TRINITY
"I still have one thing I wanna steal from you, Trinity." His words keep repeating in my head.
My brows raise. "And what's that, Bash? I don't think I still have something in me that is worth stealing for."
He scans my face with a hint of sadness on his face. Instead of saying that I know he has something in his head, he holds it instead. He plants a kiss on my nose. Then he looks up at the stars again.
I want him to steal my heart, but I'm more willing to give it to him wholeheartedly because, after all these years, I realize it is his forever.
Don't get me wrong. I learned to love Oli. I will always love him, but Bash will always be the love of my life. Selfishness or not, I can't control my heart or my feelings.
It feels like I was made to love him.
I'm sure my heart belongs to him now that we have intimate moments together. But it scares the hell out of me because I know I'll never have his heart in return, and it's not that I'm expecting. It just hurts a lot knowing I already know how it ends. How will I take it when he starts dating or sleeping around again?
I don't know what the hell I put myself into. This situation I am in right now will wreck me in the end. I gamble not only my feelings and my body but also my heart, my life, and my relationship with the people who care for us.
I don't realize my tears fall from my eyes only when I find myself sniffing.
Bash stiffens beside me. "Are you okay? Why the hell are you crying?"
I wipe my tears away before I sit straight and face him. I give him a tight smile. "I haven't talked to Mom and Dad." He knows I am lying.
He snorts. "Do you think I believe you?"
I'm caught off guard.
"You just talked to them this morning. Whatever you're thinking right now, stop it," I can see the concerned look in his eyes, and I will ruin this moment if I don't pull myself together.
"I'm not thinking anything, Bash. We're a hundred miles away from our family," I say a little defensively.
He chuckles. "We did this before. Not far like this, but we went outside the state after finishing high school, and you've never been emotional. I know you well, Tri, and don't you dare lie to me again."
He's right, and I'm always happy and safe with him. My parents trusted him so much and loved him like a son, even after what happened between us.
"I'm not lying to you." I stand up, walking down to the ground.
He looks pissed and rises from his seat too. "Do tell, Trinity. Why are you crying?"
I swallow the lump forming in my throat.
"Huh? Why are you crying? Don't you think it's easy for me to see you cry? For fuck's sake, Trinity."
My eyes widen.
"Or is it about what's going on between us? Do you feel guilty about it?"
I shake my head. I open my mouth to say something, but he doesn't let me. He cups my head, kisses me hard like a punishment, and only stops to allow me to gasp for air.
"Don't you dare feel guilty, Trinity? What we are doing isn't a mistake. Your fiancé was dead months ago. I'm not happy to hear you lost him, but you have to move on. I'm sure that's what he wanted for you. We're two consenting adults. We love and enjoy what we're doing. This isn't selfishness."
I pull myself away from him and step backward.
"For fuck's sake, say something!"
I startle at his voice.
"Can you lower your voice down!" I start yelling back.
"Then say something! Why the hell are you crying?" He looks furious. He's breathing heavily with his hands on his hips.
"Forget about it!" I fight back, striding to the concrete stairs. I take off the slippers that we bought from the market. I know he's following me. I stop in front of the fridge and grab a bottle of water. I relax a little when the cold water runs down my throat, but my heart is still pounding in my chest.
"You can't just ignore me." He calms down a bit. His voice is barely audible.
"You can't just force me to say something."
"Just answer me one question, Trinity."
I face him as I press my palms against the kitchen island. "What's the one question, Bash?"
"Do you want to stop this, what we started when we get back?" He looks hurt, but I can't risk my heart when all he wants is to clear the tension between us. He never mentioned a relationship. All he wants is to kiss me and have sex with me.
I nod glumly. "Yes," I whisper and look at him.
I finally let go of a breath I had held for too long. My heart breaks because that's not what I want. I've wanted more than just his friend, but that's all that he can give, and he's already generous about that.
"You're lying again."
"I'm not lying, Bash, and that's all I want." I glare at him before I walk away, hoping he believes what I said.
"I know you well, and I know you're lying to me right now, right to my face. That's why you are walking away again." He doesn't stop where he is.
I stop, and we almost bump into each other. "What do you want, Bash?"
"Be mine," he answers almost immediately. What's that supposed to mean?
My eyes grow bigger, and I snort. "Are you seriously insane?" I am seemingly surprised by my question.
"Yes, Trinity."
I shake my head. "No. That's not what you want. Now, who's lying?"
"Why not? Did I ever lie to you? Don't you like me?" He seems affected by my answer-his lips quiver. I know Bash is not used to accepting rejection, and it just happens.
I'm not sure what he's after, though. I want more than just sex with him. "I like you, Bash. A lot, so much, and that's the problem."
His brows furrow in confusion. "I can't see any problem with liking me because I like you, too, Trinity."
I swallow hard. My expression softens. Hearing Bash admits that he likes me makes my heart flutter. "You just like the sex, Bash and-"
"I like you more than just sex, and you know that," he says in a shaky voice.
I shake my head again. "Yeah, and you're saying that when I'm vulnerable. Don't you think it's too unfair for me?" I look at him directly into his sad eyes.
"Just let me show you that I mean it, Trinity," he almost pleads.
"Bash."
He raises his hands for me to stop. "Fine, let's do it your way. Is this what you want? A week with me? Great. You got it."
That's it.
He walks away from me.
I stand still, glued in my own place, utterly shocked.