The door opened, and Lola poked her head out.
“Oh,” she said. “Hi sweetie!”
The two of them embraced, while I stood awkwardly in the hall.
“Sara, this is Alex.”
“Nice to meet you,” said Sara, her voice softening now that she knew I was with Lola. “Macy doing okay, Lola?”
“Yeah, she’s out for the count. You’re amazing, Sara. Thanks for putting her to bed.”
“Least I can do,chica. You around tomorrow?”
“Sure. I’ll see you then, okay?”
“Night.” Sara turned and went down the hall of her building.
“Woman was looking at me like I was a crook,” I muttered, as Lola let me in.
“Oh, that’s Sara,” laughed Lola. “She’s always looking out for me.”
The apartment was homely and warm, despite the old furniture and the threadbare cushions on the sofa. The living room and the kitchen were all one. For a moment I thought of Philadelphia again. Lola’s apartment couldn’t have been much bigger than the one I grew up in.
Except, it was completely different. Whereas my childhood home had been empty and desolate, a sad house with little furniture and nothing on the walls, Lola’s apartment was alive and vibrant. On the walls were posters of famous jazz musicians, Ella Fitzgerald, Miles Davis. And the room's centerpiece was a giant, antique record player, flanked by two bookcases crammed with enormous sleeves.
“I didn’t know anyone still owned one of these,” I said.
“Oh, that,” said Lola. “Yeah, I used to be pretty obsessed. I’ve got all kinds of stuff here.”
“So,” I said.
“So,” said Lola.
For a moment, we were conscious that we were alone again. I hadn’t stopped thinking about what being here would be like. In the place where she lived, where she played with her kid.
“Sit down,” said Lola. “You want something? Tea?”
“Tea would be lovely, thank you,” I said. “You know, I’m really getting into this special oolong. I get it sent over from China in small batches, comes in a box every month. I—”
I trailed off. Lola was smiling at me.
“You really are cut from a different cloth, aren’t you?” she said, and smiled wistfully as the kettle boiled. “I got peppermint, and I got jasmine.”
“Peppermint would be fine,” I said.
We sat on the couch.
“I was really impressed by how you handled today,” I said.
“I cried for like, two hours, Alex,” she said.
“That’s fine. No one expects you to be invincible.”
“A lot of people expect me to,” she muttered. “You know I got a visit from social services once?”
“What for?”
“When Macy was four, we lived in this nasty building in Brooklyn. Someone heard a lot of banging and shouting in my apartment, so they sent an inspector to see us.”
“And?”
“It was me and Macy dancing to Buddy Rich,” she said. “You know? The drummer? They thought—oh,” said Lola, shaking her head and putting her forehead into her palm. “Let’s not talk about this. It was so scary. I thought they were going to take her away.”
“Why would anyone ever take her away?” I said. “You’re obviously a great mom.”
“Yeah,” I said. “But it’s not like I’d be able to do this job if it weren’t for Sara. She looks after Macy when I’m not around. I just hate being so…reliant on others.”
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“Why?” I said, curiously.
I don’t think I’d ever relied on anyone my whole life. I was curious to know that Lola and I shared that.
“Because that’s not what a mom’s supposed to be like.”
“You’re not just defined by being a mom though. You’re a key part of my team. You’re a great person. And you’re a singer.”
“Singing doesn’t pay the bills,” said Lola.
“It doesn’t have to—right now. What matters is that you realize you’re doing a good job.”
Lola looked at me, and a smile slowly spread off her face.
“How come you always say all this nice stuff, and you never smile?”
“What?”
“You heard me. You’re such a kind person, Alex. I know it.”
I snorted. “No, I’m not,” I said.
“You Are.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter. Smiles can be deceiving. Luca Desilva sure loves to smile at you. Right before he stabs you in the back.”
“Don’t remind me.”
“Well, this has come at a good time. You know he wanted me to turnThe Blue Orchidinto a casino?”
“No way.”
“Yeah. I told him where to go. I couldn’t do that.The Blue Orchid’s all I have.”
“No, it’s not, Alex. You run like, four nightclubs. And you’re a billionaire.”
“That stuff means nothing to me without that place. You know, there was this place I used to walk by in Philadelphia. It was downtown. The fanciest restaurant. It was on the ground floor of this hotel. I used to walk by every night. I thought to myself, ‘if I could have a place like that, I’d find a way to make it work.’”
We were close now, and she turned towards me in the lamplight.
“That’s nice,” she said. She was close enough to kiss, and I wanted to, wanted to put my hands around her shoulders, turn her towards me, bend my face, and kiss the soft skin at her collarbone.
But then a little voice said, “Mommy?”
We looked up. A little girl stood in the doorway, holding a bear in her nightgown.
“I had a bad dream.”
“Oh, baby,” said Lola, and stood up, and walked over to her. She kneeled down and brushed a strand of hair away from the little girl’s face.
“Who’s that?” said Macy, and pointed at me, sleepily.“Oh, that’s just my friend, Alex,” I said. “This is Macy,” she explained.
“Excuse me,” I said, standing to my feet. “I’ve gotta be going.”
“Okay. I’ll see you next week.”
“Sure.”
I walked out of there and went back downstairs. I got into my car and I was driven away. The whole time I didn’t think, just stared straight ahead.
Stared straight ahead, and tried not to think about the little girl, and her clear blue eyes, that resembled mine so closely.