Chapter Eleven
Ella’s brain pounded against its skull reminding her why she didn’t drink. Her tongue scraped like sandpaper against the inside of her dry mouth. Whiskey was never the answer. Although, seeing, and making love to Greg in her dreams was a worthy side effect. The way his body gently and carefully glided against hers contrasted with Cade’s rough and tumble bedroom acrobatics.
Cade, her one-weekend stand she thought might be more, talked dirty and took charge. Her Greg didn’t speak much, but made love to her with tenderness even when they were in a hurry.
Hot lips kissed the back of her neck. “Are you awake?”
She rolled over and looked into the deep blue eyes of her healthy dream husband.
“No, and I don’t want to be.” She didn’t care about her dry mouth and whiskey morning breath. She kissed his smooth lips. “Make love to me, then I’ll wake up.” Her head hurt, but she wanted another happy dream with her husband. He stayed solid and healthy. It had been so long since she’d dreamed of him strong and powerful. I don’t want to let you go.
He groaned as she slid her leg over the fine blond hair of his thigh.
She was bold in her dreams when she made love with Greg. And even bolder when she dreamed of making love to kinky Garrett. But Cade made her orgasm without even touching her in her fantasies.
She closed her palms over Greg’s cock and stroked. He thrust into her hand and pumped up and down. Beads of cum dripped over the top. Her fingers dipped into the sticky liquid. “I want you inside me. I want this.” She lifted her fingers to her mouth and licked. Salty man. Mmm.
“Yes,” he whispered. “Put me inside you.”
She guided his cock to her wet center. I want to remember this forever. Please don’t vanish. She rolled her hips, rubbed the head of his cock up and down her slit, and nearly orgasmed as she thought of making a baby with him. She swiveled her hips as his cock touched her clit.
His lids fell over the beautiful blue in his eyes.
She reached between them and grew more confident. She curled her fingers around his cock, and with her other hand she spread her folds apart with her fingers. “Feels so good.”
Round and round she moved her hips as she held his cock in place. Her clit throbbed and swelled. “Oh, God. Oh, God.”
“Yeah, Ella. Do it. Come.”
Her clit swelled and buzzed with electricity. I’m going to come.
She arched her spine, dropped her head back, and closed her eyes. Her legs shook as her pussy contracted around a void. She needed him inside her, coming with her. God, I need you to stay.
She bit her bottom lip, moved his cock to her center, and gasped as he thrust up. He grabbed her leg and held her as he flipped them over.
“I’ve needed this for so long, and now I’ve got you forever.” On top of her, he pulled out and dove back inside her pussy and filled her up with his incredible length. In and out. He ground against her clit.
Over and over, he built her up until her entire body thrummed with need.
“Come, now.” He grunted as he powered into her. Hot cum spurted inside her.
“Yes,” she screamed as she came apart in his arms. Memories of making their children rushed forward into her aching mind. So many years of love. “Please don’t go.” She clung to him, tears of love fell from her eyes knowing at any moment he would be gone. Reality would come crashing back. The dream would end.
“Babe.” He dried her tears. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for good.”
Her heart stopped beating. Greg never called her babe. The only one who ever called her by that endearment was…
“Oh my God.” She wiggled to get out from under his body. Not a dream. Not a dream. “Oh, my God. Oh, my God.”
He held her tight. “Babe, it’s me. I’m here. Everything is going to be okay.”
She gasped and continued to squirm. “You’re real. Oh, my God. You’re Garrett. You’re Garrett.”
“Shhh,” he said softly like he was calming a wild animal.
She felt like a wild animal, cornered and freaked out.
“It’s me, babe. Everything is going to be fine now that we’re together.”
“Oh, my God.” They were in her bedroom naked under her favorite sheets. “This isn’t happening. We had sex. Oh, my God.”
They had a lot of sex. They’d had so much sex she was sore, and she kept asking for more. Shit. Derek took pictures of them having sex.
“Derek. Derek is here.” Derek always traveled with Garrett when he visited but last night… Last night was a dream. She’d gotten crazy with Garrett. She talked dirty to Derek. She talked about fucking both of them. It was supposed to be a dream. “This is not happening.” You’re supposed to be Greg’s ghost. I damn near attacked you at the bar. The bar.
She sucked in a breath. It was all real. Fuck. “I’ve got to get up. I’ve got to go to work. I need some aspirin. I need a coke, and, oh, hell, I need my car and office keys. I need a shower. Crap. You don’t look like you. You look…” like Greg.
