Alex didn’t speak to me for the entire flight; I regretted not booking the one with a layover instead of the nonstop one. When he finally did speak again, it was only to assure me that he’d got a driver to pick us up and that I could take the car to pick Lena up.
“Are you sure?” I asked tentatively. “I don’t have to, we can walk.”
He shook his head. “Take it, put it to some use.”
And that was it, he was quiet again while we loaded our bags into the trunk and got into the backseat together.
“Alex, I’m sorry,” I told him as we got closer to the docks. “I don’t know why I said that, and you didn’t deserve it.”
He sighed and glanced out the window before turning to me finally. The shadows under his eyes were dark, he clearly hadn’t slept on the flight. “Promise me one thing,” he pleaded. “Don’t take your ring off.”
What? “Why?”
“Because I want to know that you won’t hide us,” he admitted. “That you meant everything you said in Vegas.”
“And in Rome?” I offered.
“There too.”
I gazed down at the beautiful heart-shaped ring. How could I say no to him about this? I didn’t blame him for needing that little bit of security. “I won’t take it off,” I assured him, taking his hand in mine.
Alex visibly relaxed; some tension leaving his shoulders as he squeezed my hand in return. “I love you, I was mad and I needed space, but I love you nonetheless.”
“I love you too,” I murmured. Reaching for him, he let me lean across the seat for a kiss, bringing his hand up just as my lips met his to rest on the nape of my neck. “Are you still mad at me?”
“I’m still upset, it was incredibly hurtful, but I’m not much of a grudge holder,” he paused and ran a hand through my hair. “Especially for you. And I’ll have some more time while you’re out, that’ll be good for me.”
I nodded and laid my head on his shoulder. I couldn’t believe I had hurt Alex like that, after such a great time in Vegas, I’m sure it was a slap in the face. Now though, as we approached the pier, the silence between us didn’t weigh like an anvil, it was light and comfortable and I knew he would still be waiting for me at home. Home, wow…
“Let me know how it goes,” he said, grabbing his jacket off the floor. “And text me on your way home, I’ll get dinner started.”
“My little house husband,” I teased, kissing his cheek.
He chuckled and cast me a mischevious wink before closing the door. My heart fluttered and I giggled, sitting back in the seat and letting myself revel in my blush. I was never going to get tired of him, hopefully he never got tired of me either.
The driver followed my direction to Aunt Iva’s house, weaving through the streets smoothly and far too fast for my liking considering I knew how this was going to end, and didn’t need to get there any quicker. Lena was waiting for me outside two houses down and quickly waved at us from the stoop.
“Hey,” I greeted her. “You ready to go?”
“Definitely,” she mumbled, rushing down the stairs to the car. “God, I can’t even begin to tell you how much mama has been grating on me while you were gone.” She slammed the door shut and buckled herself in beside me.
“Yeah, I bet,” I mumbled. There was a weird tension between us; it made the car feel too confined and made me wish I was back on the island with Alex, admitting that maybe he was right the entire time. I pulled my hair to the side and started haphazardly braiding it.
“What is that!” she shrieked, grabbing my hand. “Chloe, no!” She was staring at my ring like she was going to vomit, her eyes almost comically wide.
“What’s wrong with it? I thought it was gorgeous…”
“Are you that desperate?” she demanded. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe that you actually did it…”
I jerked my hand away from her, feeling like I needed to protect my ring from her withering gaze. “I’m not desperate,” I snapped. “And if you want to act like a spoiled bitch, then I can just leave you here and you can walk your ass to the clinic.”
Lena paled and sat forward in her seat. I’d never spoken to her like that before, when I swore it was almost never directed at family, and especially not in anger. I stared down at my ring, feeling my throat constrict as my thoughts drifted back to the Chapel and to Alex reciting his vows.
Tears streaked my face, but I didn’t look away from him, forcing myself just to meet his gaze even as his voice waivered.
"I, Alexander, take you, Chloe, to be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, trusting what I do not yet know, I will respect your integrity and have faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us,” he promised.
I blotted under my eyes and mouthed I-love-you to him as he teared up as well, quickly reaching for the handkerchief in his pocket.
I was going to remember those words for the rest of my life, along with the thick sound of his voice and the determination in his gaze. He might have been mad on the flight, but he had just needed some space, and that was alright, especially when he’d clearly shown me that he could handle whatever I threw at him.
