“Lydia,” Brandon greets the woman at the villa’s front door as three maids stand behind her. Madam Lennie with two male attendants poised at her sides.
“I thought this wasn’t planned,” I remark, frowning at Brandon.
“Alayna, it’s great to see you again,” she greets me first, smiling so sweetly, then answers my question, “Master Brandon called us only a few hours ago.”
I hug her immediately. “I’ve missed you, too, Lydia! It’s been a long time.”
She rubs my back motherly before releasing me. “Very well. Dinner will be served shortly, but we’ve already prepared your room. I think it’s best for both of you to rest first,” she suggests politely. “And if you need something else, just ask the maids.”
“That’s all for now, Lydia. Thank you.” Brandon kisses the lady’s cheeks, then grabs my hand. “Come.”
“I’ll see you later.” I smile at Lydia.
Brandon still isn’t talking and still tugging me along with him to the stairs, up to the room we used before. A lot has changed in the house. The bed is new, the furniture and lighting are all brighter than before, and all curtains are open; I can see the beach from the floor-to-ceiling windows.
“I can’t believe I’m here again.” I walk near the window and appreciate the beauty of nature. It is so peaceful, so relaxing, and I’m with the most beautiful man I know. Only, I feel something is missing…
Oh my God! I’m supposed to have a family dinner tonight! Chris just came home.
I slap my forehead, then pivot to look at Brandon. “Brandon, this is exquisite! But I can’t be here tonight.”
“Why not?” he asks flatly. He raises his head and shoots up an eyebrow. He sits on the bed and starts removing his shoes.
“My brother… I mean, Jason’s brother. He came to Seattle last night, and I’m supposed to have dinner with them.”
“I know. Chris Valentine, right? Oliver told me.” He unfastens his necktie, then takes off his jacket.
“Then why did you take me here? You know I was supposed to be there. Of course, it’s not that I don’t want it here, but I haven’t seen him in years,” I explain.
“Not going to happen.” He slips his hands in his pocket. “Because I no longer have the patience to care for any of your extra activities. I’m fed up with waiting. Call your ex-brother or whatever relationship you have with him and tell him to wait. Understood?”
My jaw drops to the floor in shock. He was cold to me last night, but his words have sharpened to the daggers that pierce my heart. “I can’t fight this over with you, can I, Brandon?”
His eyes narrow. “Get yourself ready. You can wear anything in that closet.” He points to the wardrobe. “I had Lydia prepare something for you. I’ll be downstairs when you’re ready.”
“Okay.”
Brandon then marches out of the room.
I sigh as I draw out my phone and send Jason a text. Mom listens to him the most, even when we were kids, so I’d rather leave it to him than listen to my mother’s wrath. I send a text to Chris too to apologize, and he replies immediately.
Chris: Don’t worry about me. I can waitAlayna: I’m sorry, Chris. This is unexpected.Chris: Things happen, Laynie. Besides, I’m a boss.Chris: Give me some credit.Alayna: Haha. Okay. See you soon.I blow out a sharp breath to calm myself. I guess I have nothing to worry about, though I was really looking forward to catching up. NowI walk to the closet and find beautiful, branded clothing of all types, all in my size, even nightwear. I’m more surprised how Lydia had this ready in such a short period.
I scan through the various shades and textures, finally landing on a pastel orange blouse with dark jeans. There’s also a drawer for undergarments, though when I open the drawer, I’m met with sultry lingerie sets.
For a middle-aged woman, I can’t imagine her picking up lingerie in stores. I owned only a few pairs of lingerie—four to be exact, which I barely use. Or did Brandon pick them out? Does he want to see me in these? My stomach suddenly flips.
I finally chose a white lacey number that will barely cover my nipples with matching panties. Thankfully, I am fully bare down below, so the white will fit perfectly with my skin tone without feeling self-conscious about it.
Making my way to the bathroom to shower, I want to pamper myself with the luxurious toiletries—even those are provided. I only have to find a way to ask Brandon how long we’re staying. Chris only has had one week in Seattle, and I want to make sure I spend some time with him.
Shortly, I don the outfit I chose earlier, the fabrics feel surprisingly smooth, fitting perfectly against my body, and then I step out of the room.
Dinner is already served in the dining room like a feast. It makes me wonder how two people can eat all the food prepared when I find Lydia still instructing the attendants to bring more. I recognize the dishes on the table since I cooked some of them for Brandon before.
Lydia notices me and smiles. “Alayna. Come sit here. Master Lucien is on the phone, and he will join you soon.”
I nod. “Is there anything I can help here while I wait?”