“Where the heck is your goatee? Where are your war scars? I don’t remember seeing them last night.” She didn’t remember every detail, but the orgasms—she couldn’t get those out of her head. The way they fit so perfectly together. So familiar. So right.
She stopped wiggling under him. The pulsing cock shoved deep inside her hardened.
“I haven’t worn a goatee in seven years, and the scars are there, Ella. You licked over each and every one of them last night,” he said with a smug grin. “I loved it.”
She swallowed hard. The scar on his inner thigh. She had licked the full length of it as she traveled to his balls. He’d ordered her to suck, and she had. She followed every sexy command.
“You knew it was me. You called me by my name. You damn near tackled me at the bar. It was the best homecoming I’ve ever had. The way your hands…” He continued recounting one of the more recent moments they’d had together.
She shuddered but gathered herself together. He’d been gone. She thought he might even be dead, assumed he was. “Where have you been all these years?” Didn’t have time to make it to your only brother’s funeral? Didn’t have time to leave any contact information? Let me know you weren’t dead?
She pushed at him, so angry with herself at getting so darn drunk. How could she be so stupid? So irresponsible? She should have thought it could be him, but it had been a lifetime since she’d seen him. Seven. Long. Years. With. No. Word.
“Get off me.” She didn’t want to like the way he felt on top of her. “I have a full schedule today. I don’t have time for this. You’re not showing up out of nowhere and shocking the shit out of my boys.” Like you did me.
He rolled off her, but kept his body glued to her side.
“I found out about Greg very recently, and I immediately asked for a transfer to Memphis. There were some issues. I retired and partnered with a company here. My personal belongings should arrive today. I planned on talking last night, but you had other plans for the evening. Great plans.”
She scrambled off the bed. “Get out, Garrett. He’s been dead three years, and you’re telling me you didn’t know?”
He had to have known. His parents must have told him how they screwed her as soon as Greg told them he was dying. The lengths they went to change Greg’s will, change the names on every legal document, every vacation home, all the bank accounts… The things she learned about what she thought had been an insignificant word “or” in Greg or Ella. One of them could sell a house without the other’s signature. One of them could empty the bank accounts without the other’s signature. One of them could transfer, sell, give away… No legal recourse.
She glanced up at the empty space on the ceiling where the chandelier Garrett bought her for her thirtieth birthday used to hang. His greedy parents stole the precious gift while she drank away her sorrows at Maggie’s Pub after Greg’s funeral. They manipulated Greg out of almost all the money he’d saved. Screwing her kids from a worry-free future, acting like loving grandparents while Greg lay dying was bad enough, but sending a team of movers to strip the interior of the house while her life bottomed out… If Maddie and Josie hadn’t stopped by to check on her, the house would have been emptied.
She covered her chest with her hands and ran around the bed to the bathroom, glaring at him. He looked good too good. Everything last night and this morning had been her idea. Damn. It all originated from her. Double damn.
He followed on her heels. He moved too fast, held too much confidence. And his touch proved too irresistible. “Babe, I didn’t know about Greg.”
She turned on the shower and took a quick look at the clock above the French doors to her bedroom. Five a.m.
“You have to leave now. The boys can’t see you like this. They’ll be up soon.” The loud spray of the water didn’t help the drum solo pounding her brain into a new kind of hell. She needed caffeine, and aspirin pronto. “Colleen is coming home this week.”
She turned and faced him. Staring straight into his summer-blue eyes, she attempted to hide her embarrassment, desire, and anger. She opened her mouth and then shut it.
Garrett Winthrop, the man she’d been in love with for her entire marriage, stood in her house acting like her husband. She made love to him but couldn’t remember all the details. She swore if he ever came back for her, she would memorize every kiss, every glance, every caress, but she didn’t. She only recalled the highlights. The moment in the bar when they kissed and electricity shot through her, rocketing her desire for him into outer space…
“I want to see the boys. I’m going to see my nephews.”
“Not right now. You have no idea the hell we went through. Look at yourself. You look exactly like Greg. You look so much like him I had sex with you.”
“You called me by name. So, babe, don’t try and act all angry like you didn’t know it was me.” Garrett’s lips tightened into a suppressed grin, seemingly amused.