“That’s Peter’s dad, Clo.”
I closed my eyes and tipped my head back, trying to relax in the seat instead of angrily telling her off. “Yup.”
“He’s going to be so upset…”
“As upset as I was when I found him balls-deep on the couch?”
She made a choking sound. “Is this payback?”
“No.” Payback would have been fucking his best friend in our bed around six months ago when I had the opportunity and turned it down, because I’m classy like that.
“Really? Because that’s what it’s feeling like.”
“No, Lena, it’s probably the best thing I’ve done for myself in two years.”
“How are you going to tell him? Or Marie for that matter? You know that she lives on the island, it’s not like you guys can really hide this—”
“What makes you think I want to hide this?” I interrupted. “If I did, don’t you think I would have taken my ring off beforecoming to meet you?” She was quiet, clearly at a loss for words, and inside I felt triumphant. “Marie doesn’t even live on the island anymore, she half-assed walked in on Alex and I and he gave her an ultimatum. She left, and Peter’s already off the island.”
“Ew,” she whispered.
“Oh please,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Like you’ve never thought Pete’s dad could get it.”
“No, I haven’t!” she cried. “Talk about gross, Mr. Hatzistefanis is like my own dad since I’ve known him for so long.”
I grinned. “I’m Mrs. Hatzistefanis, does that make me your mom now? Just call me mama, no need to be so formal,” I purred, touching her arm.
Lena recoiled in horror and I couldn’t help but laugh. I’d always had a thing for older guys, my parents had strict rules about dating and any guy more than a year older than me was off limits, but college guys, grad school guys, and so on were top fantasy fodder, eventually just caving and admitting that I’d totally bang Richard Gere or Robert Downey Jr. as I got older. Pretty Woman Richard Gere anyway, not his current self.
At this point though, trying to convince people that I really did find Alex attractive was next to impossible since he had money. He was, genuinely, an extremely attractive guy; he was fit, tall, he had thick bountiful hair, and he was well-educated, but that wasn’t supposed to be something I was allowed to like, there had to be something more. To me, that more was the attention that I desperately craved and he fed into like no other.
I wished Lena could understand that, I wished she could be happy that I wasn’t hurting so much and could congratulate me, but it didn’t happen. We spent the entire rest of the ride drowning in silence, letting it fill the space between us.
The clinic was a small, non-descript building in a faded yellow colour. The waiting room inside was empty save for one mom and her toddler. I took a seat in one of the cracked vinyl chairs and crossed my legs, watching as Lena checked in at the front desk.
“Kokkinos,” she told the receptionist. “My appointment is with Doctor Angelos?”
The receptionist seemed confused and Lena apologized before switching over to Greek. She struggled to switch back and forth, preferring to stay in English if she was around me just to make it easier for herself.
She came back to sit next to me with a clipboard, balancing it on her knee while trying to fill out the dozens of questions. I glanced around the room, feeling my own nerves start to get the better of me as I took in all the baby stuff. I couldn’t imagine having a baby right now, in the midst of everything else it sounded like a curse. Oh god. I hadn’t talked to Alex about babies before, would he want one? What if I didn’t want one? I turned my attention to the small child across the room trying to fit a giant block in his mouth. No.
I’d babysat Demetrios so much before I moved out that I felt like I had already raised a kid, and I wasn’t up to do that a second time. Especially since there was no guarantee that Alex would be there to help me. He wasn’t on death’s doorstep, he was right about that, but twenty years from now he would be sixty-five, and that was if I was having a baby now, like this year, that didn’t account for his age if I waited a few years before trying. And what if trying took more than a year? Ohmigod, I’m going to have a nervous breakdown over a baby I don’t even want.
I forced myself to take a deep breath, or five, and focused on the rack of birth control literature beside the reception desk. Maybe condoms weren’t such a bad idea…
“Lena Kokkinos?”
I jumped at the sound of Lena’s name and she got to her feet, wiping her hands on the back of her jeans before shaking the doctor’s hand. She gestured for me to follow them and I reluctantly did, trailing several feet behind them down the hallway. The office was pretty standard, but I noted the stirrups and desperately wished I had stayed in the lobby.
“Do you speak English?” Lena asked.