“Oh no.” She waves her hand. “Today, you are our guest. Besides, you no longer work for the Master. Come, sit.” She smiles again and pulls out a chair beside the head of the table.
“I’m not used to being served.” I chuckle as I sit. “But thank you, Lydia. How about you and the others join us? This is an impossible amount of food.”
“You’re welcome, and don’t worry about us, sweetie. We’re only in the kitchen if you need anything.” She touches my chin fondly, then disappears with her attendants.
I exhale “Okay.” I stare at the feast on the table in which I already ache to touch, but I will myself to wait for Brandon. I admit I’m hungry during all those long hours of travel.
A few minutes later, Brandon comes in. He’s already casually dressed in a white shirt and jeans. “Jason called,” he informs while tugging out a chair to sit on.
“What did he say?”
“He asked when we will be returning.”
“Then when are we returning?” I query.
“It depends.” He looks into my eyes attentively.
Seriously, patience. I need more patience. “Depends on what? I have a restaurant to run.”
“Depends on how you behave“What are you going to do? Interrogate me?”
“No interrogation unless you force me.” He picks up his knife and fork then slices the food into bite-sized pieces. Afterward, he grabs my empty plate and puts his plate full of food in front of me. “Eat. You will need it.”
“I already told you what you need to know. We don’t need to get into it further.”
His jaw clenches. “We’ll talk about that later. Now, eat.”
“But Brandon—”
“Alayna,” he snaps, shutting me off. “Aren’t you hungry?”
My stomach grumbles, and I gulp dryly at the delicious-looking meal. “Yes, I’m hungry. I will eat,” I murmur.
Quietly, I pick up my utensils and begin to eat. My taste buds slowly start to savor the taste of the delicious food, finally finding my appetite. Lydia’s cooking is so good I temporarily forget how tense I am.
Brandon and I eat as if we are two strangers eating together on one table, except that he is surprisingly calm—while I just want to sink into my seat.
I can understand his reaction to my recent admissions. I just disclosed how much Drake still affects me. If I were to put myself in his shoes, I’d probably be pissed at him, too, or worse, I wouldn’t speak to him at all. I can imagine he still has some lingering feelings for Pauline or some ex-girlfriend from his past. But how Brandon handles matters like this is a surprise. I’m in disbelief as to why he’s even still speaking to me.
Though I feel he has different plans. He’s not the type to let this go either.
After he’s done with dinner, he wipes his mouth then glances at my plate. “Done?”
“Yes.” I clean my mouth with a napkin as well.
“Very well. Come.” He shifts to the side, then springs up.
I hesitate.
“Alayna?” Brandon cocks his head, then reaches out his palm, beckoning me to come to him. Eventually, I hold his hand, and he clasps his fingers with mine possessively.
GreatBrandon takes me to the bedroom, pointing to the white sofa placed by the bed’s left side. “Sit over there,” he instructs.
Slowly, I move over to the sofa and sit properly while he makes sure the door is locked. Brandon follows me, settling in the seat across mine—just like in the past whenever we’re talking about anything serious. I have already anticipated this anyway.
I sit properly like some applicant answering a job interview. Brandon watches me intensely, rubbing his chin with his ankle resting on his knee.
“Do you know the problem here, Miss Hart? I mean, are you aware of what you did?”
So, we’re starting now…“Good.” He moves his body forward and clasps his hands. “You have already told me how it started, right? I want to hear the rest.”
My fingers start to sweat, so I rub them on the jeans. “What else do you want to know?”
“What do you fear the most?”
Generally, I’d tell him that the thought of losing him again kills me, but I know Brandon isn’t looking for that kind of answer. If he wishes to know about Drake, then I’ll answer him on that subject alone.
“I still fear him. Drake“Why?” His following question answers my intuition.
“I told you why.”
Brandon nods, and anger flashes from his eyes. “Elaborate. I want you to be honest.”
“Are you sure you want to hear this? You can’t ask me to leave again, Brandon. This is what you want; you’re asking me this…”
“This is why we’re here, Alayna. No one is leaving. I’m not walking out on you either.”
“Do you promise?”
“I promise. Now, answer the question,” he presses on.
I breathe in relief. “Okay, um…” I pause. “I submitted to him, Brandon—many times in the past. And if he finds a chance to do it again to me, I will lose it. I will give in.”
“Why would you?” His voice is low and gruff. “Did that happen when you met him again?”
“No. He didn’t attempt to. He’s careful now.”
“Then how did you know you’ll give in?”
“I just feel it. With my body. Whenever he was near—” My breath hitches. “When he tried to touch me…”
Brandon shuts his eyes briefly, then opens them filled with rage. “Did he try, or did he actually touch you, Alayna? There’s a difference,” he hisses.
