Hailey's POV
I have had my blood drawn for 3 weeks straight and with each time, the news got worse. The first time, my levels hadn't gone down; the second time, they went up, but only a little. This last time, they told me my levels had spiked. As such, they were referring me to an oncologist to start my treatment. The news hit Ian and me hard, as if not having a child wasn't bad enough. Cancer wanted to rub on the bleeding wounds of my heart.
"Remember, they said we have a 98% survival rate. It's going to be okay. You are going to be okay." Ian tried to assure me, but it fell on deaf ears.
I began to wonder how Liv must have felt when she found she had a mass again, only this time it had been cancerous. Is this otherworldly feeling what she had? It feels as if I am no longer in my body, but instead floating in the air, looking down at myself. It was almost like watching a movie, only I was the main character.
"Hailey?" Ian snapped me back, his hands now on my shoulders.
My eyes met his sparkling blue ones, seeing the deep concern he was trying to hide. He had been trying hard to keep me sane these past few weeks. We had done a multitude of things to keep our spirits high, but the threat of cancer was like a sharp blade hanging over our heads. Only now did that blade fall, and our heads were rolling.
"Did you hear me?" he asked me, his brows meeting in the center.
"What?" I asked, feeling so dazed.
"We should let Red know." He was right. I was pretty pissed when Liv hadn't told me she had cancer, having to find out from Lucas, and even then it took her forever to tell me herself. I wouldn't do the same. Nodding my head at him, I reached for my phone, only to have Ian's hand placed over it.
"Not on the phone," he said, shaking his head at me. "This is in-person news."
"Yeah, okay."
I was still feeling out of it. A numb feeling had taken over my body, leaving me to go through the motions as we headed to the car. Ian held my hand the entire way, but I barely felt it. The word cancer kept repeating in my head as if on a loop, further pulling me into a deep depression. I understood all too well how Liv was feeling and why she didn't want to tell anyone at first. The fact of the matter is that she has worse odds than I do, so our experiences are not entirely the same. Yet still, I felt I could understand her better- her actions, or inactions, in this case.
In a blink of an eye, we approached Lucas and Liv's fairytale house. Seeing its warmth and beauty as we parked. Liv had almost finished her first round of chemo. She was very happy that she hadn't lost a lot of her hair. She had panicked at first when she lost a large clump, but then remembered that it was normal after having a baby to lose more hair than usual.
"You ready?" Ian asked as we approached the front door hand in hand.
"Not really."
"It'll be okay, Mi Luz. I will be by your side. What you can't do, I will do for you."
I nodded, feeling glad to have such an amazing man by my side. Ian was really putting his best effort forward, being strong for us both. I wanted to do the same, but this feeling was drowning me. It felt like I couldn't breathe half the time, only being able to take a breath when Ian was by my side. He rang the bell, hearing the chime ring from the inside. A minute later, Lucas' tired face answered the door.
He was drained, clearly being the one to lose sleep with Johnny. Lucas had stepped up as I knew he would, taking care of his children and Liv all on his own. Of course, Lisa or his mom would help watch the kids so he could be by Liv's side for her treatments. However, he never had help at night. I worried he wasn't sleeping enough to function.
"Look what the cat dragged in?" he said, smiling playfully, but the dullness in his eyes kept it from being truly genuine.
"You look exhausted," I blurted, feeling too comfortable with him to filter my thoughts.
"Gee, thanks. Won't you come in and tell me more about how I'm feeling?" He joked, but I could hear the slight aggravation. He was snappy, probably due to his tiredness.
"Sure thing. That's what I'm here for." I stepped in, looking around for Liv's messy red hair.
"Is that really what you're here for?" He asked me, looking worried for a moment.
"No. Obviously not. I wouldn't come here just to pick on you, Lucas. As much fun as that would be." He let out a nervous laugh, followed by a sigh of relief. Poor guy.
"So, what are you here for?"
"Are you not happy to see me, Lucas?" I teased him, seeing him rub the back of his neck.
"That's not it. I'm just..."
"Tired," I finished his sentence, causing him to smirk in admittance.
"Yeah."
"We have news. News we couldn't just call for. Where is Liv?"
"Upstairs, laying down in bed. She was feeling light-headed today."
We followed him up the stairs. All the while, my heart was racing. What would my treatment be like? Will I be sequestered to my bed a lot, too? How tired will I be? My train of thoughts came to an abrupt halt as we entered their large room. The curtains were closed on their wall full of windows, causing it to be pitch black inside.
"Rose, Hailey, and Ian are here with some news." I heard Liv groan as she stirred awake. "Brace yourself; I'm opening the curtains," Lucas warned her before the curtains started to slide open, allowing rays of sunshine to light up the room.
"What's up, Hails?" she asked as she pulled herself up to sit up on her bed, leaning back against her headboard.
"Can I come sit?" I asked her, seeing her pat the bed beside her in response. I jumped on it, getting under the covers with her as I sat beside her, taking her hand.
"What's wrong?" She could see my eyes watering. Her hand had grown thin, along with the rest of her. I had seen Liv throughout her treatment, but it was hitting me harder today. Perhaps because I worried my future would be like this. Am I being like my mother right now? Am I being selfish and making everything about me?
"My levels didn't drop again," I finally announced.
"Oh, Hails." She squeezed my hand, staring at me, but I didn't have the capacity to meet her eyes. I knew the moment I did, I would be unable to stop myself from full-on sobbing.
"They spiked, so they are sending me to an oncologist."
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, pulling my head to her shoulder. "It's going to be okay."
Ian and Lucas awkwardly hung by the door, watching the two interact with pained looks.
"I'm not a fighter like you, Liv."
"Don't say that. You are more of a fighter than me. Hailey, you're the most emotionally grounded and wise person I know. You, of all people, should know the strength you hold. Knowing you, you're going to go in for treatment and be smiling the entire time, even if it is burning your insides." Her way of trying to cheer me up was a mixture of varying emotions. I felt happy knowing she thought so highly of me, but the way she described treatment concerned me greatly.
"Burning?"
Liv let out a laugh at my question. "Yeah, but you get used to it. Don't worry about that, just keep your mind on surviving. I need you, Hermana." Liv busted out her small bit of Spanish, making me smile widely as she called me her sister.
"I need you, too." I nuzzled next to her, seeing Lucas nudge Ian's arm and gesturing with his head for them to leave the room. Liv and I cuddled together as we spoke about cancer, treatments, what to be careful of, and so much more. I was glad we had come in person. Telling Liv on the phone would not have been nearly as healing as being with her in bed.
She was doing her best at fighting a harder, stronger cancer than my own. I will do the same and fight just as hard, and I'll do it smiling, just for her. For Ian, I will snap myself out of this depression. Maybe then he won't feel so compelled to hold his feelings back to be strong for me. He should be able to feel what he needs to without feeling like I will break.
Today, I will nuzzle Liv and wallow with her. I will let her lift my spirit the way I have lifted hers on countless occasions. She and I were great at cheering each other up. I may have a ton of biological sisters, but none of them understood me as well as Liv. She is the sister I have always needed in my life, and I am forever grateful to have her placed on my path in life. I am not sure where I would be without her. We will beat our cancers together and come out on the other side. She's not dying and neither am I!