Part of her knew she made love to him. He was too solid to be a dream. Greg never would have made love to her in a limo, but Garrett would. Garrett did.
“I need to prepare the boys and Colleen before you show up. It’s shocking to see you.” She paused, debating on how to proceed. She crossed her hands over her chest. She had to appear livid and strong while remaining calm, or he wouldn’t listen to her. He’d do whatever he wanted like he always had.
“Listen, you can’t walk back into our lives acting as if you never left and everything is perfect. Jeez, Garrett, wait a few days, and grow a beard or something. Let your hair grow out. Just don’t screw up my kids’ heads showing up here looking exactly like their father.”
She had buried Garrett’s memory along with Greg’s body three years ago. She hadn’t been prepared for his sudden resurrection. Her children… God, how will they react?
“They’ll be fine. They know we look alike. Identical twins look exactly alike. Your boys understand that, being a set of identical twins themselves. They’ll make sense of why I left, after I talk to them. You will too.”
He followed her into the shower. He closed the glass door behind him and blocked her exit. “I never thought in a million years Greg would die before me. It never crossed my mind he could. He had you and the kids. He had a safe career while I didn’t.” He ran his hands through his thick, blond hair just like Greg used to. “When I found out he was gone, my first thought was of getting to you and the kids.”
She turned into the spray of water and let it fall over her head. Wet layers of her brown hair covered her face allowing her to hide from his very real presence.
“Please, Garrett,” she said softly. “If you care anything about the kids, leave. Let me prepare them. Don’t come over until ten tonight. I need to go to work, and I have a full day. I’ll decide what I’m going to say to them later. You figure out what kind of bullshit tale you’re going to spin about why you came back.”
Was it bullshit? Could she trust him like she used to? He did leave under the worst of circumstances. She had contemplated taking the kids and running away with Garrett. But Greg needed her. It wasn’t Greg’s fault for acting on impulses he’d never had before.
The tumor that ate away at his brain had taken his logical mind and scrambled it. Paranoia, rage, memory loss, jealousy, and hallucinations became more prevalent as his illness progressed. But Garrett didn’t know about any of it. He left without hearing her out. He probably thought he’d heard her excuses for staying a thousand times, but the incident which led him to disappear had been different. Greg had never been violent before that day.
Once Garrett was gone, Greg’s manic episodes increased. The doctors. Nurses. Medications. The money. All the wealth Greg accumulated to support her and the kids trickled out the door. Greg’s parents took advantage and siphoned money from his accounts. The only things remaining were his wedding gift of the house to her and the jewelry he had showered her with over the years. Now the jewelry was almost gone. After she sold the house, there would be nothing left of his gifts of love except the memories.
Garrett’s strong arms wrapped around her. His warmth and love tugged at her heart. “I came back for you and the kids.” His words were clipped and biting in stark contrast to the soft way he held her. “You were always supposed to be mine. Greg got you to the Justice of the Peace before me. We both know you married the wrong brother.”
She melted a little against him at the familiarity of his body. Greg had lied to her and pretended to be Garrett when he picked her up. She had thought they were going to buy rings for the ceremony they planned for the next day, but he’d taken her to the wedding chapel.
The wedding had been such a rush, she signed the papers without asking questions and didn’t speak up when the preacher called him Greg instead of Garrett. She assumed Garrett was his middle name, not realizing the brothers were identical twins. The excitement of love at first sight and a future far away from her parents broke down all rational behavior.
After the ceremony when their lips met for the first time and a slow sizzle worked through her system instead of the out-of-control blaze she’d experienced, Greg confessed his deception. “We’ve already signed the papers and made vows to each other,” Greg had said. “Give me a chance. I have a stable life, a solid business, and land to build a home for a big family. My brother can’t have children, and he’s gone for months at a time. If you want a divorce, I’ll give you one, but one way or another you’ll end up married to me. There is nothing in this world I want more than to be your husband until I take my last breath.”
She had asked for a divorce. Greg drove her to the bar to explain to her parents they were married but would be divorcing within a few days. He never got the chance to explain. Her drunk father saw the plain wedding bands on their fingers and spewed the words she’d heard a million times over the years. Disrespectful whore. Not worth a damn. Dumb as a box of rocks…
Greg’s gaze had held a softness, an understanding as if he lived her life. His blue eyes opened a portal to his soul and in that split second, they connected.