I swallow dryly. “Well, he did… um, he touched my face.”
“And you felt it.” He scowls. “As simple as that?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t think I understand how that works. Were you in a bondage relationship with him or whatever the fuck that is?”
“Well…” I bite my bottom lip hard. “You could say that, but it’s not what you think. It’s not BDSM. Drake—”
“I don’t want to hear his name coming from your mouth. Not tonight. What else do you call him?”
“The devil?”“Continue.”
“He, um, controlled me by compulsion. Psychologically—if you prefer it. Eventually, I was trained to give my full consent to him. It was easier that way.”
“What was easy for him?”
“Whenever he didn’t want something I did, he’d punish me with sexual torture.”
Brandon’s chest vibrates, but he continues to listen.
“It was pleasurable, but it was far too painful for the average person’s tolerance.”
“What were the things he didn’t want you to do?”
“There were times I lied to my parents that I was staying at a friend’s house, but I was with him the whole time. He was very jealous, and he wanted to see me every day. He wanted me to stay with him for three or five days straight every week. He’d even punish me whenever I went home early.”
He frowns. “Jason didn’t suspect anything? You were barely an adult.”
“He didn’t know. I lied to him too.”
“Okay. What else?”
“He liked to role-play, acting characters he created, and if I didn’t go through his script, he’d fuck with me without remorse. Without stopping until I bleed from soreness. Do you remember the marks on my body? Those were his cigarette marks.”
“He caused those?”
I nod. “Yes, but I did that to myself—while the devil watched.”
“Goddammit,” Brandon growls. “And after all that pain, you stayed? It’s bullshit if you tell me it was because you were in love with him!”
“Yes, I stayed. And yes, because I thought I was in love, and yes, because I found pleasure in it despite the pain. You can call me crazy, but it’s just the way it was during those times. I enjoyed it too. This is why I can’t tell you, Brandon. I literally fucked up my life before I even started it.”
That is why I found it hard to have sex with another man after him. It was hard for me to move on. My body had become accustomed to Drake’s roughness to the point I was looking for it with those men I had sex with in the past, but no one had ever come close.
No one had made me feel as painfully satisfied as Drake did. Sex had become a meaningless thing. I couldn’t be in a normal relationship because I didn’t want one. I’d exchange everything until I found the thrill of having what Drake and I had before. I wanted him back. I wanted to feel those things he made me feel again.
At least, that was before I met Brandon.
Brandon runs his fingers through his hair. “For how long did this last?”
“It lasted until I was in senior year. I was eighteen.”
“What if he didn’t leave? Would you continue doing this with that fucking devil?” Brandon questions sourly, but he didn’t really need to ask because we both know the answer.
“Brandon, Drake Mallory was the man I dreamed of growing old with. I wouldn’t lie to you that I’d probably still be with him now if he didn’t leave me. You said you wanted to hear my honesty. Then here is my honesty.”
“How about now? Do you still want this?” he asks, almost painfully.
“Things have changed.” I tremble as every hair on my body stands on end. “Everything has changed ever since I met you. Believe me when I tell you this, Brandon.”
“Then why? Why can’t you let go of that man you called The devil“I don’t know!” I shout involuntarily, then rub my face with my palms. “I just felt like I did before. I think about those times. You’re not the only one who has scars, Brandon. The woman you picked up has many of them. Here.” I touch my chest, clenching my blouse. My eyes start to swell. “And I don’t know how I can get up from here. I wanted him out of my system. I wanted him out of my head. I wanted to get rid of him completely, but he’s still here! Brandon, you don’t understand. What I’m feeling right now disgusts me. I am disgusted with myself.”
Brandon’s expression finally softens, then swiftly moves toward me and bends on his knee. He cups my face and shoves his fingers into my hair. “Don’t.”
“How am I supposed to feel then? You’re angry at me because of this. You asked me to leave.”
“Because I didn’t try to understand you. Honestly, I still can’t. Something’s wrong, Alayna, but I’m not going to ask you to leave anymore, I promise.”
“I don’t know what to do about this either. I’m stuck.” I cry in front of him, sobbing like a small child.
“Okay.” He nods, then exhales sharply. “Do you trust me?”
“More than anyone,” I whimper.
“Then tell me everything.”
“What?”
“Tell me what he did to you, and we’ll start from that. Do you really trust me or not?” he repeats.
“I do.”
“Good.” He presses a kiss on my forehead, then stares into my eyes. “Now, tell me. What is it that he did to you? What hurts the most?”