“Yes, is that what you prefer?”
“Yes, my cousin doesn’t speak Greek, I don’t want to have to translate for her.”
Dr. Angelos smiled fondly at me. “How kind of you to join your cousin.”
How kind of me to join my cousin to find out if she’s having my ex’s baby. I smiled back at her, my lips pressed into an unfriendly hard line.
“So, you think you might be pregnant,” she mused, going over the papers. “Have you taken a home test?”
“Yes, um, about a week and a half ago now – it was positive.”
“Oh, alright, so you just want to confirm pregnancy then?”
“I guess?” Lena offered, looking to me for assurance.
I shrugged and wished I could melt through the floor.
The Doctor turned to her computer and started typing away. “Do you know when your last period was?”
“I think around July first.”
July. That meant they had to be having sex since at least early June, if not longer. Immediately the pieces fell together and I realized that Lena had been staying with us in the bungalow the weekend before Pentecost Monday, partying and drinking and having fun while Mike and Marie were gone.
“Do you ever miss him?” I asked, dropping down into the sand with my beer in hand. “Peter, I mean, you always say you don’t but you’re never as happy at home as you are here.”
She shook her head and glanced over to Peter where he was standing near the fire. “That ship sailed a long time ago,” she answered.
The waves loudly crashed on the shore, the twinkling lights above us shook with the wind, and everything just looked perfect. “You aren’t mad at me for that?” I asked, this time trying to be more direct.
“I can’t be mad at you, Clo,” she said quietly. “Just promise you won’t be mad at me either.”
“For what?”
“For letting it go this far… I know I’m overstepping.”
I laughed and pushed myself up. “You’re fine, we invited you here. Now come on, dance with me.”
“Alright, so around ten to eleven weeks ago…” the Doctor confirmed, dragging me back to reality.
They kept chatting, and my stomach kept sinking as I thought back to all the little things; touches here and there that I shrugged off, guilty looks from Lena, Peter insisting that we invite her somewhere, and Marie constantly calling me by her name. Was I always this stupid?
I turned to Lena, watching as she got up onto the table the doctor started to arrange her for the ultrasound. I’d hoped she would just pee in a cup, not that I would actually bear witness to the fetus. She waved the probe around and chatted animatedly about it, what to expect, not leaving a single gross detail out but all I could do was gawk at the blank screen. And then the dot appeared.
It was small and the pounding sound that came from the speakers made me feel like I was getting hit repeatedly.
“Listen to that strong heartbeat,” Dr. Angelos mused. “I’d say we’re about eleven weeks on the nose, estimated due date would be April 7th.”
I sat there, stone faced while the doctor cleaned her up and then began talking about the next steps. As soon as Lena had her shirt back on, I was out the door, not even paying mind to her calling for me as I practically ran back to the car. Alex was right; this hurt, this hurt so badly and I didn’t even want a baby but why did she get one? Why did she get his baby after I’d put so much into our relationship?
I told the driver to take me home and pulled my phone out, firing off a text to Alex.
3:02 PM Me
Daddy, I need you.
3:03 PM A. <3
I’m waiting for you, glykia mou. The ferry is already at the pier.
I sniffled and wiped my nose before tucking my phone away. Lena texted me too, but I ignored it, she could find her own way home. The rest of the ride, including the boat back to the island was a blur, barely coming into focus long enough for me to register what was happening.
When I could finally see straight again, I was on the porch and yanking the front door open frantically.
“Alex?” I called, my voice shaking horribly.
“Right here, love,” he called back, taking the stairs two at a time down to me.
I threw myself into his embrace, clutching at him as if I was the only thing holding him there and he’d run without me. He held me in return; burying his face in my hair and rubbing my back reassuringly.
“You were right,” I sobbed. “I’m sorry I was a bitch on the way home, I mean it, I’m so sorry—”
“Shh,” he hushed. “It’s alright, come sit down with me.”
I nodded weakly and let him lead me to the oversized recliner. He pulled me down beside him, urging me to cuddle up to his side while he swathed us in the fluffy blanket. The windows that covered the entire front face of the house brought in so much light that anywhere else, it would be impossibly warm under a blanket, but combined with the chill off the ocean and the still running A/C, I was more than comfortable to cry it out right here. And Alex was willing to hold me all the while.