stop. I thought he was the only one for me. He made me believe it.” I look up at Brandon’s face, his defined jaw. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” he whispers. “Continue.”
“My first time… I lost awareness of my surroundings, but it felt too long, or maybe it was.” My mouth dries up. “I was naked for hours. Or perhaps a day or two? I wasn’t sure anymore. He’d only let me leave the bed whenever I needed to use the bathroom. He’d bring food to the room, saying I didn’t need to do anything and that he’d make sure I was provided for. I didn’t complain. He told me it was what I needed. It was what we“Goddammit,” Brandon hisses, massaging his nape.
“He’d touch me whenever he wanted to, and it continued even after that nightmare. I always felt so sore. I bled every time he used me. Sometimes he was good to me, but he often forced me.” I glance at Brandon’s tortured expression.
“Where the fuck was Jason or the other one, his brother, when all of this happened? How about your parents? You were not coming home. Didn’t they suspect where you were?”
“I lied. I told them I was with a classmate. Arianna knew where I was, and she covered up for me, but she didn’t know what was exactly happening. She thought I was happy.”
He nods, then sighs sharply. “Fine. Continue.”
I recall where I stopped. “He’d also force me to climax to my limits—” I press my lips hard—“It was horrible. Like I said, pleasure and pain.”
“As far as I can see, there’s no pleasure in that. He hurt you and you tolerated it? Alayna, he didn’t really love you the way you thought he did. He’s just a fucking lunatic who clearly needed help.”
“I told you, sometimes he was good to me. He’d make love to me, make me feel good, as though he knew what that word meant. That was how it started. Our bond. When he was goodbad“What was the worst thing he did to you?” Brandon questions gruffly.
My cheeks flare up, and I’m swiftly warm and heavy all over my body again. Shivers travel on the back of my head, down to my toes. “When he’d force me even when I was bleeding.”
“And if you refused?” he asks hoarsely.
“He’d make me feel real pain.”
“Like how?”
“Like the cigarette marks on my body, or sometimes he’d beat me.”
“Hold on.” Brandon closes his eyes and pinches the middle of his eyebrows. My beautiful man’s face turns crimson. “I thought you said he’s not into bond—Wait, I’m sorry, I can’t.” Brandon stands up to breathe with his hands resting on his waist.
Silence.
“Hey, I didn’t mean to—”
“Alayna, how could someone—” He faces me and rubs his face down to his chin. “—I’m sorry. I think I’ve heard enough.”
“This changes everything now, doesn’t it?” I have to ask. I need to know what he thinks about me now.
“It doesn’t.” He shakes his head. “Of course, it doesn’t. Listen to me.” He reaches to my lap and brings my hand to his mouth. “You’ll never get through that again, I promise. Not with me. I will cherish you like a queen. No woman deserves to be treated that way. Whatever still bothers you, I won’t let that happen. I’d die before anyone ever lays a hand on you again. And I will take care of Drake-fuckingThe joy in my heart speeds up and fills with hope—the memory of him from when we first met flashes in my mind. Brandon was once a man who was broken, filled with hatred, and driven by revenge. He needed to be saved.
He told me I rescued him once out of his misery, and now he will save me.
“Do you understand?” he repeats.
“I understand.” I spring up and boldly slither my arms around his waist and lean on his chest.
Brandon tilts my chin up, and closes the gap between our faces, and kisses me possessively. “The fucking devil needs to learn to know his boundary, and he crossed a line he wasn’t supposed to.” He presses his mouth deeply with mine again and bites my bottom lip; I wince. “He can never get what’s mine.” He nibbles my lip alternately and teases me with his tongue.
I catch my breath. My inner thighs scream with need. “I will always be yours,” I whisper inaudibly.
“Good girl. Yes, you are mine. Not anyone else’s, but mine“Oh god,” His mouth trails to my neck but suddenly stops. “Let me take care of you.” He then takes my hand, and I let him bring me to the bedroom.