“You okay in there?” She pokes her head into the bathroom, and it hits me that I have no idea how long I’ve been standing here.
“I’m okay.” I shampoo my hair, and she’s cleaned up my messy clothes by the time I’ve rinsed it out. It’s enough for her to be here with me. A reminder that I’m safe.
“I’m just so glad he found you so quickly.”
“Me too,” I choke out. I’m halfway through scrubbing my arms—trying to keep from staring at my bruised wrists—by the time it sinks in.
He knew where to find me. It didn’t even take long.
“How did he know where I was? Did he tell you?”
“There was some kind of tracking app on your phone.”
“He was tracking my phone?”
It should be the last thing on my mind, but it’s merely another brick on top of all the others. Once again, he’s invaded my privacy. I’m glad to be out of that cabin and safe, but I’m not safe if I can’t have a single second to myself. It wasn’t enough for him to watch me. He has to know where I am, literally at all times.
What happens when he isn’t satisfied with that anymore? He might decide to keep me around the house instead. It’s not like he’s never threatened me with that before. Tying me to the bed and all. What if I’m the next person he kills? He threatened that once before. After witnessing the results first-hand, I have no doubt he’d kill me if he wanted to.
“He doesn’t trust me,” I whisper, trembling under the hot water.
“He doesn’t trust anybody,” she says with a sigh. Through the shower door, I see she’s finished changing into pajamas and is now taking off her makeup at the sink.
“Why not?”
“I think my mom really fucked him up, and now he can’t trust any woman.” She shrugs at her reflection. “I have no idea how his brain works. I’d be too afraid to dive in.”
She can feel that way, but I can’t. Our relationship is different. I need to understand him.
By the time I’ve finished rinsing off, there’s not a doubt in my mind. All my body wants is Gianni—the comfort of his touch, his strong arms wrapped around me. Nothing in the world can hurt me so long as I’m with him.
Not quite true.There is something that could hurt me: Gianni himself. That’s the problem. The closer I get to him, the easier it is for him to cause me pain with his distrust and secrets.
He has no problem killing a man and walking away. His crew will clean it up, and it’ll seem like it never happened. I should be grateful, but deep down, it terrifies me. What kind of person am I, keeping a secret like this? Knowing Luciano didn’t commit suicide, the way they’re going to make it look. His parents will carry that with them until the day they die.
Is it better for them to know he lost his mind and was trying to rape me?
This is the world Gianni inhabits. The world he wants me to be a part of. How much worse is it going to get? How many secrets will I keep before they rot me from the inside out? While I waste away, locked up because he’ll never trust me.
I open the shower door and wrap a towel around myself before stepping out. “I need to leave.”
Tatiana lowers the towel she’s drying her face with. “What do you mean? Don’t be rash. You’re still in shock.”
“Maybe a little,” I admit, “but I have to do this. I can’t… this can’t…” It’s too much. The pressure on my chest feels heavy again.
“Where will you go?”
“I don’t know. My dad’s, I guess.”
“But why?”
“Don’t make me explain, please.”
“You can’t come at me with an announcement like that and expect me to let you go without asking you questions.”
I know she’s right, which is the only reason I bother putting my feelings into words as I rush into her room barefoot and wrapped in a towel. It must’ve been instinct that made me keep my stuff on her side of the house instead of moving it into Gianni’s room. Like there was a part of me that always knew this wouldn’t work out and wanted to protect itself.
“I can’t do this,” I whisper while pulling bags from the closet. I’m only revisiting the same situation I was in more than a week ago, packing in a hurry, ready to run. Isn’t that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over, even when the outcome never changes.
“Can’t do what?” She stands back and lets me pack, at least, instead of getting in my way.
“This. All of this. I won’t stay with a man who’d install a tracking app on my phone without my knowledge. What else has he done then I don’t know about?” I glance up from the drawer full of underwear I’m clearing out to find her face pinched in pain. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to hurt you.”
“You’re sorry?” A manic laugh escapes her. “I’m the one who should be sorry. Not you. I know I didn’t do anything wrong, but he’s still my dad.”
“None of this is your responsibility.”
“I still feel like shit. Plus, I was the one who told you about the tracker.”
“You told me the truth, and that’s probably more than I’ve gotten before now.” I can hardly think. I’m so angry and frustrated. How could he betray me like this?
“You’re not really going to your dad’s, are you? You know, if you show up like this, he’ll assume something’s wrong. He’s not going to let it go, and then you’ll have to explain everything to him.”
She’s right. One look, and he’ll know something is wrong. Then he’ll lock me away for who knows how long because somebody hurt his little girl, and that would be without knowing the truth.
“I’ll figure it out.”
“He’s going to expect an explanation. He’s a detective for a reason.”
“Then I won’t be upset. Simple.”
Tatiana rolls her green eyes. “Then he’ll want to know why you’re there.”
“Jesus. I’ll make something up. I’ll figure it out.”
She sighs, her shoulders sinking. “Was it Luciano who took you from the restaurant?”
I can’t speak over the lump in my throat, so I nod.
“You come back here in shock, with blood all over you…” Her breath hitches. “He’s dead, isn’t he?”
I don’t realize my legs have buckled beneath me until Tatiana’s arms circle my waist, holding me up. “I’m sorry. But I had to know. It’s true, isn’t it?” All I can do is nod because, of course, she knew with nobody having to say the words.
“Hearing it…” I whisper before choking up.
“If your dad gets even a hint of there being something wrong with Luciano… and if Luciano goes missing officially… if his parents go to the police.”
And I’m not a very good liar, at least not when living with the man. Telling a few fibs over lunch is one thing, but being in the same house… It’s inevitable that I’ll let something slip.
“Then I’ll go to a hotel.” I gently push her away and slip into a pair of leggings and a T-shirt chosen at random. I only know I need to get out of here before he talks me into staying.
“We’ll go to a hotel.”
“No, you don’t—”
“Shut up. Like I would leave you alone right now. That’s not what friends do. You’re in shock, and if something happened to you. No. I’m going.”
I shake my head. “I’m not trying to drag you into this.”
“You’re not dragging me into shit. I love my dad, and I’m glad he found you and brought you back, but he’s not my favorite person right now. He’s made some serious errors lately, not to mention he used me as leverage for a fucking business deal. Do you know how insulting that is? I’m not a fucking object to be bid on.”
No, I can’t imagine, but I know what it feels like to be hurt by him.
There is no talking her out of this. She grabs a bag from the closet and starts packing. “Forget it. I’m going with you, so move your ass.”
Even though it’s painful to move my ass, I do it. I don’t want to do this. It hurts so much. Like I’m physically being torn in two. But I refuse to live the rest of my life in a cage. If it means having my heart ripped out for the sake of protecting myself in the future, that’s the way it needs to be. And that’s what I tell myself as Tatiana and I sneak out of the house in the middle of the night, the storm still blowing hard, but not as brutally as before. We look over our shoulders as we run, bags in hand, before fleeing in my car like a couple of escaped convicts.
That’s exactly how I feel. Like I just broke out of prison.
A prison I walked into with my eyes wide open.