She tried to speak, but her words fell on deaf ears. Her parents remained like they had for most of her life too drunk, too stubborn, and too lost in their own misery to care about anyone or anything else.
Greg guided her outside and away from the drama. She sat motionless in his car in the parking lot. Her options closed around her. Stay in town and continue riding on the rollercoaster of her parents’ alcoholism until she could afford to leave on her own. Take a chance on a future with a man whose eyes spoke to her soul.
As if he stood beside her, his voice from all those years ago whispered in her ears… “You’re none of those things. The instant we met, I knew you were the only one for me..” He kissed her forehead. “…You’re beautiful, intelligent, loving, and…” He chuckled. “Impulsive. I’m not spontaneous at all. Only this one time with you. Whatever happens, stay married or choose to divorce me, you will never step foot in this town or be spoken to in that manner again. I will take care of you whether you want me to or not.” Love grew from his heart’s words.
The forgiveness she usually offered her parents, she presented as a wedding gift to him. She had only seen him shed tears twice in her life—that fateful day and the last night they made love. She hadn’t intended to marry Greg, but she had, and she didn’t regret it. She may have always dreamed of being with Garrett, but Greg had given her three wonderful children and a family. She had Garrett in her life too. The best uncle to her children, a best friend to her and her husband. Even with the jealousy and competition that hung in the air whenever Garrett stayed with them, she had a great life back then.
“I didn’t marry the wrong brother. I loved Greg. I loved him more than you’ll ever know.” The sting of Greg’s death filtered through her soul again and manifested a wound she thought healed years ago.
He kissed the back of her head. “I know you loved him,” he whispered. “I loved him too.” He exhaled a long sigh. “I’ll go, but I’m not leaving you again. You’re going to marry me, Ella.” He pulled her out of the spray of water. Tenderly, he turned her face to his, traced her lips with his thumb, and kissed her chastely. “You need me. The kids need me. I need my family back.”
“Go.” She withered inside. Their relationship remained too complicated for her to deal with him in the shower first thing in the morning. Not with a hangover and guilt riding her emotions. “Please, just go.”
He kissed her again and stepped out of the shower.
She washed off the evidence of the evening as she berated herself for last night’s wanton stupidity. She watched him dry off outside the shower door. His old war scars were there along with a few new ones. She must have been beyond drunk not to notice them. Had she called him Greg when she first saw him? She couldn’t remember. But she did remember spending part of the night making love to Garrett or dreaming about it. She definitely called out his name in her dreams and apparently while awake.
She turned off the shower and stepped out. What’s done is done. Focus on the present.
She picked up the white towel off the hook next to her and dried off as Garrett strode back into the bathroom fully dressed in black from his tee to his boots.
“Some guy named Cade called last night. I told him to get lost.”
All the blood quickly drained from her face.
He kissed her cheek.
“I’ll be here this evening.” His blue eyes seemed to see deeper into her soul than ever before. “You’re mine, not his.” He kissed her lips and walked out of the room exactly like Greg used to, head held high, shoulders back, with a gait that screamed total confidence.
She couldn’t fall apart. The possibility of a relationship with Cade was over, like so much in her life, but Garrett wasn’t going to take control. Not anymore. She wasn’t the same girl. She didn’t want someone to run every aspect of her life like Greg had, like Garrett wanted to. She had been in a sad and weakened place yesterday, but she wasn’t weak anymore. She was getting her shit together, and moving forward. She wanted someone to care of her, not rule her.
Time to wake the boys up and get my butt to work. She would figure out a way to get the car from Cade’s bar. She’d deal with the fallout from having sex with Garrett later. Her sheets were getting thrown away or maybe burned. The things they did in those sheets while Derek took pictures and watched and talked about joining them.
Mmm. No. I need acetaminophen.
She opened her dresser drawer. No undies. Damn. The last clean, white-cotton discount bra sat alone in her drawer. Whatever cash tips she received, she planned to spend it on a bra and panties, something soft and feminine that actually fit her. It would be a far cry from the designer bra and panties Josie bought her, but a hundred steps up from the utilitarian undergarments she usually chose.
She put on the simple and ugly bra Josie would picket the store over, slipped on a white tee, and threw on an old pair of loose, but not falling-down-her-legs-without-a-belt faded blue jeans.
She woke up the boys, stripped the bed, and popped some acetaminophen. She met the boys at the front door and walked outside to their old red Jeep.
