By the end of our honeymoon, Alex and I had well and thoroughly worn ourselves out; we’d gambled, fucked, went sightseeing, fucked some more, drank copiously, and fucked ourselves sober again. I don’t think he’d ever been this eager to get me back in the bed over and over again, not that I was complaining, it was definitely welcome after about two years of being rejected and pushed away.
We spent every minute we could together, touching every other, calling each other by pet names and just generally being that sickening couple people didn’t want to look at for too long. I really didn’t blame the people that quickly looked away, but I wasn’t changing anything about it while we were on a completely different continent, a world away from anyone that knew us and would say anything. Vegas was a hundred times better than Athens.
And that was why I didn’t want to go back to Greece, I wanted to live out the rest of my life on the Vegas Strip, maybe get myself a job as a showgirl – they certainly looked like they were having fun. But all good things must come to an end, or however that dumb phrase went, and that included us taking one last stroll through the casino before heading back upstairs.
Baccarat was my game; generally referred to as a Chinese card game, and one of the easiest to play in a casino, though it had complicated rules. The cards only went to 9, if you drew a 10 or a “face” card, it didn’t matter – it was considered a zero. How the dealer knew where to stop or anything, I didn’t understand, but I was more than happy to slam a bet down on the banker side and scream “monkey” along with the rest of the table when they pulled a face card.
“Can I keep this as a souvenir?” I asked, holding the up the orange and white five-hundred-dollar chip. We won it on a side bet together, and I was more than a little bit attached to it.
“Normally, I would say no, given how many other people have touched it, but I trust you not to put it in your mouth.” Alex closed my fingers around the chip, pressing it into my palm. “Are you ready to cash out?”
No. “Yeah,” I answered reluctantly. “I don’t want to wait too long; I’ve got an appointment to get my nails done in the lounge.”
Alex snorted indignantly. “Yes, we wouldn’t want to miss getting your nails done.”
I rolled my eyes and shoved him lightly, he just smirked and let his hand rest on my waist as we made our way to the cashiers. There’s a sort of fear that you get when you’ve spent money, but haven’t checked to see how much in a while, like if you were on a trip to the mall and splurged – this all encompassing dread that you’ve spent too much and you’re screwed now. That existed in my peripheral; this worry that suddenly Alex would become angry with me and accuse me of spending all his money. It didn’t happen. He just joked with the cashier about coming back again some other time and led us away from the desk as if it was nothing.
I’d never had real money issues before, my parents were always a call away, but they’d instilled so much in me about watching what you do that I was almost shaky after that, terrified that someone would confront me about it. Wow, talk about a mood killer. Maybe I had some money hang ups more than I thought I did.
“Are you sure you don’t mind me keeping this?” I asked again once we were in the elevator alone.
Alex frowned and glanced down at me. “Of course, why wouldn’t I be okay with it?”
I shrugged. “I just wanted to make sure, that’s all.”
He chuckled and rubbed my side affectionately. “Glykia mou, you aren’t going to bankrupt me with five-hundred dollars.”
Alright rich guy, keep flaunting it. “I just felt weird about it,” I admitted softly. “I don’t know, forget I said anything.”
“I don’t need to forget anything, I remember what it was like to be worried about money,” he assured. “Speaking of, we’ll have to get an appointment set up with the attorney when we get back to go over financials and other logistics. Do you still want to talk about a postnup? We don’t have to; I just need to know when I call.”
“Logistics?”
“Our wills, I also want to get your name on the ownership, not to mention the bank accounts and everything else. You’re going to get a full run down of my finances so that they can become our finances; so if that chip scares you, you might want to take something before we talk to the lawyers.”
I wasn’t old enough for a will! “Uh, I don’t think I’m going to die anytime soon. Do we really need to talk about wills?”
He tsked disapprovingly. “First off, I’m twice your age, but that doesn’t mean that I’m on deaths doorstep either, thank you very much. Second, yes, we do, because things happen, and if something were to happen to me I want to make sure you’re taken care of. I’m sure you’d have similar ideas, maybe designating part of your estate for your little brother or even your parents.”
“Yeah, but I’d get your stuff anyway if you died. Right? I mean, we’re legally married, so I just assumed that it worked like that.” How else would it work?
“My estate is set to go to Marie, Peter, and my sister Daphne equally.”
I spun on my heel, mouth agape. “Sister?”
Alex’s eyebrows shot up and he laughed awkwardly. “That’s correct.”
“Care to explain?” I demanded, crossing my arms.
“She doesn’t get along with Marie, and from what she told me she doesn’t really speak to Peter… I haven’t spoken with her in a long time, but I couldn’t just leave her off the will.” He looked away and fiddled with his cuffs.
I defrosted at his tone, but I couldn’t believe I didn’t know he had a sister. “Okay, I can get behind that,” I told him after a moment.
“You’ll go with me to see the lawyer then?”
“Yeah, that’s fine with me, when were you going to see him?” And then I’ll harass you endlessly to get back in touch with your sister, because I’m determined to put your family back together.
“I was hoping for Wednesday, get it done as soon as we’re back in Athens and then have a nice dinner.”
Fuck. “Can it wait until Thursday?”
The elevator dinged and we got off on our floor, Alex reached for his keycard and I watched his brows furrow in confusion. “I guess. Do you want to stay here an extra day? I don’t mind, I can call the front desk now and hold over the room.”
