Ellis.
I couldn't believe this was happening. I spent the morning with my kids, and even though we failed to make a delicious breakfast we could all enjoy, I was just thankful for this time with them. And Love, she was gracious, a little nervous than I am used to but still hospitable to me. It was more than I deserved after what I did to her.
Our children are a priority in her life. She was the best mother. I caught her smiling as she watched us at the table, even though she tried to hide her smile. It warmed my heart. THIS IS LIFE. THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN MY EVERYDAY LIFE had I not fucked up six years ago.
I was in my son's room, helping him with school. As he brushed his teeth in the bathroom, I inspected the room. It was a blue-themed huge bedroom with an adjoining playroom. There were video games and toys there. Like every room in the house, it overlooked the massive forest.
" I'm done!" he said.
I helped him get into the neatly laid-out clothes in the closet. Cayden was observing the entire time. I don't know what he wanted to see, but he was curious about my actions. He was complex. Just minutes ago, in front of his mom and sister, he was talking to me normally, and happily. Now, he was curt and seemed irritated by my presence.
" I don't like you," he said suddenly. He has got my attention now. I finished tying his shoelaces and straightened up. He stood up from the bed, and went to his desk, next to the computer. Looks like we were about to have a solemn conversation with my son.
" I know, I figured," I said.
" Good. It's exhausting to pretend to like you,"
I walked back closer to him. He didn't look at me. He unbacked his school bag, searching for something in it.
" Why do you pretend?"
" I pinky promised my sister I have to be nice to you," he said, opening his book and starting to write. That's when I realized he was writing his homework.
" Can you write and talk?" I asked. His face angled.
" Just give me two minutes," he murmured. His whole focus was on what he was writing in his notebook. I waited patiently and watched him as he finished his homework. He put his notebook away and faced me seriously. I exhaled.
" Why did Solara make you promise?" I asked.
" She doesn't want you to leave again," he replied, and my heart tightened painfully in my chest. She thinks I'll leave. I felt the weight of his words hit me like a truck.
" I'm not leaving you again, ever," I declared. He only shrugged his shoulders.
" Cay, I -" I started, but he glared at me. Looks like we are not too buddy-buddy right now to say, Cay. I cleared my throat, and corrected myself,
" Cayden, why don't you like me? "
" I know you were not on Mars. I know why mommy left," his voice was soft. My son was hurt, and I wanted to hug him and tell him it wasn't my intention. I didn't want his mom to leave.
" Mom and uncle thought I was sleeping in my room, but I went to her room because I was scared, and I heard them talk about you. They don't know I was listening."
I crouched down and held his face in my hand.
" Cayden, I'm sorry- I'm so sorry about what happened, but I promise I didn't want your mommy to leave. I love her so much," I said honestly. I didn't want to lie to him.
" I was so confused at the time and made a mistake that I regret, but I didn't want to hurt Love because she was my everything. I didn't know she had you in her stomach when she left. I don't think she did either," I said sincerely. He visibly swallowed, his lips slightly quivering, and his eyes filled with unshed tears.
" I love you, and I want to be part of your lives, all of you. But, I don't want you to pretend to like me when you don't, because even if you're mean or don't like me, I won't leave you. You and Solara are my world now," I told him and kissed his temple. Cayden gave me a slight smile that instantly warmed my insides. It was insane how much I loved them already. A few weeks ago, I didn't know of their existence, and now, I'd walk through fire for them, kill for them, and I'd die for them without a second thought. My feelings for them were overwhelming because I'd never known them before. I was unsure how to navigate around them, but I knew one thing for sure, they were my whole universe.
" Thank you for telling me how you felt," I said. I was happy we had our father-son talk. I was happier that he was a boy who expressed his feelings without fear. Truly my son.
" Thank you for listening,"
We stared at each other for a while until we heard footsteps appear on the door. Love and Solara glanced at each other before looking at us.
" Everything alright?" Love asked, walking in. I got to my feet and opened my arms to Solara. She smiled and jumped into them.
"Yeah, all good here," My son and I said at once. I glanced down at him with a smile.