“Look at that.” Jason pointed at their neighbor’s driveway next door. “They got two top of the line Jeep Wranglers wrapped with big, white, satin bows. How freaking sweet?”
“They arrived yesterday afternoon,” Kyle grunted. “I wonder what kind of sweepstakes they’re entering.”
“Good for them.” Ella stared at the vehicles. A chunk of her heart tried to break off into the abyss of failure but she held it together as determination to thrive won out. “In a couple years, I’ll buy you any car you want with all the profits I’ll be making from the handmade soaps and oils my brilliant sons are helping me sell.”
Kyle put his arm around her. “No, Mom. We’ll be buying you new cars, and clothes, and taking you on trips with all the money we’ll be making in our high-power jobs. Between me and Jay, you’ll be set for life.”
Jason opened the door to the Jeep their father used to drive to work. “Cade is coming over tonight and bringing pizza.”
Ella breathed in.
“When did he mention that?” She would have to call him and apologize for last night and whatever Garrett said. Her chance with Cade was over. No man in their right mind would want to deal with a man like Garrett in her life.
“I talked to him on the phone yesterday while I was at Pappy’s. He’s been out of town at a conference,” Jason said.
“Well, I don’t think he’s coming over.” She climbed into the back seat. “I had a little too much to drink last night, and I think it’s over between us.”
“I thought you went out with Maddie and Josie, not Cade,” Jason said.
“Maddie and Josie were gone by the time I got there. I didn’t see Cade last night.”
Kyle backed out of the driveway. He slowed in front of the neighbor’s house with the shiny blue cars. Lawn workers mulched their already-beautiful flower beds.
“We’ve got to work on the lawn and flowers,” Kyle said. “Colleen mentioned spending most of her time with Sammy Granger down the street. I didn’t even know he was back in town. She said that he’s out of the military and took a job here with some kind of private-sector, military-defense company.”
“I get paid today.” Jason changed the subject. “I’ll buy the mulch. And Momma Louise bought more flowers than she needed, a lot more. She’s been trying to get me to bring them home, so I’ll accept if you’re okay with that. Pappy told me no matter what happens with you and Cade, he’s not giving me up.”
Ella exhaled relief a little too loudly. Whatever Garrett had told Cade had to be a relationship breaker. Garrett had a way with words that cut straight to the quick. She didn’t want anything to come between Cade’s father and Jason. Her drunken mistake shouldn’t cost her son his job.
“What happened last night?” Kyle asked.
“Guys, I had a really bad day and evening. I planned on two drinks with Maddie and Josie, but I showed up late. The person next to me bought. I ended up having more than two.” She breathed in. I have to tell them before he shows up acting like no time had passed.
“Your Uncle Garrett is coming over tonight.” She trembled and beat herself up again over what she did with him. “I thought I was hallucinating, or dreaming, or…” She stopped talking and swallowed down the mixed emotions bubbling up from inside. “I…it… I…”
She clasped her hands together, trying to get them to stop shaking. The real shock of his return hit her in the gut. Garrett was back in town and planning on moving in with her. She didn’t think she wanted him anymore. She wanted Cade, but wonderful Cade had to hate her now. And if he didn’t, he sure would as soon as he met Garrett face-to-face.
Jeez, seeing Cade would be miserable. Cade probably didn’t want her anyway. Texting never equated to anything real. Only calls mattered. Jason called his girlfriend a bunch, but Kyle only texted. Jason was in love while Kyle was in lust.
“Garrett looks just like your father,” she blurted out. “The healthy one. The nice one. The one who loved and knew us. Not the sick one.”
“I don’t want to see him,” Kyle said. “He damn near killed Dad. Then he took off. We needed him back then, and he vanished into thin air. I’m sorry, Mom, but fuck him. He’s playing some kind of head game with you, and I’m not going to allow it.”
“He’s moving here permanently,” she said.
Her boys both turned back and glared at her.
“He’s not moving in.” She lifted her hands up in surrender. Please don’t move in while I’m at work today. “So don’t look at me like that.”
Kyle turned his focus back to driving and left Jason with the job of giving guilt producing stares.
“He’d better not,” Kyle growled.
“He isn’t moving in. Hopefully the house will sell quickly.” She inhaled deeply and rubbed her clammy palms on her jeans.
“It will be sold before he gets his first bag from wherever he lived last,” Kyle said.
“I hope so,” she mumbled. I need to start over.