I looked away, feeling my stomach twist into knots. “Um, I can’t…”
“Why not?” he asked expectantly.
I stared at the floor, catching my tongue between my teeth as I braced myself for him to get mad. “I promised Lena I would be back Wednesday afternoon for her.”
“You what?” he demanded. “You told me you were talking to Jazmin.”
“I was—I mean I am—”
“Then why do you need to be helping Lena?”
I could’ve said that it was because she was family, or that I wanted to try and mend bridges, but I knew that Alex would just pity me. I didn’t blame him either; I pitied myself. I just didn’t have any other answers for him except the truth. It wasn’t my place to tell him her business, but I couldn’t stomach lying to him.
“She thinks she might be pregnant, and she wants me to go with her to the doctors.”
The look on his face was devastating, the way he silently turned and gathered up his suitcase was worse. Alex was very quiet the entire time we packed. I could tell that he was trying not to be angry with me out loud, and while I wanted to just let him stew, I felt like he wasn’t allowed to be mad at me. I was doing what I had to do, what I was supposed to do, and being there for Lena was a good thing for both me and her. We didn’t have anyone else. I certainly hadn’t forgiven her though and that was okay.
He was similarly quiet on the way to the airport and even once we had boarded the plane. I sat beside him, wordlessly enjoying a thriller I’d picked up at the airport and pretending that everything was fine. I wished he would talk to me, I wished he would hold my hand for the flight and could just forget it for the next fifteen or so hours.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, not looking up from my book. “Please don’t be mad at me anymore.” My own mother could be mad at me for days on end and I wouldn’t bat an eye, but Alex being mad at me just made me feel disappointed in myself.
“My anger isn’t at you,” he seethed. “Chloe, you’re so genuine and trusting that I hate to think about how this is going to end for you, because it is not going to end well.”
I bristled, glaring down at my lap and biting down on my tongue angrily. How could he so easily make me angry at him and upset with myself all in one? “What exactly do you see happening that’s worse than what I already went through?” I demanded, turning to him expectantly.
He looked to me, hold my gaze for a fraction of a minute before responding, “I think you’re going to be absolutely devastated when Peter finds out and chooses to be with her. I think that Lena would be thrilled to find out that he wants to do that with her and then you’ll be left to watch them be happy. I know that’s going to hurt a lot more than you think it will.”
But you’re not me. We never talked about Marie, I didn’t like her and Alex had his heart broken by her, and that wasn’t an easy conversation no matter what. When we first met and he told me he was still married I was a little skeptical that he was actually separated, he later admitted to me while drunk that Marie had cheated and had been apparently doing so since Peter was a little kid.
Alex didn’t have much in the line of ill-will toward Mike but spending any amount of time in the same room with both of them, you could feel the tension. Mike had kept his distance once the truth was out but Alex and Marie stayed married until Peter was in college, wanting to give him a normal life. He didn’t know that Peter had known about the affair for a long time, and I wouldn’t tell him; he didn’t need his heart broken all over again.
I turned away quickly, attempting to hide my watery eyes. “I need Lena,” I told him softly. “I need her and I’m not ready to give her up yet.”
My anger for my cousin had dissipated the second she crumbled to her feet and begged for my help. There were two different girls in my mind; the one that fucked my fiancé, and the one that was so close to me I hadn’t gone more than a day without speaking to her since I was five. I couldn’t reconcile them into one yet, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to either.
“You need friends,” he corrected. “I’m not always going to be there, I work, and the last person that you should be turning to all the time is the woman that ended your engagement.”
You know, it was weird. Hearing someone call Lena, or me for that matter, a woman was downright strange. Sure, we were adults, so woman was accurate, but I had spent so long thinking the word was only for older women – those in their thirties or forties – that I didn’t realize that yeah, I was actually a woman now. Sometimes it was one of those moments of triumph because the person you were talking to clearly saw you as an adult, but at times like this it almost felt like an insult.
“It’s not all her fault, Peter was the one that cheated.”
Alex sighed and looked away. “This is the last thing I’ll say on it, because I don’t want this to become a bigger issue between us; but Chloe, Lena is just as much at fault here. She knew about your relationship and continued hurting you anyway. If she was a random woman who had never met you and Peter pretended that he was single, then I would blame the entire thing on him, but that just isn’t the case. It’s both their faults.”
It’s not, I thought bitterly. Peter stepped out, he held the most, if not all, the responsibility here. “You don’t even know Peter,” I told Alex quietly. “You have no idea what your son will do because you don’t have a relationship with him.” Instantly, I regretted my words.
Alex went still and my stomach lurched. “Maybe I was wrong about you growing up,” he replied evenly, standing up and taking his sweater with him.
I watched him speak to the stewardess and she nodded along happily before showing him to another empty seat. I didn’t blame him. There were so many times in my life where people had told me they thought I was mean or had said something mean, things I never thought could be interpreted that way. But I knew what I said was needlessly cruel and I wished I could take it back. Maybe I’m the Sheep after all. I hadn’t accidentally pricked anyone with an unsuspecting thorn that time, I’d actively hurt him for no good reason.
Tears welled and I reached for the packet of tissues between the seats, sniffling while I wiped my eyes. Maybe I’d done something like this to Lena and Peter, maybe I deserved what happened. Leaning back in my chair, I listened to the voice over the intercom and did up my seat belt reluctantly. I just wanted to be back in our hotel, fuck going back to Greece.