CATERINA
Is it possible to feel like you’ve been hit when nobody laid a hand on you? The pain in my gut, the way all the air leaves my lungs at once. It’s like she punched or kicked me. It physically hurts, and yet she hasn’t laid a single hand on me.
“You fucking bitch.” Gianni gets up, still naked, dragging one of the sheets with him and wrapping it around his waist. “This is your last warning. Get out of my fucking house before I fucking kill you.”
Sure, that’s exactly the kind of thing he would say. That’s who he is.
But it’s wrong. It is not the response I needed to hear.
He didn’t deny what she said. He didn’t deny still being married.
He didn’t deny it.
“From the look on her face, I’m going to assume she didn’t know?” Amalia—nobody has to introduce us—laughs in my face when all I can do is try to stay calm and keep the last shredding pieces of my dignity. “I bet he calls me his ex, doesn’t he?”
“Caterina, don’t listen to her,” Gianni growls.
“Why? You don’t want your little fuck buddy knowing the truth? You can try to hide the truth from her as long as you want, but it always comes out.” She folds her arms across her chest and smiles. Smug, superior.
Gianni’s chest heaves with every ragged breath. “I’m going to give you to the count of three to leave this fucking room—”
“Stop with your threats and bullshit.” She whirls on him and jabs a long, red nail against his bare chest. “By the way, nice job, sending somebody to spy on me. Was there a point? Or are you trying to blackmail me into signing the papers? Did you honestly think that would work? You’re supposed to be this master manipulator, and you’ve been duped at your own game.”
He slaps her hand away, baring his teeth in a snarl. “Don’t you fucking touch me, you diseased cunt. How’s your friend Luciano by the way?”
Her face turns ghostly white, and she falls back a step. “What are you talking about?”
“You know exactly what the fuck I’m talking about.”
I can’t take any more of this. It’s killing me. “Stop!”
It’s like he forgot I was here. His eyes widen when he turns to me. “You should go to your room and get dressed,” he mutters. “Let me handle this.”
“Is it true?” Because I need to know. There’s a free-for-all going on in my head right now—screaming, panic, my thoughts racing in a hundred different directions. At the center of everything is that one single question. The one I need answered before I can move in any direction.
“Tell her the truth,” Amalia murmurs, barely fighting back a grin as she tosses her hair again and sends its fragrance my way. “Did I ever sign those divorce papers? Or have you been breaking your back for ages, trying to force me into it?”
It’s so strange, the look on his face. Like he’s fighting between rage and helplessness. I’ve never seen him look so broken. “I… look,” he murmurs to me. “Please, Caterina. You have to believe me. She’s nothing, no one.”
“Were you ever going to tell me you’re still married?” I don’t care if she’s witnessing this. What’s the use of being ashamed? I’m already sitting here naked, feeling like the world’s biggest idiot. Why not let her watch my heart break a little more? Everything’s better with an audience, right?
“Of course I was, but the idea was to get the papers signed first.” He snarls at her, forcing her back another step. “Any decent person would have signed them way before now. But enough is never enough. You always want more. I can’t believe you have the nerve to pretend you give a shit about your daughter when all you wanted was an excuse to barge in here and fuck with my life a little more.”
“This is all so touching.” She sighs, fluttering her thick lashes. “Next thing you know, you’ll tell me you love this girl, and that I should sign the divorce papers so the two of you can be happy together. Isn’t that right?”
“Considering I know what you’ve done, you are treading on very thin ice,” he warns. “My guy saw you together, you and that kid. Were you the one who came up with the idea to run her down?” He jerks a thumb in my direction without looking at me.
That’s what does it. Listening to him talk so casually about the trauma I went through—and revealing he knew more about it than he let on. He can’t expect me to trust him after this. The lies are piling up between us. Amalia and Luciano? How would she even know who he is?
Was. Past tense.
—
Before my brain can completely melt, I scramble out of bed, still wrapped in a blanket, and take off running. My feet slap against the hardwood as I race past the guards. I don’t look at their faces. I can’t. I’m too ashamed. This is something I want to end.
He wants me to go to my room and get dressed? That’s what I’ll do, because I will not sit around and watch my life crumble to pieces.
Lies. So many lies. About him, about her, about their marriage. Now he’s making it sound like she had something to do with Luciano coming apart like he did. Whether or not that’s true, he could’ve told me.He should have told me.If Luciano needed help, I could have reached out to his parents. I could’ve done something.
In the end, it’s all about him. What he wants, who he wants. There I was, telling him I’d have his baby, and he held all these secrets in his hand.
It will never get better. I feel the truth of it in my soul. He will never stop being who he is. Loving him isn’t enough. Nothing ever will be because nothing will change who he is at his core. Secretive and manipulative. Violent and dangerous. The lengths he’ll go to get what he wants are never-ending. At least I’m seeing it now and not when it’s too late.
The desire to wake Tatiana in the bedroom next door and tell her what happened consumes me, but there’s no time. I’ll have to do it later. After I’ve gone to Dad’s, which is the only place I can go now. It’s the only place I want to be because at least there I’ll have somebody who really loves me, who doesn’t lie and use.
Stupid. I’m so stupid.I was so desperate for love after years of being treated like I wasn’t important that I looked the other way over and over, first with Luciano and now with Gianni. I can barely see with the tears by the time I reach the bedroom and lock the door.
My heart is going to burst out of my chest. The pain is so intense it scares me. I don’t want to leave, but I have to. Getting out of here is my only hope. I need to do this for myself.
Even though I love him. He turned me into the other woman, and I still love him. I’m just as fucked up as he is. No wonder I was always drawn to him.
Once again, I pack my things, this time taking every last item that belongs to me. I might have left a few things back in Tatiana’s room before I moved my stuff out for her return, but she’ll get it back to me eventually. I don’t even care right now. Nothing matters more than putting this behind me. Living with an overbearing parent sounds like heaven after what I’ve gone through.
He made me into the girl I didn’t want to be. Stupid, naive, so easily led on. I never thought to question whether their divorce was final. Tatiana never mentioned it. Why didn’t I ask? Would he have told the truth if I had?